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Mum of 3

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Everything posted by Mum of 3

  1. I'm so glad you've finally got somewhere Dee, and you can put that woman's unkind, unwarrented comments behind you. Getting the diagnosis at such an early age will hopefully mean you can get all the help and support in place before he starts school. <'> <'> <'>
  2. Mum of 3

    Tantrums

    Just noticed I've replied to a topic started 4 years ago !!!!! Lyns, Your DS is noe 9...hope you found some good alt therapies to help him!!!
  3. My DH's just said this year they've been using a whiteboard at work to write down what everyone's meant to be doing and he's found it really useful... This sounds like a great idea, I think we'll definately be trying this.
  4. Mum of 3

    Hi New

    Joanne <'> What alot you've had to deal with...and what a wonderful mum and grandma your daughter and grandson have! I don't really know what to say, except that you seem to have been treated really badly by the school...they're not all like that and I hope that whichever school your grandson ends up with will be the right one for you and do things right!
  5. If I thought G would actually do any thing he was told to do in the class, I'd certainly send him. It works for me! I think it depends on the personality of the child wether it would help. G's not a 'joiner', so he wouldn't like to be with all the other children, and I think he would be afraid of 'doing it wrong'. He does, however , go horse riding every month. He has a lesson on his own, and although he tries to refuse to do some things (like rising trot! OW!), he can hardly run away, can he, he's captive on that 'oss till the half hour's up , and I get a lovely peaceful half-hour feeding carrots to ponies and enjoying the fresh air! If you wanted to see if he'd like yoga without going to the expense of a class, you could get hold of a DVD from the library/ebay/amazon, try it and see if it suits.
  6. Hi Cathy, I think you're right to be concerned. It does seem as though this boy's actions are being gossipped about by all and sundry, without any of the staff involved looking for the reasons behind the behaviour. Certainly, if that had happened in my classroom I would have been ashamed of having mishandled the class so badly that a child could hide in a box without me noticing! It is absolutely unprofesional of the staff to tell the pupils what has happened, unless it's in a sort of 'don't try this yourselves' way, in assembly, or something. I can see a Headteacher standing up and telling the story of the boy who thought it was a funny trick to hide in a box, but look at the trouble he caused, and think of how dangerous that could have been, etc...But it sounds as though what's happened here is that it's being repeated for the shock value, and that can only cause that boy involved to want to do this thing more- either as a way of getting attention, or if he thinks it's a way to escape. I often feel the way you do..that the teachers at school will 'gossip' to certain parents, so important information is 'leaked' into the playground and told to those parents in the clique, but the rest of us have no idea. I'm currently toying with the idea of going to the head to ask about the teachers for next year-apparantly, one teacher told his class two weeks ago about a planned change around of teachers, and of course all those children told their parents, but we've not heard anything officially yet! When I was teaching, anything that got 'leaked' would immediately be followed up with a letter to all parents as an excercise in damage limitation...there may have been good reasons not to make the info public, but once a few know, it's always better to come out and tell everyone. If I were you, I'd put it all down in writing about what has happened and why you're concerned and ask for a written response from the Head and Chair of Governors. You should be looking for them expressing concern that a child's behaviour is being discussed in such an open way, and they should also be able to explain to you how they are going to ensure that any incidents that may occur with your child in the future are not treated as common gossip in the same way. hope this helps..I'm as shocked as you are, for what it's worth!
  7. This sounds godd...What did you do when they took so long to do the non-negotiables that there was no time left for the 'free' stuff? That's my main problem at the moment-he fills so much time having a tantrum about getting ready in the morning, there's no time left for anything else...then he has a tantrum about that!
  8. Me too...good luck with the 'darning'!
  9. BD, you're looking great! Now, be honest, have you had Botox?
  10. Well of course, Bid...how could you think otherwise! Mine was because I had the audacity to have a miscarriage on the day of my husband's Mother's funeral...How selfish and inconsiderate of me
  11. Mum of 3

    Tantrums

    Hi Lyns, some ideas for alternative therapies/remedies....(be warned...None of these are cheap!)... Cranio-Sacral Therapy This is a very gentle (almost imperceptable movements) manipulation of the skull and the joint at the top of the spine/base of the skull. It stems from such practices as chiropractic and osteopathy, and practitioners believe that tension occurs during birth, as a result of the baby moving through the birth canal, and this tension stays with some of us throughout our lives. (Don't know what they'd say about a cesarean birth!). I tried this with my DS, but unfortunately he wouldn't let the practitioner touch him so maybe not so good for those with sensory issues...If he will let the practioner workon him, it could be very good at relaxing him. Guided Meditation There are many pre-recorded guided meditations for children on the market. These good for helping children to relax before bed, helping them to drift off gently. Regular meditation can help with relaxation and calm the mind even when you're not actually meditating! However, G has to be told regularly that he has to actually listen to the man, and do as he says!!! (read Mumble's post on the insomnia thread recently for a good laugh on this one!) Homeopathy Homeopathy is considered by many to be incredibly helpful. I have personal experience of its benefits, as I suffered from a recurring illness that had doctors stumped...I was visiting the hospital monthly and weekly when I had an 'attack', so that all sorts of doctors could have a look at me, but nothing made me better. A good homeopath was able to give me a remedy that got rid of my illness for ever! (yes, I know it's hardly a scientific experiment, but I guess you had to be there!) A homeaopath could prescribe remedies for some of the issues surrounding your son's temper tantrums, but I would recommend that you shop around carefully for a good one, go on personal recommendation if you can. Also, homeopathy is not cheap...you really need to see a trained practitioner, as well...your son's situation is likely to be much too complex to treat at home with over the counter remedies. Aromatherapy Essential oils can have a good effect on children...even something as simple as soaking a face cloth in cold water with a couple of drops of lavender oil in it, and using this as a cold compress on G's forehead works a treat...he calms down very quickly. He often asks for some 'smell at night if he can't sleep. I use different essential oils at different parts of the the day, to help us through....citrus oils help us wake up with a 'zing' in the morning, rose and geranium keep us calm and relaxed, tea tree oil with lavender or pepermint if someone's ill.. Bach flower essences A bit like homeopathy, these require a bit of a leap of faith... the theory is that the 'essence' of different flowers can help us to regain balance in our emotions and combat stresses in our lives. The most well-known of these is the Bach Rescue Remedy, which is often given for shock. I have a constitutional remedy for myself, and another for G, which we take in water/drinks throughout the day. In addition, when he's had a major outburst and needs to calm down, a nice cold glass of water with 4 drops of Rescue Remedy works wonders (we both have one!). Crystal Healing This is quite hard-core 'wacky'...the idea is that different types of crystals have different 'vibrations', and help us to regain balance by somehow acting on our internal vibrations. I don't really buy into this myself, but my reflexologist is a great one for it, and I must say I've had some very strong reactions whenever she's worked on me with crystals, or when Ive meditated with crystals. Different crystals have different properties, and there are numerous guides on the web. All of these are considered by many to be quackery and a load of old rubbish. I would not usually suggest any to anyone on this forum (except perhaps the Rescue Remedy, and lavender oil, which I think has become quite mainstream now), but you have specifically mentioned it in your original post. I must warn that there are alot of people out there who are more thann willing to exploit a parent's natural desire to find 'the answer' or even 'a cure'...and they will make you pay through the nose for it as well! My advice would be to look very carefully at any practitioner's qualifications, and check that these are from reputable establishments. Only go to a practitioner you can get on with and who you like...and preferably get a personal recommendation. And if they offer to 'cure' your little one, run a mile! The most they can do is treat the symptoms, and help him to relax. Also, as others have said, you also need to be working on some good behaviour management strategies, applied consistantly. Finally, I'll leave you with something a therapist once said to me when I was at my wit's end, and ready to drive my darling boy out into the woods and leave him there (!)... "Shine the Love Light on him..." <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>
  12. Just looking for the 'poo' emoticon!!!! QUOTE (Kelly69): "What a relief that there's someone else out there having the same battles! Its also good to hear that Charlie isn't the only one who just doesn't like the timetables and such. I'm sure all his issues are to do with control so i'm going to reattempt the timetable but let him put the things on it instead." It's scary how similar our boys are. The Ed Psych suggested I get G to decide what goes on his vis Timetable, and to put it all on one sheet, so he can tick off each thing as he does it. She thought he'd like this as he is so keen to be 'in control', and refuses to be controlled. So, I told him about this great idea, and how it would help him by letting him see what he'd already done, and what was left to be done when he's getting ready for school. He squirmed and squeeled and said he didn't want to ( he doesn't 'do' drawing, and refuses to write at all!)...so i persuaded him to try...he quickly and roughly drew 8 boxes on the sheet, then threw down the pencil and said. 'There. that's all I'm doing do the rest yourself!'. Nice! Anyway, his Dad drew the pictures, whilst I did my Joyce Grenfell bit...('Now then, G, what do you do after you've put your pants on?'...'Go to school.'...'No, you put your trousers on, don't you?'). Then, when we'd done the D*** thing, he refused to tick it (he has problems making marks on paper, especially pre-printed things )...refused to put stickers on (can't see stickers coming off the sheet-they all have to stay on the original sheet, he can't cope with seeing 'gaps' on a sticker sheet )... Eventually, agreed to use 'tokens' (we use poker chips as a token/reward system, as he can 'collect' them, and count how many 'bits of goodness' he's managed!), which he puts on top of each picture as he's done it. Now the only problem is stopping his 2 little brothers from running off with the tokens!!!
  13. 'for themat's from t'other parts o'Yorksiiiire...' themat's....them that's...or, more correctly...them that are.....or those that are....I mean those who are.... So, it's... 'for those who are from the other parts of Yorkshire' See why The Queen wanted it to be just her English?
  14. Jeanne, Sorry I have not replied...I thought I had, but there's a button somewhere on my keyboard that keeps deleting my posts just when I think I'm posting them!!! (gremlins! ) I'm so sorry that your daughter has not had the common sense to realise that she was being really unfair on you and very selfish. You and your OH definately shouldn't have been subbing her to the extent that she was expecting, and TBH a dose of reality will probably be the best thing for her. Most likely, she won't come running back with apologies on her lips, but some part of her might come to realise that she has to pay her way, and hopefully she will, at some point in the future, be able to show you that she has become responsible for herself. I can remember feeling very odd offering to pay for my Mum in cafes, etc, once I started working...I'm sure I accepted her offers for far longer than I should have, without even thinking about it
  15. Bid! I thought it was only me that got excited about hand-washing! (For all you non-laundry orientated peeps out there, that's washing by hand, not washing of the hands )
  16. I've just re-read your original post, Karen. You've expressed that you need help, advice and support. I think it's right that you should go back to your consultant, and push for another appt., but in my experience, until they actually diagnose, the appointments are all about fact-finding and evidence-gathering, which, whilst it may be helpful to you to 'get it off your chest', won't give you any practical help. Have you heard about Home Start? They are a charity who offer a couple of hours a week for a volunteer (who have had children themselves!)to come and help you at home. They can play with the children while you take a nap, bath the baby, have a bath yourself!, or just sit and chat to you...offer you some emotional support/advice. They will support any family with a child under 5. Here's a link to their website: http://www.home-start.org.uk/ I would also have a word with your parents and try to enlist all the help you can...I have an arrangement with my mum whereby she picks G up from school one night a week, keeps him overnight and takes him to school in the morning. This is not without its problems (we don't always see eye-to eye on some things!), but most of the time, we're just blinking grateful for one night of peace! Also, your local NAS may let you sign up to one of their courses. They are supposed to be for parents with children who have a dx, but my local group said they would put my name down for a course during assessment, since it's taking so long!
  17. Thanks, Bid... All the time I was typing I had something running through my head about having heard this somewhere else...That's it! Yes, I think you're right. They've just found a new term for it. Now, it's a 'disorder', so it has that ring of respectability to it. Mind you, it's always easier to blame it on the parents, isn't it? Even better, blame it on the mother...she probably won't even complain!
  18. Oh no!!! The pressure! Any chance of any piccies of the frock in question?
  19. Hi Karen, welcome to the forum, and congratulations! <'> I was in the same situation as you (without the twelve year old!) two years ago, when I had my third. G was 3 years 9 months and BB was 16 months. G is the DS who I am having all the difficulties with, and is currently undergoing assessment. G was incredibly jealous when BB was born, and was very aggressive towards him. So much so, that I put a lock on my bedroom door and lokcked BB in there whilst he was asleep because otherwise, G would go in there and jump on him, push him onto the floor, roll on top of him to crush him, etc...He was dreadful . He used to come up when I was feeding BB and grab hold of his head and 'snap' it back. I was sure he'd break his neck one day. I found it very difficult to give BB the care he needed and keep him safe from G. In the end, I arranged for G to go to the local pre-school for 3.5 days a week (using the free place, subsidised by me) just to get some peace. By the time T came along, I was ready for it! I bought a sling, and carried T with me everywhere, so G couldn't reach him unless I let him! Because I could still see to G's needs when T was in the sling, G accepted T much more easily, and actually says he loves T now , but he never 'loves' BB ! I'm thinking that, for you, your immediate and most pressing problem is how to create the calm and peaceful home environment you would like to bring your new baby into! I would definitely look into getting a good sling (pm me if you want more info...I don't sell them or anything, but have tried alot, and can advise!), so that when your dd sees you with the baby, you won't look much different to how you look now, with a bump. You will be 'hands free', so can still give her attention, play with her, etc, but you know baby is feeling you, smelling yoy and feeling your heartbeat as well. In addition, seeing to baby's needs is much quicker and easier when slinging, baby tends to be more contented and quiet...all good stuff with an ASD-type older child to deal with. In addition, whatever the reason for your DD's tantrums, meltdowns, whatever, you need them to stop, or at least reduce for a while. Whether or not she has an ASD, you need her to calm down so you can relax a bit and the baby can settle in. I would suggest that now is not the time to tackle your DD head on. that is not to say you should give in to her, but if you can, 'don't sweat the small stuff'. Relax with her as much as possible, so if she wants to spend the morning naked, why not? If she doesn't want to wear clothes to nursery, you may still want her to put something on for modesty . Does she enjoy dressing up? Many's the time I've taken G to nursery in his Father Christmas outfit (yes, in June!!! ), but at least it gets him there! I've had many,many battles over clothes, but found that when I genuinely (as in, not getting angry , exasterbated or throwing my hands in the air with a 'you've won!' expression!) gave up fighting and said 'OK, you choose...see you later,' and walked away from the argument, those battles got fewer and fewer. There's something very liberating about saying 'yes' to your child, even when it seems that they are asking for crazy things (FC outfit in June?). For some time now, I've tried saying 'yes' as much as I can...so long as it's a request, not a demand, and it will do no harm, or go against 'house rules', and I find that he accepts 'no' much more easily as a result (or maybe because he's older, or I'm more sure of myself in dealing with him...). So, for instance, he's going to school, running late, and he says 'I want a banana!'. Now, he's just had breakfast, and he isn't allowed to eat at school, so there are reasons NOT to have a banana, but if I say yes to that, he can find out for himself that there's a rule at school about it, and he will be so interested in the banana that he might forget to throw his usual strop when we walk (the 400yards!) to school instead of going in the car (which we've never done, but he screams for most days!). It's a case of finding the easiest route for YOU, at this point! *However, if he'd refused his breakfast, no way would he get anything till lunch!* Saying 'yes' is about weighing up the situation and making a judgement. So long as it's not reinforcing an unwanted behaviour (which allowing the banana after not eating breakfast would be), it can go a long way towards rebuilding the relationship between yourself and your child, and making your DD feel as though she has some say in what happens to her I must stress, I'm NOT advocating you give in to her every demand, I'm suggesting you allow her to make SOME choices, so that she feels that she has some contral, and will accept you having some control as well! I, personally, don't allow deviations from the norm at meal times. I might, at a pinch, allow a choice between two carefully chosen breakfast cereals for breakfast (bought brown cardboardy stuff or home made ), but generally the House Rule is you eat what's on the table or not at all. No snacks (apart from fruit, if I decide it's 'snack time'), and definately no child is allowed to access food by themselves, or to have a food that is not appropriate for the meal (like jelly for lunch, etc!). Yes, they might go hungry for a day, but they soon get the message if you stick to your guns. If there's an issue about a certain type of food being favoured over all others, I just take it off the menu until they get over themselves! (I'm really mean like that...I used to keep chocolate in the house until BB started demanding it for tea!). One more thing I've found really helps with tantrums/meltdowns...I use a 'cold compress' of cold water and lavender oil on a flannel, which I press on his forehead when he's trying to calm down. I also make him drink water with a couple of drops of Rescue Remedy in it ( I have some too!). I sit quietly, and hold him/rock him while he calms down, and he comes round much quicker and more effectively than if he's left alone. This could work as an interim measure while baby is tiny. You can work on the 'challenge' later, when you're all more ready for it! <'> I hope this helps, Karen...I'm thinking of you & looking forward to your Birth-Story post! <'> <'> <'> <'>
  20. Aye, Mumble, for themat's from t'other par's o' York-shiiire, loike. Them as comes from 'arrogit call it Harrow-gaaate, all posh-like!!!! Mesel', ah dint kna wee-er thi were taalkin' abaat a' first! Where's the flat cap emoticon?
  21. I agree, BD...sometimes, people in a supportive role need to take on the role of a 'critical friend'. However, when I said that 'if it's not supportive, it's not helpful', I was refering to the fact that the portage worker has gone to a mother stretched to the limit of her resources, dealing with not one (which most people find hard enough!), but two toddlers, and one of those with suspected ASD, going through Dx/assessment, which is as we all, I think, acknowledge, extremely stressful...In my opinion, Mrs D has enough to deal with, and, at this time in her children's lives, needs good, solid, practical advice and help, not judgement. At this moment, if she's anything like me ( ), she'll be reeling from all the punches life has thrown at her in such a short space of time...a time which you look forward to as a lovely, cozy, happy time of baby groups and walks in the park, which somehow turns sour, and becomes a nightmare of visits to doctors, psychologists, etc, with every aspect of family life turned into a battle ground...walking on eggshells all the time and constantly trying to find ways to position situations so that they will be accepted and your child will just do it without a fuss.... There is not a day goes by, nor has there been for the last 3 years, when I have not looked to myself and searched every aspect of my dealings with Gabriel to find out what on earth I've done that was so wrong. I've become anxious, depressed, unsure of myself and defeated by life... When you find yourself in a place such as this, and you seek support (or 'help', which is certainly how I would look at it if Portage had been offered to me!), the last thing you expect is for that 'support' to be making unqualified diagnoses and influencing the professionals who are there to make the qualified diagnosis. To be honest, it was the suggestion of 'attachment disorder' that really struck a chord with me. The cicumstances that Mrs D finds herself in are extreem (as mine were, with 3 children under 4, the eldest of whom was displaying all sorts of uncontrolable behaviours!). Our house has been a madhouse (not in a fun way!) for years, and my two littlies have grown up in that environment...it's all they know...anyone who came into this house without having met me before, or in another situation (such as at work, where I'm capable, calm, in control, etc), would see a neurotic mad-woman who can't even brush her hair in a morning, running round in circles with kids pulling at her from all directions...In order to find the head-space to even put the kettle on, let alone engage in conversation, I have to send all the children to another part of the house! They wouldn't see much of the cuddles, love and affection that each child does get, because those times are usually snatched at bed time or early mornings...during the day it's all just too crazy! Take that into account, remember that I've done everything in my power to engage with my darling boy, and could not, in all conscience, have loved him more or shown him how much I loved him more...and then read this, from Wikipaedia... Quote: Attachment disorder is a broad term intended to describe disorders of mood, behavior, and social relationships arising from a failure to form normal attachments to primary care giving figures in early childhood, resulting in problematic social expectations and behaviors. Such a failure would result from unusual early experiences of neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers after about six months but before about three years, frequent change of caregivers or excessive numbers of caregivers, or lack of caregiver responsiveness to child communicative efforts. Ouch! So, when these people come and 'suggest' that our children have 'attachment disorder'. they are actually saying that we've neglected them, abused them or been so unresponsive to their communicative efforts that they've just given up. This was a term, I believe, that was invented to describe the state the Romanian Orphans were in when they were found. Now, maybe, you can see why it enrages me so much that someone could, after spending a couple of hours in my home, offer this diagnosis. It is NOT a term that should be used without a full investigation having taken place, and from what Mrs D posted, the Portage Worker had not undertaken an investigation into the family, but had merely offered this term as a suggested DX. Mrs D... I apologise wholeheartedly for hijacking your thread and 'going off on one'...Also, if it seems as though I've been 'speaking for you', that is not my intention. Your situation has really struck a chord with me...it was about 18 months ago that the therapist said this to me (about AD), and I had no idea what on earth was wrong with G back then. I was desperate for answers, and blaming myself for everything, so her comment (once I'd researched what it meant!) just compounded all my fears that it was all my fault. It's taken me all this time to realise that I'm not the problem, but I am actually the solution, and the World looks alot more positive from this side of the fence!
  22. EEE, Betty'll be turnin' in 'er grave! Tha'll ne'er get a fat rascall that way, lass! That will make no sense whatsoever to anyone south of Watford Gap!!! (Maybe even South of Leeds!!!) Seriously though Sally, do you have any more details?
  23. Hi Bid, your dress sounds great! I haven't done it, but I know a woman who has! I've bought loads of stuff from this shop...it's wonderful. I'm sure if you contacted Patricia she'd be able to advise you. http://www.echoes-vintage.co.uk/index.htm
  24. Mum of 3

    Isn't it sad?

    Not much in the way of ramblings, since he has a total vocabulary of abround 5 words (but then, he is only 2!)...but he dances like dads did back then in the 70's!
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