dekaspace

Ok so I started a simple discussion on a website I mentioned before, que one of the regular guys who loves to think hes clever saying his was X opinion, I ask him to explain why and just got back "because its my opinion" so I give him a few questions to why he thinks that trying to be careful what I say as this guy always twists things and he still did that challenging my opinion as wrong and trying to get across only his opinion is right, and saying what I found mildly offensive opinions till eventually I said he was stirring things and he was like "no im not, I demand an apology" and how I was the one stirring as I couldn't handle other peoples opinions even when they were valid (shows the attitude he has) each time trying to make himself seem to be more and more morally superior. I have been very ill the last week and had enough and threw my keyboard at screen shattering it, so now have a broken screen due to this guys attitude. I did get agressive back and said im blocking further communication with him and some colourful words, im expecting him to justify that as me being a terrible person and him calm and intelligent.

Saw someone say something very offensive last week online and it was a normal friendly board but after I mentioned it everyone backed me up as it was a board about Japanese tv. Someone went "you can never be as autistic as to commit genocide because you are jealous" On another board though it is trolls someone put a matchstick man and respose of "autistic yelling" for winding someone up they thought was whinging.

Interestingly enough I was on one of my regular forums over last few days asking for advice on my occupational therapist as I thought she was being quite agressive/intimidating as despite knowing I have MH problems and a family member murdered 12 years ago, people kept turning round to me and saying I was whinging and lazy etc just because I said I wanted to improve my life in steps as it was almost impossible overnight. They kept claiming I was using my autism as a excuse to say what I wanted but that wasn't true, I kept trying to explain that the reason I mentioned it was because it was part of the problem, and that I have already attempted to change my life for over a decade and kept failing so the advice (if you can call it that) I have heard so many times before and was trying to find a compromise. I.e I said I was shocked my OT wanted me to get up 8am every day, only home cook and it must be healthy foods, not touch a computer and even not use a tv unless I have to, oh and things like I must shower and make bed as soon as I wake, make sure hair is brushed etc. They replied why didn't I listen to the OT as she was giving me good advice and therefore I didn't want to change. Except what kept on saying was that I was trying to reach a compromise, get up at 11am and after a month or so cut it down by 30-60 minutes It ended up people calling me lazy as they get up around 7am every morning for work and how easy it is even if they are tired, even saying if I can't sleep all night and finally fall asleep at 7.30, get up at 8 so I keep a routine despite me saying even with about 6 hours sleep I am a danger to myself and others tripping over my own feet and walking into traffic as my coordination is off if I dont get a full nights sleep, and often when cooking I cut myself or burn myself because of same reasons. It has ended up people calling me a slob, and just wanting attention! I can't seem to find many forums around that have active responses hence I post there, the maddening thing was it was a disability subforum of a large website so I thought people there would understand.

I have mental health problems (though doctor and occupational therapy think its more linked to routine) its more I feel miserable most of the time and don't want to leave the house and even 5 minutes walk to bus stop is a struggle and when I do the buses take so long due to route, for example 9 miles from me is a £4 carvery, 25 minutes drive by car, if I got bus not counting waiting for connections or late buses would be about 1 hour 20 minutes, to go to city which is 40 miles away by bus (which I have a bus pass) about 2-2 and a half hours, 40 minutes by fast train but thats £10 return. I live in a area with a lot of beautiful small towns, museums and countryside but to get anywhere buses go round housing estates, routes with traffic and instead of a straight line they go around (in the housing estate as I said before way) Also a car is less hassle, theres a lot of Sunday Market/boot sales near me and I could drive them them and get bargains, cheap food etc and have a day out. If so a smart car may be the best. So is a car a good idea? I am 34 and never owned a license, saved up about 7 thousand pounds (which is a problem since benefit limit before getting it lowered is six thousand) The main reasons for not getting one before was more the anxiety over driving, I am the sort of person who is anxious about a task until I learn it (so learn slower) once I learn I am better than average.

No this is spread out over various forums, one of them similar to what has been mentioned before is very strict on most things but things like autism are given a a free ride to be ridiculed. I have been modded on that site in past for calling someone a troll (but saying their argument sounds like trolling isn't modded insults have to be direct) or calling someone a idiot who was calling people on benefits lazy, uneducated etc yet he was allowed to say that.

Actually when my brothers fiance was killed and fingers were (wrongfully) pointed at my brother they printed address though that may be different though they later mentioned whilst the invesigation was taking place he was staying at a homeless hostel in town (even gave name) cue my brother being beaten up by vigilante members of public who only had the drips of false information by the media. That was what changed me from a career in media to general film/radio to later IT, I lost my respect for journalists printing whatever they wanted.

Was just on another forum where someone said something and someones response to another person was "that comment is autistic" I reported the comment only for the mods to message me back saying its not offensive.

Thought I made a thread about this before but can't find it. But noticed more and more online whenever someone doesn't like another person, they automatically call that other person autistic. To break it down its more like if they have a different opinion to someone and think they are right and the other person is stubborn they call them autistic/autist because the stereotypes of people with autism not knowing social norms. Or if they think someone shows obsessive behaviour. Or if they are talking to someone that is sensitive Or if they are talking to someone who has different tastes like a kid who likes cartoons and toys whilst other boys like things like Call Of Duty or Grand Theft Auto, so its a variation on what used to call someone a "wimp" I have even heard insults like "stop acting/being like an autist" Its shocking how people can act like that in this day and age. Just thought I would share and get other opinions.

I did have questionable personal hygine when younger, even now I don't always brush my teeth but gone the opposite way with cleanliness i.e shower every day and can't function without it. I do wear clean or cleanish clothes in the sense I can wear something for days as long as it doesn't smell but if I can I put it on washing line so if I don't go out for days it will be airing for days, if I do something intense like go to gym I don't use that t shirt again till its washed. In terms of fashion I did change in my twenties till a family death put me back to old ways, I was scruffy but neat when younger and now if you get what I mean. If not I mean I would wear like a shirt and trousers but the shirt was badly ironed and may be tucked in badly and maybe even buttoned up wrong, I would change the buttons if I noticed but things like tucking shirt in I would forget. And when I wash my clothes a quick wash can't be enough, it needs to be a long wash and handwashing is a no no unless I am desperate and even then I try and avoid doing it. Anyway from your own posts it reminds me of what people think about autistic people, you come across as I assume(or hope its an assumption) intolerant or at very least not understanding other viewpoints in the sense you have a "right and wrong" mentality to things and that it seems even more so that you are thinking (Again not in a intentional way) that theres a fault with the individual for not changing their ways even if you think the act they are doing is neither right nor wrong.

First off, he seems to have a very abrasive personality and seems to suffer a lot of stress and anxiety so its hard to tell if thats seperate. I moved in with him temporarily 6 years ago and noticed he was the stereotypical slob, he himself admits he hates changes to his routine, the house he lived was so dirty I spent 8 hours tidy, he smoked roll ups and made them by emptying contents of pouch onto table which also had coffee and cola stains, in the kitchen was 2 years worth of rubbish in bags, pots and pans not cleaned in 2 years, whenever he wanted to cook he picked up a dirty plate or pan and used it, his laminate flooring was damaged as he was so absorbed in using his pc he didnt notice a broken castor until I mentioned, the castor had broken months before. He admits he has no friends and struggles to make them, I did get him to go to his doctors about a aspergers assessment and he was told they wanted him to have more tests, but this is one of his major character flaws he can't be bothered to do anything as he finds changes stressful or no point to them. If someone argues with him he makes a nervous laugh and blocks out the world also does things like slur his speech and come across as if he is of low intelligence. He has terrible hygine, well he brushes his teeth but wears the same clothes for days that are years old, massive holes in them, hardly ever shaves, hardly ever showers, and when I lived with him and even when he visits me he complains when I clean saying "whats wrong with things" the floor could be covered in trodden in grass, dirt etc. When he visits he leaves my property as they say looking like a bomb site, beds unmade even sheets fallen off, dirty empties contents of his backpack onto floor, has empty food containers as he eats take aways, spilled drinks cans In living room I can havea empty take away containers on floor, empty crisp/sweet packets, empty beer cans, empt coffee mugs, he doesn't even clean up and just says he will do it later. He also has habits like walking very heavily on his heel so all I can hear is stomping, using excessive force on things like fridge and microwave doors to the point he has jerked microwave forward before (at which point he moans and says its my fault), earlier I noticed I spilled some food in microwave when I used it and wanted to wipe it up and he was moaning "its fine its fine, I just want my food" (like a kid) and huffing and puffing and speaking loudly about me getting in his way last week we went for a drive as first time I have seen him since he bought a car he got so confused as wasn't used to town rounds (as he lives in countryside) he was basically muddling his speech and almost crashed changing lanes, then when we got to pub to get a meal he was so confused (like you expect someone who has a stroke to have, not meaning any offense) He also seems to have hearing problems, I can play something at a low volume and he will say its loud and its making him stressed and have a headache, but then when he watches or listens to something its loud as he says he can barely hear it (seems more to do with sound vibrations than actual volume) He can also wake up at the slightest sound or something like me tiptoeing about going to toilet at night. Its hard to tell if hes a slob, has anxiety/depression, is on the spectrum or a mix but considering his own doctor wanted him to get assessed for it I say he has signs Thoughts?

I was having a argument with someone who showed a lot of signs of autism, and yes I was a little angry but all I said was he was basing everything he believed on logic and in denial of other peoples feelings so was a sign of autism. He started going on about how ignorant I am of autism (turns out he is a university student who does research) how disgusting I am for not undestanding mental disorders. I turned round and said I was offended by him calling it mental disorder and his argument back was "well thats how its defined in books" I found this guy so arrogant but he then went on to say I know nothing about autism and he has done volunteer work with autistic kids therefore knows everything about it. So his entire arguments seemed to be he reads books and studies therefore is the master in things, any disagreement meant I was ignorant or offensive! Just wanted opinions.

So you no longer have a keyworker/advocate? I had my social work support cut, and in last few years lost my funded support workers and even recently they closed local autism group and local council refused to fund it.

I often get angry at the way people treat me, even if I mention autism it in fact makes things worse as they either accuse you of lying or still treat you like a "normal" person as if it is just a label. As in the context I mention I have noisy neighbours who have kids, do diy, and wake me up as early as 7am and they complain if I make any noise after 7pm. Further context is that they say as they have kids its impossible to keep to a routine so they can't stop them playing at 7am, yet as I am an adult any noise I make can be controlled and further to that any potential noise such as me using washing machine or hoover can be done earlier in the day (regardless of the fact I could be at work) This isn't them saying that its when I asked about what kind of noise level is acceptable to have around neighbours and people basically made out that noise kids make is acceptable, but no matter what I did was never tolerable, I had to conform to no noise after 7pm and accept noise from them 24/7 and any thing from me was unreasonable. I can adjust the argument for things such as political correctness, I make a innocent comment with no malice and even be careful what I say and someone will take offense and then play the sexism/racism/homophobia card (disregarding things like me personally being bisexual, foreign grandparents and had gender identity issues in the past) but people find some way to snap and if again I mention the autism they say its no excuse. So people play a card of their own and a genuine thing I have is never even noticed.

I have discussed this in past, but the 2 forums I had problems with have calmed down apart from one or two flare ups, Having one right now, I mention a simple issue I am having for people to basically saying stuff like "you fail at life" and how I was talking """ and it must be because of my autism (as I told people on board before about it) so thats the first major insult. Then other people come on and say I have a history of nonsense so its probably me getting confused (which is insulting in its own way) Not a single reply was nice it was all blaming me for the thing I talked about and people swearing more and more until one came on who was nasty in the past and claims my parents were criminals (he said that in past) and making fun of me/acting like I am strange as I freeze all my leftover food and reheat it and that includes takeaways (his response months ago was that was dirty and why can't I buy another unless I am dirty, greedy, or a povvo (as in poor/poverty) He then claims I keep inventing stories to get attention and I am a troll. Meanwhile no mod on that website has even moderated any of the reponses and when I queried it they just said they didn't see what the problem was (despite outright the person mentioning my disablity as reasons for me speaking """ and his words "screwing up at life") or the people who swore and censored themselves or said I was a liar, and on fine lines of calling me offensive words. Just thought I would share here.

For me as a kid I always had a sensitve sense of smell, as in I associate specific smells with happiness not sure if thats due to memory or not but my parents house has a distinctive smell as its a little damp and dusty, and as they live in the countryside theres a smell to that too. But at same time if I went to a generic countryside the smell could be just that little different due to things like trees it wont evoke the same things. My home town has a little smell to it but not much but the first town I lived when I left home has a very distinctive smell i.e I thought of it as kinda like fresh cooked cookies or at least something like musty burning wood. Hard to tell what part of that is nostalgia and what part is logical as even as a kid or when I left home I noticed certain smells more than others and that every town had its own distinct smell (obviously things like traffic, factories and shops play a part. So even now I notice those smells and it confuses me as my brain automatically sees that as a distinctive nice smell. Secondly is music, I used to play video games as much as 9/10 hours a day at weekends or holidays and in school time about 3-4 hours in a evening though did vary if there was something on tv I wanted to watch as not just the game but the music stimulated me that was like I liked role playing games as you had sad scenes and music to match and action scenes to pump you up. This translated to movies somewhat, no matter if a action movie, weepie, comedy you had music to match, id rather watch a boring movie with 10 minutes of pumping action than just watch that 10 mintues action as it built me up so I assume gaming is similar. Reason for these posts is that I don't play games much anymore due to just being low, but I ahve mixed thoughs on I am feeling low as nothing to pump me up, movies now as mad as a ASD person is saying this have no attention span its just constant in your face CGI, music (often heavy and unsuited to the scene) so no build up, I prefer older movies but have seen them so many times. Thoughts on this?

I would of thought being autistic made people more sympathetic towards me but as I say in previous topics online especially I get accused of things because I take a logical step back look at hings. Recently I have stood up for actual gender equality in the sense that when I heard women complaining about how hard they have it and how easy men do then they listed things where they had it better as being worse I said "men dont have it as easy as you think" to get accused of being sexist, misogynist, that I have a unhealthy attitude towards women and they bet I am violent. My actual crimes? things such as saying men should get paternity leave the same as women so they can bond with the child and paid the same, that meant I was sexist, they say sexist/half truths about men such as saying more men in prison therefore men are automatically violent I say "well women get let off a lot of crimes" to be called sexist and woman hating I can go on forever and though my lists are about sexism so far other things come into account it just seems they like to be PC and have the moral high ground whilst I look at things on a case by case basic. There is media coverage at the minute about poor white men having it hard, well I fit into that category. I grew up with nothing so if someone said "oh you are white therefore have it easy" I would mention how I grew up in poverty and had to fight to go to university to be accused of lying or similar. So how do I exist in this pc world when I am a victim but told as I am a straight white male I am priviledged?

The shorter version, grew up bullied and so poor it was a case of 1 pair of clothes, eating soup and basic food and not having heating on in winter and bullied by people at school as well as the teachers. Low self esteem and confience that grew slightly till I was 22 and a family member was murdered, slowly began recovering but had low self esteem and a little paranoid around age 25-now which got worse to the point my sleep pattern has gone haywire, I dont enjoy things anymore, gained weight, been single 11 years etc. My actual problems seem to be that I am just on the borderline for having aspergers so I dont fit into the "normal" side or people who are deep into their work like a stereotypical autistic person but a mix of both so I have a vivid imagination but depressed if a routine is not kept. I hate being touched on my neck, hips or ribs to the point my heart beats fast and I get physical pain in sides and want to curl up in a ball and have "normal" thoughts like going to work, settling down and getting married but quick to freak out and get panicky and my brain just loses focus and messes up. I dont fit in with other people who have autism/aspergers as I am not on the same level as them. I suppose the way to put it is I have a vivid imagination but "normal" person thoughs but with a autistic mindset on them so it conflicts with each other. And my mind and body react seperate to routine, my mind wants a clear routine so when its not met I feel sleepy even with 14 hours sleep, when it does something like play a video game even if awake for more than 24 hours it will switch on my imagination so I keep going even if physically exhausted and mentally not all there as my body is reacting to its "normal" state i.e before I had depression I woke up early every day(12pm was the latest and only had max 8 hours sleep a night) had breakfast, had a shower, went up town for a few hours even if window shopping, spent a few hours watching tv or playing games and bed, if working or at college it was a set 9am-5pm thing then bed early it rarely changed i.e even on a day off I woke up around same time, went to bed same time. Since depression due to various factors I am not "locked" into a certain routine so my mind is all over the place, the depression cant get better due to my mind not being locked, my weight cant go down as I only eat due to brain being all over the place, I get a bad nights sleep due to mind being all over the place. Basically what used to happen was if I was having a bad day i.e heard someone died or I lost my job I would have a sore head, and struggle to get to bed time(but couldnt sleep before as body had a routine) after a good nights sleep I felt refreshed, because I was refreshed I could do a normal routine, now I sleep long hours as dont get refreshed, have a bad routine as I am groggy, dont leave the house as I am groggy. Sorry this sounds more like a woe is me thread or talking about depression but a huge part of why I feel this way is my aspergers as it stops my brain from functioning normally as it expects certain things and is like a car getting in gear, it is always in wrong gear and the rare chance it is it wants to do everything at once, eat pizza, chinese, indian, sandwiches at once which makes me fat even though a sandwich is enough to make me full, if I leave the house after not going out a week I feel a little refreshed so dont want to go to bed so want to watch a movie so my sleep pattern slips out of pattern, I want to socialise but I was always nervous even before I was depressed or couldnt be bothered as I was deep into a game or wanted a good nights sleep due to my aspergers, I want to work again rather than get ESA but my brain messes up. Then again on the social side of it on the chance I do speak to people I spout nonsense so people think I am strange, I dont fit in with other autistics as they are further on the spectrum than I am, I have normal wants and desires but a over active imagination and reliance on routine. Sorry sorry repeated things many times, anyone have advice?

I have been called high functioning or that I am borderline (as in just have it and no more aspergers to be exact) I had a harsh but mostly loving upbringing, father was seriously ill and got addicted to painkillers which made him worse and gave him mood swings, we did get clips on the ear or smacked on bottom but it wasnt actual abuse as it wasnt hard and not common. I think my father was/is bipolar as his moodswings have never gone away but got toned down over the years to just getting in a strop now and again and ranting about things like how I am lazy, though since my aspergers diagnosis a few years ago he toned down even more. We had no money as dad was too ill to work even over 20 years ago when he was off the painkillers but in severe pain, in those days the benefits were low so it was a case of eating food or paying for heating, clothes, travel etc so we had nothing, parents lived in a rotting house full of woodworm and damp, I loved what I had but wanted more i.e a bike, to go on holidays, to be able to go to the funfair or the kids fun area that cost money and was supervised, we couldnt even afford clothes so had 1 pair of school clothes a year that constantly had to be repaired as buttons kept bursting or the seams split meaning many embarressing moments. When I first started school I was a little hyperactive to the point I had mood swings, not to the level of the bad kids but enough so I had a temper and might stomp my hand on table or foot on ground, I remember changing schools in my 3rd year of primary and first day was sent home after knocking tables and chairs over. In other terms thats a constant of my life though I deal with it different as a grown up, what the problem seems to be is that if I am accused of something I didnt do I get a bad temper because no matter what I say I am accused of lying, I remember in high school politely standing against a table to let someone past who then accidently tripped over my feet, then accused me of knocking them over, the teacher screamed and shouted at me to not only apologise but outright called me typical council estate trash and therefore I am used to lying (and then said I bet you have the police round at your door all the time) when I got offended I refused to admit to the attack and was sent to the headmasters where it was a case of admit the attack and get detention and a mark on my file, not admit it and be given higher detention and sent home and lose the right to go on a school trip so it was a no win scenario. I was just badly bullied at school as teachers hated kids from council estate, whenever I was bullied and compained even the teachers called me a "grass" and making it worse, when the middle class kids bullied me (or the girls) I was told either I was a wimp or "its a case of their word against yours, and i;d rather believe someone like them" referring to the fact they were from "better" families, the school even said I was lazy and refused to listen to any notion I had disabilty) Anyway due to the school being in cliques, I was poor so couldnt go with middle/working class kids, even less points due to being nerdy, but not nerdy enough to join people who were into pcs (and couldnt afford one) 1st 2 years of college were fine, first had loads of friends, went drinking, lost my virginity as heres a big thing as I was able to express myself i.e not just called a nerd people went drinking with me so I came across as "normal" I came out of my shell gradually but still was insecure and a little low self esteem around women and new people, by time I was 21 I began to flirt with women and get a lot of female attention but always too nervous to ask them out or to dance, then a family member was murdered when I was 22 shooting my confidence down. It took a few years to recover enough to leave my home town but the depression got worse but its made even further worse by the fact I have a mind that is unorganised and needs patterns. To put it into perspective the last time I felt great was before the murder, last time I felt low but normal I was around 25 I am now 33 and not been ok in years as nothing feels correct so I am overweight, cant sleep right, too old to socialise with student age people (really I was turned away from a few clubs last week despite being a student as they assumed my age meant I wasnt a student) My aspergers stops me doing "normal" things as it seems to want me to handle a routine and the depression makes it worse, if I didnt have aspergers I doubt I would have depression as they go hand in hand, point being that I wake up wanting to do something but too depressed but my mind expects me to do things so I feel awful all day, if one day I do something like play a video game my body gets into gear and may lock on that video game for hours even if at that point I have been awake 24 hours and eyes are closing themselves so I am in a automatic mode. If I leave the house I suddenly want to follow the routine of before I am depressed so half of me is pulling me one direction i.e what should be normal, other is telling me "no you are too tired to do that/have no time to do it" neither is totally correct. I want to socialise but dont have the energy, and because I am not socialising my brain is effectively in sleep mode, fI do socialise I get overly chatty to the point I cant stop talking even if again I am tired, or I know I am speaking nonsense. Even sex fits this bill, I have only had 1 girlfriend, and 3 other experiences I would consider full sex other times was just fooling around because even though I want a girlfriend or sex I cant be bothered one minute than upset I am alone next. Other things include I dont like anyone touching me near my neck, or my hips especially my ribs which I know is a autistic trait. I cant even socialise with autistic people as they have it heavier so my interests are minor compared to them in a few cases autistic/aspergers people have outright hated me the instant they saw me one even said he picked up on that I was different so saw me as a "threat" Finally it seems that because I only have mild aspergers it means I am in the middle of everything so dont fit into the "normal" crowd nor the "autistic" crowd so I am alone, will put a shorter version in post 2

I am still naive now but much more aware of the world but at same time miserable/depressed due to obviously I dont like being older and miss how simple things were in the past. For example when I first left home I could spend my days in front of movies, to the point I could loop one movie all day, even retained that till my mid twenties(though other things came about like clubbing that meant I didnt enjoy it as much) I could go for a walk literally in a circle around the estate and be happy, and a bag of chips was a treat or a few sweeties then come home and watch kids tv or play video games. I was however even worse socially than now, my stature and facial expressions and general spaced out attitude meant I could be walking down the street and people picked up on differences and called me freak or even gave me the sound where they roll their tongue under their lip and slap their wrists even worse at nighttime as people would grunt and get in my face. So I loved how I enjoyed the simple things but hated how naive I was, now I am a full adult into my early 30s I am miserable all the time despite having the same interests just lack motivation and always tired but I am much more street wise but still naive but at least know to be careful around others and no longer get the nasty comments anymore. My ideal situation would be the love life of my teenage years with the world understanding of my adult years. Just strange so thought I would share.

I only ask elsewhere as those boards are very active, anyway I reported the person and their comments and trolling thread was removed and they replied saying they were offended as they know people with autism and doubt I have it and acted as if I was the one with the problem, then again saying I only mentioned autism becuase I wanted sympathy then asked me what type of autism I had(as they didnt believe me) I responded and mention that if they really did know and close to people with autism they would realise everyone is different and be aware of certain things that come with it so I saw them as the type of person who gets offended for others when they are no expert. They respond to me once more saying that they have checked my posting history and everytime I am losing an arugment I play the autism "card" and how I should grow up and trying to say their original comment was joking and not trolling(yet they outright called me silly and implied certain things about my intelligence) and I mention autism to "get an advantage" in a situation. They fail to understand that because of my condition I do things like word myself badly so if things get out of hand such as someone getting offended by something I said as it was badly worded I mention autism to make them aware that I am different so they can take that into account NOT because I am trying to get an advantage or make excuses or anything.

Thought I would update again, on a totally different website I asked a simple question about moving some items, i.e train was cheapest but awkward to carry and man with van was 10X the amount to have this person basically call me stupid for asking such a question then create a fake thread of of their own to annoy me and when I call them childish and also mention I am autistic they reply with so what and it isnt relevant as I still asked a silly question and I am just trying to guilt them.

For me there is only minor differences for when I first drank when I was over 16 and now, at first it was a fun realease but I had a limit where eventually I just wanted bed and never wanted to party even though I would be invited to them, just for that moment of relaxation I wanted to make it last longer. Now recently into my 30s and after years of depression due to family death and fallout from that etc I find I struggle to even have a single drink but not sure if that is also in part due to the fact I only drink about once a year my tolerance is gone(not that I ever had a big one) but as I am now fat I can physically handle drink more i.e before after about 6 alcopops I would level out and not want more and want to go to bed, now even half a pint of beer and I feel asleep but can be standing 10 pints of beer later but I do not drink because it just stimulates anxiety at same time as relaxing the brain and the come down is worse than my everyday stress. But I never was an alcoholic as even when I was younger I drank 1-4 times a month and under 4 times a year to excess(such as drinking half a bottle of vodka before a night out as I was short of cash or when I got a job I bought 24 cans for £10 and drank 10 in one go) normally I had a friend stay about 6 times a year who bought 24 cans and I stopped after 4 or 5. Basically even if the drink relaxed me there was no point to it because I would be knocked out so not able to enjoy it.

My response could technically be in either section, I am male and attracted to women but I see myself as quite feminine and like the idea of being a woman so I can have smooth skin, long hair and be able to be glam, and be asked out by the opposite sex, and it is a little strange but I wonder what pregnancy and childbirth and having periods is like. I basically wish I can be a man one minute or a woman the next, probably a man in my leisuire time as I like more things associated with men such as certain video games and movies but a woman in public and when relaxing. Its a strange thing though. The only other thing is sexual related, I cannot ever perform sexually as a man as I am in a situation where as I have only ever under 6 times in my life been in a state of complete relaxation I dont know how to activate it for lack of better words so being a man in that sense is useless.

Interesting, reading a little about it on wikipedia some of it makes sense to me, I often repeat what I say two or three times as I am unsure if I have said it right(in written form that means I write long paragraphs repeating things in different wording) and I need a television on in background even if I am using a computer and not even watching it for stimulation, with the tv off even with computer on I feel so sleepy I want to almost faint.

Interesting, going back about 4 years I was meant to do a training course for a Glasgow based company that had 6 months training I think and a job at the end of it. But what happened in the end was the Tories in their usual hate of anyone not rich slashed the funding meaning years later i am still on benefits. I was told the company intentionally hired people on the spectrum as they were better workers.