Thanks

I am new to the Forum.  I joined because I think I probably have Asperger's.  I'm in my 60s,  and I wonder if there are any advantages in seeking a diagnosis so late in life?  Or could there be disadvantages?

My "symptoms"/characteristics are as follows:

• I find it very difficult and uncomfortable to make eye contact.
• I scored 32 on an online Asperger's test - I think 28-30 was an indicator of Asperger's.
• I was a very shy, sensitive child. Fortunately, perhaps because of this, my parents sent me to a very small private school, where I was always top of the class.  At grammar school I hardly spoke until I reached the Sixth Form.  I did reasonably well academically and went to university, but I think I under achieved.  I never felt part of it.
• I have always felt different, but have never known why. I never feel part of groups - it's not really shyness - I just feel different.  I would quite like to feel part of a group.
• I have quite a few acquaintances, but few real friends.  I seem to be attracted to more unusual people.  I don't feel many people share my interests (which include Baroque music, history of architecture, the Georgian Period, homoeopathy, etc.).  
• I have always had "special interests," which change over the years.  As a child I was obsessed with horses and ponies and reading. I now have various interests, which I like to research in depth - for example I won't just knit a jumper, but will research the history of knitting in the British Isles, etc!  I accumulate interior design magazines and find it hard to part with them.  I like the information in books and magazines.
• I can't cope with office politics and I can't stand injustice - I get very upset by it.  At present I work from home on a freelance basis.  I only really have e-mail contact for my work and am much happier with that.
• I am an anxious person, but have learned to deal with it to a certain extent.  As a child, I was terrified of going to the dentist and hairdresser.  
• I am no good at small talk - I don't know what to say.  Over the years I have learned what to say to a certain extent, but am not comfortable with it.
• I have very little spatial awareness.  It took me ages to learn to drive.
• I only like comfortable clothes;   however, they can be stylish and comfortable.  When they wear out, I like to buy something similar if possible.
• I am happily married to an equally shy person!
• I would like to be tidy, with everything in order,  but in fact I'm quite untidy.  
• I enjoyed the "hippy" era, because I could identify with it and feel part of something.  I still like "alternative" ideas.
• I am a serious person, but I have a sense of humour ...

On the other hand, I am not good at maths (I think I have dyscalculia - I can't seem to read numbers) and I am not interested in technology, although I enjoy connecting with people via Instagram etc.  I don't think I am particularly over sensitive to noise, although I can't stand the noise of electric hand dryers in public loos.  As a child I was terrified of the Hoover and the noise of steam trains (that shows my age!).  

My father was a scientist, my son is a scientist and my granddaughter is going to study physics.  I think I was put off science and maths at school because I disliked the teacher, who was very boring.

Does any of that sound familiar to anyone?  Is there any help for people with undiagnosed Asperger's?  I would be interested to hear your views.

Had adult assessment in April this year and got recognised with Asperger's.

Have long term mental health and physical health issues too.

Will I always be alone? I can't even get a girlfriend either.

I just want friendship.

I have always felt a bit "different", a bit out of step with the world, but have managed to make and keep friends and get married to a very understanding man who just accepts my idiosyncrasies. I find comfort in eating the same things all the time, learn routes and stick to them when driving (even when it would make more sense to go another way) and find animals much easier company than humans. I struggle to maintain eye contact when talking to people, hate small talk (which I find boring and pointless), like being on my own a lot, in fact I need to be on my own a lot. I get lost in hotels and restaurants a lot, feel sometimes that my public interactions in shops and what not are, well, not the norm (whatever that is) as I tend to make off the wall comments that others find, well, odd. I also talk to myself, out loud, and do the rehearse thing if I need to tell someone news. 

I am not sure what all the above adds up to, but if I am aspie then many things make more sense than they did and I find comfort in the fact that this may explain why I am like I am and help me in the future to worry less about being who I am and trying to fit in. So, there you are, that's it for now. 

I am a current university student doing an MSc Forensic Psychology course at Newcastle and am conducting an online research study for my dissertation. I am focusing on a sample of adults who identify as having autism, and wanted to post my study onto this forum to ask for any willing participants! The study will ask questions on specific interests, contact with the Criminal Justice System and anger. I have been granted full ethical approval and have been given admin permission to post this study here. You will be provided with a full information sheet and debrief during the course of the study if you choose to take part. Any information you provide will remain entirely confidential and this participation is completely voluntary. I would massively appreciate anyone who has a spare 15 minutes to take part. If you have any questions, please feel free to make a comment below this post. 

Thank you so much and take care!

http://nclpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cLTZDL7vbrARP6J

You know it was only at about 31 years of age that I learned that there was a medical term to describe people like me, It was when clinicians were picking up points of concern with my son, and my response to most of it was "don't worry, I did that as a kid, " 

But I won't bore you guys with my life story, just saying hi and shout out to the a-typicals of every flavour.

I'm new here and glad to be here. Nice to meet you all.

Thanks.

I have just joined the forum!

A little about me, I am a mum to a 16 year old girl, who has ASD (originally diagnosed with Aspergers).  We had the diagnosis about 5 years ago.  

I'm currently finishing my MSc in Organisational Psychology with the University of London, my research is on Young Adults with ASD in the Workplace, focussing on how to better prepare them for work and how to support them in the workplace. I'd be interested to chat with other parents and professionals supporting individuals with ASD about their experience. I'm happy to discuss further my research, if anyone is interested to have a chat with me. Please contact me on enunes04@mail.bbk.ac.uk.

Have a lovely day, Evie

i myself have quite bad Misophonia (hatred of certain sounds)

I was wondering if anyone else who has apsergers also suffers from dealing with sounds.

please let me know as im doing research ion this area and i feel the severity is hormone linked, i.e. the lower certain hormones are the worse the condition.

I've always felt like I didn't "fit"

It feels like I exist in a bubble, with the rest of the universe happening around me, but not to me - if that makes any sense!

I was told at age 11 that I was adopted ( my "mum & dad" where really my grandparents and my "older sister" was actually my mum!). My entire family structure was turned upside down in an instant! Until recently I always attributed my lack of confidence, inability to build bonds, and general "not fitting in" to this revelation, but when my 10 yro daughter was diagnosed with ASD 18 months ago and as a result of the research my partner and I did into autism, I began to realise I may be on the spectrum. Sure enough, my diagnosis was confirmed!!!

I'm sure my past experiences also had a significant part to play, but that combined with my diagnosis has made much more sense of my life and who I am.

I'm still trying to figure out exactly who I am, what I want and how I want to fit into this world, and I hope this forum will be able to help me do that.

Cheers, Neal

I dislike talking about myself, generally, though, so will not recount "my story" here (I'll maintain an air of intrigue for a while, maybe).

Suffice to say, it is a pleasure to find this site and to make your virtual acquaintance. I look forward to getting to know some of you in the process of getting to know myself.

D x

I have other disabilities to but i will mention them if and when they become necessary.

(tw abuse in following paragraph) my name is jonathon mirza a name i do not like because the so called father gave me the last name and daddy was abusive and mommy adopted me from their foster child, a girl who was rapped by daddy. I never met my real mommy but my adopted mother is in hospital and her dementia is getting worse and she could never understand my problems in the past or help me she certainly cant now. I am 30 years old and I do not feel like an adult. (end of tw) 

I feel somewear between 6 years of age and 8 years of age so I say 7 and the name Jonny Azrim is the name I go by as it is the name i feel suits me on the inside and suits my restrictions due to disabilities.

I am unable to work because of the combination of Dyscalculia, Epilepsy and Aspergers, but worse after 7 years of trying to get a basic maths qualification I only went from entry level 3 up to entry level 2 (special needs grades). In GCSES I was predicted an F in maths, I did not have any clue what the questions ment when the teacher gave me the paper or what the teacher was trying to teach in maths class. I paid attention but could not understand the most basic things, I could not read a clock till I was in my mid 20s and i still have no concept of the passage of time. 

I guessed my way through the maths paper in the GCSES as I felt I had to fill it in and I got an E.

Every course at university and nearly every course at college requires a C or above in maths and that said I failed education. By the time I realised the truth I was 28 by the time I accepted it I was 30.

I just gave up.

as a kid I do not see the point in education when you have no hope in the world of doing anything with any kind of education beyond what you can learn of the internet and films and discovery channel. I taught myself to play piano using youtube.

these days I mostly spend my time on neopets and watching disney films and cartoons while coloring in drawings i drawed.

I keep pooh close to me at all times as he is my teddy and I have buzz lightyear pajamas and i am going to build buzz a fort and 1 for pooh as well so pooh and buzz can have the mostist besttist epictist of battles.

I use my laptop for a night light i always have and will continue to do so till i get moved to this supported living place and I can buy myself a night light and some woody bedsheets.

right any questions just ask  I am going to hunt for that board and capture it so I can post the question I came here for. 

and if anyone has any info any of these just let me know

I Feel Like A Child Syndrome

Peter Pan Syndrome

 

hello

I`m belong to Estas, autism self-help group of south korea

The self-help group ESTAS, which is going to visit the UK, consists of seven males with autistic disorder or autistic tendency from the early 20s to the early 30s and a translator.

Most of the group members are college students or college graduates. Some have doctoral degrees and some have professional jobs. Unlike other conventional self-help groups, ESTAS does not have a supervisor position to control other members. Instead, we have a coordinator to conduct meetings efficiently and to represent the agreed opinion of the group. The current arbitrator is Lee Won-moo and he has participated in the national deliberations on the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities held in Geneva, Switzerland. (He is not participating in this expedition because of his personal circumstances.)

Our organization is being operated with donations of some members without external fund such as other organizations or companies. As a result, financial difficulties often arise when we pursue some activities. Sometimes, we experience difficulties in some activities due to unfavorable prejudices and perceptions of the society against the people with developmental disabilities.

Despite such difficulties, ESTAS has been trying to improve the quality of life of the members as well as develop their potentialities. Members regularly attend conferences and publish columns in media. In addition, we ask broadcasting stations to correct false information about autism. We are moving toward a better society constantly planning activities that could not have been done if it were not for ESTAS.

We have been actively communicating and debating with people with developmental disabilities, such as autistic disorder, to find answers. Among them, there are a debate with Birsen Basar who has served as a public relations representative in the Autism Association of the Netherlands since 2014, and a meeting with officers of the People First Korea.

Through these experiences, we realized that solidarity with youths around the world, who have the same perception on the issue, is important. At the same time, it became an occasion to think about how to protect socially marginalized people like us and to help change society. We decided to have this expedition to UK to find answers to the questions about solidarity with young people with disabilities and the possibilities of social change.

Starting with this visit to UK, we would like to develop a blueprint by building friendship with international organizations in the future.

I’m 50 soon and I want some control back, my life has fallen apart and I want to put it back together but I need help from people who understand, because I really don’t. Menopause is I think adding to my general feeling of ‘bleurgh’ but I’m not a miserable person. I will admit to being fairly happy without the company of others, but I love my dogs and rabbits, oh and the husband  I have become a complete recluse, scared by shops, doctors, dentists, even the hairdresser! It’s not who I was and I need to get things back on some kind of even keel. I’m hoping there are adults on here who have had late diagnoses who I can chat to and we can exchange experiences and hopefully I can make some friends. It’s isolating being the only female Aspie over the age of 20 that I know. 

My hobbies when I could leave the house .. I had a 1200 Bandit motorbike, I loved that bike! I enjoyed walking, photography, and painting from photographs. Now I’m stuck in I’m a bit of a COD WW2 fan, I’m enthusiastic rather than good! I also love to knit and as I’ve mentioned before I love my menagerie. I’m also a lover of music, popular not classical, anything from ‘70s punk to country, and I enjoy crime fiction audiobooks, I find it easier to absorb a book by listening to it than reading it.

Anyway enough of my waffling, lovely to ‘meet’ you all and thanks for adding me x

cause when i was young i have sytom i heard my father tell me  that i sit on my father and hit my head to his chest several time then i can sleep , even when i am first grade ,i can't awareness to study and read the alpheal like a b b.... but luckily after that i found that i have new teacher she help me how to read..... but i still fall first grade.... even i didn't interactive to another femal or male in school and even interactive to my family ,i have one friend not have much friend but i can't interactive to her cause i can't communicative long to her .

Even when i grow up, i  just finish study  9 nine grade,i can't study higher  class  , i don't have job too,  , i have been miss  class and  slow awerness and i can't understand non verbal ...... . I fell hopeless anything ,what do i do if my parents past away someday , my parents now over 60 years old

thank helping read my words

Hi, My name is Paul Freedman. I recently discovered I have many AS traits, so I started reading about it and watching educational videos. Here is a short introduction of myself:

I am 46 years old and of British nationality, but through some sequence of events in the 1970's my parents migrated to the Netherlands when I was age 3. I have lived in the Netherlands ever since. I am bilingual (English and Dutch fluently). Despite that the Dutch culture has a fair rooting in me, my English blood has always been stronger and my preferred nationality. I therefore remain a British citizen. So far the intro.

Back to business. My mind has been a blender these last couple of weeks as I have only very recently realized that I very likely have ASD, more specific Aspergers (With a dash of ADD in the mix). DSM IV does not specifically classify Asperger Syndrome anymore (Not just past of the spectrum), but I am just going to use the term Aspie from now on and for the moment, assume I am an Aspie. Before I go see the doctor I need some solid support and recognition for my self esteem, it’s been very low lately. I'll sum up some of my obsessions, difficulties, abilities, inabilities and disadvantages or experiences:

- Social contact. I used to be shy as hell, over the years I learned more confidence which made me much less shy. I will tend to shy away or hide though, if I know the person in question is someone who can change moods quickly or be irritated quickly. I hate confrontations, I will do nearly anything in my power to avoid them. Unexpectedly confronted I can explode in (harmless and mostly shouting) anger.

- Atrocious ability to read body language. I have the body language of a potato, if you ask me.

- Failure in many cases to handle things chronologically. Also the near inability to tell a story chronologically. A story doesn't unfold in my mind, I see the whole story at once as if it is timeless. If I need to cite something I focus on a certain point in the story. Bit like photographic memory but without fine details. But in my case the timeline doesn't move by itself, I have to move it myself and I then tend to skip things and go back and forth. Hard to explain such an abstract, really. In essence a pretty useless gift if you ask me.

- Inability to just get things finished. I start one thing, then another, then another, result - nothing gets finished. I rarely truly finish something, but usually just up to the point where the result is minimally functional. This is directly related to the previous point.

- Total fascination of space and the universe and everything related. Not a total geek, I don't collect, but I do ingest massive amounts of information about it on scientific websites, and follow many space related channels on YouTube. I've even gone deep into Quantum Mechanics and General Relativity. My math skill are not worth mentioning but somehow I grasp those concepts visually and very accurately. In essence I have a visual view of the structure of the universe from small to large. Albert Einstein pictured special relativity in his mind in 1904 before even a word was put on paper, his math skills were not so great which is why someone else (cant remember who) actually created the formula from his visual descriptions. It wasn't until he worked on general relativity when he brushed up his math a lot, but he always needed some help with it. I visualize much like Einstein did, though I suspect he was far better at it than I am. It takes up a LOT of my spare time. I'd just about call it an addiction. And yes, given the chance, I'd be on the second BFR to Mars. I'm not that crazy to take the first one. And yes I love Sci-fi movies and series, and both Star Trek and Star Wars.

- As far as OCD goes, I think I jumped the gun there. I have some things that I like to have structure in, but besides that, I tend to get really messy. I have a bad ordering skills...although...maybe my skills are fine, but I just can't be bothered. My physical sorting skills, by the way, are fine, just laziness i guess.. On the other hand I have a mind capable of logical step by step analysis without bias (I am an IT Engineer, no surprise there!). I do tend though, to feel the urge to speak my mind when I sense a dishonesty. I still pick my fingers (from childhood), my thumbs are half eaten drumsticks from time to time. Although it has become less over the years.

- I had no difficulty in learning at school (wasn't a genius either!), but my achievements at school were impaired partially by my social awkwardness and partially by my desire to just be left alone. I had that very strongly during my teens/puberty. My mother always found me to be special and true of heart, she always knew I couldn't stand unfairness. Unfortunately both my parents died roughly ten years ago. I think my trait of being able to set aside emotions for the good of the moment, really helped there. I was able to handle both funerals professionally. Afterwards I broke down.

I have no idea if this is a typical Aspie trait.

- I'm a gullible fool, always have been, always will be. As soon as I meet someone who seems nice (male or female), I tend to drop my social mask (Big mistake Indy!). Although every time I get burned, I learn a new lesson and I take those lessons learned at heart. Trust me it wasn't always the other's fault. Some things I simply deserved. To continue on this trait, I suspect ASD brains have dropped some basic instincts (like gut feeling distrust) to make room for the larger visual cortex that every ASD brain has, to a more or lesser extent. I also read up on darwinian evolution and basic genetics, it is another interest of mine, albeit to a lesser extent.

- I have never had many friends at one time in my life. Moreover currently I have fewer than ever. I can now count them on one hand. Life is quite lonely right now. Tears roll down my face as I write this.

- A knack for meant-well brutal honesty (often at the wrong moment!)

- Although i can enjoy a multitude of music genres, one genre always soothes me: Instrumental music, specially mellow trance. No lyrics and so no cluttering of the music (not that I don't like lyrics, but when my mind is full I prefer instrumental).

- When there's background noise I immediately have trouble understanding people. This can be super frustrating having to ask people up to five times what they are saying, not to mention annoying to the other. This while others heard him first time. I can hear most of what they are saying but they are strange words to me. When the background noise dies down I can understand them perfectly again. I have difficulty understanding most lyrics in songs if the vocals aren’t crystal clear, but I can analyze each instrument and focus intensely on each of them. The bass line, guitar, everything. That said I cannot read a single music note although I want to learn to play bass. That should not be a problem as I have fantastic hand-eye(-screen) coordination. The screen part is because I am a gamer, I play extremely fast first-person shooters games.

- I need at least five revisions of something I wrote, be it an email, or sometimes even something as simple as a whatsapp message, to be sure the grammar and spelling (the builtin checker isn’t perfect!)is correct and that what I want to say has been expressed properly (I mostly get it completely wrong!). In some revisions I will rewrite a whole paragraph just because I think some meaningless bit hasn't been phrased properly, bit of a perfectionist there. By the time you read this this text will have been revisioned at least 10 times I think. Even worse, I am constantly reading back, over and over. When I print something on paper, and it doesn't matter how many pages it counts, if even one thing is off to my taste, I will correct and reprint the whole damn thing wasting paper in the process.

- When I was in the United States (I was 37 at the time), someone walked by and I said "Hi", then he said "How are you?" Meaning "hello". I automatically responded with "Fine". Seconds later I stopped walking because i was confused and it took me most of a minute to comprehend what just happened. This is something that I recently remembered when searching for memories with indicators of ASD. Dumbfounded is the correct word. Which normal person stops to dedicate his whole brain to such a thing? They shrug it off, done.

- That same trip to the States I stayed at someone's place who had been an online friend up to that point. I was so happy to see her that I became too comfortable with her too quickly and that made her put up her walls, which happened in a fashion that kicked me in the teeth. She suddenly yelled out not to keep following her around and such. It's understandable but the aggressive reaction blew me away. From that moment I felt rejected, and left that place as soon as I could. I spent the remaining 8 days in a motel until my flight back was up, mostly just watching tv or on the internet, and just feeling generally unhappy but just sucking it up and waiting it out. And of course playing the scene over and over and over endlessly trying to figure what went wrong...sad moment. I never saw her or spoke with her again, although I did try to contact her years later, after I realized what I had done. Yes, It took this long..-UPDATE: at this very moment I am deleting another friend, turns out she's a feminist who believes men can't have any excuse for behaving badly. I used my brutal honesty for this one. Bye-bye, have a nice life. It hurts but it's necessary for a happy future.

- Nasty one: anything hurtful that has happened in my life stays with me a long, long time. Everyone I ever knew, and especially ex-friends, the good times stay with me including all the hurt accompanied with ending friendships. Sometimes I try to re-establish contact but most are bitter and I have to leave it for what it is. This is one that can sometimes really get to me. Another disadvantage I have in that respect is that I can't help memory floods when I am calm. I can be lying in bed ready to go to sleep, and suddenly start weeping, or get mad, or plain embarrassed from something that happened donkey's years ago, and as a bonus my night's sleep is ruined. Sleep is a commodity for me, I have never ever had a stable sleeping pattern bar a couple of stints of a few weeks at a time and I rarely sleep longer than 4 hours on end, I wake up at least once per night. My body/brain constantly wants to make me nocturnal because at night I have the least sensory input and the least distraction. Even now I am writing this at night. Cannabis helps me by reducing the overactive reminiscing a lot. In other words it puts a brake on my brain in the corner controlling and accessing memory, while creativity is boosted. (figures as you have less examples from memory so you must think of new things).

- Up till a couple of years ago, I thought everyone else was being the dick.

- I cannot stand dishonesty. Had I mentioned this before? Never mind, it's worth mentioning twice. I have been dishonest to others in the past, I truly regret that and I hope to redeem myself on that one.

- Romance is not a strange concept to me, But it just isn't me. Me being romantic is like Patrick Stewart playing one of the three stooges when asked out of the blue. I have no skill in it whatsoever.

- Can talk endlessly about subjects that I am knowledgeable in. Not to show off, but with the desire to share knowledge for the good of mankind. For an NT that sounds comical, not to me.

- If someone talks too long about something that doesn't really interest me, I cannot stay focused long. I have had people say many times that after a while I look away and start staring, meaning that I am gone..off on my own visual adventure in my brain, which is much more interesting of course. Over the years I have refined the ability to remind myself to keep focusing, I am at a point where this is no longer a big problem. But it can be worsened if my bucket with current worries/frustrations gets too full, they distract tremendously. I mean, even an NT would be distracted a lot with the worries and problems I have at times with some matters(I leave official business untouched far too long, I don’t like so I don’t do. When I do it’s because someone got mad or I got a letter in the mail stating I am on the verge of being visited. Then my motivation is borne out of necessity. I tend to leave just about anything that I am not interested in or don’t like, till the last minute and necessity becomes the prime motivator.

- Ability to visually construct things in my mind, sometimes in staggering detail. I regard this as my blessing. Especially when smoking weed, and my creative side kicks in, its bliss. It's this ability that made it possible for me to hatch a new business plan for something completely new and unique, in my mind and complete it within 5 days (Not continuous of course). Putting it on paper cost me 5 weeks to translate my thoughts to words, I think in pictures and rarely in words.. Longer if you count the necessary revisions just to get it to my liking. After all, if you want cash for your plan it has to be on paper. If I'd had the cash I'd have set it up completely from my head. In a business respect my organizational skills in my head are fairly good. But not excellent, enough for the job at hand.

- I am not an atheist. I like to keep my options open when something isn't falsifiable, so I am agnostic. I am of Jewish descent but my grandfather denounced Judaism at a young age. Coincidentally the ASD comes from the same family branch. My father had it and his father before him, there's no doubt about it. Thinking back they also had a huge number of Aspie traits.

- Clumsiness isn't a big deal, but I can be sometimes for no reason and with the stupidest things.

- Frustration can get so bad sometimes when something is not going as planned that I can start hurting myself as if that will make me do it right next time. Worse than that, I cannot let it go so I get even more frustrated. Sometimes I end up destroying whatever I was working on. This was worse in younger years, with age comes a bit more wisdom.

- Often thinking something is normal while it is very abnormal, this has gotten me into trouble more times than I can recount. This one will screw with me for the rest of my life.

- Not incapable of being in large crowds, but I prefer to avoid them. And when I've been in a crowd(festival etc) for longer than a few hours I am exhausted. In my early 20's I did go out with friends from time to time, but I could never pull an all-nighter, the sensory input and processing (mostly interactions with others) would exhaust me after just a few hours. Sometimes I'd just toughen up and keep going a little extra, it's not that I never had any fun.

- On  the subject of visual or auditory sensory input, I never have actual overloads that send me into anxiety or anger. For some reason I am quite capable of processing my sensory input to a level that is sufficient. That said there are certain sounds that can make me feel different or that I simply cannot stand. I have however learned to a mild degree to filter out unwanted sounds and/or not to bother myself as much with them. This does not improve my ability to understand voices properly in noisy environments.

- The need to know how the things in my everyday life work. Right down to the technical details. Google is my best friend.

- Have had three long term relationships, all failed. Not all my fault, but mostly. First one I was married for 18 years! My ex always had and still has a soft spot for me (not that she was aware of my condition, neither was I until a few weeks ago! - We met in our teens). Our breakup was not one of lack of love, she just couldn’t cope with me anymore and we split up on a friendly basis. In the final days of my last relationship I withdrew and spent many hours per day in the garage (Peace n quiet!), But it was mostly because my GF had developed Rheumatism and fibromyalgy which is a painful combination. I did realise she was in pain, and in the beginning I was often trying to comfort her, but the pain was through her body and in bad times, I couldn’t touch her much or even at all. This went on for a while and eventually I started withdrawing. This went on without proper communication for nearly three months when finally my GF just told me one morning. In essence she needed me gone within the month. Not that I was physically aggressive towards her(all I did was kick a plastic stool. I tried to stay calm because I knew I was at fault, but the emotions bubbled over a bit), but it caused an escalation and she started putting on a façade about being scared because I kicked objects around. I never laid a bad hand on her. This escalated to the following within two hours: She called her parents and her son, and the police. So there I was, four people who had been my family that I had loved immensely for well over six years, standing in front of me. I wasn’t even conscious I think because I just stared blankly when I realized what they were doing. I remember my B.iatch in law grabbing some necessary stuff and giving it to me. I sobbed once or twice, turned around and left without looking back. It was the last time I ever saw them, my heart was in shreds. One week later I picked up my stuff which they had thrown out on the street. From loving family to this..This was March 2017 and when I think back I still break down. That scar will never fade.

- Incredible sweet tooth, as bad as when I was a kid. Even if sugar became classed as a carcinogenic I’d still load myself up on sweet . I fear old age diabetes somewhere along the line if my heart hasn’t given out by then. By contrast I like cooking and I often make things that are neutral or healthy, with little saturated fats. I have tendency for high cholesterol (heart attack at age 35), but I have lost all my overweight and now weight a perfect 67kg for my 1.70m height.I weighed up to 83kg at one point in time.

- I can probably go on for a while more, so I am stopping here.

To conclude I have included the checklist of criteria from DSM-IV :

A. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

1.        marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction.

2.        failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level.

3.        a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g. by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people).

4.        lack of social or emotional reciprocity.

B. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

1.        encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus.

2.        apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals.

3.        stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements).

4.        persistent preoccupation with parts of objects.

C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning

D. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years).

E. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood.

F. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia.

Judging myself in total honesty these are my results. 1 or more exclamations denote experienced intensity:

A1: check. Had it been 2008 instead of 2018, I’d have put down three !!! but since I have learned a lot.

A2: check! In general I get on great with people a generation younger. I also have a super close bond with my NT daughter, while my eldest daughter most likely also has AS. I have a bond with her too, but way less strong as with my youngest.

A3: check. Mildly.

A4: CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B1: check. I do have this but mildly, It doesn’t happen often or I have learned to curb my fascination.

B2: check!

B3: uncheck, I do have a couple of minor tics but they are not impairing in any way.

B4: uncheck, I do not think I have this, although I can be impressed by some things for a while, and can want to know more avout it, It rarely dominates me to the point of failing schedule or other tasks.

C: check. My life is in tatters, and if you read the above, you know why.

D and E: check. Also, to be honest I still feel no older than 30 in my head.

F: check. I investigated schizophrenia for a while but soon discovered the symptoms matched ASD much better. Furthermore I don't think I have ever had a psychosis, although I may have been close to one in the past. 0 conclusions on schizophrenia. Total contrast with the ASD criteria.

I haven’t been diagnosed yet nor have I even spoken to a doctor yet, I want this to be clear when I go there, no hassle, no bullshit. Just give me the Aspie test, get it over with, and stop wasting my time

Some things I drum up may seem conflicting so please ask for elaboration on that if you do not understand. Can be that I’m still not wording it correctly.

I’d like to know your thoughts, and as always please be brutally honest. Questions? Please ask!

 Up until a couple of weeks ago I felt very alone. Now, not so much

Kind regards from a potential fellow autistic .

i have been waiting to get on this site for ages,but i thought it had been abandoned as it wasnt working and nothing was visibly been seen to be done [of course that doesnt mean theres nothing going on in the background].

im a ftm transgender,im under the category of 'LFA' and for the past few years stabilised at moderate classic autism with mild learning [USA=intellectual] disability,i also have extreme anxiety and psychotic bipolar disorder and i am an autism and LD/ID activist. i also am an athlete for the special olympics and my other hobbies include animals,i have a special needs cat who is also my support cat for my challenging behavior,my anxiety and my epilepsy as well as my mood,i have a 400 litre tank of tropical fish and two bunnies,i love animals more than anything i do not recognise human beings like i do animals, to me humans are all the same shape and meaning so i treat everyone the same whereas animals are all quite unique,i have grown up with seeing humans as part of the background,zoning out into my own world continuously unless dragged out of it by an NT but in the reality i see humans as a merged part of the background, they dont mean anything to me,theyre just generic.

i have other issues like severe spinal nerve damage that were crushed while being put through over twenty hours of continuous highly rough restraint from a load of well meaning police before being sectioned into a learning disability hospital where i suffered from a lot more rough restraint from staff who were absolute scumbags.

i now have my own apartment in a supported living facility with constant care day and night and i attend a professional art studio every week for people with learning disability and i do ceramics and i draw/paint etc at home, i do special olympics training every week but an option is coming up soon to do it twice a week which im all for, and the rest of my life is a horrible blurr,i dont even see it.

i like music,i like chillout and classical music but also like metal such as dream theater,kill switch engage and throwdown.

i know everyone says this but i really do hope i have not bored anyone as i have a thing where i waffle on alot as my mind cant filter itself,i am not one of those people who leaves a intro post i will stick to the forum.

thankyou very much.

PS.i would love it very much if any one could check out my blog,i would also love to swap blog roll links with others who blog about autism and related conditions,i would just love to have some blogging friends thankyou my link is: https://autieemlyn.wordpress.com/

I thank fortune, sensibility and my general predicament for finding this forum.

I have read a few posts and find you all so articulate which is absolutely great while also being somewhat a painful experience; I feel compelled to read and join in while equally wanting to run away and hide - the latter is not the done thing when you are 43 and outwardly fairly NT.

I am sure I will put my foot in it several times in further posts, as there seems to be a very fine line to tread - so I will apologise in advance because as and when I say something someone else finds offensive or inappropriate, it wasn't meant that way, though I understand the damage has already been done.

I also have a great predisposition to centre everything around me (reworded = I am selfish/very self-centred). Not suggesting that is an ASC trait, merely my own observations of my self. So further apologies if I go off on one, based entirely on my own experiences of my world.

Enough said I think, other than to add that it is a great pleasure to 'meet' you all! 

I am newbie here. My son has been diagnosed with autism and so has my partner (diagnosed 5 days apart)

I am here to hoping get some tips and advise when I need it.

thanks

this forum looks pretty peaceful, if a little quiet, but nevertheless thought i'd add myself. more the merrier.

see you around, if you're about... until then... *retreats back to burrow at underhill*

Starting with essential data: Single father with two children, and they primarily live with me. I was diagnosed in 2012 as far as I recall. I work with computers which fortunately leads me to get paid reasonably well.

The marriage that produced my children was highly stressful and miserable, and I'm not sure how I managed to keep going through it. I was stronger than I was giving myself credit for at the time because I was suffering from depression.

It's a bit difficult to summarise my life without making it sound terrible!

I think it's hard to sound positive when you've mostly experienced life through depression and isolation. I've got a tendency to sound like Marvin (you know, the depressed robot from the Hitchhiker's Guide)

Now that I have children I tend to relate more to them than Adults. I have often played computer games as an escape and this is something we can do together.

Generally what has sustained me is my interests, which are of course quite solitary. Reading about Philoshopy, Economics, History, Psychology more recently, history of British Railways because why not? I watch Anime, read Manga. Very rarely will I read fiction, but I have always liked Tolkien, and he wasn't that keen on modern fiction either. I have a big interest in music, although I haven't learned to play anything competently. I've made music on the computer and find music technology fascinating. I just wish more of my interests had produced something...

Typically for me, I'm staring at these sentences thinking this summary of myself is a bit fragmented. I often spend 20 minutes staring at a sentence I'm writing in a basic email, checking that I'm making sense. I get annoyed at everyone else leaving terrible mistakes, and also responding to the first line and missing half the points. I've often tried to use email as a way to get to know people but most can't be bothered to communicate that way.

At the moment I feel quite isolated for various reasons so I'm making another effort to connect with people who are actually like me. The problem these days is that I have so little energy for any sort of social interaction beyond what I must do regarding family and the children. Otherwise I tend to want to just retreat and forget the world exists for a while.

At last... my life makes sense to me!

On the whole, the diagnosis has been positive. Having said that, I still live with anxiety from day to day. At least now I know what's causing it.

I still get down days, too. There's one paragraph in my diagnosis, in the summary, that is inclined to send me spiralling down...

The problems noted above have interfered with the patient's life by causing depression, social isolation, difficulties at school and work, and an inability to attain life goals.

Sometimes, it makes me feel as if my life has been wasted. It makes me wonder how my life would have turned out if I'd been diagnosed in childhood.

But there it is. I have to let it go. I have to move on.

Anyway... it's good to be here. I look forward to meeting you all.

Best regards,

Tom

I'm not sure how to start this but I'll do my best.

I'm 49 and have been married for almost 4 years. My wife is diabetic and also partially disabled due to a neurological condition which affects the left hand side of her body. She has 16 year old twins (one of each) from a previous marriage and they became young carers and had to look after her when her when her previous husband left a few years ago. As you may already guess all of this can sometimes make things very difficult at home. I've not officially been told I have aspergers but previous to this relationship I lived by myself for years and became a bit of a loner. I developed what I thought at the time was a bit of OCD behaviour around the home, checking doors and windows on numerous occasions before going out.. In public I'm very shy and don't make eye contact easily. When in a crowded room I will not readily join into conversations and tend to sit off to the side and just listen in. If I do try and join in I'm more likely to try and talk about myself than add anything appropriate to the discussion. I can also be quite a clumsy person and can be quitter accident prone sometimes. From what I've read online these are just some of the symptoms typical in a person who has aspergers.

A year or so ago our marriage went through a very difficult period when I was texting another woman who I contacted online. I admit it was a stupid thing to do and to try and remedy things we went for counselling. Through some of the discussions we had it was suggested by the counsellor that I may have aspergers and should seek medical advice. So I went to my Doctor and talked to him about things and he sent a letter off to the relevant people. Nothing more was ever heard after this and I let things slip.

A couple of weeks ago my wife was having a diabetic hypo and she needed our help, I was slow to react and as a result her daughter stepped in to help, this led to a big fight in our house involving me, my wife and step-daughter which resulted in me having a major meltdown calling her daughter all sorts of bad names and struggling with her. My wife says that I also tried to attack her, but I don't remember it at all, she also says that I started stimming which is something I've done a lot when I'm under pressure at home. My wife says that most of this happens when she asks for help.

As a result of the latest incident the Social Work Dept got involved and I'm currently living away from home but see my wife on a regular basis. They are aware of my potential medical condition and suggested that I needed to seek more medical advice.. I attended another Doctor and told him my story. He has also sent a referral off and this time I'm hopeful it will get somewhere. I still love my wife and hate being away from her but until I can sort myself out we may have to resort to living apart.

I hope this all makes sense to everybody. It was quite difficult to piece this all together. Basically what I'm looking for is some advice in how to cope with things until I can get some proper medical advice and a diagnosis on whether I actually have aspergers or not. The bottom line is that most of the problems at home usually end up with me having a meltdown. I hate this and don't want this to happen again.

I was still an odd child - older than my years in some ways, but also dreadfully immature in other ways (that pretty much describes me as an adult as well). But I don't really doubt I am on the spectrum after doing a variety of research and on the experiences of other women (almost all they say could be my childhood). I've believed so for years, though, I felt I didn't need a diagnosis because I could cope without one. There was also the doubt that maybe I was just exaggerating how inept I am? Trying to make excuses for my own failings by blaming something I couldn't help?

Uhm, I'm not especially talented in anything at all.I stupidly did a BA Politics degree and recently left mid-way through my honours year. I've always struggled with depression, fairly mild/moderate, with periods where I've been pretty, ah, bad. That's just in retrospect as I never sought help until this year when I completely gave up. I've struggled to gain employment throughout the years, never making it past the interview stage.

I've tried to fit myself into a 'normal' mould tell myself I'd be normal if I put enough effort in. I don't know if that makes sense? But, yeah, I'm hoping that having the diagnosis will finally let me accept the fact that it's okay to need help. I've always been painfully stubborn, not wanting to make a fuss. I didn't want to draw attention to myself when needing help. I got to a very low point late 2016 and my family intervened. They've been great and thanks to antidepressants...my mind is quieter? I've always had so much going on in my head that I always felt overwhelmed. I tend to ramble a lot and I really can't help it at all!

Nice to meet you all!

I was diagnosed with AUTISM & Aspergers when i was 7 years old i am currently waiting for another diagnosis for ADHD i have a mixture of things i guess. I am Tori (:

Workwise, I am just managing to hold down a part time job at the moment, am worried about job cuts.

I struggle to make friends in college, because of this I feel like I am in a glass dome with nobody but my shadow, unwanted in multicultural society. Talking to somebody regularly about stuff is the kindest thing one can do for a 20 year old science student.

I run a group for autistic people and those with social anxiety where we meet up, although the nature of the group can mean people don't attend as often as I'd hope.

I'm a leisure cyclist and and I like walking in places where there are no humans.

I tried every way possible but without success. At last I'm back, thanks to Mr Salvador who never gave up. He set up a new email address and new name and contacted one othe mods and eventually it worked!

I'm not well at the moment, full of cold and aches, so I won't be posting until I'm able to concentrate better. Impossible with a persistent headache.

Hope to be bouncing back soon though.

PS - I've tried 3 times to set up my old avatar on here but when I click 'done' it doesn't do.

PPS - tried 7 times now - given up. I need it there so people will recognise me from before.

I live in Ipswich and am looking to link up with more aspergers or autistic adults in the area.

I work four days a week for the NHS.

Charlotte

things did not improve when she started school , and was either used or blamed by others, as Mandy's inability to understand so much that most of us take for granted made her a target for bullies, it soon became clear that Mandy just did not fit in, at school , as I am sure most of you are aware that in those days Asperger Syndrome was not recognised by the medical profession , Mandy feels that whenever something bad happened in school the other girls would often point the finger at her ,knowing that no one would believe Mandy. at 10 Mandy was sent to a boarding school for young ladies with "special needs", unfortunately anyone with a problem even naughty children were included , and Mandy soon fell in with the wrong type and found herself in "hot water" on many occasions.

During Mandy's time at school , she recalls being caned many times being made to sit on the "naughty chair " or stand in the corner with a dunces hat on, on a couple of occasions she says she was plunged head first into freezing cold water (by the teachers) to "calm" her down.

Mandy is a lovely girl (now woman) who craves friendship, but cannot seem to work out exactly how to accept that not everyone thinks as she does and Mandy can be very obsessive about friendships, not only wanting to keep in touch daily, but even bang on the same times of day , not realizing that most people don't want that sort of commitment and often are too busy at a given time . every aspect of Mandy's Day has to be in the form of routine , any noticeably change and "Meltdown" a scene no one will ever forget ,it can be highly distressing and leave an unforgettable mark on any one that witnesses one of Mandy's meltdowns. a nice mannered woman can turn into a monster with the most vile language one will ever hear , however the Meltdown is highly distressing for Mandy too , and here only impulse is to get out of the situation she is in and be on her own to calm down ,afterwards she is full of remorse and I have learned over the years to let this whole process run its course and just be there for her afterwards .

Mandy's behaviour can change in an instant though its usually a number of factors that have been "bottling up" that explode into fury at a seemingly small irritation or annoyance, that most people would simply turn and walk away from.

I met Mandy about 12 years ago , after a Marriage to an abusive thug of a man who abused and terrorized Mandy both mentally and physically , Mandy was again living on her own ,she had been placed in a sheltered accommodation, but it was doomed from the start, and there were lots of problems between Mandy and the other residents , we met via a pen pal website and after meeting up a month later , we had a rocky first few years , Mandy's regular meltdowns and inability to empathize caused great distress for both of us ,and I must confess I came pretty close to giving up a few times, its been a long haul but finally we have both settled into a combined routine that pretty much works , and after years of not getting any support Mandy is finally hungry to learn new things again and life is slowly getting easier .

I thought that if I could find a forum where she could communicate with others who may understand more about how life is for her, it may help even more, I will await (hopefully ) for some replies before unleashing Mandy (LOL) onto your forum.

thanks to those of you that managed to get this far without falling asleep.

gratefully yours, Graham

I'm 51 years old, female, and I have been plucking up the courage for some time to perhaps find somewhere like this where hopefully I might learn from others and also others might benefit from my experience. It is to my wonderful Better Half - and best friend - to whom I owe the fact that I am now able to sit here and paralyse all who read this with this surpassingly boring overview of my life.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome 10 years ago (I also have impairments in executive functioning), after a lifetime of experiencing difficulty trying to fit in but failing catastrophically, often without knowing why. When I was about 3 years of age my parents received for me a verbal diagnosis of classic autism, as I had speech delay, was extremely anxious, and was so hyperactive that I could barely sleep for more than 2 hours a day, as well as many other traits and idiosyncrasies, some of which I still have.

At age 4 I suddenly seemed to 'get better' and the powers that be saw fit to place me in mainstream education, albeit being placed with children younger than myself until I was 9 which guaranteed that the bullying which had begun from when I was 5 would continue right through my school life. Although my cognitive functioning was tested frequently, and my social functioning constantly monitored, no one intervened and there was no support for my parents, who didn't know what to do with me. On the whole it was a very punitive environment in which my failures were noticed more than my talents. I was constantly being told to 'toughen up', as I was very timid and sensitive.

Fast forwarding past an undistinguished school life, self harming which started when I was 15, a series of unsuitable unskilled jobs in which I was bullied, history of various mental health problems, two suicide attempts, and presently about to make another effort to squeeze myself back in through the revolving door to my local mental health services, it would appear, judging by what I've been reading on this forum, my experience of life on the spectrum is not uncommon.

Oh, there I go, blethering on and on again! Sorry for rambling on, which I have a tendency to do. There is much more that I could say, and I hope that any experience I can share might be of help to you.

Kindest regards, Jo.

I left school at 17 and started work not long after son never went to Uni or anything but have always felt happy mostly doing what I do. Went through various patches mainly in my 30's feeling envious of non Aspies my age, leaving me behind with super jobs, holidays, marriages and children etc. I've never felt I earned enough to afford that but to be honest, decided I didn't want children but love my 2 nieces and get on well with my friends children, one of whom I'm godfather too.

Interested in history post World War 2, classic motor cars, old TV shows and films, travelling, retro music, 60's to 80's. Given lots of things a try but many of them I won't perhaps do again. Not much of a fan of Sport but I try to look after myself health wise. Also am a model maker and restorer of old toy cars.

I help to look after my nearly 76 year old widowed mother, and worry about her and the future a little bit but hope I can continue my life OK.

When I found out about Aspergers syndrome itself and read up about it, it definitely was about me I realised. I am a bit of a worrier and get in a flap and annoyed when things get changed at the last minute and don't go to plan. Also like certainty and worry about change and hope there's people I can talk to about a number of things which may spring to mind.

Hope I haven't rambled too much and maybe I'll be back on and see what other people are talking about.

Cheers all!

My name is Tiffany Victoria Horan, I'm twenty five years old. I'm British and although I was born in the UK, I grew up in the United Arab Emirates. I now live in Warsaw, Poland and I have also lived in Taiwan.

Due to the nature of my hectic (third culture kid) upbringing (different countries, different schools, etc.) it took a very long time for anyone, including myself, to understand what was 'wrong' with me.

I began seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist here in Warsaw after a number of 'incidents' occurred at university and work. Everything was so clear to them that after a couple of months I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. It was twenty five years worth of explanations in a single sentence.

However, receiving a diagnosis later on can be difficult as there may already be significant damage caused, for example, spending my entire life in a state of confusion and frustration caused me to develop PNES. I take medication for anxiety.

I'm interested in art, philosophy and technology.

I am a mum of 2 and we are in the middle of the assessment process for my daughter who is 8. I think it's 99% certain that she has Aspergers, but she still hasn't been formally diagnosed.

It's been a bit of a shock as initially I didn't know much about Aspergers and what it meant long term, but I am starting to come to terms with things and just now trying to find out as much information as possible.

Hoping to share and learn from people who have children with Aspergers and have been in a similar position.

Thanks

Jess