Jump to content

connieruff

Members
  • Content Count

    73
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About connieruff

  • Rank
    Scafell Pike
  1. Hi, My son is 8 and he attends the local primary. academically he is a year behind his peers and he hates school. In class 2 he was bullied badly, the chidren laughed at him and generally took the mickey even when he was trying to work, they would do it behind thier hands so the teacher would not see and hear. But the teachers would have been uncaring anyway, as when I eventually found out they denied all knowledge, and they lied about what was going on, (long story). The bullying still goes on, we had a meltdown tonight, and he admitted that he hates school, he wants to die (he says this all the time) and says often the teacher will ask the class to pair up and get partners and he is left alone - no-one wants him, there are 27 in the class - and this really upsets him. he is never invited to any parties and he never is asked out by other children. he spends all holidays with no other childrens company. He says that when he tries to talk to the children they ignore him, even when he tugs at their jumper to get their attention. I think this is because one or two of the ringleaders have told the other children to ignore him. The whole school is dysfunctional, with a lot of bitching and bullying amongst the teachers as well. In fact there are 2 teachers off sick long term with stress through bullying by other teachers, and it is a small village school. We have multi disciplinary meetings but they are just a waste of time. I keep saying I'll give it another 6 months - I'll give it another 6 months - but now I feel I am being a cruel mother to keep sending him there. I feel that now enough is enough, he will crack up if I keep sending him at that school. He tries to throw himself down the stairs. But I work and am a single parent, and this school is on my doorstep. Its going to be difficult to drive him to another school and pick him up. If I suddenly stop sending him to school while I look around for another, what are the authorities likely to do? What help is available. I've tried CAHMS but they are just overworked and to be honest useless. Thanks.
  2. Hi, This sounds very similar to my son who is now 7. My son in the last few months has turned the corner, and although he is still difficult, he is nowhere near as bad as he was. At one stage I was crying all of the time and thought .. well I had horrible thoughts to be honest. Can you try keeping your daughter away from nursery for a while? I think that this could be causing a lot of problems, my son was bullied at playgroup, even at the tender age of three, it took a wonderful reception/Class 1 teacher in the school to spot was was happening, when they eventually all moved to school. As he has matured, very very gradually he is becoming better and better at understanding his own behaviour and how he should react to situations. Yes it is very easy to give in when you are stressed, and short of time etc, but I think you should very gradually try to hit little milestones - one at a time, ie if she does not get the right breakfast cereal, and you find the dish whizzing past your head, then perhaps think about how you will deal with it beforehand and then carry it out. Maybe keep a diary of her behaviour and maybe what the triggers are. I agree with baddad up to a point in that you should keep very firm boundries, and be quite strict, this is something I did not do, but do now. Food has an awful lot to do with behaviour - and excercise, does she like swimming or the seaside? This is going to be hard for you, but I do hope it gets better CXX
  3. I'm wondering if they could come to him? Would they do a home visit? Teenagers are a pain in the **se anyway, lovely one minute horrible the next, so your son is going to be difficult especially so with OCD/ASD. So a lot of it is going to be him being a typical teenager. I would list the things that are really important and try to talk to him about what you consider the greatest problem when he is calm and receptive. Say to him, if you had a son or a friend and he had these problems, what would YOU do? How would you help him? Or just say to him, next time the Xbox does not work properly, can you really TRY to be calm and not get anxious over it? Just use logic and reasoning, I dont think you can use any logic or reason when they are in a state so it has to be when they are reasonably calm. He might not appear to listen but some of it will sink in. I have heard Cognitive Therapy can be very helpful with OCD, has this been suggested? I think you can buy a book and try some of it yourself, the concept appears to be straightfoward and logical and you could get some tips and advice from the phychiatrist. (sorry can never spell that word). Does he not sleep? Is it because he gets no excercise as he's on the Xbox all the time? I had to get rid of the Xbox as it was causing so many problems, my son used to cry and sob if his car got wrecked or if it went wrong. World War 3 broke out when I told him it had gone back to the shop (ahem) but after a while he thank fully has forgotton about it. I'm not sure what sleeping tablets the doc will prescribe but when I did nights I took Temazapem and it worked for a while, but I found I had to take more and more to get to sleep, and I became very depressed and zombie like, I would never ever take them again. Good luck - it is awful, but you somehow get the strength from somewhere don't you?
  4. You could always ask his teacher and TAs?
  5. You could do something really cool. which no little girl would be able to turn down, and make sure you invite her friends as well as some boys, and make sure you speak to the parents not just send cards as you may not get replies back and there would be nothing worse than waiting for people to turn up. I would not tell your son too much up front just in case they let you down at the last moment, and make sure you have a really good back up plan. I have no faith in other parents at all, in my opinion they are the rudest most insensitive bunch of people I have ever had the misfortune to meet. They would not hesitate in letting your son down at the last moment, so be preapred. Sorry I sound cynical but there it is. Good luck and let us know how you get on. I invited the whole class (not to my house I hasten to add) and it went well. I also asked for a day off school for him the day after the party and took him out with family, and let him choose what he did. (My back up plan in case there were any let downs the day before) Cxx
  6. Thanks for the replies, I suppose I should also correct the files the LEA have on him now. Its not so much that she has reached the wrong conclusion but the text reads like she is sarcastic, in one section she has said ''His mother has said that he refuses to learn spellings, read or do homework at home and has expressed surprise that he is behind in class '' This comes across as sarcastic and it is also wrong, as I do lots of homework with him. I actually do 15 minutes every night. There was a time when he was extremely upset and having meltdowns (when he was being bullied) and if I tried to get him to do anything he would cry and headbang. But she has put here that he also refuses to read, which he has never stopped doing. In actual fact the SENCO has never once called me in for a chat or talked to me - the only time she talks to me is in multi dis meetings. Thanks for your help. Cxx
  7. I agree totally, mainstream is not the place for ASD children. The teachers have to be very experienced and kind and patient to help ASD children in school. My friend exploded with rage the other day as she said that her lovely girl, who she had brought up with all the love in the world had to endure all of the horrible brats who come from horrible dysfunctional familes and because she has learning difficulties is an easy target for these sad angry children who bullied her so much she had to take her out of school. Why should our children have to endure these children? And why are schools so pathetic at stopping our children being targeted?
  8. Hi, I received my letter from the LEA turning down my request for a SA. Surprise surprise. (the school had already told me they would not support it.) However I had already decided that I will not appeal, as my son is catching up and is more settled now that the school have dealt with the bullying. I got the pack from the LEA and in there they had put the SENCO written report, in it she said that (in the Background part) that I am a 'single mother and that my sons have a different father to my ASD son'. And then goes on to say that ''Mrs X has reported that the paternal grandmother has a history of mental illness...' now I have mentioned this to the doctor but my ex's mother has OCD but it has never been diagnosed. What the hell is she doing writing stuff like that in this report? If I had a series of violent partners over the years which has badly affected my son I would expect this to be mentioned I suppose, but I have not had a relationship since I split up from my sons father. She has virtually blamed my sons problems on an imagined suicide attempt by my eldest son (he in fact had a bad reaction to anti diarrhea tablets) but she has grasped this 'incident ' and run with it. I have told her this is not right but she saw fit to put it in this report. I was so angry that I have not slept since I read this. She has also brushed over the bullying and has said that ' there is no evidence to suggest that bullying has ever taken place and that a child who was said to be bullying my son now goes out with us every weekend' - absolute rubbish. She has also ticked the wrong box - and so has him down as physically aggressive and cruel, which he isnt. I obviously can't write the whole lot out for you but I showed it to a friend (a teacher) and she said basically the SENCO has tried to make you out as a neurotic slapper who can't be bothered to get him to do his homework, and you have a dysfunctional family and its no wonder my son has problems. Oh and another thing SENCO did, she did not black out all of the names of the other children and so I know where each child in the class is and who has emotional difficulties and who is a cause for concern etc ect, really confidential stuff. Would you not have though that the LEA would have noticed this and done something about it? Talk about unprofessional!!! I'm wondering what to do about all of this...I have to bear in mind this SENCO will eventually be my sons teacher. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! Why can't life be easy!??
  9. IT, web design, film making, set design, acting - architecture? Anything that needs close attention to detail such as an auditor....sciency stuff
  10. I am old and ugly enough now to avoid anyone who constantly makes me feel bad about my self or my family. I avoid situations that make me feel more stressed than I already am, one of these is shopping with my asd son. The only time I go shopping with him is if he has done really well at school, then I get up early with him, go to town, buy him a toy, and out again. You say Piers is a poor shopper, he hates it, and so dont take him unless you have to. I do Tesco on line. Perhaps go to the wedding but do not take your son, he wont enjoy it anyway. Having said that you are letting these people make you sad by having contact with them. You can choose to walk away. There does not need to be an almighty row, just distance yourself gradually, give them the odd phone call, be nice, don't badmouth them to anyone (it always gets back) but dont let yourself or your childen any contact with anyone who makes you or them feel bad. That includes any member of your family or friends. Sounds like you are a wonderful mum, and are being brought down by these awful people. Its hard enough for teachers to accept ASD - so I dont even try to explain my son to some people, I just avoid people who I know are ignorant and nasty.
  11. Hi, I should add that it is not 'death' bit so much its the old graveyards and churches - he draws them a lot and for a long time his favourite DVD was The Nightmare before Christmas' he has a sunny enough nature except for the occasional explosion here and there, I have just accepted it as 'him' and have just let it fizzle out by itself. The person who told me that it 'quite common' was at a meeting at the local school for ASD parents. Yes Mumble my son likes graveyards and churches, he is interested in the ages of them. He looked at a modern (tin) church the other day and dismissed it as not a'real' church as it was not ancient. Cheers, C
  12. Hi, I had been told that being fixated with macabre stuff was a typical ASD trait, my son is gradually stopping this fixation - it is not linked to depression its just a quirk he has. Is this something other people have experienced? And is it documented in any scientific literature about ASD? Long story about the reason for me asking, will post fully later on. Cheers everyone, C.
  13. Hi, I was talking to some people at work about a child at my sons school, and they said that I should report the father to the authorities. It is more bullying and emotional abuse - has anyone any reported their concerns to social services? How is it handled? The father is very volatile and he frightens me. The boy is going to see his mother who lives in France next week for half term. I'm unsure what to do. C
  14. Hi, I had asked the LEA for an assessment as my son was a year behind his peers, I was told by his teacher that he needs constant one to one and he would get no help in Class 3 in September. The school said they cannot afford to support a statement as they did not get any additional funding. The school have now received the forms and they have sent them back, on the same day I received a letter form SENCO to say that my son is showing considerable signs of improvement, and he is now more settled in class etc etc. Now the bullying has stopped (fingers crossed) and I am helping much more at home with his schoolwork, he does seem more settled, and seems to be getting on better - but I'm not sure if this is going to continue. Should I be suspicious? When do the results of the SATS come out and do the school get to see my written application for the request for assessment?
  15. I find this quite upsetting, when a child exhibits such a strong reaction to school, like biting and vomiting, this can only mean they are under severe stress. What on earth is going on in these schools? I would be tempted to ask to help out in the classroom, or help out at lunchtimes. Also now the summer holidays are coming up see how you get on with the schooling at home. In my experience bullying goes on under the teachers nose day in and day out and they don't notice. The bullying started for my son at playgroup, and was noticed by the experienced lovely Class 1 teacher when they started school, and she said it was quite bad. It restarted in Class 2. C
×
×
  • Create New...