now he’s showed huge con artist deception skills to hide a woman platonic hiking buddy  who fot one year he’s hidden from me 

Presenting himself as a single man

Befriending a single  woman  

HAVIng hours of long chats flirtation attention

going on long drives

long day trips /hikes secretly 

and spending months planning secret overseas trips and planning travelling together for weeks 

lying completely to me re where he was travelling hiking chatting and with  who 

Hiding  this other female platonic woman completely 

living with her in the sane  hotel rooms but separate beds  for weeks overseas 

I was so shocked and traumatised about being a sitting duck for so much deception secrets lies

About another woman even if platonic  

if I don’t like hikes , then healthy couples do walks that both can enjoy

sone men or women can’t walk much I can 

but their spouses don’t go running across the world with with secret friends  of the opposite sex

there's so much that is wrong about all this 

but he doesn’t understand at all 

the shock and trauma  betrayal I’ve suffered in so many ways is enormous 

yet he thinks as long as he didn’t have sex with her he’s fine nothing wrong 

Presenting himself as a  single   man 

befriending a sibgke woman 

Enjoying  the attebtion

connecting chatting making huge plans over a years 

all secret

even multiple secret  overseas trips

he wouldn’t even share his itinerary

or tell me the day he was returning 

it’s such a terrible way to treat the woman he loves deeply 

abd  APPArently  his selfish self focused brain doesn’t understand what’s is obvious to everyone else of honoring the one on one relationship he has and how bad this is what he’s done

deciding to give a hiking travelling roll to a sibgke soman

and hiding it all from the loyal loving woman in his life

Lying chatting plans day trips long drives 

 if soending huge  time secretly  with the opposite sex 

planning overseas travel without me 

keeping me in the dark with so much cruel deception 

and  instead  secret travel with this other  woman and lying deceiving me for a year now for so mich

now that he has this single friend he won’t drop her 

he could have easily found male hiking buddies

he won’t 

no one wants me to stay with such a selfish cruel deceptive liar 

I'm currently going through assessment and I'm looking for some sort of support groups in the Gloucester area. 

I am looking to start up a support service for those with a diagnosis of Autism at risk of homelessness in the Bath and North East Somerset Area. As there is little to no Autism specific support in this area I would love for people who are passionate to come forward and discuss ideas of getting such a service up and running. 

Kind regards

Alex

This is my first post here, and I’m feeling a bit helpless as the moment and I was looking for some support and advice.

I first became aware of AS following the breakdown of my marriage about 8 years ago. I was unable to cope and express myself within the relationship, and it fell apart. At the end my ex-wife said I must be autistic or something because there was clearly something wrong with me! Following that comment I did look into it and found out about Asperger’s syndrome. It was a eureka moment for me, and I could relate to everything I read I about it, and it made me feel so happy that I finally knew what was “wrong” with me.

I spoke to my mum about it, and got her to read up about it. She completely dismissed it and said that I didn’t have it and there was nothing wrong with me. She did however say it sounds like something my father had though, but that I didn’t. I went for a formal diagnosis through the NHS, but after testing, they didn’t give me one. This was mainly due to my mother’s witness statement/testimony about me as a child (which from my point of view was completely inaccurate!), and also the fact that I was “too self-aware” about the condition i.e. the fact I had researched it and referred myself, meant I couldn’t have it!

I was devastated, having come to accept that this was something I experienced, I sought a formal diagnosis to be able to “prove” to people why I was the way I am. I should have stuck to my self-diagnosis! My mother had a very “told you so” attitude which just made things worse. I decided to accept the diagnosis and try and continue with my life as best as I could, with no real explanation for my thoughts and behaviour. I still believe to this day that I have some sort of AS related issue (PDD-NOS?), but it’s hard to accept that I have not had that confirmed by medical professionals when I’m 100% convinced!

I have always used alcohol as a way of coping with my life, something that apparently is very prevalent in people with AS (my dad was an alcoholic and drug user, so maybe my mum was right about him!). In my next relationship, and following the birth of our child, I suffered from post-natal depression, and my drinking spiralled out of control, and ultimately led to the breakdown of that relationship about 18 months ago. Following another bout of depression recently, I have been put on anti-depressants and feel a lot better about myself, but again my drinking has got out of hand, and I’m seeking help with that.

My current relationship is once again breaking down. I have tried explaining to my partner about AS but she doesn’t accept my self-diagnosis. She just says you don’t know you have that, and she can’t see how my behaviour mirrors that of someone with AS. I am reading a book at the moment about AS and alcohol as a way of coping, it’s incredible, I feel like I wrote it and I can relate to everything in it. I have asked my partner to read certain parts of it but she isn’t interested. I don’t know what to do now. I can’t say why I won’t go for a formal diagnosis (because I already tried that) as I’ll just get “I told you so” again, and I can’t deal with that, but without that I can’t convince her there is anything wrong. If only I could get her to read the book she would instantly recognise me and relate to those issues. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t understand me, or doesn’t want to try to understand me, and so it feels like yet another relationship is going down the drain.

I just don’t know what to do. Could the diagnosis of no AS be wrong? Could it be something else? Should I just stick to dating people who also have AS, as at least they would understand me? How would I even go about doing that?

If anyone has any advice or experience of a situation like this it would be great to hear from you.

Thanks

I'm starting to wonder, at what point does it become an eating disorder? Yes I have issues with my weight and probably subconsciously avoid eating because of that, but I dislike eating mostly because of my sensory issues. What defines an eating disorder?

Please let me know if this isn't the best place to post this, and rhank you for your feedback. 

A parent or a carer of a disabled person, may find the link below to be of some use - it provided me with information that I wasn't aware of.

Helen

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/cgi-bin/y...7476591;start=0

I have'nt posted for while now, but read your posts with great interest each day.

I dont know if anyone remembers me, I a mum to gem a son of 15yrs with ocd, and a daughter of 7yrs with asd and epilepsy, who attends a resource unit attached to a mainstream school in NW London.

Sian was diagnosed at 4.5yrs with asd and epilepsy. Sian initially started off in mainstream school when she was 5yrs old with 1-1 support all day, but she was rarely there for a full day, I would get phone calls every other day to collect her after being there just a couple of hours, due to them not bein able to cope with her needs.

Since she's attended the resource unit she has progressed to a certain extent, but the behaviour seems to have got worse over the last couple of years . To be honest i'm not sure whether this is down to the asd or the epilepsy meds she takes as these have lots of nasty side effects, there is also the possibility of her copying her older brother's horrid behaviour ie. the swearing, lashing out.

I wondered if I could ask if anyone has had to deal with clothes picking with their child before, with picking at any loose threads on socks, vests, knickers, anything which she can find a loose thread to.

Its a nightmare for us as I seem to be throwing so many clothes away after sewing them up a few times, she seems to remember which ones she's picked at and looks for the holes and becomes very agitated and anxious and refuses point blank to wear anything with a tiny hole in it.

Someone suggested giving her a ball of thread from the sewing box to play with, tried that but she's not interested.

She also tends to come home from school with a different top on, as she has picked away at the top so much she's had to have another one put on. I have asked the school if they can think of any strategies to try stopping this, but they have'nt helped much, I have also attended SCAN where they suggested reward charts, this didnt work either.

I dont know whether any of you have girls with the same problems, I also have issues with her not wearing skirts, dresses, zips, certain buttons especially ones on jeans wont wear them as the fabric is to hard.

Its really difficult when shopping for clothes for her as I never know what she will wear without getting totally stressed out about it.

any advice much appreciated.

Julie

I have recently entered a new relationship now I feel comfortable enough to move on, we're taking it very slowly and have been dating since november 2020. Yesterday I met her mum for the first time, but due to social anxiety I could barely engage in any conversation. I'm trying hard to be confident, be myself and not let social anxiety control and define me but I'm scared that it will ruin our relationship in the long term. This is obviously not what I want, I'm trying to help myself but need some guidance. Can anyone suggest anything I can try? 

I have a son (22) who has ASD. He has a ritualistic obsession that he likes to do every day. It also  involves me. I understand that he needs that since it gives him a sense of security but I am not sure if I should go along with it or discourage it. It is a short clip from Come outside bbc series for children that he likes to copy, as a pretend game. I don’t find it hard to do that for him (I love him to bits and would do anything for him) but I am not sure if it is good for him in a long run. What are your thoughts? Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

Mina

I have the following situation; if it has been addressed in a previous post please can someone let me know where. If not, here goes.

I have a 24 year old stepson with mild aspergers. In the company of others you would just think he is a quiet 17 year old (he doesn't look his age). He was not diagnosed until he was 17 and since then has been through 3 colleges, having been asked to leave each one in turn, primarily as he doesn't respond to mainstream education. He is highly intelligent, has an interest in computing (web design and programming) and other interests but they are not as dominant as his interest in the PC.

Since he was asked to leave the last college, he has been at home. All he does is play an online war game, appear occasionally for food and then hide away in his room. He refuses to wash, has dreadful body odour but takes the view it is his problem not anyone else's. He flouts "house rules" when he can but isn't savvy enough to cover his tracks. I have learned that this flouting isn't malicious in any way, it tends to be that he doesn't see the logic in what his dad or myself see as the norm. Sometimes I think it's like having a stroppy teenager but without any aggression or malice.

I get on well with him, he is pleasant, courteous and does whatever I ask (except his hygiene). He is essentially no trouble as he is not interested in drink or substance abuse. He can be trusted to look after the house if we go away. He can show forms of affection. He is also naive in terms of how the real world works and is not interested in money - until he needs to buy fast food. His diet is poor as a result.

My problem is this; he has no idea what he wants to do in terms of a career or what he would do if anything happened to his dad and me. I spend time finding out what he likes and I have (with his agreement) organised some training on web design where he works on a project with clear guidelines and reports to his mentor on a weekly basis. Similarly he mentioned that he needs to get out into a house with people of his age so again I make enquiries (with his permission) to see if we can find something suitable. Furthermore I can get him onto another training course where the tutor is aware of his condition and would be happy to coach him after the course in the evenings.

Within a week he loses interest in carrying on any of the projects or initiatives. Despite the fact that I am paying for this training (as he has exhausted the resources of the local authorities over the years) he would rather play that internet game. I have put gentle pressure on him to continue then he gets a "second wind" and produces some very good work. He was referred to Remploy but has failed to follow any of their advice so they have given up on him.

His Dad finds it difficult to be patient with his son as he is not sure if the lethargy is aspergers or manipulative. I take the view he lacks peer group friendship. Last night he announced he was not going to apply for jobseekers allowance as he didn't need to work. When asked what he thought he was living on (in terms of finance) he replied that he costs very little to keep.

We are both concerned as to how he would survive if the worst happened to us. He needs to "get out more" with a peer group but how do we get him to actually do it ? When he was at college (living with students with a housekeeper) he did make friends so we know he is capable. It's the motivation which seems to have disappeared.

Any suggestions / advice would be very welcome.

I have just received my application forms for dla, blimey i was told they were long, certainly didn't expect 40 pages!!

Anyway i have had some advice to get some help filling them in so they are properly worded to increase my chances of obtaining dla for ds. Does anybody know who the best person is that i can ask for help?

Thanks in advance

tmf

xx

My partner, who has Asperger's, recently started school and is really stressed about their grades and their future. I think this might have to do with their autism, I'm not a professional on this subject. They have recently have had sensory overloads due to school and has been feeling very sensory in general. I would like to know if anyone has faced similar issues adjusting to new things while feeling stressed, and what I can do to help them while they are feeling this way. I apologize if there are any factual errors because like I said previously I know very little about this. Thank you.

My DS (B 3yrs - dx ASD) had 1 cyst noted in prenatal scans, we were told that this shows soft markers for various conditions. We had to be re-scanned on numerous occassions, very worried at the time; although my sister in law had been through a similar thing 4 months earlier, so it was 'old news', and was born with no health problems.

3 years down the line, my DS has been diagnosed ASD, and there are concerns that my nephew is AS.

We have just had a second son, 18 weeks ago, he had two cysts showing on the scan, but 3 years on, they don't re-scan - and say it is very common; we however, have major concerns.

We mentioned this to B's neurodisability Paedy - who said that it was un-related, but a web search on CPC's rings alarm bells....

Has anyone had a similar experience/concerns????

Truly Scrumptious.

Has anyone manged to get one of these grants? and even for an extension or loft conversion?

Spoke to the social worker today who says the grants are issued per child, not per household as I had assumed! Which means that as all the paperwork for ds3 is chugging along nicely, we could access twice as much...

So what does it take to actually get them to do major building work?

TIA,

Nikki.

I feel like I am learning so much, so quickly! This is one scary rollercoaster ride.

Carrie

I'm a male with Aspergers and just finished a 3 year course at University. Even though I did great academically I didn't get much out of things socially even though I did try and join a few societies. I feel this is due to me having anxiety in places I feel unfamiliar with and it takes me time to get to know and trust new people. I feel my life is passing by and I'm constantly missing out on great experiences with great people.

I have only a few close friends and struggle with talking to the opposite sex. I feel I have so much to offer but due to my lack of confidence and fear of being judged I'm too afraid to try and put myself out there which is incredibly frustrating and I usually just don't have the energy. I've often tried online dating but given it up due to lack of interest which I take personally in thinking that I'm unattractive to women and upsets me.

Ultimately I just want to feel content, happy and secure in myself but these worries seem to be really distracting my mind right now. Maybe I need to learn to be more patient but I just feel so fed up at the mo.

I know I may sound quite negative in this post but just feel overloaded and just seem to be going round in circles as my social life is concerned, any advice would be very much appreciated

Looking for some help for my son (now 19). My wife and I have always been concerned that he has displayed some different trait's whilst he was growing up:

Never getting excited at Christmas, Birthdays, Holidays etc. I mean nothing - He was even selected to carry the Olympic torch when he was younger, the response when we told him was  was oh that's good and he just carried on doing what he doing like nothing had happened, didn't even discuss it (and never told anyone is school - it was just normal)

When playing with his friends in the garden, I would shout for him repeatedly - so much so that all his friends would and stopped to look at me and he would carry on playing - it became a bit a joke with his brother, that after shouting his name 3 times and would should his brother to get him! We used to always joke he used to go to his own planet!

I remember a load of friends coming round to watch a horror movie - I think for his birthday, I could see everyone else having a laugh, then I saw him totally engrossed in the film as if no-one else was around. His ability to lock himself into his own world has to be seen to be believed (the world could be ending before he noticed!!) 

... I could go on.....

When he was around 4 he had a grand mal seizure and stopped breathing, he was transferred to the nearest specialist children hospital and put on a breathing machine - the following day he came round and was sent home - however we had a different child, he become obsessed with things like going to a play place he had visited - the next day we had to take him (as he would repeated go on about it). It took him a long time to get back to being being normal (or like he was before) - but he never seemed the same again - we never raised this with anyone - and maybe we should of!

He is incredibly focused, first at sports (long distance running - we asked him what goes through his head when he is racing and he said he would go through his physics or chemistry revision - is that normal?) then his exams.

He is now at the top UK university (or 2nd depending on which ranking you look at!) so although there is some negativity to his behavior , it also allows him to be incredibly focused!

At university he seems to have a really nice group of friends and after several pint's he looks like he really having a great time and fit's in, so not all bad :-) Although he has never been good in groups.... 

Oh and my Uncle had Aspergers, spent his whole adult life in care homes / institutions :-(

Now the reason for the post.....

He has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for 4 1/2 years (they were inseparable in that time and he was obsessed with seeing her, our lives then revolved around allowing him to spend time with her), she however, has decided to end it as she doesn't feel he shows her any feelings. She came up at the weekend to see him - he "says" he is upset but no tears - nothing (maybe this is good - but not what I'd expect - but that is just the way he is)

We have some concerns that this will be a repeated process with him and I'm not sure what help he would get, or if giving him a label would help.

However it may help us in dealing with him and the arguments we occasionally have.

He is a wonderful lad, who has been incredibly successful but really struggles with any emotion or the ability to change his behavior.

Am I just being paranoid? Is this just normal ( we do have another son - who is nothing like this...)

We have a 13 yo boy who has some characteristics that would seem to suggest Asperger traits - obsessions, struggle with close friendships at school, hates change, lacks some empathy - but otherwise seems to be coping better with life than most teenagers. We have only realised possible ASD in the last few months since he hit his teens so it's very early days and while he is coping OK we are keeping our thoughts to ourselves.

His current obsession is x-box gaming (fortnite of course - but issue is true of all human vs human battele games) and with usual mutual frustations we have agreed time limits for playing and separately watching youtube videos. I'd say he's a better than the average player but he really struggles with losing which is most of the time by the nature of the game - it can never be just one of those things/bad luck/better player, its always someone cheating, error in the game, internet lagging, etc. At first (January) it was shouting and moderate swearing which we worked on, but more and more he is crying and screaming with rage/unhappiness. He broke an old laptop so was warned that next time something gets broken that would be the end of it. If he plays say 15 games/day unless he gets a win early on his moderate anger will ramp up and so will his reaction to failing to win. He can't be persuaded to take a break so launches straight back in and unsurprisingly he's even less likely to win because he is so angry and under more self pressure. He will then scream at my wife and I and shut us out. We do our best to sit with him and reassure him but we struggle with what to say/do until time's up and after 15mins he can calm himself down and be more rational.

I've read many of your stories of undesirable activities/noises that can create meltdowns but what is best when that is associated with his biggest love/obsession?

My natural desire is to protect him by removing the game/x-box but if he is on the aspergers scale is this best or should we just accept this is part of his life? He's aware of the stress and hate of losing but the buzz of winning maybe 1 in 25 games or the need to be the best overrides the negatives in his eyes. I can't think it good to have this love-hate-self-lothing association building up.

Should we stop him playing to protect him or should we just pur our fingers in our ears and let him get on with it? In our weekend quiz he said his biggest fear is failure so things are begining to fit but we are desparate for some pointers for coping with this specific challenge...

Thanks for reading.

He is now considered an 'adult' though still at school - he used to be in a special school but we moved and he had to attend a mainstream in order to follow his course in metal work. He has coped fine with being in mainstream and the school were doubtful but he is doing well and its ok. At home is the problem.

We cannot stop him stealing and lying. He has a problem with impulse control and no therapies have helped that, if left to his own devices he would just eat ALL the time. We discovered he was coming downstairs in the night and drinking gallons of milk, eating margarine from the tub, eating cookies, bread, whatever he could find. He often steals food. I once made a large batch of gluten free cookies (i am gluten intolerant) and he raided the box and all was left was 2 from the 30 cookies I made. We now have to lock up the kitchen at night as despite speaking to him and other sanctions he just keeps doing it.

Same with stealing money, or anything else he desires including my underwear and when he used to visit his mother hers too. He seems to have a compulsion to wear womens things. We see this as a stealing problem though, he goes into our bedroom and raids my drawers etc for my things, then often cuts them in specific places and has then disposed of them by throwing them somewhere in the neighbourhood. Charming .  We now have to lock our bedroom too as nothing would stop him.

He is aparently normal intelligence, has had regular check ups with the psychologist and counselling/therapy. He never improves or seems to give a damn about our rights. It is beginning to feel that there is something more than the PDD-NOS they diagnosed him with. He seems narcissistic or sociopathic. He has NO conscience. He actually gets annoyed with us because we have caught him stealing or lying. He has now lost the use of the internet in our home (only thing he cares about is computers etc) as we have changed the password and have made it quite clear that he will not get access until he changes his behaviour. We have been very clear about what we expect and what we wont accept but he thinks that he should just get it back in a couple of days. We had been warning for quite some time that we would do this. He had many chances but here we are..recently I found a key of ours he had stolen in order to get to his laptop.

We feel like prisoners in our own home with all the keys.  I have fibromyalgia and rheumatiod arthritis and struggle with the stairs and chronic pain and getting to the top of the stairs only to realise that the key is downstairs and vice versa is driving me mad. His father had a nasty accident on his bike recent and was in hospital with concussion and bruising, lacerations etc, was lucky not to lose his eye. What did Stepson do? took advantage of the situation where i was distracted caring for his father and emptied out my purse (i accidently left it downstairs)

We have tried all the suggestions over the years, followed all the advice and have done what the experts say to do, nothing changes it. My question is: is this really the effects of being on the AS ? or is he just an ar***ole?  His mother was an extremely nasty piece of work, manipulative, bullying and aggressive, always expecting to get her way etc. It feels like dealing with her at times.

Any thoughts?

Are there any pro’s and con’s?
Are there any difficulties with transitioning? Including individual and systemic factors.
Is this a straight forward process?
Who is responsible for the transition?
Where do you find out how to do this? Who gives you the information?

Any information would be greatly appreciated!

,I am a gcse student in year 11 currently completing a DTE project, I chose to focus on bettering the emotinal wellbeing of autistic children because I am autistic and would have liked such resources when i was younger. I’m looking for someone- preferably an adult who has an autistic child (age 3-7)- who can review my prototypes and ideas so I can see what would be most useful for an actual person. This would help me itterate my ideas and hopefully make a real world solution. ,

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/fp/news/local/fife/669435/fife-at-forefront-of-new-internet-guidance-for-people-with-autism-or-learning-disabilities/

He is at Grammar school.

He was given the option of not doing foreign languages when he was diagnosed.

He has attempted French for thirteen months but has now asked to be removed.

His school will now not let him stop until he has had over the next several months, "a trench of assesments"

He has a pathological fear of failure, and wants to be removed.

Please, has anyone any knowledge of foreign languages/Aspergers, that could suppport our position

thank you

Cindy

I wonder if someone could point me in the direction of some research or something written by someone clinical or otherwise qualified, to print off and send into school.

Also, tell me and show me your own strategies or props that you use for your child. I have had some useful tips from another forummer already.

Thanks again!

A few years since we went twice to CAMHS and were told that after observing her in school there were no problems, she was doing really well at school, was quiet, never caused any trouble.  If she had ASD she would show traits at home and at school.  So I dropped it, despite disagreeing with this.  My reasons were that my daughter's diagnosis wasnt made early enough as she was very quiet in school and caused no trouble.  She got to 21 and had 4 concealed pregnancies before a diagnosis was made, despite her being seen by CAMHS at 14.  I explained this to CAMHS and told them that girls have different ways of showing the symptoms.  But I couldnt get beyond the young psychologist, and she kept saying there were no problems in school, only what I reported, she hadnt observed anything.

At the moment the most troublesome problems are sensory with clothing,  she wont respond to my repeated requests to do things, she is very loud.

I have been through her refusal to get dressed in a morning and got to the bottom of it.  The school uniform was too uncomfortable,  she couldnt bear shoes and socks either, and at one point wore sandals in winter.  I got round this by asking school permission for her to wear a plain white cotton t shirt, no cuffs, no collar binding.  They allowed this.  I also got permission for her to wear cotton bamboo lycra leggings in school colours.  Instead of the school cardigan or sweatshirt she wears a soft hoodie and takes it off in the classroom.  I order her socks from Israel, they are bamboo with no seams. (after trying every type of sock from UK stores).  When searching for school shoes we have to ignore what the Clarks lady says and buy them too big so she cant feel them pressing anywhere.  This is how we get to school on time in a morning.  The above took two years to achieve, and at one point involved me carrying her to school and her getting dressed in front of the SENCO.  I now make her clothing for out of school use, choosing soft materials and techniques.

She will never tidy up or put things away, when asked.  Most of the time she wont do homework when asked.  If I withold treats, she does without.  Her bedroom she shares, is always a mess, as she has to have the bed arranged a particular way.  I am through with star charts.  They dont work for her.  Nor do marbles int he jar or whatever.

She falls out with her sisters frequently and is very very loud.  She wants to dictate the games they share.  She has a special soft throw that she wraps herself in and finds comfort from that.  She is very interested in gymnastics, and performs different gymnastics routines daily for around an hour, very minimally dressed.  She is very bright for her age and does well in maths and English.  At school she is very very quiet and some teachers cannot get a response.  Like her brother, she sometimes responds with a sound.

Right, I can understand that all that isnt a diagnosis for ASD.  But in my opinion the sensory problem with clothing is bad enough to require treatment somehow as it gets in the way of everyday life.  When she goes to comp she will have to wear a full uniform.  Is it worth my pursuing this, or shall I just do what I have been doing and placate her with special clothing?

I know I need a schedule/alarm/whatever, but I need a very specific one. One that will let me type in a message and say it out loud when it goes off, with directions. like this:

1. "Time to wake up"
2. "It's been x days since you last did laundry."
3. "You should eat soon."
4. "Time to stim for x amount of time" 
5. "It's 65 degrees today, dress accordingly."
6. "It is your mother's birthday in a week, get her something."
7. "Almost time for your period, make sure you have tampons."
8. You have a class/appointment at x time in x city. Here is how you will get there, there's x amount of traffic, this is the weather in that location."
9. "Your credit card payment  of $150 is due on x day. You need to deposit x amount by then. Remember to get checks and stamps."
10. "You haven't pooped in x days, should you take something for that?"
11. ""You haven't worked on the screenplay in 2 weeks, try for an hour at 5PM."
     
12. "Write down how you feel in the journal, meditate/exercise/whatever for x amount of time."

Is there an app that would do this at all. Or a series of them. I have iPhone (6s) so it would have to be compatible.

I have removed the obvious debris but am left with large 'splat' of stickiness which i have made worse by trying to scrub.

I think that the sticky bits were remains of a fruit 'Winder' - anyone got any ideas how to get the 'splat' off?

Please! the in-laws are coming in 2 weeks!

My younger sister was diagnosed with ASD  when she was 22. It was a lengthy process but when she was finally diagnosed it was such a relief as we felt she would now receive extra help/support. 

She is now approaching 24 but nothing has changed. To be honest, in my opinion she has got worse. She locks herself in her room all day and night. She only goes out to walk the dog or if my mum forces her to go with her somewhere. She has no friends , no job and is no longer in any form of education. 

Background: she completed her A levels at 18 and went to uni. She was then asked to leave as she did not attend lectures. She then found an office job but was dismissed due to lack of communication/not fulfilling her duties. She lives with my mum and their dog. My mum works full time as a teacher and I feel that she has given up too. 

I am 26 and live not too far away with my wife and 2 kids. She does not talk to me so it is very difficult to try and give her help. She attended some Aspergers support sessions with other people with her condition which I think helped but when they finished it was back to square 1. 

She likes to write, draw and take photos but I feel she would really struggle to find a job in these areas. 

Is there anything that I can do? I have read about The Prince’s Trust courses on here which sound ideal, but she would never agree to attend one. It’s like banging my head against a brick wall! She doesn’t seem to understand that she can’t just sponge off my mum forever. My mum gets down about the situation and is more like her carer than her mother right now. 

Any suggestions would be very much appreciated! We have tried suggesting voluntary work, joining a gym, careers advice etc. She just clams up and doesn’t speak to us. We just want her to be happy and live her life. She has already wasted half her twenties sat in her bedroom and watching TV. 

Thanks 

Steve

I struggle looking people in the eye, i have few extreme interests and hobbies. I struggle with friends. etcetera.

Is getting diagnosed worth it? I don't see any sort of support system helping me but will i be pleasantly surprised?

I have two sons.  My eldest (18) has a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome and currently resides in a residential home for people with mental illness.  He has had some serious MH problems and is now learning how to manage these a little better.   My youngest (16) was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder about three years ago, but he receives no treatment or medication for this. 

As a family, we have had a very rocky three years which entailed two Child Protection interventions, the break up of the family (husband left home and eldest went into residential care) and contact with the police (eldest arrested and youngest interviewed under caution).  However, all family member see each other regularly and we are moving on positively.

I know my eldest son is getting the help that he needs.  His voice hearing and self-harming have reduced significantly.  My husband (who also has AS) lives close to us and I have come to terms with the fact that we 'live apart, together'.  My youngest son, however worries me.

My youngest son stopped attending school three years ago when we reached crisis point at home.  He received a few hours of tuition from  tutors from the local PRU but he hid from them most of the time (locking himself in the bathroom or barricading himself in the kitchen.  He only began to engage when he got a regular tutor who managed to build a relationship with him (albeit through a door to start with).  As a result,  he left school last summer with next to no qualifications (to his credit, he sat his GCSE and Functional Skills exams).   No college placement was identified (he refused to go for college interviews, ran away from them or stayed mute when the interview took place) and he joined a course with no transition in September.  He lasted a week and a half before the college said he was not participating and that he was not attending (he simply stopped attending in the second week) and they withdrew him from the course and told us they had nothing to offer him.

I contacted the SEN team in our LA and I mentioned my son's dilemma to our social worker (the case had now been stepped down to Child in Need).  The social worker said that this was not really something social services could help with and referred us to the 'Prevention' team (a local authority team concerned with preventing young people becoming NEET).  The Assessment and Review Officer mentioned a personalised learning pathway and said that if my son would not engage with that, his EHCP may have to be closed because he had no educational provision.  I phoned up the PLP but my son refused even to speak to them.

Now my son has applied for the army.  He has been to the Army Careers Office and (with my support) he has filled in an application form.  He is also working out at the gym every day (this is something he has done for the past two years).  However, I know he is not going to pass the army medical.  He has asthma and his anxiety is recorded on his medical records.  Additionally,  it would be miraculous if he could leave home and interact with a group of strangers, when he will not even go into the shops on his own (his dad waits outside the gym for him).

I do apologise for the length of this message.  However, my question is this:

Should I try the softly, softly approach.  That is, should I very slowly and very gently introduce my youngest to new experiences e.g. a ride on the bus, a new hobby we can do together, an online course and so on and hope his anxiety decreases so that, at some time in the future, he will re-engage with society?

Or should I continue looking for things for my son to do to break this inertia e.g the Prince's Trust, NCS more college courses and so on and continue pressing the local authority to help him?

An additional problem is that I work from home and have few resources (not much money) so time and activities will be limited and I am so frightened that if something does not change for my youngest, he will develop the mental health difficulties that have caused his brother so many problems.

Thank you for reading.

Ok we are a family of 5. We have 3 daughters aged 8, 4 & 2. The two youngest have already been diagnosed with severe 'classic' autism. The 4 year old already attends a specialist autism school for 3 days a week (moving to full time this sept)We are in receipt of dla and my wife also receives carers allowance for both.

Housing wise we live in a small ish 3 bedroom new build which means our youngest has to share with our eldest. We can't put the 2 asd siblings together due to them having meltdowns when they are anywhere near each other. The problem we have is they desperately need their own bedrooms due to the sleeping issues the 2 youngest have. They are frequently waking our eldest and it's effecting her general performance at school. Quite often she will sleep with her mum and I'm on the sofa downstairs. It's open plan downstairs so we have no way of separating them when they have meltdowns with each other.

So that's a bit of background. The question I have is as our house is unsuitable for adaptations I wondered what the possibility is of being moved into a bigger house by our local council? We currently own our house and we cannot afford to move to a bigger house due to us only being a single income family and simply can't stretch to a bigger mortgage.

If it's possible we qualify for a bigger house I still have no idea how to get the ball rolling about asking/applying. Do I ring the council? Fill out online forms, who to speak to etc etc. Our doc has said she will provide a supporting letter advising we should be in a bigger 4 bedroom house but as I mentioned I've no idea how to start all of this.

Any help much appreciated. For the record we come under South Ribble Borough Council.

Thanks

She has loads of support at school as her behavouir is worse there. She struggles with there being so many in her class and is very violent to other children,  she has obbsessions and some repetitive behavouir also.

She had headphones today to block the back ground noise due to her behavouir at school, the teacher said it worked really well during maths but in her music lesson she took them off and begain to sing louder then any one. . If she was on the autistic spectrum would she not struggle with music lesson and the loudness? 

I feel as though the teacher tried to say she can control it in certain settings.

She does not like to many people around her in her space and can't concentrate for a long period of time and is very hyperactive.

But some things she can tolerate, like other loud noises. 

Would this mean she is not on the spectrum of she can control her self in some settings.

Any advice would be appriciated. Thank you 

I have a 4 year old boy with ASD in my class. He is a very articulate young man.  He will complete adult led activities but then has a emotional reaction when completed because he has done as he what the adult wants. He likes to negotiate with adults to do tasks on his own terms and will complete if he feels he has done it on his own term. We use box time to complete activities he will not complete, however this usually is a battle and can make him very angry and upset. He does not like praise, reward, or making adults happy. We also have deal cards, now and next cards and visual cards to help him. Any advice would be gratefully received as school is about completing activities that staff have asked and this is what he is finding the most challenging at the moment.

Thanks

I am a 40 year old male and I am almost certain I suffer from Aspergers/ASD although I haven't had an official diagnosis yet.

It has been almost a year since I went to my GP about this, who sent me to the local mental health team, but they don't have someone who can diagnose ASD so they have referred me to a psychologist. However, they told me the waiting list is very long and it could be a year before I get an appointment - that was 3 months ago.

Meanwhile, I keep encountering situations in which I feel that disclosure would benefit me, but I am afraid that if I don't get the diagnosis I expect I will be made to look a fool. So far I haven't told anybody other than medical professionals who need to know about my problems or that I am waiting for an ASD assessment.

My question is, is it advisable to disclose before I have a diagnosis or even that I am waiting for an assessment? Has anyone else done this and what was the outcome?

So far, I can say "morning" or something equivalent to strangers if they say morning to me first. And with a bit of preparation, I can manage simple, brief conversations in shops to get what I need, most of the time. I can speak to doctors if I'm prepared. Talk to bus drivers so I can get where I want to go, etc... None of this happened over night, and took small steps, but I'm mostly there.

Unprepared I can handle < 20 second talks before things start getting difficult. Prepared and on a good day, I can handle up to a few minutes. It's more than I could handle two years ago before I started trying to fix my life.

I'm trying to improve this, but I can't really see any way to go further, no obvious small next step to take.

Any suggestions, tips or anything that may help?

Hi, I’m new to the forums and I’ve signed up because I’ve just recently been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (2 weeks ago yesterday).

I have a wife that I’ve been married to for 4 years and a little boy that has just turned 1.

There are a few things I desperately need some help with and I really don’t know where to turn, which is a large part of why I signed up on this forum.

I am seeking help through the NHS, however as some of you probably know… those things can take time.

So my biggest issue right now, is I’m hypersensitive to noise. Dogs barking, neighbours banging…. Or my son crying L Sometimes I can cope with it okay, but sometimes I can’t and it really makes me feel like disappearing. For obvious reasons this is not acceptable.
My wife to some degree understands this, but when I really lose the plot (which has only happened twice with my little boy), understandably… she does not.

The other part of the problem, having said the above, is trying to make my wife understand what Asperger’s means to me.
For instance… the very first thing she said to me when I walked through the door after being diagnosed with Asperger’s (after crying my eyes out all the way home by the way, it’s been a really emotional journey to get to this point) was “I hope you don’t use this as an excuse to hide behind”. I did try to explain to her that I wouldn’t do that and try to get her on the same page as me about it, but it fell on deaf ears. She had an attitude about it which really pissed me off and as a result we had a very big argument which resulted in me throwing my wedding ring at her, using the C bomb(she HATES swearing) and telling her to get out of my life. Well it was at this point I thought we were going to get a divorce, I’d never lashed out at her like that before and I think it was a shock to her as much as it was to me.
As a result of this I decided to go to the GP for some advice and I am now taking antidepressants, low dose, but he said it would take the edge off things. It took a few days but eventually my wife apologised (in her own way, she never says the word sorry) and we made up.

Over the years I have told my wife there are certain things she does that I cannot take, it really breaks my head.
For example, we don’t really argue… instead she will give me the silent treatment which absolutely destroys me… I’ve told her numerous times not to do it but she never listens and continues to do so when I do something wrong, like raising my voice at her for example.
Another thing is when I ask her “what’s wrong” and she replies “nothing” when even I can tell that something is wrong, I’ve let her know that I’m not a mind reader and recently with the diagnosis of Asperger’s I’ve explained that it’s just something she needs to literally spell out, not that she needs telling… she still doesn’t listen to that.

She is a nurse, and has on occasion dealt with people with mental disabilities and such, so she really doesn’t need much educating on the matter… I just don’t know how to get through to her.

When I tell her she’s not supportive of my condition she attacks me asking “have I not been supportive enough when I… [insert a reason here]
I am trying to make her understand how and why I behave in certain ways in certain situations, but for a reason I simply cannot understand she will not listen.
I had been given a book from the mental health clinic that’s for families to read of people with Asperger’s and as yet she has not even picked it up. We had a little bit of an argument last night and I told her she needs to read that book which was met with some sarcastic comment that I don’t remember.

I really feel like I’m on my own with this, and I’m afraid that if this continues we’re going to get a divorce which is absolutely the last thing I want. I am having a lot of in work also, so the last thing I want is to go home and feel uncomfortable there as well.

Truth is, I am not the most helpful person to her… I tell her she literally has to spell out what she wants from me and her answer to that is “just think what needs to be done, I can’t think of everything”. No amount of telling her “I don’t see it the way you do” makes her understanding and since the diagnosis she stands behind the thought of “of course, because of your Asperger’s” in a very sarcastic manner. L
Having said the above, I do try and help… I am trying my best to do things for her without feeling frustrated, but I’m sure some of you will understand it can be really really hard… but this is a struggle she doesn’t understand.

Sorry for the long post, hope someone can give me advice one way or another.

I used to visit this forum a good few years ago now. Things seemed to be going okay until the past year or so. Feel like I'm at absolute breaking point. Here's an outline...

I've got a 14 year old son with Aspergers. He's been trapped (I say that because placing requests have been turned down repeatedly) in a mainstream environment. R desperately wants to be like his NT peers, but because of high anxiety levels, his challenging behaviour means that he sticks out like a sore thumb!

He's had several exclusions where 7 members of staff have reported to feeling threatened and intimidated by him. One has reported sexual harassment. I've been pinned against the wall by the throat and my husband (R's dad) was knocked out a few weeks ago. I've had to call the Police several times now – when they hear out address, they send 4.

Social Work have been involved for years, as have CAMHS. Social Work say that there's nothing they can do as R refuses to engage with them. Nonetheless, as I've pointed out, that doesn't help me. He can't be put in care, because they say that there are no suitable placements, and asked me outright what it would take to keep him at home. I made a placing request for an independent specialist residential school, which was recently turned down the the EA. The EA are now fighting this and I'm having to go to a Tribunal.

We have a Barnardo's support worker who really gets Autism. However, he sees a very different side to R. He takes R out to McDonalds and KFC, and basically does everything that R wants to do. As I've pointed out, the problems we have at home are when anything is asked of R – even the simplest of tasks e.g. taking his cup through to the kitchen, getting showered and dressed, etc etc.

R's Headteacher has emailed the EA and said that he'd require a huge amount of specialist support in school for his staff to support him, but he feels strongly that R's needs are not being met. Furthermore, he's outlined how challenging R can be. Still, the EA keep trying to slap him down and continue to say that he can be supported in mainstream (I should add that they did admit that they don't have any specialist schools that were willing to take him, or able to support him).

I'm really struggling. This morning things came to a head and I lost it (balled at him and told him to get out of the house). Support Worker arrived not long afterwards to calm things down. Feel like I'm at the end of my tether – and such a failure. I'm not even sure what I'm fighting the EA for anymore – I fear that R will be so difficult (he says he'll do that) at the independent school, that it wouldn't work.

I now feel not much better, and receive no help from medical or mental health services. I have been through the horrendous (to me) medication route, and it nearly killed me, both mentally and physically, and I have not been offered any other help since stopping meds.

My biggest concern at the moment is that I can barely eat on a day to day basis. I know this comes from my chronic insomnia and anxiety, but I don't know what to do. I can feel myself becoming physically ill, and that I am damaging my body, but the anxiety and depression are making it nearly impossible to maintain food and health like most people do.

Does anyone else have similar food issues, and any advice as to what may help me? I have given up on the gp and mental health service, and I have been offered no specialist help from these anyway, so just feel completely trapped. I was listened to and helped more before getting a diagnosis.

I am waiting to get a 1to1 assessment with a local eating distress charity, but that is weeks away, and in the mean time I'm losing a lot of weight again and becoming very tired and ill.

I just want to be able to keep weight on and not feel like this constantly, as the situation is like a self feeding spiral with anxiety and depression, which just stops food being possible, and then feeds more anxiety and depression etc.

Your advice would be most appreciated

Thanks

Since then, he's hunkered down in his room, refusing to talk to us, other than through gritted teeth telling us how much he "hates" us, hates the house, and can't wait to leave. He took a box of cornflakes with him, and that seems to be all he's eaten all week, plus glasses of water (he's rejected anything we've taken to him).

We went out yesterday for a few hours, hoping he might at least get something to eat -- but he didn't appear to leave his room.

We have a very angry young man with low self-esteem, and we're at our wits end to know what to do. We've never had anything last as long as this, or with such brutal determination before.

Does this situation sound familiar to anyone here? Can anyone suggest what we might do? 

Thank you.

I was shoked when I found out recently that my son, who is now 18, was verbally abused in YCMA gym for a couple of years before he decided to stop going there. He managed to pluck up the courage to talk about it, encouraged by the friends he has luckily made in college this year. He told me that the gym instructors (volunteers) repeatedly told him that he was a sinner and that he would go to hell etc. They did it after he told them that he believed in God. Since he has ASD, my son is very naive and impressionable and easily believes everything people tell him. And he trusted these people who enjoyed themselves making fun of him and took advantage of the fact that he believed them. They also told him that if he told me or anyone else about it they would call the police and send him to jail. He, of course, believed that as well so did not tell me at a time. I was horrified when he told me that he believed that he was a sinner and prayed three times a day to God. He honestly believed that he would go to hell. He told me that at a time and I was perplexed why. Now I know. They also told him that the satan is watching him too and they are all watching his every move! He was really scared. He told me that he was thinking to commit suicide and tried it once but gave up at the last minute. Even now he hears their voices sometimes and believe them but less than before. And I thought that he enjoyed going there since everyone pretended that they like him and he always wanted to go there! I am sooo upset and thinking about my options. He told the college (they were very supportive) and they told the police woman there about it but she said it would not be enough to stand in court. 

YCMA is a charity that helps young people. It stands for Young Christian Man Association, I think, but did not protect my son from their own volunteers! What are my options? I would like the most if we try to leave the whole thing since it happened more than a year ago, and move on. I am not sure that dragging it would help restore my son's self esteem but it is important what he thinks and he wants something to be done about it, if possible. Any advice appreciated.

Example, today I was asked if I want another baby to try and have one without autism! I had to explain that as autism is probably genetic that a second child would probably be the same. I then had to continue to explain why myself and my husband have decided to have just one. 

They feel the are missing out on doing "normal" things with my son. And to be honest I went through that stage, but as the diagnosis took 18 months I had time to accepted it and I have adapted to my son's needs not mine! But I feel I need to constantly defend my son and our choices. There is more but it would take ages to explain.

Am I being sensitive or justified in being frustrated?

I go to a café in my local city and lately some women have been in there who openly stare at me and my parents. One of them dresses like a chave and obviously has no social skills at all, and is the worst of the group to stare, She's not the sharpest knife in the box plus she's too old to dress the way she does, but that's her problem not mine. She's like a old bird trying to dress up like a spring chicken!

They get a drink in the café and stay for most of the afternoon blocking the table so that nobody else can sit their (not that they'd want to).

Their well known trouble makers and gossips, they bully another friend of mine, I'm a bit worried they will start calling me and my family names. I just blank them out and ignore them sad twisted loosers, my dad calls them a sad shower.

Can you advise me what to do if they cross the line? (Before I'm nicked for murder)

• Making the most of your visit to the GP: a guide for those on the autistic spectrum [PDF] - a resource for people with autism and their carers to make it easier to access their GP
• Going to your doctor - an easy read version of the guide [PDF]
• 'My hospital passport' - developed by NAS to help people with autism to communicate their needs to doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals [PDF]
• 'My hospital passport' guidance to assist in completing and using the hospital passport [PDF]

• What is autism?
• What is Asperger syndrome?
• What next? Information for adults with autism before and after diagnosis
• After diagnosis: information for parents and carers of children with autism
• All about diagnosis

• Autism Act, Strategy & Statutory Guidance
• NICE Quality Standard, QS51 Autism
• NICE Pathway, Autism
• NICE clinical guideline 170 Autism: the management and support of children and young people on the autism spectrum
• NICE clinical guideline 142 Autism: recognition, referral, diagnosis and management of adults on the autism spectrum
• NICE clinical guideline 128 Autism: recognition, referral and diagnosis of children and young people on the autism spectrum

• Information for general practitioners from The National Autistic Society (NAS)
• A GPs guide to adults with Asperger syndrome
• Patients with autism spectrum disorders: guidance for health professionals
• Posters for GPs surgeries
• Learning resource on autism spectrum disorders from NHS Education for Scotland
• Top tips for diagnosing, support and meeting the needs of people on the autistic spectrum - Dr Y Delargy-Aziz, Leicestershire County Council

• Ask Autism: online training

• Dr Carole Buckley, Clinical Champion for Autism, talks to the BBC about the priority.