Jill

This is us, accept it (subtext - or bogoff)

prison

It's a crazy NT theory. This is the theory: If we move things round, people will have to browse round the shop to find the item that they want, as it is not where it was previously kept. This way they will see other items on their way round the shop & buy them. As shop owner I will make more money. This is what really happens: It is lunch break - half an hour is available, so item needs to be purchased quickly. A quick run into the shop, straight to the shelf where item is kept. Aaaaaarrgh, they've flipping moved it. Mad rush round all the shop, getting hot, bothered and more and more angry. Finally find the item - what the flamin eck is it doing there? Race to the till to pay. Double Aaaaaargh, big queue. Can't wait - no time now. Place item on nearest available flat service & run back to work, having bought nothing. Shop owner profit reduced.

I don't want to be the middle man in an argument between husband & wife , but I have to say that The Boy goes to a special school & I would heartily recommend it. Only you know your DD, but if you think she would benefit from going to a particular school then I reckon you are probably right. When The Boy started he hardly spoke & had no concept of numbers, letters etc etc. He now says tons more, we get unprompted speech (unheard of before), he knows his numbers, he knows all the alphabet, he can write his name, his behaviour has improved, he's showing interest in using the loo.......... I could go on and on - it's all positive. It is hard, no-one wants their child to go to a "special" school, but for us I am 100% sure it was the right choice for our Boy.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml...9/nautism09.xml I don't know anything about Retts, but this is quite a well written piece I thought - interesting & not sensational

Mirror

Hi Luigi! I think TheNeil paid for a private dx and he's a Yorkshire lad. I'm not sure though, having read some of the threads on this site, whether a dx is worthwhile. Now I am probably talking out of my be-hind here as I am NT so what do I know? But it always seems quite an upsetting experience with lack of knowledge from the people doing the dx, plus a reluctance sometimes by people to subsequently accept the dx. It really doesn't make a difference to who you are, although I do understand that having that piece of paper confirming it could help your peace of mind. It's just that I don't think I've read one good report of the adult dx process so you will need to prepare yourself for a less than enjoyable experience should you decide to pursue this. PS I think Smiley's got a point BTW. You've expressed yourself very well in this thread - perhaps if you wrote down for your wife how you feel that would help her to understand?

Bid, that sounds awful. I wish I could pop round for a sympathy cup of tea and biscuits. What a total he sounds. It goes to show what a woeful lack of knowledge there is out there about ASD / AS in the professional world (and I use the term professional in its loosest possible way) Did you perchance turn up in your nighty with gravy and custard stains down the front?

I'd go for another opinion. It seems to me that these "professionals" are basing their dx on the fact that your son is sociable hence cannot be on the spectrum. Hogwash. The fact that they use a statement like this demonstrates - to me - how little they know. You see, it's not about whether your child is or isn't sociable, it's about whether they have "difficulties" with sociable behaviour / how appropriate their sociable behaviour is. For example, The Boy is very sociable. He loves hugs and kisses. The trouble is that he will happily hug and kiss a complete stranger in the street. So his sociable behaviour is inappropriate. I also do some buddy reading at a local school with a lad with Aspergers. He is sociable with me & has been since the very first day we met - to the point where I have to ask him to move away a little as he has no concept of personal space, virtually ends up sitting on my knee & has no qualms about where he touches (not in a sexual way you understand, he just needs to be shown what is appropriate and inappropriate touching). BTW don't think you are a fraud for being here without a dx, you are not on your own & you are very welcome to join us, if you think you can cope with some of the barmpots on here.

I think I'd go along with Lisa's suggestion - a quiet word rather than a more formal letter. Just because I agree with you reuby, I don't think the caretaker meant anything by it. Yes it was a poor joke & what a pillock for doing that with any child, but he does seem truly sorry for doing it. He's tried to make amends albeit inappropriately with a hug and probably feels terrible about it. I doubt he's going to be daft enough to do anything like it again. However, a quiet word to ask that people in the school generally are made aware of your lad's difficulties wouldn't go amiss. At the end of the day, something positive has come out of this. The relationship between your son & the TA will have been strengthened, you know that the TA can deal with a difficult situation & turn it into a positive (instead of being scared your son has been helped to handle it well) and the daft caretaker will think twice before being such a pillock with ANY child.

This is a toughie & it really is down to the individual child & what you know will suit them best (but you obviously already know that). We decided special school. The Boy is mid spectrum, non verbal (apart from a few stock phrases), not toilet trained and has no real sense of danger. However, he does have some social skills & does enjoy interaction with other kids. We spent most of the latter part of last year going round and visiting various schools. We went to 2 mainstream, 1 autism specific, one autistic unit in a mainstream school and 2 generic special schools. In the end we plumped for one of the generic special schools. Mainly because they used PECs (which The Boy is familiar with) over 50% of the pupils there were on the spectrum (so the teachers obviously had experience) but there was clear evidence of good interaction between the kids at play time and in classes. Also, this sounds a bit bizarre but bear with me, all the kids were pretty much physically able. The other generic special had a larger number of children who looked quite frail and / or had physical disabilities & we did worry about their safety with our rumbuctious Boy let amongst them. The result? Well, he's been going to the school we chose for 3 weeks now, settled well, loves it to bits & was voted star of the week on his first week. So I guess what I am saying is you need to list what it is that you need from a school / what you think would suit your son best & then go and visit as many as you can. That's what we did & it worked well for us. Good Luck.

64 secs on first go. This is BRILL! Thankyou for giving me something else to distract me during work

Oooh Smiley, I wish you lived near me. I'd go out with you every day - sounds like you have a GREAT time. I love bizarre days like that

Well I got 14! Is there a term for being almost exactly opposite to AS??? Does that make me an TNT (typical neuro typical)

Glad things are looking up TN. Long may it continue! <'> Bagpuss - your sig line is just sooooooo true.

This is such a horrible time, it's still very fresh in my mind how I felt, and it's well over a year ago now. Be gentle with yourself, cry, scream, lash about. Let it out. <'> You will accept it, sadly tho things still crop up and bite you in the bum from time to time & bring it all back again. Take care <'>

Wow, a freebie I am amazed! Thankyou so much Ophelia for finding and posting this link - ordered my copy too!

Wait a minute, wasn't she one of the advocats for closing special schools and pushing "inclusion" down everyone's throats? Whilst I can't really argue with her trying to do the best for her child (hand on heart I would do the same in her position) she shouldn't then just move on with an "I'm all right Jack" attitude, she should be using her position and influence to change things for the better.

Can't offer any practical advice, but I do know what you mean about respite. People keep telling me I should put in for it for The Boy, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It feels like abandonment doesn't it? You want it to be good for them, not just a "I'll dump you here for a bit of time so I can have a break" <'> <'>

Well I am glad they listened to you and helped to put your mind at rest, but I always question professionals who say things like "mildy on the spectrum". That's a bit like saying you've "sort of" lost your leg IMO. Just keep an eye on them that they do a proper dx and give the right support that you need - don't let them build up to "well, he's only MILDLY on the spectrum, so he doesn't need a label / support at school" etc etc.

That's exactly what I thought, it seems such an unrelated thing to say??? What's that got to do with the price of fish? OMG, can you imagine, I've not met a child on the spectrum yet that likes supermarket shopping - it would be a mass meltdown! A niggly part of me thinks wouldn't it be great though? If the autists outnumbered the NT's in a supermarket, so it was the NT's who looked "odd" or "different", calmly going round the shop in an ordered fashion with their trolleys, whilst the kids with autism were the "norm" thrashing about on the floor / swatting things off shelves or, (The Boy's personal favourite) emptying people's trolleys and neatly putting things back on the shelf (he does this when he is feeling calm in the supermarket )

Well I think I am less tolerant as I get older. When I was younger I'd not say anything for fear of upsetting folk, so I bit my tongue all day & put up with stuff. As I've got older I'm more likely to respond or snap at folks and think "stuff 'em." So I guess you could say I've got grumpier with age (or maybe just more self centred). As for asking about your holiday then laughing - my boss is like that. I walk in on a Monday and he says "how was your weekend" and you start to tell him and he's either looking at his computer screen, typing or writing notes about something - quite obviously not listening - just making huh huh, yeh, noises. So now if he asks me I just say "yes" as it's clear he's not in the least bit interested in my weekend, he's just asking cos he thinks that it's expected socially to do so. Unfortunately there are always going to be people like this. I also think that - although it's hard to go back to work after ANY holiday - the hardest one is Christmas / New Year. Even if you've had a crappy holiday; you've still probably seen marginally better tv than usual, eaten more treats than usual, drunk more than usual, had more lay ins than usual, generally been lazy.......couple that with going back & it's dark when you go into work, dark when you go home, you've no money cos you spent it all at Christmas etc etc etc. I just think January is such a miserable month IMO. Right little Ray of Sunshine aren't I?

I think sometimes people say "oh he's been great for me" to make you feel better. Bear with me on this You see, they try to put themselves in our shoes a bit and maybe think we 1) feel guilty for leaving our children with someone and 2) worry about their behaviour for that person. So they say "oh, they've been so good, such a star" as they hope that will make you breathe a sigh of relief that everyone was happy and hopefully next time you do it you will go out and have a good time without worrying. Unfortunately, what we think is "OMG, stop rubbing it in, I'm sure he's so much better for you / you think you do a better job than me / you're judging my parenting abilities" And they are thinking "there, I've shown them that little Billy is no problem & I've enjoyed having him so they'll leave him with me again, cos it really was no trouble". All of which just goes to show that we all think too much Me? I get grumpy too cos I'm a control freak and NOBODY gets it right like I do

I'd raise my concerns with the transport dept at the LEA that organised the transport. We had a prob yesty with the mini bus not turning up for The Boy (his first day at school) and they were extremely helpful & offered to deal with the taxi firm on my behalf. I'd ring them up, explain your concerns and ask if it's possible for the taxi firm to use a different vehicle e.g. one of those larger cars they have, or most firms have mini buses now for at least 5 or 7 seaters for airport runs. TBH I'd question the safety of this anyway - presumably the "child" (or big lad) in the middle of the back seat will only have a lap belt & I'm not so sure about how safe they are really. Ring the transport dept up tho - you should have a letter from them detailing the transport arrangements, along with a named person - I bet they will help, cos it's a genuine reason for requesting a change IMO.

I guess this is just restating the above, but it does emphasise the need to tailor PECS to the individual child. The Boy (who is mostly non verbal) was first introduced to PECs during a session at our local Child Development Centre. He got very frustrated because he asked for "more drink" (one of the few phrases he knows) but they insisted on him giving them a card for a drink before they gave him one. In the end he gave up and lost his temper (he didn't get his drink, which annoyed me as he was clearly very thirsty). However, as a visual timetable it's proven very useful. It helps him to understand the structure of his day & it calms him that he can refer to it to see what's coming next. It's also helpful if we need to emphasise a verbal request that he would normally understand e.g. bath time, but he's not responding because he is focussed on something else. He also finds it helpful to ask us for something when he doesn't know how to verbally request it because he doesn't know the word. On the whole though, we use it to "plug the gap" for things he doesn't know the word for or to plan his day out for him. Generally, once he understands a request or knows the words / sentence to ask for what he wants, he gets cross if we then try to use PECs as well. NB The Boy is definitely a visual learner.