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###### SEN team - after all the nodding and agreement at the annual review, they've just sent out a letter stating "no change" to DS's Statement! Grrrr! I'm still a it confused as to how they managed to call an AR without doing an up to date EP report - or indeed ANY reports! Vulnerale Learners went in just after the AR and agreed that his funding should definitely be doubled to full time 1:1, that he should e formaly withdrawn from several sujects to give him time out time and time to have social/communication therapy, that all teachers and all staff woking with him should have specific ASD training...... All this was guarenteed to us verally, while we researched alternative providers as the special school was patently unsuiatel for him. Now I'm going to have to go through the whole appeal process AGAIN, to add in the agreed increase in funding, withdrawal lessons, Communication therapy and ASD specific trining for his support workers. While still researching independant schools:( Wonder if "no change" after getting virtally no reports and then ignoring the advice they wre given will count as good evidence to a Triunal?

I would use the reports you've got to get the best draft statement you can. My reasons are twofold: 1 - as you've said, if it goes to tribunal you would need another report anyway as the one you have wil be too old and 2 - Although LAs do seem to refuse a lot, they also seem to capitulate before the actual tribunal quite a lot too - sometmes (often?) just before though...... Our LA initially lied & told us there was no need for a statemnt unless he was working 3 levels below avaerage academic ability for is age, the refused to assess - we appealed and they assessed before the appeal was heard, then they refused to statement him, so we appealed again, and our draft of the statement was accepted in its entitety a week before the Triunal! grrr!!!! doing it all again now for the review/change of scools. what fun;)

Got nabbed by his primary headteacher yesterday (the younger ones still go there) who was devasted at the idea of him moving to the LA special school:( He said they would not be able to cater to his academic needs and he would get bored and therefore have equal issues there as at his mainstreeam schol who can't cater for his social/emotional needs...... I turst primary headteacher a great deal - not only did he sucessfully integrate DS into his school when we moved him there in year 2 (even though the first year was spent under a desk), but he was seconded to the LA for a year to write their SEN plan so knows his stuff. I'm going to ask on Mondayif he would be willing to state his opinion in writing.... After spending a day crying, I have now decided the only option is going to be to push for an independant school - probably Priory Group. I REALLY don't think my LA is going to like this idea at all..... I have contacted our preferred school and they will be ringing me on Monday to discuss next steps from their end. I have managed to get current school to admit outright they are not coping with DS at this time. Now to try and get it in writing:) I think I'm going to need some private S&LT/EP/OT reports - if anyone has any recommendations of who might do this in the Somerset/Devon/Bristol or N. London areas, please pm me... I'll keep you all updated with progress.....

The review went pretty well - there was a lot of nodding frm the school straff when we said we thought mainstream was not suitable - it looks like they will suport the change of named school. LA tried to tell us there were no spaces in requested school, AND that all the spaces that will arise in September have already been allocated, but did agree that we could request the change and appeal if it was refused. So I gues it's now just a matter of getting the amended SM and see wht it says.....

CAMHS appt today. Pysch there said outright she would support a move to special school:) OT went in to school again last week - not seen her report yet, but tbh, her suggestions are not possible to implement in a mainstream schol anyway! Looking ngood for review meeting on Tues so far...

Hi Bed32 - as I have said, neither I nor DS are comfortable with the idea of boarding. It s a personal thing and something I have felt for many years. I would have to be sure that there was NOTHING suitable locally at all, and tbh I would be more likey to go for home tutoring in those circumstances His current mainstream school is very supportive - as I said, we worked very hard to get him a place there BECAUSe of the good support and reputation they have. The LA SEN woman is extremely unsupportive - I don't think she believes in anything other than severe academic learning difficulties! And it is she who gets to decide whether the LA will support the move to the special school, and I'mpretty certain she won't based on our previous dealings with her Annual review has been set for 6 March - which is pretty quick I reckon!

Thanks Sally, but Farleigh is about 2 hours away - I'm in North Somerset which is a separate county unfortunately as there are a few good independant schools in Somerset proper

I have re-researched independant ASD schools, but again the only ones that sound ideal are too far away for anything other than weekly bording and neither I nor DS want that. I am going to look at another LA special school next week, but unless it is unexpectedly outstanding, I will stick with the local one I saw last week because it is local - he will, eventually, be able to get hinself there and back which is an important life skill in itself. They have a direct tranition to the local college and they are expanding their ASD povision following an outstandon OFSTED report. Itmight noit be the perfect place, but I think it is the best option and a suitable estblishment - and lets be honest - hardly anyone gets to go to the "perfect" school....

huh, the system is already in place - it's just not being used properly. NOW I know that DS sould have been referred as a prority for ASD tests by his HV at his1 year check up as he did not have any body language at all, nor did he follow my body language (ie: pointing, nodding etc). The Guidelines specifally say this points towads ASD and should be referred, but were we? No! - nothing was even mentioned to me about his (lack of) skills. Then, at 4 years old, when I highlighted the concerns I had to his school, they again poo pooed the idea that there was a problem - despite having alreday had the Ed Pysch in to see him and her report statng that he had obvious signs of ASD they didn't want to spend time/money/resources following this up (I did't even find out about the EP report until I did a personal records request a few years later). It was only when I changed schools with the express purpose of having him assessed that anything was done. if I hadn't been as "pushy" and educated enough to research it allmyself, I doubt anything would have been done until he was arrested for something horribly violent:( Still, I'm all in favour of the research:) - my youngest is part of this study and had his brain checked;) I is still only a diagnostic tool - in that it has to be used in conjunction with other dx criteria, but all tools are good:)

He "only" has ASD - officially dx'd as Aspergers, now mostly called HFA. His academic ability is A or A* level on anything they can make him write down (with the general acceptance that he will mot be able to take subjects such as History/RE etc past options level anyway) I would say that he is socially approx 4 years old and emotionally approx 2 years old! He is completely incapable of understanding/describing what his emotions feel like. He can just about manage working in a pair (if the other person is laid back enough) but can not work in groups. He is hypersensitive to sound, touch and temperature. Head agreed hat manay of the pupils there were working below age leves, but some were academicaly able. He could work with older groups if suitable(he is very big for his age) How d I research out of authority schools and whether they would be suitable? where do I start? The closest NAS schools are about 2 hours drive from us

It was much as I expected - nice enough. Looks like a primary rather than a secondary school - party because of its size but als the resources and equipment was just not as high tech..... Obviously they offer less subjects at GCSE, but they do offer (probably) 5 that he could take, and a phased introduction into the local college. They have approx 1/3 ASD (including headteacher's son) and 2/3 other complex needs It smelled like a hospital:( But I think that it will work out for him - if I can get him in. The only other options would be to try for a residential place somewhere, but I'm not keen on that TBH. Next step is to bring his Annual Review forward so it happens ASAP - do I just write to th LEA SEN dept to do that does anyone know? I also have to visit the other special schools in area as Head said they will ask why we haven't if we don't! And wait, and appeal and wait.....

Thanks Lancslad - I do appreciate you views. I really wanted him to stay in mainstream because of the academic side of things and the fact that he needs to learn how to interact with the real world, because that is where he will live! I faught hard to get im into this school which has an outstanding academic report, but more importantly a brilliant reputation with SEN and especially ASD children. But he has been there for half a year - he has four and a half to get through still. he is already school refusing (unsucessfully at the moment) and retreating into himself/refusing to interact at school. his hypersensitivity to noise not only means his anxiety levels are incredably high all the time, but also means that it is soooooooo easy to "bully" him and set him off into a violent outburst. The other kids are only going to get nastier as they get older:( A dual placement might well be the way to go - but his social & emotional skills are probably at level of a 4 year old - with the hormones of an 11year old it is a recipe for disaster imo. If we don't get him some suitable social/emotional skill help now, he won't make it through to his GCSE's at all:(

spoke to his current SENCo today. She agrees that he is not coping socially and doesn't "fit" into the school, although she said she would be ad tolose him as they had hoped to be able to accomodate him. She suggested possibly looking ata dual placemnet with the special school to keep his academic options open which they would definitely support. His SM is upfor review in the Spring anyway- some parts of it were left deliberately open to see what he needed in secondary school that was different to primary. His school have also put in a formal complaint to the LA that they have not received the specialist ASD support they were promised and that is in his SM. The special school has classes of approx 8 (based on ability rather than age, so it varies) and does have a large number of ASD pupils, but not eclusively so. It does use TEACHH and similar. There is no mainstream school with ASD unit in our county.... I will obviously have lots of questions to ask the special school when we visit and see where we go from there. I will contact CAMHS (As he has an open appt there) and discuss the depression issues with them too. Thanks Sally

He is ahead academically. The issues are social & communication skills (or lack of them) - he is unable to interact wih his peers in any functional way at all, and is starting to show signs of clinical depression due to the school nvironment. They sent him home he other day because they couldn't cope with him when he "clammed up" and refused to speak/react to anyone/thing.

He was OK at mainstream primary - it started to get difficult last year but we hoped he might settle better into the structure of secondary.... Its obviously not going to happen - he can't adapt enough into the school and even by bending over backwards the school can not accomodate him successfully... He already has the SM, but changing he named school will be a nightmare. Our LA SEN woman is truely awful When he was first dx'd I asked her about statementing and was told that "there was no need for a statement unless he goes to specal school" - she then told me that the only two special schools in our area were School A and School B, which are for severe learning difficulties, and concentrate on lifeskills rather than qualifications. She completely failed to mention that there was also School C which follows the national curriculum and enters pupils for public exams, while working on their social and communication skills! (this is the one we are going to visit) When we finally ignored her and applyed for the statement with the backing of Paed, CAMHS, School, OT & EP - she still refused the assessment until we appealed, and then the Statement until we appealed. GRRRRRR!!!!!

We gave it a good go, but DS is so unhappy at mainstream secondary - and even with full time support has not made any friends but has got into trouble several times:( I can't see it getting much better as his peers get older and more hormonal/tribal - in fact I would expect things to get much worse for him there, so made the decision to contact the local special school and have arranged an informal visit/discussino on Monday after half term. I am going to pop in to speak to SENCo tomorrow morning just to give her the heads up. In people's experince, is the mainstream school likely to be supportive? Do they gain anything by having a Statemented child on role? Obviously they get the funding specified in his Statement, but that nowehere near covers the support he is actually getting.... School has just become an academy if that makes any difference? Also, assuming I have request the annual review to be brought forward early next term, and asuming I have to fight the LA every step of the way (as I did to get the damn SM in the first place), do you thinkit is reasonble to plan to move him for this September?

The fun thing about english is that it is a totally bastardised mix of several languages - which is why our spelling is weird and we have many words for the same concept (attic/loft or pig/swine/hog). Boring languages like French and Spanish haven't worked out how to invite their friends (and enemies) round to play so stay pretty much the same for centuries - whereas the English can barely understand one generation to the next LOL In my travels in my youth, I chatted to many people who spoke english as a 2nd (or 3rd, 4th 5th or een 6th) language, and they all said that it as the easiest to learn enough to get by, but the hardest to lean to speak "like a native". I didn't have the heart to tell them that natives often don't speak the same language at all (try listening to geordie/glaswegian/belfast speakers in their own homes....) English has th largest vocabularly of any language in the world, and it is growing the fastest. on the plus side, we can understand a sentance even if put together completely incorrectly grammatically (thanks Yoda) unlike most other languages, so we can understand the most broken or badly pronounced:) BTW - moth was only used for lavae not the flying things until the 17th century, so probably comes from maggot

Yay, only 13 months after being referred, DD1 has got a place with young carers for an introductory course/assessment strting in April:) Poor thing is carer for big brother, little sister and dad,so I really hope they feel they can keep her on their books.....

the stud of where words come from is called etymology (oooh, I DID learn smething by doing an english degree!). there are some fairly good etymology dictionaries online (just google it) and some frankly fasciating books in the Eng Lang sectio of uni bookshops/libraries. Or if you're lucky enough to be able to get your hands on a full OED, you could spend years readng through where words come from, why and where they have been used and how they have changed ovr the years..... did you know that butterflys used to be called flutterbys and no-one knows where the word "pig" came from?

Looking back on it, I don't thnk that the problem is eventhat he dislikes big events really - it's more that hs behaviour his totaly inappropriate for the situation, and he gets over-exited by the event and so his behaviour is even more inappropriate. In reality he was behaving like ay two or three year old in that situation - he started off OK, just moaning that he was hungry, but astime worse on he became bored of sitting still and started wandering around, then as time wore on and he became more excitable and started running around, souting, flapping etc.... Its annoying when toddlers do that in restuarants, but people accept that they are not going to sit at a table for two hours or more, but DS is 5'4 and nearly 11 stone - his runing around was more annoying, more dangerous (several other diners had their tables/chairs knocked flying) and less acceptable:( Will definitely have to be a bit more organised in future and set some ground rules for escaping/DS playing etc. But the thing is, he CAN behave very well for a meal out on a one to one basis. so I naivily thought he would do so in a larger setting..... Ho hum... I'm feeling less stressed now at least:)

Darkshine - that's one of the things that really worries me - he has low enough self esteem as it is, without feeling that we don't want to take him out with us because he's hard work!

DS is 11 now. We went to a big family Xmas meal last night and it was a disaster - culminating in me leaving him to sit in the car for the last 30 mins or so to ensure no-one murdered him! He was much happier there, the rest of the restuarant was happier, and we could all enjoy our meal without constantly draggng him back to the table/telling him off/saving cousins from his "play" etc..... My question is, should I carry on making him attend big family events? I know he finds them stressful - so do I when he comes with, but equally, he will be expected to attend a variety of major celebration events throughout his life. Am I better to keep dragging him along in the hope that he'll learn how to cope, or should I let him off on the principle that by the time he's an adult and has to attend, he may well have found other coping tsrategies? My (undx'd) brother detests al familoy events, but manages to turn up to weddings, funerals and major birthdays, and behave (mostly) appropriately so there is an expectation that DS ought to attend

DS is 11, but well into teenage hormones..... He started secondary school this September, and they have been absolutely great - well supportive with everything, but DS has not made any friends at all. He goes to several clubs including a "breakers" club at break/lunch time for kids who have dificulties dealing with that time, but can barely name another child, never mind claim to be friends with them. He is very unhappy with his lfe at the moment - he desperately wants to have friends and to play with others:( It doesn't help that he is very big for his age (5'4 and over 10 stone), but still plays like a 5 year old - very physical and in your face, so is always being told off for being too rough/dangerous. We have been having some real battles at home about the way he behaves towards us as his parents - he shouts a lot and always speaks in terse commands/orders rather than asking for things.... Dad gets really angry at this, and they are at loggerheads every day:( He has reported dad twice for hitting him, even though he doesn't! (both SS and school have completely dismissed the allegations after investigating). He says no-one listens to him and no-one cares about him - I know that is normal teenage talk, but I think he believes it all the time.... Does anyone have any advice to help DS feel better about himself or to help with the home dynamics? Its really geting us down:(

there was a 28 year age gap between my mother's best friend and her husband. She met him when she was 19 and he was 47!!! I have no idea what her parents thought, but they were married for over 40 years, had 10 (yes, I do mean ten!) children who all adored both their parents and she wasabsolutel devatated when he finally died well into his 90's.....

Our local paper ran a competition last month looking for "deserving" children to join a Santa Flight with the local Springboard. I put in in for DD1 and DH put in for DD2 (hedging our bets - DD1 is carer to dad, brother & sister, DD2 is carer to dad, brother and has her own disability), then forgot all about it.... There were only 5 places up for grabs and these things usually go to "brave 4 year old who has spent their whole life having operations but is very photogenic", or "sob story 12 yr old, lost both parents in car crash but went on to become violin protégée).... They phoned me today to say they are offering BOTH girls the chance to go!!!! WOOT! Only problem is, it starts with a disco at 8.30 in the morning, on the day after the school's big charity pub night......