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Mandapanda

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Everything posted by Mandapanda

  1. I wonder if you could self-refer him to the Continence Service. They deal with people of all ages 16+. I think you need to get some specialist advice because I don't think you would probably know if he had something like a urine infection as he might not feel it. (I'm not saying an infection would last this long, but it could make the problem worse at times) http://www.bhamcommunity.nhs.uk/about-us/services-and-corporate-departments/adults-and-communities/citywide-services/continence/ I don't know what they might be able to offer, but they must have various different ways of helping people identify and control bodily functions. If they are not able to provide any help to change what is happening, they might at least be able to supply products to make it less embarrassing for you both. Good luck.
  2. Hi Jeanne Trekster is right, but I know how difficult this can be to put into practice. It's good that you miss him. I know when my son was here every minute of every day it really got me down and I wanted him to go somewhere else (at least for a while). I'm not saying you should be grateful he's there, just that it's a nice feeling to miss someone when life has been so difficult for you both at times when he was at home. Look after yourself <'>
  3. Hi Sally Would it not be a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist? Is it someone from the Community Services coming into the school, or something directly to do with the school? I hope it helps. I wish Aw could have got some proper help while in school.
  4. Hi I can't see that you mentioned how old your son is? We gave up taking our eldest shopping as he was such a nightmare. We would take it in turns to go alone. When I was pregnant with my youngest my in laws would come, mil would look after son and fil would take me shopping (I couldn't fit behind the steering wheel!). Mj would run off and have no sense of needing to stay near me. Once he knocked a jar of curry sauce off a shelf and it broke. He immediately started picking up the broken glass to 'tidy up'. He got lost once in a large Childrens World (now Mothercare). After 20 mins of frantic searching by myself and the staff we found him happily playing with a toy. I spent 15 minutes once trying to get him to sit in the trolley, literally wrestling with him and trying to push his legs through the openings, with a Salvation Army collector watching me disapprovingly. The only shop I could visit was the chemist and they enjoyed us visiting as Mj would tidy up all the hair accessories and bits and bobs, putting them all in the right places. To be honest I found the stress of it all exhausting and the looks and comments were destroying my self confidence (which wasn't very high anyway), so it was easier to go without him, even if it meant I couldn't always go when I needed to. In later years we found he would come to places more calmly and even hold hands. We used to have to talk to him an awful lot, explaining what we were doing and why and how long it might take. Also giving warnings that you are going somewhere and explaining may help to some extent. On school trips they thought he was being naughty running off, but it turned out he was really short sighted and needed to get closer to see things. He's now 19 and just gone to Uni, so things can certainly change when they get older.
  5. Thanks Sally, you've just reminded me I need to email the Connexions Adviser! Hope things are still going well for you both.
  6. Hi Sally Glad to hear things have started well. Long may it continue! My eldest is off to Uni on Saturday. My youngest has started college after 4 1/2 years of not attending school. He seems to be coping and not showing signs of anxiety, so it's looking promising. Like bjkmummy I'm having to get him there and back myself which is tiring but so worth it. We may not get transport for him as he's never had a statement. Plus it would cost almost £500 a year because we're not on benefits. Plus it might not be a car on his own, it would probably be a minibus. Hey ho!
  7. Hi My youngest loved swimming, until he went to Junior School. For one thing another child peed in my eldest's shoes, plus the teacher told him to "swim 3 widths underwater". He took that literally and tried really hard to swim the whole 3 widths under the water. He hates swimming now
  8. Hi Jeanne So sorry to hear this. You say Glen does it for attention and he finishes quicker if ignored - could that just be because he's not been interrupted? If he has to start and finish then trying to stop him before he's ready will probably just delay things. Though I know it must be so upsetting to watch. I wonder if he was feeling unwell in some way and this is the only way he can express it? I know it's awful the police being involved but hopefully it will lead to some sort of satisfactory resolution and the services will be able to help Glen on this. I can't imagine what it must be like to be Glen but I would guess it must be very frustrating to not be able to express yourself so that others can understand. Look after yourself - and DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF!! <'> >< <'>
  9. Has he tried the trunk style boxers, they are quite soft. My eldest likes them. BHS does adjustable waist school trousers and wider fit trousers but I assume it's not the waist that's the problem? Could you get charcoal joggers too long and hem them? Good luck.
  10. Hi It is difficult when behaviour becomes violent. It sounds to me, from my experience, that he is unable to cope with the extreme emotions he feels, for instance when someone else wants to do what he wants to do. 'Bad' behaviour in my experience is usually their way of demonstrating that they are unhappy, confused, frustrated, or of course angry, which is why they feel so awful about it later. The 6 year old is growing up and will probably want to do things big brother does, so you may need to set up some sort of timetable so everyone is clear about who can do what and when. It's all too easy to blame the parents, but also sometimes they may have something of a point, they just don't explain that our reactions can be wrong because we are not aware of our child's difficulties or how they see the world, and if we can learn to understand them better we may understand that a different reaction may be appropriate. It's really hard, they expect us to be superhuman, keep calm and in control all the time, and think totally rationally when everyone is melting down around us! Good luck.
  11. I agree with Suze's comments. At 17 there are a lot of changes going on, including other people's expectations of you, maybe moving or planning to move onto further education or work etc. Very stressful anyway, without asd factored in. Suze: your 9 year old sounds just like my 19 year old - don't hold your breath for him to grow out of it!
  12. Mandapanda

    College

    Hi guys Update: Mj has finished college now, getting 2 GCSEs at A grade in English and Japanese (extra to what he achieved at school), and 4 A-levels at C grade in History, Philosophy, Sociology and English Language. He's pleased and we are very proud. He's off to Uni in just a few weeks time. Gulp!
  13. I absolutely agree that this article could be depressing/disheartening to some. Mind you, most articles about successful women make me feel inadequate! However, us parents need some positive examples to cling on to when times are tough. We want to believe that our kids will progress and achieve, but I am sure we are all too aware of just how difficult that is likely to be.
  14. Hello I think your English is very good. This is a difficult question you are asking. Firstly if you only actually met 15 days ago, I would be concerned that you have decided to marry. Particularly when there is a child (any child), being a step-parent can be very very difficult. A child with Asperger's needs reassurance and consistency, and also needs to learn how to make a good relationship by slowly developing friendship and love. It is very hard looking after a child with special needs especially as they get bigger and older. Your girlfriend, understandably, may feel a sense of relief that you are willing to help her look after her son, but this should not make either of you rush into a long term relationship without spending long periods of time together first. My youngest son stopped going to school some years ago. My husband thought he would be able to make him go to school. My husband took time off from work and tried to get him to go to school, but he was unable to get him to go. It is not that they just do not want to go to school. They are very unhappy and have reasons for not wanting to go to school. Those reasons need to be discovered, and then a plan set up to help the child get an education in whatever way they are able to. I personally think you should also be very careful about getting yourself in a situation where you have physical contact with the boy as it could be misinterpreted by other people. Even children's own parents get reported to the Police for physical violence.
  15. My eldest thinks looking at me says it all. When I've asked why he never says thanks or anything he said "You should know". He will occasionally let me hug him but it's in no way a 2 way hug Yes it is upsetting at times, but in his own way I'm sure I am important to him (if only to cook, clean etc!). He's off to Uni next month, gulp! He's never even cooked toast!
  16. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2188423/They-successful-career-women-loving-relationships--live-affliction-surprise-you.html
  17. Hi Alexis I hope my son will one day be able to take his A levels like you. I assume you mean physical pain? How could I find out? He can't distinguish between feeling sick, indigestion, or hunger. I never thought of this, so thank you. His diet is so restricted and limited it would be very difficult to change it, but I will look at what I'm buying to see if I can make any subtle changes.
  18. Hi Special I hope you have settled down now. They would be trying to help you, though I know it probably wouldn't feel like it to you. Look after yourself.
  19. Hi I can see that these traits can be like those on the autistic spectrum. However I also imagine that knowing you have PCOS and having weight difficulties and excess hair could affect your confidence with people and feeling attractive, or feeling that others will find you attractive. You're likely to be harder on yourself than other people are though.
  20. Hi all I haven't forgotten that I was asked to give my thoughts and feelings about my son being in hospital. It's just that it's all been much busier than I expected! It sounds awful when I say my son was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, but actually it really wasn't that bad. Yes it was stressful, but we knew he needed help and he needed it quick, and things wouldn't change whilst he was at home. It was heartbreaking seeing him so desperate not to go to hospital, but it was already heartbreaking seeing him just sitting in his room, filthy dirty and virtually starving himself, totally withdrawn and isolated. He was there for 3 months, initially under Section 2, but then voluntarily (after they cocked up doing a Section 3). An unexpected bonus was that there was a little school within the hospital and they had trips to Calshot Activity Centre. At first, it was really hard as we thought we'd get a break while he was in hospital, but in fact we had to go to visit on both Saturday and Sunday the first weekend to have dinner with him in their dining hall. Then we also had to visit on a Wednesday eve, then they added in Family Therapy and other meetings, so there was a lot of to-ing and fro-ing. The first few weeks were frustrating as they were just observing him in order to assess him, so they weren't actually doing any therapy. We were desperate for any little signs of change but of course they didn't come immediately. He coped better with actually being there than we had imagined. Even now he still won't admit that it was in any way good or helpful! He had started getting his sleeping round to the right time 2 weeks before going into hospital (in the hope he wouldn't have to go), but being in hospital means that is now well established. This has made a difference to us as we can now do what we want during the day (wash hair, shower, hoover, etc). Another amazing thing is he agreed to have a new bed. He came to a bed shop to try them out. He's got his new bed now and seems very happy with it (we think the bed in the hospital proved more comfortable than his old bed - though no doubt he would deny that!). He gets up and dressed in the morning, whereas he used to stay in his PJs all the time. I have lots more washing now, but that's how it should be. He communicates better with us. He can explain things and we listen, so we are all getting on much better. I still find it really frustrating at times, like today when there were no white plastic plates clean so he wouldn't have a sandwich for lunch. We have plenty of china plates but he says they are too heavy. We have found out why he finds going to some places so hard. He needs short journeys, and the place needs to be quiet, virtually empty, and small. A crowded train journey up to London was way too stressful for him. In hospital he talked with a Psychologist who explained all about phobias and why we react like we do etc. Can't say it's really made much difference. He still won't have his window open no matter how hot the room is, and we have to have an insect curtain on the door from the dining room to the hall when we have the patio doors open. He still would not agree to eat outside at all. But at least he will go out for walks now. He does a mini panic if he sees a dog, but copes quite well really. He hasn't been in the garden to spend any time at all for years (he only walks through the gate and across the patio to the back door). He doesn't shower that often, but much more frequently that it was (he didn't have a shower for a whole year!). He still has to have a brand new sponge each time (good job it's not every day, it would cost a lot!). He cleans his teeth most days, and he has been using his current toothpaste for longer than any before (he suddenly decides it's 'no good' and bins it). People and going out are still difficult. He won't go to the NAS youth group nearby, or archery (which he's done before and said he was interested in doing again). He doesn't even want to see old friends again, and says he'd be better making new friends at college. He wouldn't even come out of his room and say hello to his brother's friend who he knows really well. Education is a major difference thanks to the little school. They said he was the only person to ever have 100% attendance rate there! He said they got him used to the school environment again. And the assessments they did boosted his confidence a bit too. HE appeared to enjoy some of the visits to Calshot, and joined in with group activities like basketball. They helped him apply to colleges and we've been for a meeting at one. We are waiting for a second meeting where they will have worked out what courses he could do, probably Maths, English and Science GCSEs. The intensive therapy nurse is going to take him on a bus trip to practice for college. Although there is a slight chance he might get a 'Moving on Statement' which could entitle him to transport (which he would prefer). They have quiet rooms at the college and can arrange for him to come and go at different times if needed. He's been going through a Maths GCSE book with me and doing well. I'm not convinced he'll cope at college but it's certainly looking more possible than before he went into hospital. Eating: better than it was, but he's not really trying any more new foods at home. He has 3 or 4 choices of each meal and we just rotate them. He won't eat any salad stuff, so I still end up doing different meals, but at least he has increased the variety (slightly) and quantity that he eats. He eats his main meal with us but eats breakfast and lunch in his room - the compromise was that he make his own lunch as he has to come downstairs to do that. He is engaging with the intensive therapy nurse, and came to see the Psychiatrist at CAMHS. These were never going to happen before he went into hospital. Haircuts: he doesn't seem to want to see our usual hairdresser (I think he's worried she'll ask about hospital), so we've been going to a local barbers. He says they are 'more professional'! All in all, we have all survived, and there have been some improvements, though not yet any quantum leaps. Being taken out of the home situation did shake him into doing things he wasn't doing, and has reignited his enthusiasm for getting an education. He has never fully engaged with the process so probably hasn't got the full benefit, but it was definitely worth it. He has grown and looks much healthier, changes his clothes, eats more and a few more different things, will go for a walk over the local shop with dad to get a paper (and some chocolate!), will go for 20+ mins walks, will go to local museums etc., and says he believes he will be able to go to college. So we are all in a much better place than we were before.
  21. Hi We got travel bands from Boots for my son and they definitely seemed to help. They are like wristbands with little buttons on that press on acupressure points. http://www.boots.com/en/Boots-Pharmaceuticals-Adult-Travel-Bands-1-Pair-12-years-_1121524/?CAWELAID=551785846&cm_mmc=Shopping%20Engines-_-Google%20Base-_---_-Boots%20Pharmaceuticals%20Adult%20Travel%20Bands%201%20Pair%2012%20years
  22. Hi Kathryn It's good to see you back. How exciting - keep us posted!
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