Elle

i managed to get my daughter to schol on friday by saying it was toy day and she really didnt want to miss her last full day with her freiend and class mates. She was ok and spent the whole day with her friend. How evre that evening last ngt she was ill and her breathing went funny again. she said she felt ill as shcool had fineshed and now there was nothing that could be done about next year and she was realyy worried about going into the class of children she hadnt been with this year and worried she would have no friends and wished she could have stayed in her own class. Hopefuly i will be able to keep her mind of it over the holidays. I hope things will be ok next year.im worried about how i will get her school though i will have to wait and see it was the last day of term yesterday and i found i had got a written warning in my pigion hole from the headmaster over whats been happening with my daughter it was for trying to phtocopy her sen file. i havent even had a verbal warning or disiplinary meeting and the incident was 11 days prior to this warning which i had no knowledge i was getting. the head has not said anything to me and didnt even give it me in my hand if i hadnt checked my pigion hole it would still have been there next term in 6 weeks.he has not even followed the disciplinary proceedure yet again the school has not gone about things right. seriously dissapointed with the school and way been treated now have this on my record.

I am at a loss what to do next My daughter had anxiety attack sunday ngt she couldnt breath and i had to get her to breath into a paper bag. she was so stressed about going school the next day.Is this normal? i physically made her go school and i got her in the door but then she wouldnt move saying she felt ill i had to take her into my class as i was late for work i then went to find the head to ask him what to do i found the deputy she said my daughter could go in to assembly with my class and then go to her in her yr4 class to do jobs. My daughter wnet and at playtime she wouldnt go out to play but was happier at dinner she came home and felt alpot happier as she was being the deputy heads helper abnd the class she was in were doing fun things no work. She was being looked after by some of the older children. the next day she went in with the deputy head again she thought she was going to be the deputy heads helper for ever she was told she would have to go into her new class the next day.i rang the autisim worker as i knew i would have problems the next day she didnt ring me back. WEdneday i and my munm had to dress her and make her go school she had to go into the new class she said she felt ill they went on the fireld with her old class as well and i was told she was ok. at playtime i got fethced as she was ill and laying on the field i took her to a quiet room but then could not get her back class i had to get the deputy to deal wiith it as i was supose to be working. at diiner i couldnt get her back school. still hadnt been phoned nby autisim worker today me and my mum had to physically get her out of bed and dress her my mum had to go and i couldnt get her out the door she clinged to the door post crying i had to leave her with my nana as i was late for work. I spke to deputy head at dinner she said is she being awkward or perhaps she has atummy bug try to get her in to morrow. he senco wasnt there. i phoned autisim worker agin and left message to phne me again. I phone autism helpline advised to take it further? i do not know what to do do i drag her round school leave her off? do i see what happens or take it further? i have got to get my other daughter to school as well next yr as she starts full time and i got to bbe in work for 8.45 and my eldest refuses to go school ? when she was in on mon and tues no one did the social story or snything with her.

yes ive been in contact with ipsea ive updated them on everything and they said they would take it further becuase of the way its been handled lack of provision and compromise etc? m daughter had trouble sleeping again last ngt which is disapointing she said she is still worried about not being with her friend and the interaction group with children she doesnt know [ her friend was in her interaction groups last yr?] i tried to make her optimistic repeating all the things the autisim outreach worker said will happen next yr i asked why she hadnt told the worker if she still wasnt happy she said i didnt want to upset her she was so nice and i can talk to you better. She didnt want to go dramma again today said she felt sick still and worried ? I just dont know what to do for the best?

my daughters behaviuor has become extreeamly bad the last few hours she keeps shouting and hiitting me and her sister? HER FRIENDS PARENT RANG ME TODAY AND SAID HER DAUGHTER HAD BEEN TOLD TODAY THAT MY DAUghter had been letting her down by not coming school and what did she want her for a friend for she would be be better off finding a nice frriend. Very upseting to hear they seem tobr trying to put my daughter friend off her. I found out today a boy at the school in yr 6 who has suspected dyxpraxia has been having an interation group and social storys for the last few weeks to help him adapt to senior school and has 3 of his friends put in his class with him. My daughter has had nothing so far and ive had to fight to get things in place next year? ive had people say i should take it further ie governers lea through the way we have been treated and lack of provision and 2 weeks of sheer hell but i dont know what to do for the best? it feels like the school has a vendatta and its nothing to do witth the best interest of the children its just cruel. 2 best friends were split last year but 1 of the parents went to see the headmaster and said there daughter was not happy and they were put back togeather straight away?none had sen. i asked why the 2 girls were sat next to each other if tehy were a prob and suggested they split them up in the class first but they said they had done this but tehy just went back to each other, I didnt believe this as my daughter would have been anoyed and said i asked my daughter if she had always at next to her friend and she said yes i said has your teacher evre told you to sit somehwhere else and she said no i said are you sure you not been told to sit somewhere elsebut didnt listen she said no dont be silly i woild have got in troulbe. there just seems to be so many lies and cover up by the school to justify everthing its unreal. they said they couldnt tellll my daughter where she was going sooner as the teachers didnt know where they were till last mon but i work at the school and know the teachers knew over a month ago? They said she hadnt had a social story as she hadny asked for one i said you know she cant deak with change your making bigger cahnges then normal she shouldnt have had to ask for on e it should have been done its common sense. I just really do not trust this school and still think the split is very unescessary i asked what would happemn f my daughter got attache dan formed a close freindship with another child they said tehy would do somthing sbout it before it happend does this mean my daughters not allowed to hahve a closse friend and will keep being spplit from any child she gets close to or on well with? lsot my faith in the whole system. I will ahve to mwait to see if my daughter goes school mon and sleeps 2ngt etc. i hope her behaviours not going to stay like this i dont know whats worse when she supset and sad or now when shes angry and agreesive?

The autisim outreach worker and deputy head have just been to my house to speak to my daughter. She told them her worrys and they tried to adres them. They have now said they will put an interaction programme with children from her new class into place as soon as the new term starts. Thay said she does not have to play with the child moving with her who teases her and she is to tell a teacher if she teases her. My daughter said she is worried about getting her work done as she keeps worrying and they said there would be time for her to finesh work if ashe had trouble. They said she would be able to see her friend she is being split from at dinner and play time and they are arranging for them to be able to meet up twice a week for half an hour with a teaching assistant. My daughter is alot happier now which makes me happier. I relly hope she wil adapt and stop worrying and feeling sick and start slleeping. I am very angry though that i have had to have several meetings write letters and ask for the autisim lady to be involved to get things set in place to make this transition easier for my daughter as all this should have been in place weeks ago and been done automatically. I think the school handled everything very badly and i was treated very badly until i got outside people involved. I do not know whther to see how things go and hope for the best or not. I am still concerned that this scholl may not be the best place for nmy daughter and my other daughter who is 4 is also sen and im worried about whether i will have to go through all this unecessary upset and stree and lack of understanding and schools unwillingness to listen and consider things with her. if my daughter di not have problems with change i would definatly just move her school. has anyone got any thoughts on what they would do now? elle

I spoke to my daughter last ngt about how she was feeling and taperecorded it with out her knowing. She said a few very upseting things she said she feels like her heart is broken she feels like someone has took a knofe and slashed it through her and her friend she also said she thinks she will die she said mummy im not eating very well im not sleeping i dont want to do anything if im noot going to be with R[friend] i will gat worse and i still wont be ablw to eat or sleep mummy do you know that if you dont eat or sleep you die i think i will die soon can you not bury me in the ground put me in a glass thing. She finally went sleep at 2.15am. I spent all ngt sorting out things to take to m eeting. I felt so tired today i couldnt eat. The other parent had their meeting at 9.00 they rang me to say it hadnt gone well. the school wouldnt budge the senco said she didnt know hr child that well and and she asked the senco not to patronise her and the senco said the parent obviously didnt understand what the word meant. I had my meeting my aunti came and a lady ive not met from parent cares and the senco teaching assistant and autisim outreach worker was their. Briefly what happende was. The autism lady said that her knowing bthe senco would not affect her thoughts. the senco spoke to me appropiatly this time. They said the move was good because the friendship was too close and it was felt both children would mix with others if they were not togeather i said i disagreed and they did play wiyth other children togeather some times. i said it had been handled bad i didnt agree with the split but i had tried to compromise and ask for a differnat child to be sent with my daughter who she did like or for my daughter to remain in her class but they had refused to compromise. The senco said that as all the children in school had found out where they were going yesterday it was to late for either of these to happpen. I said i felt it shoiuld have been discussed weekds ago and been done gradually and interaction groups should have been inplace and socials storys etc. They said they would do an interaction next term i said i felt that was too late. I said 2 weeks hadnt been adequte for my daughter to get use to it and the senco said she had worked with autistic children and felt it was long enough. both the autistic lady and care lady said 2 weeks were not long emnough and the school should have handled the situation better. i aid its too late for compromises now so why not do it next year and use this year to ween them slowly and get use to it. the senco said thsi would jusrt give them a year to get closer. The care lady and autism lady said they could see why school doing it and thought split would be right just should have been done better. I said i still do not see what the problem is and feel the school has handdled things so bad and gave me a week and half of hell unecessaryly. senco said thay hadnt realised my daughter was bad i pointed out i had told teacher last tues and all of them on wed and her again on friday and nothing had been doen if they had llistend to me then a compromise may have been poss. The teaching asssitant has rang my daughter to get her school to mos my daughter said she felt illl and didnt knoe if she would feel ok to mos the TA said if she came school she would bring her a teddy for a friend to take home. My daughter said she will try to go school to mos. THe autisim lady is going to speak to my daughter with me pressent on friday she said of course i could be ther i said i had been told before i couldnt the senco said it was because she felt i was too emotional and would affect what my daughter said. The senco and TA wanted to speak to my daughter on there own but the autisim lady overruled this and said it was up to me and my daughter. senco said they would get TA to take my daughter itno new teachers class each day to help her get use to it. It ende with nothing changing but the senco said if the children were still upset by next wed they would review and would look at it 2 weeks into next term. i dont know what todo have not told daughter nothing changing yet. I dont know whetre to see what happens take it further ie governers LEA or just take a big step hard choice and move her school as ive lost all trust in this school and they keep saying they didnt say things or saying things like my daughters unhappy as i am etc i havent told my daughter im unhappy and if she wasnt so upset i wouldt have been.they made my daughter out to be lying or as they said confussed and they had nt said she had to play with other girletc and my daughter jhadnt ttold them she was unhappy but my daughter said she had and wouldnt make it up. senco was differant person today even when disagreing did it appropiatly instead of talking to me like cr*p. She said she was worried about my health she hadnt been previously about mme or my daughter ? any advice what to do.

I am problems with my daughter at school i have been on this forum under school doesnt understand one of you sent me to this section. What is Ace? Does anyone know where i can find out if i am legally allowed to be pressent when my daughter is spoken to by staff at the school especially about the disbute at the moment as school said i am not legaalyy they can legally talk to her with out me as when at school they are the gurdians legally

I live in Leicester will phone ispea

the school told me today that they can talk to my daughter with out me pressent as when she is at school they re her legal gurdians and there was a law for this i forgot what they said it was called. they said they have sent my letter to a legal advissor to verify. is this true? i also asked to see my daughrts sen file today and i asked to photocopy some of it but they said i could have her ieps but not certain other things because of confidentialty. i said but im her legal gurdian is it not up to me who knows what about my daughter they said no my daughter has a right to confidentiality is this right are you not allowed to phtocopy these things that are only about your own daughter? does anyone know if it is ok for the autisum outreach lady to deal with this case if she actually knows the senco? would she be objective? I have been told the meeting is at 1.30 cant get hold of parent partner ship

I really feel im am fighting a losing battle. I have gave a letter to the head teacher today [it took me 5and half hours to do] i also gave letters to tha SENCO and teacher and assistant saying I didnt want anyone speaking to my daughter with out me or an independant person or advocate pressent. I do not know what they think of the letters yet. I took my daughter doctors after yet another bad ngt but they can not give her anything to help her sleep she has not been school today and does not want to go tomos as she says she feels to sick? I phoned my daughters autisim outreach person last Thursday but she has not contacted me. Two other people have phoned her for me today and she has told them that the school must be doing this in my daughters best interest and she couldnt believe otherwie as she has known the SENCO for years as she did her degree with her and use to work with her and spoke to her at home on thursday ngt. She told the people she has arranged a meeting with me and the SENCO etc on Wednesday but no one ha told me about it and I do not even know what time it is I will have to ask tomos but how am i going to get some one to come with me at such short notice? Both the SENCO and autisim lady have my home number? I feel very upset that the autiam outreach lady actually knows this SENCO outside of work and feel im wasting my time as if she is friends with her how will she be objective? Also if the autisim outreach lady is siding with the SENCO she is classed as an expert in Aspergers so who is going to side with me over her? The head and governerss are bound to take the word of a speciallist. I feel drained and exhausted i am so tired as i have had hardly any sleep i havent been avble to eat since this morning again its now 10.10 pm and my daughters awake feeling sick. I willl be a emotional wreck at this meeting tryi ng to fight against several people. THe parent of the other child has arranged a meetong with SENCO assitamnt head etc on WEdnesday she asked for mne to be there but was told it wasnt nesscery and no opoint. The SENCO phoned her and said there was no way she was leeting us win this and she would have her way and looked forward to thrashing it out with her on Wednesday. She is bound to be confident when she knows she has the support of the autisim outreach team. I feel i will not get any where again and the SENCO will have her way.

Yes Leicester City is my LEA. No i do not have a partner I am a single parent. My mum can not do it as she also works at the school and my dad is dead.The school does have a website but I havent got the address at home ill have to get it. I have got some policys as i am doing a degree to train to be a teacher and had to get some for my course how ever when i tried to get policys alot are way out of date and are in the process of being sorted out. This is because their have been alot of staff changes including the SENCO who has only been here since January. Thankyou so much I do not feel so alone now i wish I had got the internet and knew about this site years ago. I am going to write to the head teacher me and the other parent saw hom briefly togeather and the other parent saw him again on her own. The other parent and her husband and father are going to make another appointment on Monday. I am going to write a letter to the governers. I am taking my daughter doctors on Monday as I m really worried about her health as as I said she is not sleeping or eating and feeling sick and doesnt want to go any where just sit in her room rocking and lining her small animals up.I am concerned about my job but Im more concerned about my daughter to be honest I think i will have to give my notice in as i dont see how i can work there any more they are not going to be happy i am takin g this further especially the SENCO and as I said she is my line manager. I am going to write a letter saying i do not want them to speak to my daughter with out me or another independant adult pressant. My daugheter has actually wrote all her thoughts and feelings down on paper so I do not k now weather to give them a photcopy of this allthough i think my daughter may think sah will get in trouble and not want them to read it. So does everyone think the letter to the MP or odbusman is a bad idea?

Hello thanks for all this support. I live in Leicester. My daughters friend is also very upset but obviously not to the extent my daughter is. The other childs parents are upset and angry and do not want the children split up and have been in school about it and seen the head teacher and teacher and SENCO but have got no where and are not happy with the reasons for it they believe that as long as their daughter is happy and achieving good marks that all that should matter and they think her work will deteriate now. How do i get an education advocate for my daughter. Im very worried that even if i tell them i do not want them speaking to my daughter with out an independant person there they will do it any way while she is in class. I got my daughter to write how she feels as i said it may help her to stop worrying. She has done this. Do you think i should photocopy this and give this to the SENCO or any one? I am going to ask for a copy of everything in my daughters SEN files but i do not know what they will say. My daughter use to have a social interaction group with children in her class but it was stoped months ago as the teaching assistant said she didnt need it as she was making friends and mixing. I felt at the time she neede it still but it was stoped. Now theey are saying she has got to be split and moved to make friends. I think this is a contradiction if she didnt need the group because it was felt she made friends wheres the justification for the split and if she isnt making friends why was the interaction group stoped?Does anyone know if its worth seeing a solicitor or if you can get leagal aid for this kind of thing. I have been on the ipfsea site and will phone them on MOnday. Does anyonre think its worth writting to my MP or a ombudsman or some one sugeested the secretery for education Ruth Kelly but i dont know if thats over the top or going to high?If i have to would it be worth going to a tribunal or is this just for staemented children my daughter has a diagnosis and is on the SEN register at school action plus but she is not statemented. Does anyone know if thers any medication to help her ie sleep stop feeling sick and anxious?

Thankyou for all your comments its so nice to find people who understand. i have spent all day phoning people conected to a asperger support group and they have all said this is all wrong and are going to see if they can help. I phoned parent partnership but they have a waiting list and will get back when they can. My daughter has aperson from autisim outreach team but they have not been in school since xmas. I phoned them the day before the IEP but she was busy but said she would phone the school. She has not contacted me and the school did not mention her at the meeting so I can onlt assume she agrees with the school or is too busy. I will write to the governers but its very hard for me as i actually work at the school and the senco who is very unhelpful and blunt has onlt been at the school since xmas she doesnt really know my daughter. THe SENCO is actually my line manager. As my daughter was so distraut Monday and tuesday ngt and hadnt ate or hardly slept and been up all night sick with worry i went to see her teacher on Wednesday before i started work to tell her to keep an eye on her. I got upset and asked if a differant child who she liked could be sent with her and she said no. Latter the teacher complained to the SENCO that i had been to see her and i got told off and was spoken to horrible which made me burst into tears again. The senco said i had abused my position and if i wanted to discuss my daughter i was to make an appointment i apologised and said i hadnt intended to discuss the matter i just wanted them to keep an eye on my daughter as she was so distressed. I said i wasnt happy at how the situation was handled and asked the SENCO what the hardest two things were for a child with aspergers she replied very nastily dont you play your games with me whats your point? She said it would be disscussed at her IEP on friday and not before they werent dropping things for this. At the meeting i explained the affect it was having but they were not interested i asked if they could explain why they were spliting her up from her friend when they were not distruptive to anyone else or each others learning and both had the top marks in the class and both learning had improved over the year. She said because my daughter has got to make other friends i said that s easier said then done she has had 8 year to that she does talk to other children but prefers this childs company as she accepts her and they have the same interests. She said it was the schools duty to do this and school wasnt just about education and it would prepare my daughter for senior school. I said she has 3 more years till senior school and thats a change that is enevertable and my daughter knows that will happen and has alot of time to get use to it and she will be older then she is only 8 now. I pointed out that my daughter and her friend are not the only pair of children in the school who choose to only play with each other if its such a big problem for children to play wiith more then one person why wernt they splitting up other sets of children. SHE SAID BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTERS THE ONLY ONE WITH ASPERGERS. We are doing it because she has aspergers. they said when your daughters friend is away your daughter plays on her own and she shoildnt. The teacher said yes she plays very happyily on her own i said so why is it a problem if she is happy. I asked why if they had to do it it was my daughter being took out of her class and put in the other as the child would have coped with the move better. She said becasue the teacher of the other class my daughter has had one hour a day since xmas foe literacy so it is continuality. I expplained that my daughter said she didnt care what teacher she had she wanted to be with the children she knew. I also ponted out that last year she could have had the teacher they are sending her to next year but the previous senco decided she would be better with a newly qualified teacher as this teacher has mutiplesorrosis and has time off which meant if she had alot of time off my daughter would have to deal with lots of supply teachers so they didnt think this would be good as she neede continuality. I asked why they were now giving her this teacher and what would happen if she was off alot and my daughter went awol casue she couldnt cope with the suppy changes. THe senco said we will deal with that if it happens. I asked if my daughter could have a differant child who she did like to go with her as the only child they are sendding is a child she doesnt get on with who has teased her. They said no parents can not pick and chose which children will be in their childs class and my daughters got to learn to get on with people she doesnt like thats life shes got to learn she cant get her own way. I said but your not taking her views into consideration. The Senco said her and the teacher would talk to her on Monday but i could not be pressant. I said if she tells you how unhappy she is will you at least change the child she said im not sayng we will change any thing take it that everything satnds as we have said and wont be changing. I asked why there had been no provision for my daughter ie interaction group social story etc to prepare her for all this they said we will llook at dooing a soaial story next week. I left in tears felling like i had been talking to a brick wall, i find the senco very intimidating. I told my daughter she would be talking to the senco etc on monday bout how she feels and she said she doesnt want to she will get in trouble as they said shes got to get use to it an got to play with this other child. She does not want to go school on monday. SHE DOESNT WANT TO GO ANYWHERE . sHE GOES DRAMA TODAY SHE LOVES IT AND HAS BEEN GOUING FOR A YEAR TODAY THE FIRST TIME EVER SHE DIDNT WANT TO GO, I struggled to get her to go but she cam ehome after 1 hour saying she feeels sick because shes worried. it is making me fell ill i have been intears again and havent been able to eat anything since yesterday morning i feel so helplesss as i feel i can not help her. I feel the school doesnt care and hasnt got her best interests at heart i feel like moving her school but you will all know the implications and affect of that for her. Ive even debated about contacting the local paper.

My name is Ellena my daughter has aspergers syndrome. She never use to mix with any children at all it took alot of hard work but finally she made a friend and has been friends with this child since she was five. My daughter is now 8 she has alot of problems but i have always felt she was very luky to have a friend who she gets on with and who excepts her the way she is and is nt put offf ie by her hand flapping and obsessions etc. This is the only child she reallly plays with at school but boyh children are extreamly bright and are in the top abilty groups in their class they do not distrupt other childrens or their own learning they both work hard and behave. [ previously a cuople of years ago my daughter did have behaviour problems but not in school the last couple of years years.] My daughter hates change she has been worried about moving in to the next year group since xmas and the last month has been very anxious and not eating sleeeping veery well. We found out on Monday next academic year she is to be split from her only friend and the only reason is because they say she has to make new friends. The situation is even worse as my daughter is being moved out of the class of children she has been with for the last year and being put into the other class the only child going with her is a child she does not get on with and who has teased her. The children in the class she is being moved to have already been togeather for a year friendships and groups have been established any child would find it hard to go in and make friends its 10 times harder for an asperger child. My daughter is distaut she has not been going sleep till the early hours of the morning since monday and is waking up several times a ngt she is not eating fells sick constantly does not want to go to school. She doesnt understand why only she is moving and thinks the teachers do not like her it has affected her self esteem. I have tried to speak to the teacher and head master and senco but have got no where. I cant get an exceptable reason for why they are doing this to my daughter the other child is alos upset and her parent not happy. I think my daughters work will suffer the closer it gets to next year the worst she willl get. I asked the school if they could consider sending a differant child with her who she did like to make the move a bit easier but they are refusing to even look into it they wont budge on any thing i have explained the affect on my daughter but they are not intersted. I do not know what to do or who to turn to i feel i need to get advice from peiole who know what aspergers is an expert would be great if i could find one to back me up. I am desparte for advice can any one help?