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Everything posted by Mandapanda

  1. I really feel for you Jeanne. They will look after him <'>
  2. HI Does anyone have experience of changing course at Uni? My son has just 'finished' his 2nd year - he still have 5 pieces of work to do. He won't tell them he has Asperger's. He is changing course because he is not coping with the huge volume of written work required for English but they still expect him to Pass this year, so he needs to get this work done. He is really stressed out and we think he is depressed (he said he thinks he has been for a while " if I am"). He wants me to help him get him going on the work, which I'm frankly having panic attacks about! I've had to buy some books for him as the local library just doesn't have the sort of books Uni do. He was up last night very upset and stressed and even had some tears when I said "you feel hopeless, don't you?".I think he has now agreed to get a doctor's appointment but still wants to try doing the work as he doesn't see how the doctor can "just make it all go away". Any advice gratefully received!
  3. Hi libby My eldest son has just finished his 2nd year at Uni. He hasn't made any friends. He chose to do English Language and Linguistics. He is hoping to change to Audio and Music Technology in September. Basically the amount of written work needed for the English is overwhelming for him and he has basically spent 2 years in his room 'trying' to get work done. He just scraped through the first year and thought he would do better in the 2nd, but he really hasn't. We think that doing a course like music is going to be more sociable and will enable him to make friends more naturally as he has a real passion for music, and hopefully he will have to get involved in music events as part of his degree so will meet people through that. He has made things very much harder for himself as he won't tell Uni he has AS and won't get help or take advice. So 2 bits of advice from me - think about how much written work is involved and whether you really want to commit to that, and let the Uni know about your AS and accept every bit of help going. My son doesn't get the extra financial help of DSA because of his stubborness.
  4. Hi Jeanne Actually toothache pain can travel up nerves into the ear. I've had it myself. Sounds like the medication is helping and even allowing him to come out of himself a bit! My son also used to choose pyjamas because he didn't want to go out - they're not daft!!
  5. Hi peaches Neither of my son's liked going to the toilet at school, you might find your son won't either! Does he wear pants or boxers? PE - nightmare for both boys, don't think either EVER showered. Teachers don't even go in the changing rooms these days, so they don't know if anyone is showering or not (or spraying deodorant all over a child). Shirts - I used to wash and tumble dry new shirts many times before they wore them, to soften the stiff collars. My boys used to go only in their shirts and hated even putting sweatshirts on top, they only wore their sweatshirts when they absolutely HAD to and only after getting in trouble for not wearing them. Good luck.
  6. Hi lynyona oxgirl is right in what she says, however our experience has been very different. People thought my son was addicted to computers (even my husband thought that). He didn't go to school for 4 1/2 years and was really really pale and skinny. Eventually he was taken to hospital. There was no internet allowed there at all. We thought he would go ballistic, but actually he coped really well. When there have been power cuts, or when we've had electric work done, he has been fine doing something else. Yes it's all he wants to do, but not because he is addicted, but because it is all he wants to do!! The other thing is our older son went through a phase of always sounding angry. Actually he wasn't and didn't think he sounded angry and couldn't understand why we got cross with him. Would he go out to see some steam trains? We found the only way to get our youngest out was for it to be something he was REALLY interested in (he came all the way up to London on the train and underground to the Science Museum. Unfortunately it was a big letdown as he wanted to see stuff about future science, not just old medical devices, and 'interactive' screens. Have you talked to him about keeping healthy, eating well and getting exercise - would he walk round the block with you? Good luck. Good luck.
  7. Hi Isobel My son has struggled with grief. I came across this article via Facebook and it made my son's experience seem much clearer to me: http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/2012/08/autistic-grief-is-not-like-neurotypical.html
  8. Hi joybed I really feel for you. I have 2 boys and the eldest one has always eaten well although went through a bit of a fussy stage which soon went away when he got to about 13-14 and was growing and getting more hungry. The youngest one has never eaten very well and has got worse as he has got older. He says he doesn't enjoy food. He has severe problems with taste, texture and consistency. He too also is easily put off and I still make his food (he's 17) as if there is even a crumb in the butter dish he won't eat anything and needs to throw the whole butter pot away! When he was in hospital last year they did get him eating more, but there was the extreme motivation of being in hospital and wanting to do what was necessary to come home. Since then he has gradually withdrawn the range of foods he eats down to what he can mostly cope with. He didn't really attend Secondary School, and i believe eating was one of the many problems he had there. Now he is at college he chooses to eat in a room on his own as he doesn't like eating in front of others. He says he feels rushed by others being there.
  9. Hi all I haven't been on here for a while as life has been very busy - but that is a good thing! My youngest son Aw had School Phobia, Severe Anxiety and Depression, and basically did not attend Secondary School. However last year things came to a head and he was taken to hospital for 3 months due to totally withdrawing and not eating. He was diagnosed with Autism and the stay in hospital broke a lot of the obsessive behaviours which had developed. They got him eating more foods (though still not many), and the little school in the hospital (mostly 1:1 sessions) reignited his passion for learning. Last year he went to college. He started doing 4 subjects but by Christmas he had dropped down to just Maths GCSE. Until the Christmas it was still very doubtful he would be able to stay there. Once he was just doing Maths and started 'getting it' he settled down. He completed the course and gained a grade C (it was Foundation Level so that was the best he could get). He got 100% in all 3 exams and as a result the college offered him the unique chance to 'try' AS-level Maths & Physics this year. Doing the Maths last year has really given him confidence. The college have been brilliant, there is a quiet room where he can go between lessons and to eat his lunch on his own. He has started and seems to be really enjoying it (though would NEVER admit it of course!). He is also doing GCSE English. It looks like he will be able to continue with these courses. He has said he was anxious starting this year but not as anxious as he was starting last year. So with increasing age there is increasing insight to how he is feeling which is brilliant. He has even got a taxi back from college when I am unable to pick him up, as he is keen not to miss any classes - he would never have coped with that last year. Him being sectioned last year may sound like a terrible thing to happen but it was pivotal to this change in him. We think he wanted something done but would never have admitted this so he was so resistant to going to hospital as we expected - he just needed to be told he HAD to go. There is hope but sometimes things do have to get worse before they can get better. Best wishes
  10. Hi It sounds like you are feeling very fragile at the moment. Firstly don't be too hard on yourself. As it's 'only' until Weds - do you need to go out? Can you do internet food shopping? Do you have a hobby or interest - family history, reading etc that can occupy you and keep your mind off your anxiety? Knowing what happens in a panic attack and why may help diffuse the panic attack. Telling yourself you are NOT going to die from it and calming your breathing down and distracting yourself by doing something constructive may help. I know that doing 'something' is the best way to reduce anxiety, of course it is not always as easy as that sounds, but it may help to at least try. Personally I never found Kalms made any difference - not even the placebo effect. Will your husband phone you? Do you have mobiles so he could text you if that's better for you? Or email? Make a list of things to do, whatever that might be, so you can try and tick one off each day (you don't have to finish it, just try and do some of it).The things can be very little things like dusting one cupboard, putting on 1 load of washing, reading one page of a book. Very best wishes
  11. Thank you Kris and Elefan, I am very very grateful for this forum.
  12. Hi If I was in your colleague's situation, I imagine it would be a massive thing getting a diagnosis and realising why life has been so difficult and why it's taken so much determination and energy to cope with things other people seem to not even notice. Knowing why things are difficult has perhaps made them 'let go'. It is likely to take some time to build up again from that. Your colleague may be totally exhausted by the effort of coping all these years. As a parent, when my sons were diagnosed I went through something like a bereavement - I don't use that word lightly. It was like I had lost, but more importantly my boys had lost - hopes, dreams, expectations etc. It's a slow journey to create new hopes, dreams and expectations. I would suggest you just keep supporting them as best you can, letting them know that someone cares about them and that they are a valuable person just as they are, and keep offering (genuine) praise for things to help build their self-confidence which may have taken a severe knock. Best wishes
  13. Hi Jeanne You deserve things to work out as well
  14. Hi matzoball Have you heard anything yet? Either way you could try and get some feedback from them as they sound open to being questioned.
  15. Hi Jeanne Sorry I've not been on here for a while. It's wonderful your visit went well. Sometimes it is best not to stay too long as it is taking them out of the routine of the place. They must be handling him well as it sounds like he has a good connection with the staff. I hope you feel a bit relieved having seen him doing well. And he whispered Thanks- that's so brilliant! People who don't live with autism probably wouldn't understand how much something like that can mean
  16. Hi smileyK From your posts, it's my personal opinion that you appear to be very obsessive in your thinking, perhaps this is only when you are high/manic, I don't know. Your posts are like the words are all tumbling out of your mouth with no restraint, planning or control. You are unrealistically obsessive about your weight/body image and I can't see that anything you do eating/exercise/medication wise is ever going to help reduce your problem. As the others say it is very much more about your thinking and your mental health, rather than your physical health/body shape. From your photo before you looked like a perfectly slim normal young woman. You now say you've lost so much weight you have loose skin - this worries me very much, and your parents must have noticed and be concerned (unless you are doing things to hide your weight loss to them - which would be even more worrying). Or perhaps you are obsessing over every little bit of skin you can pinch, and it's maybe not as loose as you think. I really feel you need professional help. Please please talk to a professional - I really don't think it sounds like you could possibly sort this out yourself.
  17. Hi Happypanda How old is he? Is he under any extra stress at the moment (work/financial/health wise)?
  18. Hi Jeanne and everyone else Sorry didn't get on here before Christmas to pass on my good wishes, so - Happy New Year! With boys of 16 and 19 Christmas has lost some of it's magic I'm afraid, especially as they both spend 99% of the day in their rooms! Aw wouldn't even eat his Christmas dinner in the same room as us. My mum, who is 90, came for dinner on Boxing Day which was lovely and Mj was lovely with her. Aw would not come downstairs at all whilst she was there, even to get his Christmas money, which was a shame. Christmas can be a very difficult time for many people, for many different reasons. I really feel for those of you who struggle this time of year <'>
  19. Hi Couldn't forget a name like NobbyNobbs! But you probably don't remember me, I was new back then.
  20. HI Personally I would write and complain and request a different doctor. They should be building a 'therapeutic relationship', not trying to instill discipline. We had a somewhat similar situation with CAMHS. It's really frustrating as if they got on and did what they are supposed to be doing the child would be getting helped, but they just end up making the child not want to go at all. Our local CAMHS service is becoming almost non existent and has been largely ineffective for some years, but unless people put complaints in writing nothing will change. (I don't mean this in any political way). Now that your son has admitted the problem could you open a discussion with him at a time when he is most calm and in a good mood, at home?
  21. Hi scatty I can't really add to Sally's excellent and thorough advice, though the following organisation are very helpful: http://www.ipsea.org.uk/
  22. My eldest son is at Anglia Ruskin which is lovely, and they mention Aspergers under their Student Support section.
  23. My boys heads were over the 90th centile. I think I read that the skull is thicker with asd.
  24. Hi matzoball I'm not surprised you were freaked out! From my experience it sounds like he may have dementia and probably thought he was somewhere else. You couldn't know that. I've had elderly parents with it so know the signs. I don't really know what to suggest if it happens again (which it probably won't) other than calling the police just in case he's been reported missing (or if he's done this to other people).
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