kaz

dog

Daniel is 17 and still chews plastic....... and when i try and stop him all he says is "mum its not going to kill me just cos you don't like it don't mean its bad!!" So i guess its just one of those things that over the years i still don't like but have had to get used to, chewed pens remote controls, in fact anything plastic and he chews it.

That could be me typing how my pregnacy was with my son Daniel, I also had Daniel vacinated (as well as both my daughters both of whom are NT) with the MMR and don't regret it. (saying that i am very glad i can no longer have children as i would not like to have to make that decission again now) More research has to be put into this, about after todays annoucment in the news i can not see that happening, which is a shame for all the children involved and the children who have to grow up with AS.

Hi, I move my children 240 miles 2 years ago from the only place they had ever lived in. Daniel was 12 at the time. I talked to them alot about the move before it happened and they where involved in every aspect of the move as well. Because Daniel already had his statment the LEA where very helpful in just what schools in the area would be the best for him, and we bought our new home in the area for the school I thought would be best suited to his needs. I have got to say in our case the move was one of the best things we could have done. It gave Daniel a fresh start he was no longer with the children who he had been with since he was 3, so the move took away all the hassle that brings ( peers no longer knowing just what to do to get him upset) It took a few months for everyone to settle in the 2 girls as well as Daniel, but i do think that picking the right school for my son to go to was the biggest thing in making the move so successful. Daniel has improved leaps and bounds since the move we still have our bad time, but i have to say that they are now out numbered by the good times. Saying all that i do know that i would not like to move them all over again. I hope that you move goes as smothly as our, it takes a lot of work before hand but in our cast that just made everything better. Hope this helps, Karen

improved

Chocolate

Hey Hev, I hope that things have calmed down a bit for you all now. I can tell you that things will get better, i know that they have for me. It can be a bit like swings and roundabouts at times though. ( I am still learning and Daniel is now 15 to take the bad times with the good though) I can remember so clearly the days whe he was younger just wishing i could walk away and have an so called easy life. I also remember how i felt when Daniel was excluded from school for the 2nd time. I was upset and angry at him and also at the school, he was upset and confused as he could not understand what had happened. I have done the anti depressents and also the calms in fact there is not much that you can get from the Dr that i have not tried at one time or an other. But i can tell you things can change and things can get better, i have had a good few years with Daniel now, yes we have our bad days but now the good ones out number them instead of the other way around. I know its hard when all you want to do is run away, but don't give up. One of the hardest things for me to learn was that Daniel always gave me the hard time, and it was explained to me that he does that because he knows that no matter what he does i will always be there. He knows you love him and he knows just how much you care, its hard i know and i am so sorry. But just try and keep you chin up and find someone ot talk to if you can. Hope this helps Karen x

not funny ( i agree i don't like him at all!!)

expensive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( well they are in my house i am sure my kids eat them or something the way we go though them!! )

My cousin called me the other day, she has a son of 8 who has AS The other week while in school the teacher turned to my nephew and said.......... "Why is it that every time i turn around your not doing any work" as quick as anything my nephew replied.................................... "Thats because you never look at me when i am working!!!!!" this really made me giggle as it reminded me of my son when he as that age! Karen

Hey All, Just wondering if anyone else has read the book "Daniel Isn't Talking" by Marti Leimbach. Its a fiction book about a family that find out their son Daniel has AS and it takes you through the break down of the family after the Dx and about the mothers fight to get help for her son. When i first read the back of the book i put it back on the shelf because i thought this is to close ot home and i was not sure i want to read this. But i am now glad i did, i found my self crying and and laughing at some of the things they did. Getting angry (very angry in parts ) But i did enjoy it, I can't say i walked away with any more information that i had at the start. But i did finish the book feeling less alone, as i felt that the auther did understand how it felt to be a parent of an AS child. (Even if the father did as in many fictional books turn out to be the bad guy.) Karen

Hi all, My son Daniel is now nearly 15 and he still asks if it is ok for him to sleep with me, the sad thing is, is that i have no problem with this but i know that others will. So i have now put a stop to it but i must admit that i have only done this in the last year or so. Up till then the one thing i could be sure of to calm Daniel down after a melt down was to take him in to bed with me, it seemed to calm him down and reset him (I you understand what i mean) It was "like lifes to much for my brain mum can i sleep with you"and then i know everything i ok and and i can carry on tomorrow. But i do know of a lady whos son who also has AS still sleeps with her and he is 19. I think it because its the one place they feel safe, they are with the person that keeps them safe and nothing can get to them when they are in your bed. One of the ways that i have got around this is by making my bed and bedroom a special place for the children, this is the room and the bed we go to when its someones Birthday or Xmas morning, we all jump o the bed and open our presents in there. Make the most of it they are only young once, and if it does not bother you or your son try not to take to much notice of what others say............ they are not living your life you are. Hope that helped Karen x

scored 9 in the AQ test

my vote would be for the last one if anyone can work out how to change the poll. Used to be on Anti Depressants but are not on any right now.

mmmmmmm ok that come out wrong the last one was ment to be on two lines as two seperate answers and i am not sure how to change it. Sorry Thats what i get for multi tasking.

Sorry on the same note as the last poll............ just wondering how many of us have been on or are still on Anti Depressants because of the stress of having a AS Child/ Partner

Sorry just interested in what others do after seeing the replys for a post. I have a few people that i can talk to, so i guess i am lucky. My mums really good and so is my partner but if i really need someone how understand how i am feeling i tend to share with moncs who uses the forum as shes my cousin and is going though similar things

wow my dad will never believe that i have found so many others like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He says if you want to hide any money from me to put it under the Iron as i never look there!!!! I hate it, the only time the iron comes out in our house is on a sunday and even then the kids have to take turns to iron their school uniforms and my partner irons his own cloths!!! My excuse for not ironing is that i buy crease free cloths..............and if they get crease i blame the kids for not hanging them up.............. works every time! Karen

Low EQ here as well

I am sorry Helen really really sorry. and i am so sorry i have not been around to support you as much either, you know where i am if you need me Big big hugs from mine to yours Karen xx

Your not alone i think we all do this i know i do. I think for me its that if i don't say it out loud it can't hurt so much and i also think thats why i stayed away from here for so long as well. I hope things get easier for you Karen xx

Hi, Thanks for all the replies. Nellie i have already been on to the Aspergers Support Group here and they will be phoning me back with an appointment to go and see them to try and sort out some help for Jazz and how she is feeling. Sorry that you felt it hard to reply i never wanted to put anyone in that situation. Zemanski i do understand that it must be very very hard for their dad sitting on the side lines so far away and having to watch whats going on from a distance and i know that it can't be easy for him living so far away (yes it was my choice to move the family not his) but saying that i do meet him half away i travel over 400 when ever he decides to see the children, but i also have to live with my son getting upset when his dad cancels a trip because hes to busy, or breaks a promise. Jazz was the one that asked to send in a reply and yes she did see what i said about her dad most of the time i do hide it and do keep it from them, but this all started from an innocent comment she had made and has blown up to me being "Complacent". I have watched my son going from a child that could not sit still, having serious problems interacting with family and peers. To now being a child that is happyand getting on well at school I was made to feel today that i had let him down and by doing so let my daughter down. I make all the calls, i sort out all the hassles, i am the one that is awake with him at night when his dad calls and winds him up about trivial thing, i was the one and still am the one that deals with the schools. His dad could not even be bothered to turn up to his statement review. Even when i lived 10 minutes from him he was like this. I went home at the weekend to spend sometime with my mum... and spent most of the weekend talking about how great Daniel was getting on and how well he was doing, to feeling like i have done things so wrong last night. For the first time in ages i just can't do this i can't handle the constant hassle the constant digs from someone who says he love his son but does so little to help, for the last 6 weeks all i have had is digs and i am just about to give up. Does he not realise just how hard it is? Does he not realise that he is not helping? Or do i just let him convince my son that he can be "Normal" (I hate that word!!!) and then deal with the massive melt down that it will cause in the end when it all goes wrong. and when it does go wrong he will melt away into the back ground again and I will be the one left to pick up the pieces of Daniel breaken spirt and heart. I don't think i can do that again. He called at 11.30 last night and by 2.30 this afternoon i had the meetings for both Daniel and Jazz sorted and it was still not good enough as the group that Daniel will be going to is for AS children and that is not what he wants him to do. So i can't win no matter what i do. rant over and once more i am very sorry Karen

Hi all, I am confused and am not sure what to do. Like i posted the other week things are going great for Daniel right now or so i think. I had his Dad ( my ex) on the phone last night after spending one night with the kids ( I had to drive the 600 miles for that to happen) telling me that i have given up on Daniel and that i don't push him enough. Hes gotten all this for a converstaion that he had with my daugher who was trying to tell her Dad how she feel. Jasmine is 12 a very out going and friendly, loving child, who has now grown older mentally than her big brother and feel very guilty about this, she has always been there for Daniel and always stood up for him but is finding it harder and harder to do that at school, she hates the fact that Daniel has very few friends while she has loads, she hates the fact that people tease her brother and is worried that the other kids in school will start thinking shes strange as well. I talked to her last night about all this and tried to tell her this was normal and that she was not a b**ch ( her words not mine) for feeling like this. I understand why she is feeling like this I know i have so many times. Her dad has managed to twist this all around to it being me that is not supporting her and me that is just letting Daniel drift. Why can't he see that this is normal for my daugher to be feeling this, that all she is doing is greving for the Big brother she should have had and hasn't......... it made me cry so much when she put her head on my shoulder last night and said "Mum i just want a big brother, i don't want a little brother" as i can't give her what she wants i wish i could So my ex has decided that we MUST make Daniel have friends and this will make everything alright, just how do i do this? Doesn't he think if it was possible that i would have done that before now? But............ he does not want Daniel to go to any clubs that just have other AS children there as he HAS to LEARN to get on with normal PEERS!! Daniel goes to after school clubs and also does Rockclimbing as well, he has turned down going to clubs that have anything to do with AS and has said he will not and does not want to go there. When i said all this to my ex he told me that i had given up and i was not trying hard enough and that there must be someway to make Daniel Socialise. Why can't he see that you can't make Daniel normal just because you want him to be? Why can't he except him for who he is and the great big leaps he has made over the last year. Or is it that i have accepted to much and that i don't expect enough. Am i the one that is in the wrong............ he has got me questioning myself which is a place i have not been in, in a long time. sorry if this does not make much sense but my brain is going ten to the dozen right now and keeps jumping. Karen

Hi all, Sorry its been so long since i have posted anything but i do think of you all and pop in every now and again. I will never forget just how much help you where to me when i needed it most. Daniel is doing great he has settled in to the new home (not that new been here over a year now) and is doing well in school. I think i might finally have found a school that tries to help, when i went to his review meeting the first words they said where "this is to find out what will help Daniel" and i nearly died with shock. They suggested things that i would never have thought of. Like letting him go for a walk in the woodland in the school grounds between exams to let him let of steam and calm down if he needed that. He even got great results in his year 9 stats!!!!! and is now going to college one day a week to do a BTec catering course, as everyone agreed that asking him to do to many GCSE would just end up with everyone upset and stressed. Daniel himself he doing so much better, we have changed his diet which has been a great help........ i still can't get over how well he is doing with that, if anyone offers him something he can't have like (coke or chocolate) he says "no it makes me hyper and i can't have it." He would never have done that a few years ago. I still have him on the eye q's and they have made a diffrence to. Kept him off the retalin anyway. We have more good days than bad days now which is something that i would never have thought could happen, even my family have noticed a big difference in him and are now offering to have him to stay, something that never happened when he was small. I think the move has done us all good, we have very set rules and that makes life easier for him i think. He knows where he is all the time and what he must do. ( not that he does not try and push those rules all the time) Still trying to cope with the teenage bit though......... its hard at times to figure out whats aspergers and what being a typical teenager. " I remember a quote i read here when i first started coming here "A aspergers teenager is like world war three in your home" lol i now fully understand that comment. Once more thanks for all your help and advice over the years, this is the site i send anyone to that has a child with Autisum as i know they will get the help support and advice they need. HUgs to everyone Karen xxx

Hi all, Just a quick reply,my son Daniel (AS/ADHD) did Karata till we moved house and he loved it, got all the way to his brown and white belt(one more and he would have got a black belt ), even joined in on the competitions. He loved it as it was repetition and had every little change. Could not find a club down here that did the same style so he did not want to have to go back to being a white belt again. So he started rock climbing last week and loves it. Hope this help Karen p.s hugs to everyone i do think of you all