KezT
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Posts posted by KezT
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The general suggestion on the gender forums about the prevalence of AS people with gender non-conformity is that it may be down to the AS persons difficulty in understanding of "conforming" or "normal" behaviour for their gender, and so they see themselves as an individual first, and only when they start putting together the expectations of specific genders they realise they do not conform to those expectations and therefore may be trans or gender non conforming which comes under the trans umbrella (included non-binary, gender fluid and agender).
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For those wondering about the guidelines in the UK, the Gender Services here *do* look at AS traits and refer for dx if they feel it is appropriate. I tried to get an AS referral for child #2 several years ago and was told as "its different in girls" it would be almost impossible to get enough evidence for a dx. Fast forward a few years of spiralling MH concerns, coming out at trans, then waiting for the Gender Identity Clinic (currently a 2 year waiting list for initial appointment!), and they were referred within the first few weeks, and dx'd with Autism less than a year into the process.
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Ignore this thread - found one in general discussion!
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Just popped back to say that things have continued to improve. Although there have still been ups and downs, Son achieved A, A, A, B in his A levels and has a confirmed place to study Chemistry at the University of Southampton. He will be leaving home and I am confident that this will be a success - possibly the first transition ever that I have felt confident about:)
Keep fighting for your children! We were told he was uneducable, that the best we could hope for was a lifetime in care rather than prison, that there was zero chance of him having a job or independent life (honestly - these are all actual quotes from "professionals" involved over the years!) - we have appealed and argued and fought for him for 2 decades, and have absolutely, and in every way, been proven right. he has turned into a well adjusted, well educated, well rounded and inspirational young man:)
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Just needed to have somewhere safe to rant....
F***ing Christmas & ASC's do not mix!!!!
Just had screaming row with my son, culminating with him staying at home when we went out for our traditional Christmas Eve meal in his favourite restuarant!
I try to keep it as to routine as possible but I can't cancel Christmas for the whole family just for one 18 year old:/
Now I'm feeling really mean & guilty:(
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bit late to the discussion, but some pointers.
If he has a EHCP that goes up to 25 years old (max, depending on what he is doing) and should include trasition arrangements
If he is going to p16 education of any kind, you can make transition arrangements with them, either with or without an EHCP
Some p16 provisions are very ggood and can put in place individual leaning plans eg: Maths A level, plus a lifeskills class and social skills class to mke a full tiem study plan. Ask around different providers to see what they can offer
If/when he gets to Uni, they will also have transition arrangements and SEND specialists available to help. Start asking sooner rather than later:)
Hope that is helpful
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Son is turning 18 next week. He is still signed up at our local FE college for another 2 years.
He recieves PIP in his own name.
We have repeatedly failed to get disability child services to even come out and assess (I know they have to legally, but they still didn't!), and we have not had a paed since the only specialiset in the LA retired in 2012, so no professional support currently in place.
He lives at home, but would prefer not to as there are youger siblings that make it a bit noisy/chaotic for him....
Any advice as to what i should be looking at doing/applying for/advising him?
TIA
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I don't think this is restricted to parents of AS kids. Many parents will emphasise the importance of exams - because they are quite important in many aspects of your future life. I try to be balanced with my kids - concentrate on getting exams at school, as it is by far the easiest time to get them. Teachers on tap, everything (almost) paid for. Lots of peers doing the same as you. However, it is not the end of your life if it doesn't work out at 16 years old. I know many people who didn't get their GCSEs at 16, but went on to be very successful in life. they all did get their exams eventually though:/ Without GCSEs you are unlikely to be able to get many jobs, and so you will have restricted what you can do - finding something you enjoy will be harder, and parents want their kids to find jobs they enjoy!.
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Not sure what line they might cross? Seems to me you have a fairly bigoted view of people that haven't done anything other than socialise in a public place:/ You say they have no social skills, then complain they "stare" at you - but if they have no social skills they may not even realise they are staring or understand it is not appreciated.
Sounds like you are doing the right thing by ignoring them. *If* they actually make any comments/call you names I would suggest you discuss quietly with the cafe manager.
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Another update:
DS is now in mainstream college, and it's all going really well! He is doing A levels, split across four years, and is currently getting As in his maths:) He also attends a "fun" subject one day a week and the ASD unit for life skills 1 day a week. He takes the public bus to each venue and attends a community social group once a week. He got a weekend job!!!!!! (unpaid).
Every day I do a little mental happy dance when I think about how far we have come:)
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RESULTS DAY!
1 × A*
4 x A
3 x B
1 x C
Not bad for a child who was considered unable to access education a few years ago:)
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your tutor ought to be able to give you some suggestions/point you in the right direction. talk to them:/
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the only real reason to get a dx later in life imo is to understand yourself better. I doubt there would be much in support available, but it may well help you understand your triggers and self management techniques. If you have had episodes of poor mental health that have led to professional input previously, a dx may be helpful for future therapeutic programs
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Thanks:) You were quite right - she got there long before I worked my way round to it, and was more than amenable to going through the dx process! phew.
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Hi all. It's been a while since I was around regularly. Son is doing well now - taking GCSES atm and looking forward to college and A levels next year.
My older daughter is nearly 13 and over the past year it's become more and more obvious that she is also on the spectrum. Been to see school today and they totally agree so we have referred her to start the dx process.
Any advice on how I broach the subject with her?
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Our LA has also dumped it on the school(s) to put together, but at least they did turn up to the second meeting. On the plus side, the school is on side so we have batted it back and forth between us for a while and will present a pretty finalised version to the LA;)
At work we have the same issue - the LA (sometimes) turns up to the meeting, then expects the school to do all the paperwork:/ We have sent several in now and the LA doesn't seem inclined to disagree with whatever we say, which is promising, although we haven't asked for anything very interesting yet;)
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well, the date finally arrived. I took the day off work. Set cover work the DAY BEFORE my class sits their maths GCSE exam! Traipsed 75mins accross country in the freezing rain to attend sons ECHP meeting at his school today. Sat in reception for 5 mins to be told the LA aren't coming so the whole thing is cancelled (the school haven't even seem LA's ECHP paperwork yet!) and will have to be rescheduled>
Traipsed back through the freezing rain for another 75mins and arrived back at work just as the lunch bell went:(
REALLY, really pissed off! And I'm going to have to do it all again when they rearrange, which will really, REALLY, off work:/
Can I bill them for the petro, do you think? Can work (same LA as the one who didn't turn up) bill them for the cover?
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we had his AR in January, then another just recently (bought forward so we would have documentation in time to put in college applications). Not had any new paperwork through from either yet, so mstill only got his Statement which is a couple of years old now.....
College is stating all students must have ECHP prior to enrolling. LA is saying they are behind with the paperwork - they give deadlines but happily ignore them:/
There will have to be some fair few changes from his S/M to ECHP - not least because he will be changing settings, and passing the age of 16 soon.....
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Just recieved Son's report ready for his year 11 Annual Review today.
In 2.5 years at Priory Group he has changed from a child who was out of school, often violent, and spent hours most days in a catatonic shut down to a "lovely, thoughtful, sensible young man", who is hard working and keen to help others. He is described as "a great ambassador for the school" Although there are obviously still issues to deal with I can't put into words how proud I am of him:) The amazing academic results are a bonus too;)
For those of you who don't know/remember, the fight to get him into the school lasted over a year, included having the whole family considered "at risk" by social services and very nearly broke us, even though we are a very strong family generally! We went right to the wire with the Tribunal, and borrowed money to get the reports required as the LA didn't do any! I spent almost every day in tears, and honestly contemplated a wide variety of awful scenarios.
Since getting the place, we have regularly had to fight the LA to ensure they complied with his statement and provided suitable transport! BUT.......I have been totally and utterly proven right! It was the right thing to do, it was the right place to go, and it was worth it!
The future is looking bright. To anyone else out there going through this. Never give up!
PS: A massive thank you to Sally who pretty much coached us through everything. I couldn't have done it without you (I didn't even know there wrre ASD schools without you) and my son would now be another one of the governments statistics!
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Both myself as a parent and the school have raised the issue of not having staff in the taxi. The school pointed out, in an minuted meeting, that our LA was the ONLY one to do this out of all the LAs that send kids to Priory Schools! The LA have repeatedly replied that they believe it is safe and their risk assessment is valid. They say that in the event of an emergency such as a breakdown, the drivers are instructed to call the police. This is still their view point despite ourselves, the school and the police pointing out they are not trained nor suitable for this purpose. Our MP has been involved previously, but he's a tory and couldn't care less tbh!
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We won
Son now has his own taxi
IPSEA were really helpful and loads of case law, but the LEA capitulated anyway. I don't know why they bother arguing with us any more lol
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think the driver is unlikely to rock the boat - he's already put himself out and changed company's (twice now!) to keep the route and some continuity for the boys. He is really good with DS and I don't want him to lose the run! If he says anything the first response will be for the company to give it to another driver:/
School are backing us though and have said the stress caused is unacceptable and having noticeable impact on the students:(
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No further communication from the LEA. They are obviously working on the principle that if they ignore us the school year will finish before anything happens. But I don't agree! Got some great legal info from IPSEA, and have sent LEA an email asking why they have not fulfilled their statutory duty to keep the journey below 75mins, nor provided any information on their transport appeals process (I know this is because they obviously don't have one, but they legally have to!). Have upgraded our "complaint" to official appeal, which brings ina statutory time limit of 20 days
There has been verbal abuse between the students already:/
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well, we finally got a answer yesterday saying the company did not have capacity.
I gave them short shrift on that one and basically told them to contract another company then! grrr!
Today we get a phone call! The company that won the tender has now said they cannot complete it. So it is going to yet another company as of Monday! The call was from school transport. I wasn't going to miss the chance to bend his hear in person, and did so at some length! He claimed that it was up to the SEN team to approve the funding. The SEN team have previously claimed that it is a school transport decision>
They will both be getting a pre-legal action email over the weekend. I will also be contacting the other parets on Monday to put in a joint complaint and look at a class action.......
gender identity trans*
in General Discussion
Posted · Report reply
For those who are trying to understand gender/sexuality/expression this may help. For example, you may be very feminine in your expression by wearing makeup, having long hair and preferring skirts, while being very masculine in your identity by seeing yourself as male, having male behaviours etc