Mum of 3

thanks cat. I've done mine

Take care if you've not used it on your ds before-it can be used neat, but it may irritate senstive skin. If in doubt, dilute it with some other oil-such as grapeseed, apricot kernel or even olive oil.

Hi my nephew had his for about 2 years when he was about 4-6. They called it 'catching snails' (not that they're Latin scholars or anything... ), which at least makes it sound a bit more friendly! I don't think my sister managed to treat him successfully, but they disappeared without treatment. Would tea tree oil help stop them spreading (as it's anti-viral)?

no money and too many children. have a great time, though...wish I could be there

<'> Welcome to the forum Dealing with my son's behaviour has been one of the most difficult thigs for me and DH. I trained as a primary school teacher and was the manager in charge of behaviour in our very challenginng inner city school, so I couldn't work out why none of my methods worked! After much soul searching, research and forum-reading, we now treat G in a completely different way. It goes against the grain at times, but generally, we try to see 'where he's coming from', and deal with the cause of the behaviour first...we tackle the effect of the behaviour (ie. someone got hurt, or whatever) after the cause has been dealt with. It does look as though he's 'getting away with it' alot, and it's starting to cause difficulties with our NT sons who think they should behave in the same way and get the same treatment (cue autistic tantrums x3!!! ), but what we've found is that he seems to feel more accepted, understood and at ease, and this is having a positive effect on his behaviour so that outbursts are shorter-lived and milder all the time. One word of warning, though, you have to develop a very thick skin-when your child is tantruming in the supermarket and you're hugging him and soothing him instead of telling him off and ignoring him or shouting at him, people tend to give you very strange looks! But then, I think, when I'm feeling cross and angry or stressed and upset, I'd far rather have my DH put his arms round me than shout at me! Maybe everyone should be parenting in a more caring, mindful way! <'> Good luck with your DS. You'll get lots of advice and support on this forum.

congratulations!!!!

Oh Bid...I'm so sorry for you... <'> And to top it all, 5 days off but having to play nursey!!! By the way, Beef tea's delish. Used to make it for my Dad when he was poorly.

Thanks for all your replies. My DH is reading with me and wants me to stress he's not as bad as I made out! It's not as if he made me do housework or anything! I don't have time now to reply to all of you individually, but i really appreciate your advice and thoughts. Just a couple of things, Sally, G is 5- moving into Y1 in September. Lynne, I already work 2.5 days a week, and unfortunately due to the nature of the job I can't only do school hours. I'm also required to work during the school holidays, although all my annual leave must be taken during school holidays. also, work is not that flexible...having so many employees means that they have to stick to the rule book, I guess. G already attends before/after school club on my working days. He hates it, and they spend most of the time watching DVDs I wouldn't even allow in the house! I've tried him at a childminder (there are only 4 in our whole area, so places are like gold dust!), but he hated that even more, and started to misbehave there as well as getting even worse at home. Currently, his behaviour at school is good, and ok at after school club, although he has started hiding from them!

Really feel for you, dana. I have no advice, apart from maybe going and talking to someone at school about it? Hope they give it a rest over the holidays. X

I'm currently having a bit of a confidence crisis about work. I have a very stressful job working for an LEA as a consultant, advising and training primary teachers. I went part time after having my second child. I have since had another child, so now have 3, the eldest (G, currently being assessed for asd/as) is 5. I've been on sick leave for the last 4 months, coming to terms with the realities of G's difficulties, which are becoming more and more obvious as he gets older. The doctor who signed me off told me that although my difficulties are with home, not work (particularly!), he couldn't sign me off from home, so I'd have to use the time I should be at work to 'recover', then go back to 'mother duties' for the rest of the time. It took my DH a long time to realise that I wasn't off so that I could do more housework, and I needed to be looked after if I was to improve. Even when he'd realised this, it took me a long time to insist on my need to do nothing for those 2.5 days. The truth of the matter is, when I look back over the last 4 months, which should have been a time of rest and calm, loads and loads has happened. There has not been a week when I have not had to deal with one thing or another to do with G, be it appointments to do with his assessments, or other visits to hospitals (I've been to A&E 3 times in this time with one or the other of them...G needed 4 hospital visits for his 'accident', culminating in a day on the children's ward for minor surgery with a general anaesthetic! I've also made and taken hundreds of phone calls, numerous meetings with school, etc, and dealt with thousands of tantrums, meltdowns and general incidents of mad craziness! Every morning is a battlefield, with each and every task that needs to be done faught over and argued about. We've had visual timetables (pulled off the wall), sticker charts (refused to stick stickers on), and all sorts...the truth is, he doesn't want to change his behaviour, and will refuse any attempt we make to make him change. So, when the HR dept from work contacted me to ask if there was any way they could support me in getting back to work, I thought 'great...a chance to lay it on the line and get some flexibility...' How wrong can you be. As soon as I mentioned that I had a child who probably has asd, and would appreciate some understanding and flexibility in the mornings, she started talking about 'time limited' options. I couldn't understand what she was on about, and asked how would it help to only have this for a month? She said that since his assessment meeting is in August, that would be when I stopped needing support because they'd start treating him and he'd be cured!!!! I gently pointed out that this isn't the case, and that the dx is only the beginning...we're likely to be in this for a long time yet. She then started to talk about 'having a conversation' about whether or not I can deliver what the service requires, and if my home life is going to have a 'negative impact' on my work and on the team, then ultimately my manager would be looking at competancy! I asked if there have been any complaints about my work (no), or any suggestions made that I'm not up to the job(no)...Have there been any complaints yet about my attendance or punctuality? (no). I then pointed out that, since I'd coped so well with everything so far, I failed to see why I should give up work just because I've discovered my child has a disability. She got a bit flustered at that, and said I am entitled to ask for (not necessarily get!) flexible working hours. So, in order to carry on working, I'm going to spend the DLA we've just been awarded on a cleaner and ironing service so I can have a bit of a break at the weekends and spend some quality time with the little ones whilst G is at school on my days off. I'm also going to increase the hours the little ones are at nursery so that I can catch up on my work on my afternoon 'off', in case I get in late on some mornings (this is the 'flexibility' bit). I'm having counselling, I'm on antidepressants, and I'm looking at alot more appointments, missed school days, etc in the future, all of which will be nails in the coffin as far as work are concerned. To top it all, DH has just got an interview for his dream job...50 miles away. If he gets it, he'll be leaving the house at 6am to get the train, and not getting back till at least 8pm, leaving me to do all the morning routine for all 3, get them all to school/nursery before work, then pick them all up, do tea, bath and bed by myself every night! All this and still put on a professional face for work and also turn up for assemblies when he's won a certificate! I can tell you all know where this is leading...Should I cash in my chips now and give it up? If I did, we'd be (a bit) poorer, but I'd be far more relaxed and able to support all 3 children as well as DH in his (hopefully!) new job, but if the commute got too much and he wanted to move house we'd not be able to get a mortgage o his salary alone. If I don't, I'll be very stressed and busy, and have to somehow juggle all of the above and give my 'all' to work...but we'd have more money (alot more when all the kids are in school in 2011), and I'd still have my pension. What have you all done? I'm sure there are lots of you who've been in this situation! All advice, as always, gratefully recieved.

So glad it all went well.

So sorry to hear this Bid. Thinking of you. X

<'> Good to have you back Nicky. Sorry you've been having a rough time of it. <'>

to the birthday girl! XXXXXX

Another Henry fan here... My dad used to use his to vacuum out the grate after he'd had a coal fire (too lazy to sweep the ashes up!)...one day he sucked up a still-glowing coal, without realising. The first he knew was 3 daughters and a wife screaming at him 'the hoover's on fire!!!!' (yes-Henry, Dyson,...they're all Hoovers to us!!!). That Henry's still in good working order, even though his plastic body's a bit melted and deformed !

If it's mumps specifically you are concerned about, would it be any good to try and find a doctor (probably private!), who'll give the single mumps booster. I know that some people who are worried about the triple jab have gone for them as singles...I assume they still need a booster for singles as they do for triples? Of course, you could always go the traditional route and actively expose him to the mumps in the hope he'll get away with a mild dose and develop his own immunity...(no, I would't go down that route either, but some do!). Otherwise, boost his immunity with echinacea, give him a good prebiotic/probiotic and lots of good, healthy food and hope he'll not catch it!

Are they providing receipts for these meals out, etc? Are you paying for the care worker's lunch as well as your son's? I think I'd be asking for a list of appropriate activities to be drawn up, and then insist on them using the list to make a timetable of activities for the week, so you can be sure your son's getting a range of experiences. I don't think it's appropriate for him to be going out to lunch all the time!

Still waters run deep, don't they? Wonderful poem, Lindyloo...school should keep a copy with their anti-bullying policy!

Me too ! <'> <'> <'> To your little boy, Bikemad...I feel like going and giving mine a hug right now!

My husband suffers greatly from anxiety, and he gets like this when under great stress. I would advise you to see your GP to rule out any physical cause, then, if your GP thinks it's anxiety, ask for some help with learning relaxation techniques. The GP might know of a group you can go to, or you might find information in yoyur library. Also from the library, you can get some relaxation cds. You need to listen to them regularly, not just when you feel anxious, so that your brain is 'trained' in using the techniques and will therefore 'click into' the technique when needed. Good luck and try not to worry! <'>

Well done you! Hope you continue to enjoy it.

<'> Bid, I'm so sorry. Sending lots of <'> <'> <'>

Wow! It sounds as if you've got a really clever little girl there! Have you spoken to nursery about her? If her behaviour is poor at nursery and you think she's bored, they should be able to extend some of the activities to offer her some level of challenge. If you want to try teaching her to read, many publishers do 'early reading' books, which use the synthetic phonics approach (in other words, use words that can be 'sounded out', and use alot of rhymes to reinforce the concepts, such as writing a story about a 'fox in a box', or a 'cat in a hat'. Some people love the Dr Seuss books, although personally I don't like them at all, as they use alot of nonsense and I think children like to understand what they read. A good library should be able to advise you. Problem-solving will probably stimulate her, for instance, you could gather alot of different containers of different shapes and sizes, and she could investigate which holds most/least, how many of 'A' would it take to fill 'B', etc... It's possible to make a lovely mosaic toy by cutting coloured card into diamond shapes (just make sure they're all the same size), then use repositionable spray-mount to spray onto a sheet of card, and she can use the shapes to create patterns... Is she interested in nature? she might enjoy having a small tub to grow plants in. If she's interested, she could choose her own seeds at the garden centre, by weighing up the time it takes for them to grow, and deciding for herself if she cann wait that long! Pumpkins are great for a project-they grow really fast and can be measured as they grow... You could even do some experiments to do with conditions for growth-use cress seeds to grow in the light & dark, in the warm & cold, etc... I'll think of more, but it's tea-time! Good luck

I look at my son, struggling to understand how other children are forming their friendships, and why he's always standing on the outside...I watch him building up his excitement for any activity we take him on, then totally spoiling it because he can't handle the strength of his emotions when he gets there...I watch the other mothers walking along the pavement chatting, holding their toddler's hands, whilst I have to hold 3 hands-both my toddlers' and my school-age boy's, because if I don't, I can't be sure of what he'll do...I hear about him not being able to take part in all the activities which, for me, made school worth going to-singing practice, dance, drama, theatre groups...I see him totally failing to register when he's made someone hurt, or happy, so that everyone else's emotions and reactions come like a bolt out of the blue for him...I see him squirming when asked to read, or write, or draw, because he thinks he has to be 'perfect', and he knows he's not. He is not 'enabled' by these things, they 'dis-able' him. And me. And his two brothers, his father, grandmother, cousins, aunties... I came home today to find a brown envelope on the mat, containing the letter I've been waiting for. G's been awarded DLA, at the middle rate for care. I've been waiting for this 'good news' for weeks, but when it came, I felt just like you, szxmum, I just felt depressed. Here was the 'proof' that G is, in fact, 'disabled'. But do you know what? I'm going to use the money to pay for a weekly cleaner and ironer, so I'm free to devote more time to G, and if there's anything left over, I'm going to save it up for a massage or manicure, so my batteries stay charged for the trials that lie ahead. And I'm not going to worry about it or wonder what anyone else might think. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. <'>

That is just priceless!!! Has he been watching too much Little House on the Prarie? Tell him it's time for 'Harvest Home' and watch him sing 'Bringing in the Sheaths'!!!!!