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Marikyn

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About Marikyn

  • Rank
    Salisbury Hill
  • Birthday 12/14/1974

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Fife, Scotland
  1. Thanks so much for the links smiley, i never even knew BED existed and having read up on it i have every single symptom. i'll speak to my psychologist on wednesday, i might try the doctors but i find that hard because i dont have my own doctor, just whatever one is free at the time so i dont know any of them well enough to feel confident to talk to them about it. i think they have so many people going in complaining about their weight that they just give standard answers to them! i'm a bit of an expert with food diaries - having been on weight watchers 5 times since my teens! trouble is the compulsion to eat takes over and the diary gets shoved to the side. we don't usually have much snacky stuff in the house as in my bf's words 'i cant be trusted' and its true, if there is a multipack of low fat crisps i'll eat the lot, same with sweets. tho if there are bananas in the house they get left till they rot lol they are the only fruit i like. i started going to the gym about a year and a half ago - i felt that made me want to eat more - apparently after exercising your body craves a quick energy fix and i dont have the willpower to make a healthy choice - i go for the junk my workmates do try to help, i work in the evenings so its usually just a snack break and most of them eat pretty low fat stuff and one of them took on the job of watching what i was eating - so i resorted to sneaking out and eating mars bars in the toilet cubicles ewww i think i'm finding this so hard to deal with because i was once really thin and got a lot of attention from the boys! now i feel like i'm disgusting, i dont make an effort with my appearance anymore, i dont see the point
  2. i have enjoyed taking photo's of random stuff all my life but last year i took the plunge and started college full-time, i've now completed my NQ in Photography and start my HNC at the end of August. I sold my first photograph yesterday! thats what i hope to do once i'm finished at college - spend days out taking photo's and sell them. wedding/kids photography is just my worst nightmare with my social anxieties! all the good portrait photo's i have done have been of people i know well. anyway enough rambling! i thought i'd share with you some of my work - the good side of aspergers! creativity My DeviantART page if anyone else has a DeviantART page please post here, it would be nice to see other peoples work
  3. i live with my partner and he tries to support me but i end up being sneaky about it, since we are on different shifts i just eat rubbish when he's not there, or when i'm at work he says things like 'i'll take you on holiday if you lose weight' or 'i'll marry you if you get to a size 12' (i'm size 22 at the mo) dunno if its just me but i think they are awful things to say, puts a lot of pressure on me and only makes me feel like more of a failure thanks for the responses guys, its good to know i'm not the only one like this. i didnt have a problem when i lived with my mum and she made all the meals! i'm seeing my psychologist on wednesday, i can maybe have a talk with her about it but i have before and i think she thinks that problem will go away if other things are worked out
  4. this past year i've gotten into terrible eating habits, i really cant stop eating, as soon as i stop feeling full i eat more. i'm piling on weight and getting stretchmarks all over the place, none of my clothes fit properly any more, i cant walk to the bus stop without breaking out in a sweat. if we have no sweet stuff in the house i'll eat sugar, i'll spend my wages on junk food. i'm totally out of control and i dont know what to do, i've tried to approach the doctor and the occupational health people at work and all i get is 'eat healthier, get more exercise - but you know that right?' and i do know that but i just cant do it! i have pretty bad social anxiety so going out for walks scares the hell out of me, we tried getting in healthy stuff but i just end up eating too much of it because it doesnt fill me up i know i could end up with health problems, bad heart, diabetes etc but i still cant stop - its like a proper addiction does anyone have any advice for me?
  5. Marikyn

    Nearing DX

    Update! i got an assessment on wednesday - cant remember what it was called - a cognitive thingy i did brilliantly on the tests where i had to point out what was missing from an image, and the word descriptions, the shapes and symbols tests but i did awfully at the numbers stuff. i see my psychologist again this wednesday so hopefully i'll have some feedback by then
  6. Marikyn

    Nearing DX

    a wee update on things.... my mum has had her interview with the psychologist and my dad had his last week. the psychologist said she may bring someone in to do more tests on me, then all the results will be collated and sent off to the autism specialist to advise on diagnosis. its so frustrating, whenever i think i'm getting close to an answer another stage gets added on! i have an appointment with her myself this week so i'll find out more i'm struggling a bit with my treatment at the moment, she's working with me on being assertive and she's trying to get me to do role-playing scenarios with her and it just makes me feel so uncomfortable, i broke down in tears last time and all it was was her pretending to be a charity door-to-door caller and i had to tell her i wasnt interested lol
  7. Marikyn

    Nearing DX

    thanks for the advice, you're all right of course - sterilisation is such a big step. even if i dont plan on having kids, and my partner doesnt want them either as he already has a son from his last marriage, at least i'll have the option there if either or both of us change our minds. i'm going to give depo a real go, other than the weight gain, which may have occurred anyway, i've not had much problems with it so it might be the solution.
  8. Marikyn

    Nearing DX

    funny you should say that, when i was younger all my friends were a year or two younger than me and from when i started dating i always dated guys younger than me, in fact when i was 28 i had a serious relationship with a 18-year-old. my current partner (been with him 2 and a half years) is 2 years younger than me and god bless him for puting up with me! its been very hard tho, but he seems to be realising that i'm not normal and never will be but is reacting in a positive way and makes a tremendous amount of allowances for me. in a way i think maybe i take advantage of him sometimes tho. you guys are all great thanks for the support! its great to be able to talk to and read about people with experiences similair to mine - and many a lot worse i noticed that a lot of members have kids with aspergers/adhd etc - its it very common to pass this on to your children? i made a decision some time ago not to have kids as i felt i couldnt look after myself never mind kids too! i had even considered sterilisation as i hate the thought of contraceptive pills/injections messing up my hormones. i'm on the depo injection atm actually - only 4 months in and i've put on a stone and a half! (on top of the 2 stone i already piled on with the depression - compulsive eating)
  9. Marikyn

    Nearing DX

    thanks for the responses guys i was never close to my mum and we never had much of a relationship, i'm not an only child but i am the oldest and my lil brother didnt come along till i was 5, so i guess i was an only child till then anyway! and she pretty much had her hands full with us fighting like cat and dog all the time lol the impression i got from the psychologist was that she wasnt too worried about my mum saying i was normal, she just wants to make sure there were no other developmental issues i had that would rule aspergers out. i still worry tho, but thats just me, i always find something to worry about lol one plus of this condition is that i am a not bad photographer - i see patterns and art in things others dont see. i put that to use last year and started a college course in photography that i seem to be doing good in. the only times i struggle is when there are lots of distractions around - people talking or typing hard on the keyboards (that drives me nuts lol) i feel like i pick up on every little noise around. thanks again and i will keep you updated on my dx x
  10. Marikyn

    Nearing DX

    Hi there i have been a member of this forum for a while now but i have kind of avoided it incase i was told i didnt have aspergers i am 34 years old and i have been suffering from depression and anxiety for as far back as i can remember but i didnt get treated for depression till i was 23 and tried living on my own, ten years of being on and off anti-depressants and seeing counsellors and i finally got to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist, the psychiatrist took me of my anti-depressants and said she thought it was more of a psychological problem so i have now been seeing my psychologist since last june at first i thougth i had aadd as many of those symptoms matched mine but not enough i think and the psychologist didnt seem to take that suggestion very seriously. i then started to notice she was asking me specific questions and looked this up on the internet and came across aspergers. i decided to keep it to myself for a while as the psychologist told me she didnt want to tell me what she thought yet incase it affected my answers to my questions, but 2 weeks later i came clean and she said she did indeed suspect aspergers. she did the initial assessments with me and i was borderline. she got hold of the specialist for our area to discuss whether she should take this further and the specialist said yes, she should and that she really felt for me, that i must have been suffering for such a long time. so now my psychologist just has to check out my medical records to see if there is anything that would rule this out and she is going to talk to my mum about my childhood. when i told my mum she said i was just normal, and i know i was never at the doctors when i was younger other than for measles etc so i'm stressing a bit about falling at the last hurdle, although the psychologist seemed quite sure of a diagnosis. my head is a bit all over the place now and i have no idea how i will feel when/if i get the dx, tho i think i'll break down with the relief lol - finally i'll be getting treated for the right problem! have any of you had similair experiences? sorry for rambling on so much! thanks for listening Mari-Claire x
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