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About gigglinggoblin

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    Salisbury Hill
  1. Another great reply, thanks. I have been thinking about how to phrase stuff as I think thats going to be the key. I think its pretty obvious that the support he is getting from his TA isnt enough so I guess by asking them what the plan is rather than making accusations we might get further along, the meeting we are having is because he hs had 3 isolations so its not an issue thats not going to come up! I am aware of the LEAs budget, they have told me thats why he doesnt have a place at a SEN school. The reason I am so angry at them is the big fat whopping lies they have told me, theres no chance I can trust them as several people have told me things that are completely untrue (and they knew it). You are right about the control and I dont ever tell him its ok, I try to show a united front with school because they want behaviour that is socially acceptable, as do I. However I think they need to consider what could happen as they dont appear to be taking the potential for violence vey seriously. Not only is this an issue that will affect my son but could cause another pupil serious damage. I just want them to realise this is likely to happen and if they need to consider themselves then maybe they will. Unfortunately the fact is that he doesnt think about the consequences so while I know he will be held responsible if something happens I know that this will make no difference to him at all. The strategies we have been using at home and primary school have not been continued at high school and tbh I cant think of any way to replace them. I will ask school what they think but it would be so much easier if they would be willing to take advice, but they have listened to very little I have said so far. I know they recently spoke to the head from the last but 1 school he went to where his behaviour was really awful so hopefully they can now accept I have some knowledge as she has been able to back up everything I have warned them about.
  2. Oh dear. We caught mine about to bid £100 on my ebay account for some doctor who trading cards. We dont leave him unsupervised any more!
  3. I was going to suggest if he has a handheld games console he take that or a book or something he can sink into. My ds cant wear school trousers as they make him itch, we got some plain black joggers from next, they dont have elastic at the bottom so they look pretty smart and he wears those most of the time. I'm sure they just want him to be there and if he needs certain things to make him confortable I cant imaghine how anyone could complain (or that any one who matters would). Hope you have a lovely day!
  4. I have 4 boys and I childmind so there is a fair bit of noise in the house, tho I dont have asd. My youngest screamed for 4 solid months so I know how hard it can be! I find if its getting too much then we need go out, its much easier to cope in a wide open space where the noise doesnt seem to get inside your head so much. Tv is great if they are old enough and you are ok with it, I limit tv and if they are all getting a bit het up we choose something to watch rather than it being on all day, that way they are more likely to actually sit and watch it. I have a stash of activites they like that are fairly quiet, stuff like porcelain paints, board games etc which they all sit at the table to do, again its a case of if its not always there they are more likely to want it when you need it. Bath time is good, let them take some toys in and they are usually a bit quieter. Very large cardboard boxes are always useful, mine can spend the whole day in one of those. For activity and arty crafty ideas get some book from the library and let them choose stuff, there are usually loads in our library. I also think it does them no harm to understand that sometimes we have to be quiet. If a little one is asleep or if one of us feels the need for some quiet then its perfectly reasonable to explain that they are being quite loud and it would be nice if they would try to keep it down a bit, they are learning about caring for others which is a useful skill. Obviously thats not really possible with the baby but if you have a partner you can talk to and take it in shifts, having a break makes all the difference. Even if one of you takes the baby out and the other has the others at home doing something it can help. If the crying is really getting to you and you cant hand the baby over put him/her somewhere safe like in a cot and leave the room, as long as they are safe its ok to take a bit of time to calm down.
  5. Thats fantastic, its so wonderful when they recognise they are brilliant! Hope she has a great time!
  6. Baddad you have hit the nail on the head. He needs a full time guard, his responses are completely innappropriate and unpredictable and are very difficult to control. I dont completely agree its up to him to control them as when we have had meltdowns in the past he hasnt always known what has happened and the things that will trigger the meltdowns are the things he has do do but cant cope with - such as stand in a noisy hall. I dont think its fair to drop him in a situation we know he cant cope with and expect him to get on with it. We control the outbursts pretty well most of the time at home, I remove him from the situation when I can see its going to happen and we avoid stuff we know will trigger a meltdown. Homework he can manage at school but at home it is a major problem (I have a friend whose child was the same, I dont know if its common but I am glad he isnt alone). I do want him to learn to control his behaviour but so far we have been teaching him to recognise when its becoming a problem and remove himself - thats not at all possible in this school environment when he hasnt an adult to help him get away. He isnt sure where stuff is yet and he cant get out of the hallway unless he goes to the learning support centre which might be at the other end of the school (so he has to cop ewith the hall the whole time he is getting there). I dont actually think he will last long at this school, nor do I think he will acheive anything like what he can academically. I dont believe he is equipped to cope in a main stream school or that they are equipped to cope with him. To give the school credit I think they want to try, but in doing so they are stressing him out and giving him the opportunity to become emotionally attached so when he does have to move again it will be harder for him. We are also running the risk of him seriously injuring himself or someone else while they decide if they can manage. We were promised a special needs school but the LEA went back on their promise because he moved schools before they found one and whenever he moves he kind of resets his behaviour. Its the same pattern every time, 6 months of peace followed by 18 months of behaviour going downhill and after about 2 years they start to really struggle. Unfortunately his last move was a year ago and he hasnt 'reset' when he moved to high school so we are about a year into the cycle already. I am painfully aware that I am being harsh with the school, I dont want to be but its not really them I want to push, if I slip at all the LEA will take full advantage (they certainly have in the past) and claim we can all cope so they dont need to do anything. Because we have had to fight them so hard in the past I have come into this with a start as I mean to go on mentality. I appreciate your honesty, I do agree with pretty much everything you have said. In another environment I would want him to take responsibility for his actions because I want him to grow up to be able to function in society. However the strategies we have used successfully in the past are not possible in the school he is in at the moment so we have to find another way round it and I cant see how that is going to be possible. ALthough I know he will be ok in isolation on Monday as he really quite likes it there! I should mention I am also trying to be fair and pointing out when I think the school have done something nice, I am trying to keep them on side as I have worked really well with his last two primary schools. It sjust high school has been a really big jump and most of the stuff that worked before has gone out of the window
  7. This is all really useful, thank you everyone. He is willing to go but forgets without support. The school are unwilling to give him support, he is expected to be independant. I have spoken to Ipsea and several teachers, heads, head of years & Sen professionals I know and they all agree it is not an unreasonable adjustment for someone to take him, what is required is for someone to collect him from the playground and walk him to the club. The nitty gritty is - does a reasonable adjustment have to be specifically written on the statement for them to be legally obliged to do it. We have had another incident which has resulted in the third isolation he has had in the 3 weeks he has attended the school. It is becoming pretty clear that his support assistant isnt around a lot, often at the major stress times such as in the playground and in the hallway and this is getting him in trouble. I have a meeting on Monday with two deputy heads and I will be asking what exactly the TA is doing - 2 isolations she wasnt there, 1 isolation it was a dispute with her. I will also be asking that considering his stress points have been discussed with school at length if he flips in the corridor and seriously injures another pupil who will be responsible for the injury as this is going to be the end result.
  8. I am also wondering if I am expecting too much in 3 weeks, unfortunately we have been fighting the LEA for 5 years now and i just dont have the patience. I know school needs time to get to know him but I dont want him to be punished because they havent figured him out yet.
  9. Thats pretty much what I was hoping for, thanks
  10. The problem is remembering to go. The 'ramp' is needed to get to the club. They have given him a locker to keep spares in because they are aware that he forgets things so they have acknowledged that it is a problem but on this particular issue they expect him to do it himself. The club is at lunch time, he only needs to go when he has homework so it isnt part of a routine. Its is not compulsary but he hasnt said he wont go, just that he doesnt remember. Even if I went in to get him there I am not allowed to walk around the school unsupervised so a member of staff would have to escort me escorting him. Another option was for someone to ask him if he has homework when he goes to the Learning Support Centre at break or lunch (kids can just drop in as they like and he goes there quite often). I havent even had a reply to this. His TA is with him all the time, I said she could remind him to do his homework at break time but again no response. They say they will show him boundaries by using the usual disclipinary procedure used for all the kids and that should work, it never has before and if it would I dont see why he needs his statement. Homework causes a major meltdown at home. There are too many distractions and last time I suggested it he started getting stressed and it took him an hour to calm down, he hadnt even taken his books out of his bags. We encountered this at primary school and got round it by doing home work at home work club after it took 2 hours of him screaming to get a 10 minute piece of homework complete. Thats why his current school said they would continue with the plan, it worked when he had support but doesnt without. It is helpful, thanks. Any opinions whether they agree with me or not are very useful, I am feeling a bit lost.
  11. If anyone knows anything about this I would be really grateful. My son is diagnosed autistic. The (mainstream) school have acknowledged he has organisational dificulties. When we met to discuss transferring him to secondary (he is yr7) I made it clear homework would not be done at home, school said no problem, we have homework club. Fab. Problem arises. School says noone can actually take him to the club. He knows where it is, he needs to be independant. Whether or not he needs to go is random. It is not at a scheduled time. He cannot do this and has never been able to. And now he is getting detentions for not doing homework. If a kid in a wheelchair needed to get upstairs and no one helped they wouldnt be allowed to punish that child for not getting upstairs. I am wondering if this is a similar enough situation to ask school if they are breaking the disability discrimination act. If anyone has advice or opinions they would be most welcome. I need to call school tomorrow and somehow be polite.
  12. I am glad it has become easier for your family, fingers crossed it will work for us too I will get him to rub his gums and see how that works, it makes sense so its worth a try! Thanks for the tip
  13. You might be right, fingers crossed! A bit of awareness does go a long way.
  14. Thank you so much for all the advice, I will look into a special needs dentist, if he ever has to have work done I think he will need sedation so better to be ready I guess. That toothbrush looks interesting, will have a look round for that too. Will buy gum, thats a good idea, he will like that. I am limiting sweets but he misses out on so much then, he hates feeling left out if all his brothers get ice cream or fizzy drinks. They dont have them all the time so its a treat and I think that makes him feel it more. We now have mouthwash, sometimes he will use it, sometimes not. I guess thats better than nothing! For some reason this is the first time he has had a problem, how do they do it?? I was hoping he would get a lecture last time but his teeth were somehow ok which just gave him the message he didnt need to brush them!
  15. About 6 weeks ago I gave up trying to get ds (10) to brush his teeth. If I do them it is a complete nightmare with screaming and shouting and flapping and bouncing and it upsets the whole house. If I send him to do them on his own he spends 20 minutes in the bathroom and then comes down and says he forgot. So we had an appointment booked for 4 weeks ago, I thought 2 weeks would be ok, I could ask the dentist to give him advice (he would respect it from a dentist but not from me) and he will start doing them. Had to cancel the appointment so no brushing for 6 weeks. He has very sore gums, tartar build up (we never managed to do them properly) and the dentist was no use at all, didnt speak much english and just told him he had to brush them. So she said come back in 4 weeks if there is no improveement we will take him off the records so he will not have a dentist! We are so lucky to have an NHS dentist, I really dont want this to happen. School nurse has been fab and said she will get some resources together to talk to him but with half term looming we wont have time to improve before the next appointment. I have done a search and there are some great tips like use a flannel, will def try that but I cant see that getting rid of the build up. I want to call and speak to the manageer but dont know where I stand. Can I appeal on grounds of diability? If anyone has any advice I would be really grateful.
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