Dawn22

Hi guys, I post quite infrequently but have always found this forum a great way to find advice and get new ideas. Last time i posted,my ds,and the rest of the family were all at our wits end to put it mildly.I was concerned that my son may have more than 'adhd traits' and was suffering with extreme tiredness and stress due to my sons lack of sleep,terrible tantrums and the horrible effect it was having on us all. I made an emergency appointment with the clinic he is under and sobbed my heart out.I had previously been refused melatonin as he slept 8 hrs..even though this was from 11-7.Well that had gone out the window,and I was ready to push for an adhd diagnosis and seriously considering stronger meds as i thought we had gone past the whole sleep issue. The guy spoke to me,calmed me down and handed me a prescription for melatonin.I admit,at this point i was apprehensive about what effect if any it would have.I had spent the best part of the previous week being battered by my 10 yr old and cried myself to sleep each night. I explained the rules of taking it to my son,and within half an hr,he errupted like a volcano,kicking,punching,yelling etc etc.He looked dozy and could barely stand after ten mins.Ten mins after that,he was asleep..it was 9.00!! During the holidays,his gong to sleep had stretched to 11.30 plus and one night twenty five to one..all with unbearable tantrums. The next morning,i opened his door,and he was bright as a button,no problems with him,happy as larry. He has taken it every night since( been on it about a week and half 2mg) and it takes about an hr and half to work,but he is asleep between 9 and half nine..he has even asked to go to bed!!!! It feels like i have my son back,he has been backing down from arguments,he is much more reasonable and he is more thoughtful before any kinds of outbursts..infact,i have not had to punish him in all this time,as he has managed to control some of his more challenging behaviour. I feel so happy,and am still in shock that it has had such a massive impact on our lives,and am so pleased that the clinic has given us time to try other options before getting to this point.Despite being beyond desperate at times,i feel they have not just rushed us willy nilly down the med route,and despite me being gutted each time i came away with a new technique to try am pleased they have held off.In my heart of hearts,if he had an adhd diagnosis,i would not have waned him on meds for it,but i would have begged them for it last time if they hadnt of come up with melatonin as a possible solution.And what a solution it has been...i feel i have to give credit to the clinic,as i was not thinking straight (for obvious reasons) and am pleased that they gave me a sympathetiv ear and some sound advice..and melatonin. I think it is quite telling,that my son now sleeps for at least 10 hrs a night!! We are all over the moon,as it is not just the ds who is calmer and happier,my 3 yr old is not witnessing quite so much stress and anger and my partner and i have our evenings back,which is just unbelievable,i feel invigorated,and whilst i appreciate it is not for everyone,my son has taken to it sooo well so far that it is nothing short of a miracle.Earlier in my post i said i wouldn't have wanted to put my son on stronger meds such as ritalin,and that is a personal choice,but i want to make clear that,i am not being negative about people who do,i can completely see why.If my son hadn't of taken to melatonin then he would have ended up on stronger meds of some sort am sure.Am just pleased the clinic,who know my views,helped me get through this even if it did take quite a rocky journey to get through it. My word..what a long winded ramble..can you tell i have a bit of free time on my hands?!! Thanks for the support and advice, Dawn.

I was moved to tears also,felt proud even though i don't know him..but having an aspi son,gave me hope,possibilities and perhaps a change in some peoples perceptions.Nice to see something so positive.Brilliant,well done him!!

Hi all,thanks for replies, I will look into everything you suggested..as as far as some of these techniques i have been reading about..well i could pretty much drop kick them. As much as i appreciate that i need to be firm,the realities of him being awake all hrs,and being so far gone he is deliberately trying to wake everyone,or stop us going to bed,i do find i have to cave in and let him sit and watch something in his room. Until i find a solution that works,i am just going to have to cope with the fact i can't be as firm as i would like,i live in a block of four and i don't want 3 sets of neighbours banging on my door. I first suspected he had adhd,so aspergers was a shock,but he is fine at school,apart from breaks,lunchtimes etc when he always comes a cropper.When he gets in,you can tell in a second what sort of day he has had. I still feel that it is more than adhd traits,sometimes it is impossible to stop him jumping around and being childish..something that is getting more apparent as he is getting older. My other half regularly sleeps on sofa anyway,as he has to be up for work and the 3 yr old gets in our bed in the middle of the night..not exactly the life we want,but for now we will all take a few peaceful relaxing nights. Am looking into epsom salts,as have read they are good,and a friend of mine recomended accupuncture..though i realise that different things work for different people. Tonight,my son has had a wobbly tooth,and has just come through AGAIN as it is annoying him..he thinks it is ready to come out but it isn't..have just got him settled again..keeping my fingers crossed!! I am seeing his clinic again on tuesday so will beg them for sleep help,the trouble is i feel they are more on the TECHNIQUE side of things,and i shy away from arguing my case as they seem to like to focus on the positives etc..does that make sense.If they say no to me once about melatonin i know i will find it hard to broach the subject..but i will do!!! I often take my kids out,infact,because the 3 yr old had an afternoon nap,we all went to the park until gone 8,it was great,3 yr old played on playgroung,10yr old played football,and me and john didnt have to sort out any social problems as there were no other kids there..joy!We managed to tire 1 of the 2 out..bet ya know which one!!! Sorry for length,feeling much brighter.Thanks.

hi,no worries,it is an ex council flat..we live in an ok area..we had to make a choice,try and get somewhere bigger and lose the area and neighbours who know him and have a little understanding or stay put and get a mortgage and utilise the giant field that backs onto our flat..ideal when his OBSESSION is football..just a bad day really! We can sell in 3 and half yrs,we are planning to do up loft space as a special place just for him,he needs his space. Some days you think everything is fine and others,they are just so ridiculously hard... thanks for reply.

Hi all, Have not posted for a while,but ds(10) is and has been for a while,having major problems going to and staying in bed..we have had some very late nights with him messing around and ahouting,hitting etc until 25 to one a few nights ago and 11.30 is now becoming the norm.I am dragging him out of bed in the mornings,and naturally his moods are no better as he is so shattered. He has aspergers and the psychologist said that he has adhd traits at h homes as there are 4 of us in a 2 bed room flat. His moods dictate the whole house..and i firmly believe that we would be able to get on top of some of his more challenging behaviours if he were not soooo tired all the time.It gets to a point where everyone is beyond stressed.The clinic where we go say because he gets his 8 hrs(regardless of when it starts) he can't have melatonin..and because he does not have a diagnosis of adhd..no meds either. Am at my wits end..seriously.. his behaviour includes threats,bullying,manipulation,and he won't accept any punishments..i have taken a few smacks off him this morning as i have taken his phone as punisment for last nights events. Can't think straight..and am working my way through the explosive child..attempted magic 123 but it is up to me to explain the technique to other family members and at over 200 pages,i don't think i have enough of a grasp at it to explain fully..especially given i am reading at stupid o clock every night due to ds. SORRY FOR THE RANT AND POOR SPELLING PUNCTUATION ETC..just too tired to care, feel a little better though!!

Hi,i felt compelled to write to you. My name is Dawn,and I am the mother of a recently diagnosed 9 yr old. I don't have aspergers myself,and have been through a steep learning curve with my son,as have the rest of the family. I can't pretend to understand how aspergers has affected your life,but i can completely relate to the feeling of depression,living in a small town,feeling miserable,no social life etc.Although we have different reasons for the causes of these feelings,i felt them all the same. I have only posted a few times on here,but i have gained so much information,support from behind the scenes as it were,just reading the posts on here makes me feel less alone.You will find other people on here in similar situations and also an outlet for your feelings and thoughts. I have found that just writing my problems down in a message to members on here,has partly solved my problems,as it has allowed me the time to reflect on MY thoughts and FEELINGS. You are not alone,and i just want you to know that,also,when you are in the middle of a foggy nightmare and are feeling rubbish..things do get better..you will find a way forward,and am sure you will get a great response on here. I hope this makes you feel a little better, warm welcome,Dawn, <'>

Thanks guys! I will be looking up 123 magic and also tony attwood.x.

Hi all, Have not been a member for long,but my 9yr old son has been assessed and we have been visiting a clinic where i live regularly to see a psychologist and talk with a nurse practitioner.We have had observations at home and at school and i had a long wait for a very detailed report. I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner last week,and he told me that i HADN'T had a diagnosis..i must of looked really embarassed,as at the last meeting they said he fitted the criteria for aspergers and adhd..me being new to this and not knowing how this all worked,thought that that was th dx.Anyway he pretty much said he would be surprised given the report if he wasn't diagnosed as.I felt like a right plum though,as i really thought i had been given dx. Basically,the group of people who do decide his and other cases will meet once a month and hopefully then we will get the dx. I really just wanted to clarify as I have been saying on other posts on here that my son has as and adhd,and at the moment,that is not the case.I don't like misleading anyone,that was not my intention. Can anyone tell me what happens next?I know that if he does have AS then we will no longer go to the same clinic,at the moment,i meet every 2/3 wks,and they talk with me about my son and are trying to help me come up with some strategies that work with his behaviour.My practioner used to be the adhd nurse there.He has suggested magic 123 as he thinks that may help my son..anyone know where i can get a video or dvd of it. Thanks for reading,and to everyone that offers advice and support. Dawn.x.

ben

Blinding!!!!!!xxx

I found it fascinating,and it was really up lifting,the dad conducted himself really well and gave a quite balanced account of what happened.I see a reaction in my son who has as when near dogs,and if i had a bigger house i would definately get one for him,but only have 2 bed flat at the moment. It may not work for everyone,but obviously,for his family,it has been worth it,and looks like a wonderful adventure.I did like what he said about it being a gateway to adventure..that is a lovely way of looking at things. Animals have a quality which can really move some people and the stories we sometimes hear of them having a wonderful effect on children is really inspiring and quite magical. Very interesting,shall look forward to watching the documentary. Dawn.

Hi,my son,9,has aspergers and adhd,i have not had an appt since diagnoses,but am returning to clinic in just over a week.He has phases where he can be very challenging at home,and have always maintained that if i could get him to sleep earlier,his behaviour wouldn't be as bad.When he is tired it is really hard to get throught to him. He tends to be ok at school,bar breaks and dinner but he tends to store up his frustrations and bring them home.He can be very hard to discipline as is very quick to snap,all things which we are working on. Are they likely to suggest medication,as in a previous meeting they said it was mainly to help 'get them through school',which left me thinking that it was not an option.I would love to work on some of our issues with my son,but he can be very difficult to get throught to,has a tendency to 'know it all'.and doesn't like questions.At the very least i would like something for his sleep as no one is getting a decent break in the family. I know very little about medication,and don't know how to bring it up. Am not just after 'drugging' my son,i just want a little help in solving some of the other issues he has to deal with. Thanks,Dawn.

Hi,i would buy the spinning top,some of the more old fashioned toys are very appealing to kids.I was also going to mention hawkins bizarre as they probably have the old type too if he is more likely to want the one he had seen.Also,don't forget,our kids usually have loads of toys/games that they never play with etc,how lovely to buy something that will be appreciated..and used!! Dawn.

Hi,i have the same kinds of behaviour from my son sometimes.Very stressful,since diagnosis we haven't had an episode..not saying it is a magic cure to get a diagnosis,but since the word asperger crept in to our life,my partner and i have been a lot more aware of the why's and what fors of his condition.Am sure we will have meltdowns from him again,but i shall certainly use some of the advice on here,as prior meltdowns have just been 'ridden out' as it were.I shall also look out for that book,is it suitable for a 9 yr old..does anyone know any football related asperger books? Thanks,Dawn.

Hi,my son is 9,ten in August!Don't know if it is just a parent thing,but the first 5 yrs of his life seemed to last forever!Maybe it is something to do with being diagnosed 2 wks ago with as and adhd!However,now time seems to be flying by.My other son,Ellijah is now 3,and time seems to be speeding by unbelievably! El is never really bothered about having things taken away from him,unless he is really frustrated..then everything bothers him..but usually pocket money works,he really likes saving up. His outburst type spells seem to come in waves,and there is usually a school/friend issue that goes along with it.When we have organised birthday parties for him,very few kids have turned up,one tim,just 3,and we had borrowed one child as well.Luckily,he didn't notice..or even question it,but times like that as a parent make your heart break.So i can completely empathise with the parent issues you come up against. My partner has explained to our neighbours too,which has been a godsend.Up until a couple of mths ago,we had seven kids and 2 adults in the flat next door to us,that particular arrangement lasted a yr,and El's behaviour in that time was the worst it had ever been.Because of the lack of friends in the area,he looked on their behaviour as 'normal',and unfortunately,with that many kids out on the street all day every day,the parents either ignored or simply couldn't juggle the overseeing of their behaviour.I found that i was out sorting out all the arguments and rows..and my stress levels went through the roof. The diagnosis could not have come at a better time,as El can now re learn the whole friendship thing,with children who are monitored a little more closely themselves,if that makes sense.I like going out on long walks with the kids and relaxing in their company,i find it hard going to my friends house with them as El gets very hyper and can act quite immature,he also does this at family members houses too and when we have people round. Once El gets like that,it can be very hard to get on top of the noise,and his little brother then acts in a similar way..so then i have 2 of them bouncing around,this is particularly a problem when they both get up and again when el returns from school,it does calm down,but they can wind each other up very quickly.I obviously have a lot of areas to focus on! Funnily enough,with regard to what i said earlier about him cooking food,i cooked the same food for tea tonight,and when el saw it,he said 'did you leave it in for 25 mins?..thats a joke mum!' He does make me laugh. Sorry for the ramble again,but am finding the more i write things down,the more i can see our problem areas,whereas pre knowledge of aspergers,everything seemed so manic and hectic so much of the time that EVERYTHING seemed to be NOT going right,now i can see a little light. Dawn.xx.