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Donna K

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About Donna K

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  1. Just wanted to update this, we have had a meeting today and school have agreed to put him on an IEP and School Action LASC will be going into school and home and implimenting strategies and telling the teachers when they have missed certain behaviours so they learn how to recognise when he gets upset, angry, distressed or stressed etc. They will work on ways to make his days as stress free as possible so that hopefully the bad behaviour at home will ease. He will get help learning how to recognise his own emotions and be taught how to react appropriately, given a help card to ask for help in class and at home, no homework for the time being and the home school diary to be a more honest reflection of his day, not so I can punish him for bad things, but so I know about them in case it affects his evening at home. I feel this was a more positive meeting and I am happy with the outcome of what's been agreed on, now whether school will stick to it or not is another matter but I am happy for now Hopefully now things have been agreed to be put in place things will get better for him and us, if he's less stressed and angry then it should make things easier at home, time will tell but for now I am hopeful I really t hought they would have denied everything and not agreed to do anything to help A, so I was pleasantly surprised with the outcome. It was LASC and the inclusion officer who made all the suggestions and it's the inlcusion officer who allocates the funding so school were probably more willing as they know money will be coming for him now. One thing that confused me though, I was told A has always been on their SEN register! News to me as I have never been told this before and does that mean he should have had help before now?
  2. I have tried discussing it with his teacher but she's very dismissive and tells him he has to do it because all the other children in the class have to do it whether they like it or ot, they all have the same etc, today after my comments in the home/school diary about last night's attempt, she's told him off saying she doesn't want to have to read any more bad things about homework and behaviour! She also told him he's not to ask his sister to do it because it's HIS. LASC discussed it with the SENCO and the giving it to him in the morning etc was agreed, but they only did that the once, tonight it's been a battle ground again and he's had tantrums, thrown things and hidden under the table, come out and punched and kicked his sister! He has done some but he really wasn't happy about it, I am going to keep sending it in unfinished. I am not going through this every night with him, it stresses him out and is not fair on any of us really. He had a project over easter, he drew a picture on one page, got his sister to do a bubble writing title and that's as far as it went, he didn't even colour it in! If he ends up regressing through not doing homework then they need to help him appropriately in school and give him the suport he needs. I will definitely be raising this issue at the meeting.
  3. Thanks He has had a few moments, as always LOL but a lot easier to cope with than the constant battles after school, he really doesn't want to face this project, I know he needs to do it or he'll end up being made to do it in school or will be in trouble for not doing it but it's really hard work getting him to do it when he's so against it and all hell breaks loose, it's like deliberately causing the bad behaviour. He's been a little swine today on and off, school holidays get me down as he is hard work, thankfully though we have had some reasonable weather for him to be out on the trampoline which has taken his attention
  4. School decided they would refer me to BEST and LASC for home support after having a meeting between themselves and discussing the content of two of the home/school diaries, they're hostile to LASCs involvement in school. It's definitely them not coping with A properly and him getting so stressed through the day that I am getting so much flak at home from him, he's not been half as bad since being off for easter, yes we still have problems but behaviour in general has been less stressful than after school, it HAS to be school that's causing a lot of it, or why is he so much worse when I pick him up from school than he's been this last week?
  5. I did reply to this the other day but my wireless went off and I've not been able to get on to trply since, so I apologise! We are drawing up notes and a plan for the meeting, with help from PP so that should hopefully be a good start and help us while we're in there! I know the professionals can't force their way into school, LASC are already there supporting other children so she makes a point at the end of the day to spend the last 10 mins in class with A, then comes out and talks to be before we go home, she said she will have a word about going into school more before the meeting but they're very unwelcoming and she feels like a spare part as they insist he needs no help, yet she can see clearly that he does and has been fobbed off when she's seen him getting upset and distressed. This school aslo say that they're coping and don't need any outside help for A. I certainly think SALT should re assess on the issues you have stated above, I will have a go at seeing what he understands of his reading, if I can get him to read for me, he has gone a project to do from school which we haven't started yet, it really bugs me when they give if to do during school holidays! So I will see what he understands of that and see if I can get him to do some of it. I don't know what his cognitive ability is, although I would like to know as I am sure it's our right to know! For all I know he may well not be acheiving to his ability because he's not got the relevant support in place. I really don't think he does see the point ih homework and in his eyes, although it's called homework, it's school work he has to do at home and with them being two separate places he doesn't see why he has to do it at home, it's like mixing the two which is probably why he gets distressed. School said at the last meeting that they would set his homework out in a way that was easier for him to understand and cut his projects down into easy chunks, I have seen no difference in his homework and their idea of cutting the project down was literal, they get 9 boxes and have to choose 3 of the activities in a line, one has to be the middle one, what they have done is cut the actual 3 boxes out so he doesn't have the choice as he thought he had to do all 9 and it was too much. He hasn't had a choice in which 3 boxes, he just gets given the box to stick in his project book and still has to do all of the things listed in each box, I thought it would be easier to give him one task at a time, broken into little chunks like that, not just the boxes cut out! They really don't want to make any effort it seems. I don't know who would be willing to put in writing about the behaviour being different that home in ASD children, but there's enough of them mentioned it to me in the past so I know it will be brought up in the meeting, but like you say it needs to be written. LASC have said most of their current caseload is the same as it's really common. I also said to LASC the other week, funnily enough that how would school feel if they were getting all the bad behaviour and not me, they'd be screaming out for all the help and would be really un impressed if I had their attitude that it's their problem and they can deal with it because he's not like that at home, so they should take that into account and think how I must feel. I will make sure it's mentioned about the previous school nurse saying that she witnessed him punching his head while on the computers and it being ignored and her being silenced on the matter, I may see if she's stil available to contact, maybe our school nurse could get this information off her in writing as she's likely to know her. School have implied many times that it's my parenting at fault, but my come back was that if that was the case then why aren't my girls the same? Surely all my children would have bad behaviour and be out of hand etc if it was my parenting skills at fault? They didn't like me saying that but I don't care for their attitude either!
  6. Connieruff, thank you for the suggestion of that book, I have hear about Tony Attwood before and his books, the only reason I haven't bought them before is that his DX was autism, but I do know he has a lot of AS traits! He's like a mixture of the two. It sounds like it will come in handy about the homework issue, so will be worth me investing in, also I might just shove it under his ignorant teacher's nose!! And yes, A is very visual so counting blocks etc would come in handy It sounds like you have worked hard finding ways to do the homework with your son. We couldn't do it at bedtime, partly because he has a cabin bed so would make things a little awkward, we have tried breaking his homework so he does a small amount each night but he gets so stressed about it and I get fed up being kicked and sworn at all the time so I do give up some nights, it's just not worth it. I have noticed he starts looking really confused if there's a lot on his maths papers, sometimes there's a lot of drawings as well as numbers and I think it's just too much to look at.
  7. Myself and OH will be sorting out some kind of action plan before the meeting and will be going in armed with plenty of notes etc. I plan on showing LASC all the most important letters I have from CAMHS, SALT and paediatrician, I also, strangely found a letter about a meeting to review A's IEP, yet he's never had an IEP!!! I know LASC, CAMHS, paediatrician, school nurse and HV all have plenty of written detail about the behaviour difficulties and have seen them first hand too. I am trying to gather evidence, I know the professionals can't force their way in, but the school nurse is regularly there and can pop in to see him if she gets a chance and LASC usually go to his class at the end of the day about ten miins before the bell, she said they're not very welcoming (says a lot!) School also say the same as yours, that they are coping well etc. (doesn't seem to matter that he isn't though!) the inferrence thing, the SALT report says that was OK, but it doesn't say anywhere about him reading anything So I think this needs re-assessing. I will try and get him to read a few things to me and see if he can explain. He has a project to do too that we've not started yet, that won't be easy! I will do the googling shortly on the things you mentioned and see what it says. I have made a note of what the SALT should be assessing, thanks for that! I do not know what his cognitive ability is, mainly because they avoid answering these kind of questions, but I do want to find out, he probably doesn't understand the point of homework, like you suggested! Also, he sees school and home as seperate and can't see why he needs to do what he classes as school work at home, even though it's called homework I know LASC for one wouldn't mind putting in writing that it's common for ASD children to behave at home and hold the tension in all day then let it out once they have left the school, she told me most of her surrent caseload are the same, so it's not a singled out occurance that A does this. Funnily enough, when I last spoke to LASC I mentioned that if it were them having to deal with A and he was fine for me then they would be screaming out for all the help they could get and really wouldn't appreciate it if my attitude was the same as theirs towards me. I have taken on board your advice about private reports and everythin in writing etc, I appreciate it, I am really hoping that things will be agreed and actually acted upon this time, not brushed under the carpet again, as through their lack of understanding and not ackowledging his DX they have found themselves having to have this next meeting which I know they're not happy about - well, tough, I want what my son deserves and I won't stop until he gets it, so maybe this will make them realise as they have fobbed me off and not done things in the past and I still haven't dropped it as I am sure they want me to do! And you're right, we are going into school because it's a problem there and most certainly not a parental control problem, although they have fobbed me off with that before now too! My answer back was that why aren't my girls the same if it's bad parenting on my behalf?
  8. Thanks, I have no idea what their definitions are of behind, I assumed they meant behind what the rest of his class at his age are supposed to be at, but because they've avoided my questions by things like "this is what he's working on/towards" "he's meeting targets" What targets though I have no idea! They could be above or below average but they didn't tell me. I don't know if LASC deal with things SALT would normally deal with, but they are more specialised in ASD where SALT can be for any kind of speech problem not just ASD related. His last SALT assessment, he was really badly behaved, hding under the chair, trying to get out of the room, kicking, punching and swearing at me and completely un-cooperative. She completed the assessment in school in a room on his own. I re-read the letter earlier, now, bear in mind CAMHS said he has "quite significant social and communication difficulties" SALT said; he is presenting with subtle social communication difficulties and has specific difficulties understanding the perspective of others (not sure if that's a contradiction though) During conversations he has the tendency to make statements about himself and doesn't seek information from others. His topic maintainance issues also affect the "flow" of conversation and may be perceived as lack of interest by his conversation partner. His poor understanding of perspective and of the consequences of his own actions may also be an issue and may prevent positive behavioural changes, She said she feels that SALT intervention is not indicated and would have minimal impact, that he will benefit mostly from a holistic approach to his management and especially support at home for his behavioural issues. He is functioning well in school and they have reported no immediate concerns (that doesn't surprise me) For attention, listening and co-operation, She noted he was quite active, constantly moving around the room and ended up on the floor to play their games. poor listening skills, especially when engaged in an activity and a question was asked, he either ignored completely or answered inappropriately (this indicates to me that he doesn't understand what was asked) He needed the question repeated to gain his attention for him to answer correctly. It was difficult to disengage him from a self-chosen activity and was nearly impossible for her to change the rules he had made. Took 5 firm instructions fo rher to be able to keep a counter. For social communication skills she noted that he interacted well but his strategy was to give information rather than seeking by asking questions, he didn't ask any questions during the session and had difficulty whrn asked "what question would you ask your teacher if the work was too hard?" (explains why he does little work and gets upset, he doesn't ask for help!!) He had topic maintainance issues, tended to interrupt her questions with his chosen topics. Understanding of language, he demonstrated good understanding of language and coped well with the activities designed to assess this He also coped well discussing emotions, he recognised expressions from pictures and explained them, but strugled with proud (to be fair the pictured are very clear, angry, sad, happy etc, recognising a picture is easier than on someone's face!) He had specific difficulties understanding the perspective of others and found it difficult to imagine he was on someone elses situation, his awareness of his own behaviour is poor. No problems with the other parts of the assessment, yet he did when he had the ADOS done, I guess sometimes he copes better than others and depends on his mood on the day! SChool have a copy of this, but all the SENCO said to me was that they'd discharged him, and smirked (so he must be OK in other words) I think I will ask for a re-assessment on certain areas because like I say, he does take things far too literally and this is becoming far more noticable now. I will get to replying to your other post now LOL, there's a lot to reply to!
  9. Sally44, thanks for that, I will reply later as I have to go out now, didn't want you thinking I ignored your post. Karen.A, thanks for the links, I will look at them when I get in later Thanks everyone for your replies, it's been really helpful
  10. Hi, no, A doesn't have an IEP, the old head refused 3 times when I requested he have one, when I had a meeting with the acting head a few weeks ago, the SEN support was in there making notes, the accting head seemed unaware he had a DX despite her attending the beginning of the meeting we had in September. The SEN support said he didn't warrant an IEP because he needed to be more than 3 years behind in his education to qualify!! PP rung the LEA about this and the school wrongly informed me. Doesn't surprise me TBH, I think they were just trying to fobe me off so I would drop it and now thay have a multi agency meeting to take part in! They weren't happy about it when it was booked, aparrantly LOL, PP made all the calls and made sure everyone could attend for the given date, school don't seem to like me talking to PP. He's not on SA or S+ but a few of the professionals think he should be on one of them. LASC is Language And Social Communication Service, they give home and/or school support to deal with behaviour issues with ASD children, their aim is to find strategies to lessen stress and in turn lessen the behaviour that is a result of stress, they have been really helpful and are very highly trained in ASD's. BEST haven't had much involvement because the lady I was designated ended up in hospital quite ill so the school nurse took over some of the things they were wanting to do, I have to say too that normally you have either BEST or LASC, not both so it's unusual I have been given the oppertunity to have both involved, lie you say, it's telling My OH and PP are coming to the meeting, he's very good at speaking up when I can't seem to get a word in because I won't interrupt and he will, so he makes sure things are said if I haven't managed to get my point across. PP will be taking notes too.
  11. Sally44, thank you! A does misbehave at school but his teacher deems it to be no different to a typical 7 year old boys behaviour and not anything that I need to be told about, he is in a class of 31 with only 7 girls and the boys can be quite wild, so I think he gets lost amongst them all TBH. I think when he's showing signs of distress or anger they should be trying to ask him what's wrong or like ou say take him elsewhere for him to calm down and then work out what's wrong etc. When LASC have been in and seen him gettig upset and distressed, they ahve gone over to him and worked through it and calmed him, she said the teachers weren't interested and said he's just playing up and not to bother with him! She's for home support, not school so really isn't supposed to be in his class bu has gone in when she's been there to see other children and made a point of going in out of curiosity just to see what he is actually like in school with them always saying he's fine etc, what she has seen is him not coping. I have asked if she can manage to go in his class and observe him more before the meeting in May so that she's a better idea how he gets on in school and has evidence that he's not coping that she's seen for herself as she can throw this back at them when they try to fob us all off. To say school say he's doing so well, last year he was in year 1, this year my younger daughter is in year 1 and she's done far more work than he did last year, in fact the quality of her work is better than his in year 2!! This to me shows he's not doing as well as he shouhld or could be. I need to speak to PP again before the meeting anyway and have a few things I want to discuss so these issues will be among that, I need to make a lot of notes for the meeting really which I haven't got around to doing yet. School have known for the last couple of years the problems I have at home with him and his homework, more so now they have the diary as reference. To them it's a home issue, not their problem because it doesn't happen at school. He used to see SALT but they discharged him after they thought they couldn't get any further with his speech, I was a little disappointed with this as he'd been seeing the same SALT for a while and she was very good and could see the ASD, then she left and this one took over, saw him once in the clinic which was a complete disaster then in school to finish her assessment snd he was completely different although he didn't understand some things still, yet showed some awareness in others, so she said refer again if needed at a later date, unfortunately the waiting list is ages to see them again! I think it may be worth asking to see them again though, his literal meaning of things is getting far worse and more noticable, he is far too literal and I know this will be taken advantage of as he gets older. He has started reading better this year but still struggles with some things, the main thing is that I don't think he understand what he reads, he sees it and reads it out but it has no meaning. He does struggle with verbal instructions in class, LASC said you can see he isn't sure what he's supposed to do, then starts copying the other kids so he's able to do the task, so taking cues rather than actually understanding. He has a visual chart / timetable at home and it really helps, I think one in school too would be a good idea but they would have to be willing to help him as he has no 1-1. The TA's aren't really bothered, they go anywhere around the class, not with specific children apart from one who is 1-1 with another ASD GLD child in his class. I think a help and time out card would be really handy for him, it may well ease some, if not a lot of his stress. The EP he saw 2 years ago saw him for half an hour and said she saw nothing that would suggest ASD and he seemed fine etc (basically backing up the school, the school nurse he had at the time mentioned she'd seen him punching himself in the head, but was shushed and it wasn't noted, now we have a new school nurse who will not be shushed so easily!) To me she was a waste of time so I hope he will have a different one now, if one sees him again. They need to be really up on ASD's not just classic LF non-verbal autism, otherwise they'r enot going to see his difficulties. Where evidence of need is concerned, the school nurse has recently filled in a CAF for him, it was signed last week and she's getting it off to all professionals involved with A, I am hoping this will highlight areas of need when other professionals fill their bits in as to what they feel he needs etc, this may help with the statementing if I am able to go ahead with it? I wil certainly be enquiring about that and the legality of our LEA's policies! There seem to be a fair few ASD children in this school, most of them are catered for, usually only if the school have a problem with their behaviour and are very behind with their work etc, otherwise, like with A, they don't seem to bother. I am sure a lot of it is down to money and them not wanting to share a little more of their budget with a child deemed not as serious as others, also the head (whos beenn sacked since) has refused me an IEP 3 times for A! He said A has needs but not as needy as others so would have to wait and he was unwilling to help telling us to go through GP instead as school wouln't back me up! I think they could meet his needs if they had the resource and they stopped being so ignorant and actually listened to me and the professionals and take everything into account, not just him academic skills etc. They haven't shown me any scores of his levels of work, last year they said he was quite behind but not enough for them to be concerned, this year they're saying he's meeting targets, I don't know at what level though as they avoided answering me directly about it so I have no idea where his strengths and weaknesses are, I am hoping the SAT results will show up the help he needs as they can't really help him with those and will show his ability and anywhere he has a weakness. They won't be able to deny that then and I will also get a copy.
  12. Regarding homework, I have in the past told him the answers, but then I realised he'd be getting better marks than his ability so I stopprd. His previous teacher told his older sister she should help him, he interpreted this as her doing it for him, the times I wasn't supervising homework she did it all for him, again resulting him getting better marks than his ability. I stopped his sister from doing it, of course he got angry about it, but his marks were misleading. In the end I decided because of the amount of stress it caused him and the resulting behaviour, I would get him to do it, but if he showed a lot of resistance and stress then I would leave it for that night, otherwise I could spend all night trying to force him to do it, which is wrong. As a result his homework quite often gets given in unfinished, hardly done or ripped up in his frustration, this is what they need to see as it shows his distress, I also make comments in his home/school diary about it. They agreed to give him homework on a Monday morning and spend time explaining to him so that he had all day to get used to having it and have an understanding before he brought it home, that week they also went through some of it in school so he had less to do at home, I thought *great, they've realised and finally helping* but it only lasted one week, the next they gave no homework, the week after it was given on the way out of the door at hometime again! Lack of inconsistecy is appalling! The idea behind that is that he would hopefully be less stressed about the whole homework thing, now it's making things worse because they keep changing it for him, they told LASC that they did think about him not having any homework but thought they would try this first as it seemed a good option, which it is, as long as they keep up with it! At a previous meeting in September at school they agreed to break his homework down and set out in a way he could understand it better, but this never happened. I also feel lit's unfair him being punished by missing break times and golden time too do the rest of his homework, in the past his teacher's had a go at him (in front of me) telling him he's being really silly and all the other children in the class have homework and do it and don't cry about it etc. This is true but they don't all have an ASD!
  13. I spoke to my GP first and he referred to the paediatrician for me, paediatrician referred to CAMHS after several appointments and to speech and language too, some referrals can take a while due to waiting lists so the sooner you go the sooner the ball is rolling so to speak Just air your concerns with the GP and possibly school, although they're not qualified to DX ASD's and can be ignorant, but if they see anything that bothers them then it may help you if they do a behaviour report or something, maybe see the head about your concerns and see what they say too and see if they can refer to an educational psychologist, also seek out your local parent partnership as they can usually offer advice and support. Health visitor should be able to give you some support and guidance too, as should the school nurse, get everyone you can possibly get involved with your child as the more people that see him the better as they may see things school don't so you could still get a DX. It is hard, especially when you have read up and done research and are convinced and you feel like nobody believes you or will listen to you, but keep at it, you will get there in the end xx
  14. You know your child best, if you're not happy, keep on about being referred to paediatricians, CAMHS, ed psych etc. It took me a long time and school always telling me there was nothing wrong, but I didn't give up, I have been like a dog with a bone over it and it has paid off where DX is concerned, having ongoing battles elswhere though (school) but again, I won't let it drop. If you want what's best for your child, sometimes you have to really fight for it Ask for assessments and hopefully you will get the answers you're looking for. You're not alone and many of us have been where you are now. Good luck! xx
  15. I voted the first option. A, I am told is fine in school and doesn't show any sign of ASD yet he often blows even before leaving school grounds most days and is a complete nightmare. School are most unhelpful and will not admit he has ASD despite his DX a year ago, needless to say they really get my back up!!
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