JeanneA

Hi Ellie you are very welcome to this site. Tell us a bit about yourself :-)

Hi Mel thank you so much for your kind words. As you say Glen doesn't need to be rushed into doing things, it will come. Like you say Glen needs to trust the staff and its still early days after all. He is happy and that's the main thing long may that continue. How are things with you and your son?

Hi Lisa, I think it's a bit of both. The new medication has definitely helped regarding Glen's self harming. He rarely hits himself now and if he does it is a half hearted attempt, unlike before when he would hit himself with extreme force. Also he is now in a good place where staff are not putting demands on him unlike the previous care home. They are taking things slowly, which seems to be working well for Glen. Long may it continue!

Thanks Sally, yes I agree communication is extremely important. I am in regular and plus unlike before I can visit Glen more often due to him being only being a 30 minute drive away.

Thanks for your input Sally. I think at the moment I will leave things as they are, because of previous placements breaking down I do not want that to happen again. The staff are just taking things slowly with Glen and it seems to be working well. I am in regular contact with the manager and can voice any concerns at any time which I will. I want Glen to be happy and settled he has been through so much over the last couple of years due to previous care homes placing too many demands on him so I think now he deserves to have fewer demands on him at this current time. Staff are aware of what has happened in the past therefore they are taking things slowly.

Hi, the visit went well. Glen seemed so pleased to see his brother and sister, he hasn't seen them in a long time. He was smiling, looking relaxed and really happy. I could tell that he gets on really well with one particular care worker there Pam, she is a lovely lady. I think I've been worrying over nothing, I found out that staff has introduced activiites, one in the mornings, he's been doing some pottery (making mugs that you put in the oven) I'm sure you know what I mean? Glen does love his arts and crafts. Also regarding chores, Glen does washing up every day, he also brings down his dirty laundry and makes his lunch each day and lays the table. Staff feel that they don't want to put too many demands on Glen too soon so they are taking it slowly. I feel happy with what I've learnt today, to see Glen looking so well and settled means so much to me as his Mum.

Hi Lisa thanks so much for your comments. I think you are right it's probably best for me to leave things alone. I should learn from the past when he was constantly pushed to do things which then led to his aggressive behaiour and I wouldn't want that to happen again. As the saying goes 'if it's not fixed why mend it?'

Thanks Sp I will have a chat with staff tomorrow, I'm worried that knowing Glen as I do he may be ok now but he could get bored if he isn't doing much in the day I think he does need to be 'pushed' a bit.

I just wanted some views from you good mums out there Hubby thinks I'm worrying unnecessarily. Hear goes, Glen seems very happy, and settled in his new care home. Glen is taken out every day for a drive and a long walk which he loves, this motivates him the most, unlike glen's previous care home which wouldn't take him out daily, in fact he only went out once a week! this home understands how important drives and walks are to Glen. The only criticism (if that's the right word) I have is staff don't appear to put any demands on Glen, apart from personal care and helping with lunch he doesn't really do anything else in the home. They ask Glen if he would like to do an activity but he usually shakes his head. From past experience with Glen you had to tell him to do something not ask, thats how it was. Hubby thinks I shouldn't interfere just leave staff to it, as Glen is happy, he is not aggressive, he's only had a couple of small incidents in the 8 weeks he's been there. Staff have told me Glen likes to observe everyone rather than join in. So do you think I should just let things be and stop worrying? I welcome your thoughts, thank you.. p.s my oldest son, daughter and myself are going to visit Glen tomorrow. :-)

Hi Nick hope you enjoy your look round the site, I'm sure you will find out some useful information.

Hi Sally yes the staff are getting to know Glen well. Going out motivates him the most, he loves his drives and walks, he would walk for miles if you let him. :-)

Welcome Ellie and Jordan hope you make friends and have fun on this site.

Hi Nick welcome to this forum. So sorry to hear about your marriage problems, and sorry that I cannot relate to this but I'm sure there are others on here that can.

Hi Mel, I'm glad you can relate to what i mean. I do feel that is the problem so far with staff they do ask not tell, it's the same with indoor activities, if you ask Glen he will just shake his head, I do him best, I just hope that perhaps the staff will listen to what I'm saying as if they do I think they will find glen would actually do more than he's doing at the moment.

Hi Mel, yes you are right Glen is exactly the same, he used to love swimming when younger but suddenly as he got older one day he went swimming with the school and became really agitated and refused to go in the pool and from then on he just wouldn't go and I decided the worst thing to do is force him. He hasn't been swimming now in quite a while, however Glen does like going to a hydro pool and the manager of the care home he is now in have referred him so he will have weekly hydro pool sessions and also sensory sessions. :-) Going back to the fact Glen won't use the swing I do know that the best way to get Glen on the swing is by telling him not by asking him, I used to say 'time for a swing now, then we will have a snack', something like that, and it worked. Going on the swing was then part of Glen's daily routine. I think the staff are still getting to know Glen and are treading carefully not wanting to put any demands on him due to his past challenging behaviour.

The swing has been put up for Glen at the care home but so far he wont' use it :-( (It's only been up a few days) Staff think it's due to the fact he's been put off going outside due to the cat next door which comes into the garden at times and Glen doesn't like cats or animals for that manner. So they are not putting pressure on him to use the swing, they hope Glen will come round to it in time.

It's all sorted, just updated Glen's photo, I took this picture of Glen when I saw him on Tuesday.

Just wondered why my picture of Glen isn't showing up on my profile?

Very good advice as always Sally, I should have thought of that regarding the DLA award having an expiry date on it. Going to Citizens Advice is also a great idea.

Hi and welcome to the forum. I'm afraid I have no idea why your son's DLA would be stopped, at least they are looking into it, I would keep onto them until they can give you a reason why your son is not entitled to DLA anymore. My son, who is 19 lives in a care home and he receives ESA which is the benefit that has replaced income support. My son was put in the 'support group' as he is unable to work, the other group is called the 'work related group'. He is severely autistic with mental and challenging issues. Is your son able to work or not? As my son is in a care home he is only entitled to the mobility part of the DLA benefit which goes to the care home as it is towards the petrol for trips out and public transport for Glen. If DLA is stopped then obviously the Carer's allowance will be as well, it just seems strange that this has happened suddenly, did your son not get any warning at all of this?

Hi Joy, it is lovely to hear of your update on your family. It's very positive news regarding your son Marcus, I can well understand how proud you must be of him. It's always good to hear positive stories. I hope your other 2 children get all the support they need and don't forget to look after yourself, I don't know how you manage to work full time, I think you are fantastic. :-)

Thanks Lisa :-)

Hi Mel, like you the special school my son went to looked fantastic on paper but like the school your son went to, this school was also a nightmare. I should have definitely taken Glen out of School a long while before I finally did. I will always regret this. Glen was so unhappy and extremely anxious at School which resulted in his extreme aggression. I think now probably the first time in a very long time Glen is happy and settled. I wish the same for your son Mel, I really hope in the near future this will be the case. All we want is for our kids to be happy.

Thanks Mel, yes all good so far hope it continues the same. The only thing I was a bit 'down' about was the fact I brought up about Glen coming home for a visit soon but it was thought that it shouldn't be for a while yet until they know Glen is properly settled as they don't want him 'going backwards' so to speak which of course I understand, and when he does come home it will only be for a few hours initially to see how the visit goes.

Hi I went to Glen's 6 week review meeting today, it went very well. Staff are not putting too many demands on Glen they are taking it slowly which is proving very positive. Glen goes out every afternoon for a drive and a long walk which he loves. Glen particularly likes large open fields/parks/woods away from traffic and other noise. The manager said Glen could walk for miles. I saw pictures of him on these walks and he looked very happy. This care home definitely seems to be getting it right where Glen is concerned much more so than the previous home. The swing is being put up on Friday which will be great for Glen. I spent time with him before and after the meeting he was relaxed and happy in my company. Can't wait to see him again.