wishingwell

DS ate the same packed lunch for 7 years. It had to be exactly the same contents and prepared the same way to enable him to eat it. If i added something new he could not eat any because it was ruined and he was a very hungry little boy. Been referred to dietitians who where not at all understanding when i explained how serious it was they insisted he would never starve no but he made himself ill on a number of occasions. Many rows in the home over him not eating and his father trying to force feed which I totally disagreed with and refused to allow. Reverted to getting him a tonic to improve his appetite which did help but he could only eat a very limited diet. On moving to secondary school things have slowly improved I can only suggest that the food is now presented better. He is now trying new food on a regular basis which is something I for. Curry and rice is the latest. No-one really knows how happy I feel to see this fantastic change in his eating habits.

Hi and welcome to the site. If your wife needs an outlet to vent her emotions she is very welcome to join.

I've found the grammar school to be the best choice for my DS he is quiet with select friends who tend to have the same interests as him, the school have a good selection of lunch and after school clubs where he can go. The first 3 years he had help in certain subjects from a classroom assistant who checked all homework was recorded and did write notes that he had not time to take down in class in a home/school liaison book which was sent home every day. Some of the teachers where very good and give out photo copies. I was also given home telephone numbers to use if needed. Bullying was nipped in the bud straight away, now in 4th year and in great form he has dropped all the subjects which he hated and enjoys his chosen subjects. The subjects he loathed he made no effort with and after the first parents night I just sailed past them he was never going to take them any further into GCSE. I would recommend that you get him a formal diagnosis which will help with his work and future exams. Have you asked if their are any other kids with the same difficulties as your son and have they been diagnosised with AS, if there is you could talk to the parents and get advice about what the school has put in place for them, remember no two kids are the same and they will all have different needs but it would be good to know that the school was prepared to help. Ask his teachers to correct his behavior in a positive manner and to encourage positive thinking, sometimes he will make mistakes. I sent a letter in when he first started outlining his strengths and his difficulties and everyone found it extremely helpful in understanding him. Homework was rewarded with extra time on his computer games or whatever he was interested in. Good luck!

I got some great advice from Ian Jordon on this quite a few years ago. DS got blue lenses specially made and we had amazing results. It helped with reading, writing, co-ordination, walking, computer games the list is endless. We got help with an initial eye test but we paid for the intensive test and the blue lenses. This was well worth the money.

Been in this situation many years ago with my son, He had a book which everything he done wrong was recorded in and sent home to me at this time he started to wet himself alarm bells where ranging. I just didn't know who to turn to for help. My mother in law told me to just ignore it, her son (my child's father) behaved the same and was expelled many times throughout his school life. I scraped this advice and went into the school along with his new baby brother and sat in on the class. His behavior that day was good on occasions he corrected her speech because she was from a different county and used quite a lot of slag. Someone was able to tell me that he was constantly being shouted at throughout a normal day because he could not sit still and the year one teacher used a slang form of talking which he kept correcting in the classroom. She hated him and every time she shouted at him he used the same tone to her which got him into more trouble. I asked for a meeting and told her and the head about my findings they denied it. Following this there was a very serious incident where she looked him in the store and again I was told by another member of staff. I wanted her blood and immediately demanded her suspension from the school until it was fully investigated. I was on the war path and contacted everyone in person and by phone. The school was awash with professionals this was the first step to getting him the support and respect needed to ensure he was educated. The following week emergency 1-1 support was provided from he arrived until he went home. I continued to pop in and out as I pleased to ensure he was being properly cared for. After this the head teacher went on courses on AS, ADHD and began educating all staff throughout the school. He excelled from this point on. He to this day still reacts in the same manner if someone shouts at him and has continued to correct others speech ( which can drive us all insane) but this is how he sees the world. Good luck with Levi and if he has a statement make sure he is getting the 1-1 support he needs to help him through the day and if he has no 1-1 support demand it through the emergency funding the school is alocated. Something or someone is triggering off his behaviour and you could start drawing pictures of him in school and talking about certain times of the day to see where the problems are, lunch and break can be very difficult for them and I had support for these times too, maybe he will be able to express what is happing through drawing pictures at home.

Hi Senendippity <'> You have made a good discovery in finding this forum I've been popping in and out of the site over many years and some of my best advice has came from other parents. Also my local library where able to order me lots of books on ASD and ADHD. I can remember the turmoil of emotion when we were first told about ASD. I had expected the ADHD but the ASD blew me clean out of the water. I read everything hoping to find answers to all my questions. Along the journey my husband discovered he also has ASD. The early support is an excellent start. Please continue to asks many questions and never feel embarrassed about asking for help we have all been there.

Good communication is vital with the school, the last 3 years have been good for DS. Just starting GCSE's this year so watching very closely for any difficulties with his chosen subjects and the new teachers. His mood is good and I'm much more relaxed as he gets older, he is very much included in all aspects of his education now and it makes the pressure less intense on me. All the pushing of the system in the early days has been beneficial to how the teaching staff treat him and how he feels about himself.

Did you get any positive help from school.

I myself have just come through the worst summer and endured some unforgivable behavior, thankfully it has settled. Would it be possible to get some member of the family our someone in your area whom he will not challenge. To clearly explain the rules of your house and how he will be expected to behave around his family. And that his actions are now going to be dealt with. People say they cannot control these outbursts, but it has been proven that they do understand rules and boundaries. I wonder how many dads would tolerate this behavior.

Done.

My 13 year son is showing signs of being under serious stress. He is covered in a nervous rash. Is very bad tempered and whats to do nothing with the family. I realize he is growing up but why is he so anxious and worried about getting things right. He feels the teachers in school expect him to remember to much (this term he has asked for more independance in school and I feel he cannot cope as well as he hoped) I am watching at home and the teachers are doing the same at school, he is not getting bullied and can talk openly with his teachers. We are wondering if this is something all AS people have difficultly with. (Husband has AS and says he has suffered from stress as long as he can remember.) Has anyone any stress release ideas which will give him some chill out time.

I destroyed all of DS books from 1st year in school, I would never wish him to see what his teacher had wrote about his work and behavior. He clearly remembers her and never will respect her. Your son's teacher has absolutely no idea about teaching him. She should be praising him for what he can do. And finding ways to help make the things that are difficult less stressful, as for keeping him in at break, no way he needs to escape from school work for that time. Make a list of his difficulties and send a copy to the senco and head teacher asking for their advice on ways to assist in these areas. Hopefully between them they can offer some help, his difficulties are not uncommon and can easily be addressed to improve his self esteem. Just a little thought would make such a difference to his whole day all the writing is not necessary.

Mumble thanks for coming back. <'> Hope everything goes well for you.

Thank you everyone for your replies, its a relief to read them. And to have a better understanding of how he feels, I could not understand why when he comes back out of the bedroom he acts like nothing has happened. By this stage i don't what to talk or have anything to do with him. Someone mentioned leaving him at home on these occasions but that would hurt him more because he is very proud of what the boys have achieved and can do, (things that he could not do) he has said that they have introduced him into a whole new world. Which makes the whole thread very sad and puts his true difficulties into perspective. On a lighter note I'm going into hospital tomorrow, we were reading the notes on preparing for surgery 'You must arrange a responsible adult to accompany you to and from the hospital.' Well he says 'thats me out!'

Keeping fingers crossed. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Hope everything works out.

Hi Bruce You are very welcome!

Yes I worried about both, and was relieved to discover DS1 had AS. My DS2 had his own problems which were speech, eye control and very quiet not the same as DS1. But I went to both appointments hoping for answers. DS2 did not receive a diagnoses. At times I watch him playing and wonder! But he seems to be coping and has great social skills, his speech came and this was when i discovered the work I'd done had filtered through he never just said, words, he started with sentences. His glasses helped his eyes and his co-ordination is getting better all the time. We left the appointment with DS2 with a direct telephone number to him in case I felt that things where not improving, and that he would get help if problems began when he started school. Its very stressful. Good Luck!

What do you do with an AS adult when they are having a meltdown. It is very hard to be understanding when an adult has one and the children are the target!!!! Does he realize what he has done to their feelings. How do you explain to them why he spoils every important event that the family participate in. And how is it that my AS son takes his dads place at this time and tries to ensure the day still goes ahead. Sometimes I think there is more going on than AS. But medical staff that I have asked just smile at him and tell him to stay calm!!!!

Thanks for that advice.

Hope you had a better morning. Your son needs your support and I'm sure you will find the time to talk to him and get the necessary help. On the job front only you will be able to judge when the right time is to get a job. I envy other mums that can get out to work because mentally it would be very fulfilling. But we all know there is another side to the coin???????? Good Luck <'> <'> <'>

Mumble I really miss you on the forum. I don't know what happened. Think about all the good you are doing to help others on here. I value your insight. Please come back when you are ready. Take care of yourself <'> and bounce back soon.

Ahh! That brought a tear to my eyes, I used to prepare DS for things before hand and it really helped him. Sounds like it's been a wonderful day for you both. Hope you have many more interesting adventures. Time moves so fast enjoy.

J'mum I received the same letter many years ago and complained about it. No one was interested. I'm interested to find out if we've missed out.

That's a very positive tread, yet again nothing is impossible! Thanks for sharing it and hope he has many more enjoyable outings.

'Moon' (well I think they where on it)