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bethannie

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About bethannie

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    Norfolk Broads

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    Female
  1. Uggggh! Sorry about the spelling/typing....I'm on a borrowed computer and the stupid spell-check doesn't work and the background is white (I prefer beige, less glare)....
  2. Hello! I go by the name of bethannie or just beth. I am in my late forties and am in the process of being diagnosed with Aspergers. My Gp feels the daignosis fits, nut has referded me to a psychologist for a diagnosis. Getting the diagnosis is a long, and terrifying procedure! My first psychiatrist said I was simply over anxious (Yes, I ws nervous, I'll even grant him that I was anxious, but this is a symtom of my Aspergers! I had made a journey to a strange hospital to see a stranger....that sends me into panic mode!)...After 3 months, and 2 sessions with him, he told me he was leaving and I would be seeing someone new (great!)...this new [psychiatrist (head of the dapartment) has seen me once and told me he doesn't know what Aspergers is, so I'll have to come back in 2 months time when he's had a chance to look it up! (And doesn't that sap my confidence in him!) The more I read about Aspergers, the more I wonder that I didn't pick up the signs earlier. Everything seems to fit. Talking to mum, she confirms that she knew I was 'different' from an early age, she just never had a name for it back then. I was diagnosed with clumsy child syndrome (and there's a terrific name for a condition!) when I was at primary school - now of course called dyspraxia. I struggled throughoput my schooldays, being exceptionally bright but constantly under-achieving despite obviously trying harder than the others. After I left school, with disappointing A-level results I tried to go to a Polytech, but couldn't cope. I came back home and started studying with the OU - whom I can not prraise highly enough! I discovered the joy and beauty that is maths, and got an honours degree. I made the mistake of taking my PGCE and trying to teach. Not a good idea! I couldn't cope with the large classes, the staffroom scared me and I had to leave the profession. I tried teaching adults in smaller groups, but found much the same problem. Now I'm unemployed, have been for a couple of years. I live alone, and some days I really struggle. I don't have any friends - I meet people, but just can't 'do' the friend thing, no matter how hard I try. I have never had a boyfriend, which hurts more than I can say. I have problems with self-esteem anyway, being alone doesn't help. I have the best mum in the whiole world (And I make no apologies to you other mums out there, or thiose who think your mum is great....mine is simply the best!) I get petrified when I think of her dying....I don't see how I can go on without her...I wouldn't want to. Living on benefits is tough. There is never enough money to cope. But somehow I do. It meand hard choices sometimes, I get some help with the rent ( through Housing Benefit) but have to make up the rest out of my meagre benefits. Then there is the bills and food, and that's where cutbacks/choices have to be made. I've just recently had a letter calling me for a medical interview. This scares me. My GP and current psychiatrist agree that I am unable to look for work; what will I do if the government expert disagrees? Soooooo, I've ramble don more than I expected to. Probably more than I should. (I do that sometimes...take hours to start to speak and then don't know when to shut up!). Some of the stuff looks like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm not really. I', generally cheerful - honest! It's just been a bad couple of days. I just thought I'd sign up here, and even though I know there's no cure (and if I'm totally honest, would I want one? ...Aspergers is part of me, has been all my life....and strange to say, there are actually a few up-sides to it!) and if my life is rough at the moment, there's not much anyone can do, I have to make the best of a bad situation. But I thought it might be nice to know there are others out there who know what I'm going through. Anyway, that's me introducing myself in a roundabout way! Hi! beth
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