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virtualvisual

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Everything posted by virtualvisual

  1. No courtesy car if yours in written off so we're stuck for now. The one time I regret that brilliant idea we had of living in the middle of nowhere (6 miles to the nearest shop). Looking at photos hubby took when he got our belongings from the car was a shock, I don't think it had sunk in til then just how lucky we all are. Oh well heres hoping the insurance company making us a decent offer as quick as possible or I'm gonna have to rent a car to take us down to visit my parents between Christmas and new year (the hotel is booked and non-refundable)
  2. I guess if I ever needed an example of how differently my children cope with life then what happened to us on Sunday was the ultimate example. We'd just dropped my 6 yo stepson off at his mums and were about half a mile from home when another car smashed into us. The kids (bless them ) got out of the car and went to the verge when I told them to, waited patiently while I put out the flames that were coming out of our bonnet and hubby got the other driver out of his car. No one was seriously hurt but thinking back on it the kids reactions were interesting. Alex (13 AS ADD) just stood and looked at the car and said "I guess I won't be getting on the xbox today then" James (ADHD??) burst into tears and his twin Rosita was the only one who lay down and said she was sore. We all got a trip in the ambulance (hubby and Rosita were put on back boards) and got checked out, as soon as we got to the hospital Alex found the playstation and settled down to play. I'm now purple across the waist, Rosita has a couple of bruises but the boys and hubby haven't got a mark. The car is a write off (there's no front to it now but I'd recommend a zafira even though it got a fair whack the interior was intact but airbags leave an interesting odour ) Anyone got a spare car I can borrow for Christmas?
  3. No HH you're not being a bad mum you are trying to teach him one of the hardest lessons, that no matter what problems you might have, doing something wrong that is within your abilities not to do will have consequences. ASD is not a passport to being able to dodge things you don't want to do and behave how you like. I wonder if he is testing the boundries of just how far he can push the school and staff? The experts are already typing their responses cos I can hear the manic typing going on
  4. Wish him a happy birthday from us as well Lauren. Alex is 13 tomorrow and has been bouncing for over a week now. I think he tramatised his PE teacher today though. Alex forgot to hand his homework in and the teacher made the mistake of giving him a PCC (pupil causing concern - basically a black mark that gets sent home for comments) and Alex immediately went into meltdown and collapsed sobbing to the floor. I got a phone call to go and calm him down, when I arrived the teacher was trying desparately to convince Alex that it was OK and he could hand it in next week. It took half an hour to calm him down enough for him to be able to say it was in the special needs base and he'd just forgotten to pick it up Wonder if they might take more notice of the note on his IEP that says "do not issue PCC's without permission of his guidance teacher"? (He has forgotten it completely and is now laid in his bed debating very loudly about whether he will turn into Kevin (Harry Enfield style) at the stroke of midnight)
  5. With Alex it has always been things that transform. Tissues, blue tac right through to transformers, pokemon, digimon, power rangers (only the zords so he could join them a thousand + times). Lego lasted as a main obsession for only a few months but it still gets brought down now and then if he's really stressed and needs something new to transform. Computer games have always been another constant (sonic especially) but the two things have merged just lately with need for speed (I think thats the name) because you customise the cars.
  6. Thats one of the reasons I love living in Scotland, it is now a criminal offence to stop a woman breatfeeding in public. Anyway back on subject, I've finally ordered a new RADAR key (the old one was in my handbag when it was stolen last year). Now the boys are older I can't take them in the ladies with me (they are taller than I am and have a penchant for crawling round peeking under doors ) so I'm lucky that hubby is usually with me if I do take them out. I have in the past cornered a staff member in the shopping centre and asked her to unlock the door to the disabled toilet for me. Isn't it amazing how forceful we get by having to cope with things?
  7. I changed school 4 times in 5 years due to my dad being in the RAF and it used to annoy me no end that whenever I ended up in a school they seemed to work things out differently. I learnt the BIDMAS way, only to be told I was wrong at the next school and promptly dropped to the bottom set. Finally manage to climb my way back up, change school find they used BIDMAS and back to the bottom I'd go Wonder if it's more to do teaching training assuming that primary teachers can do basic maths?
  8. There is 13 months between my 3 eldest so I know exactly how you feel rainbow. A has AS and then theres the twins R and J. We are only just beginning to sort out the copied behaviour from J's own problems. R is completely NT but even at nearly 12 years old she still lapses into behaviour shes learnt from the boys. Most of the early years is a blur but I have vivid memories of going shopping one day and all three of them throwing temper tantrums in a shop, the girl on the till said "if you don't shut them up I will" I said "go ahead then" and walked out the shop door Took me 5 minutes of sobbing before I could walk back in again but the kids didn't even notice I'd gone. Think I lost the plot there somewhere
  9. Well it went a lot better than I could have hoped, it turns out that the nurse has a son who has similar problems and is the perfect child behaviour wise in school and a nightmare at home so she understood what I was waffling about. She has taken a lot of notes and was talking to James' guidence teacher and the support base yesterday. The school doctor is in today so shes going to get her to throw her weight behind us and get onto the ed pscyh. James is already under CAHMS but we've been stuck with a psychatrist who is convinced his only problem is the fact this birth father died (andhis overbearing mother I think). James has a place in the support for learning base so there is an assistant in all of his classes and he has dropped french so he can have extra lessons in the base but he won't admit he needs any support. He spent most of last night ranting that he doesn't want to be in the base and he might as well be dead anyway. I've told the nurse that he's said this before and I suspect he's very close to selfharming. I'm expecting a phone call or two today so we'll see how that goes but I'm kinda hoping that he WILL lose the plot and throw a wobbler in school then at least they will see how stressed out he really is, god that makes me sound like such an unfeeling cow
  10. I have thought about being present when she speaks to Rosita but I've already had to fight off the munchenhausen by proxy accusations so I'd rather it was dealt with without me even being present. Rosita is quite prepared to talk to the nurse, shes very articulate and although she's James twin she is years ahead of him socially (they are 11 btw). I've been dealing with the nurse for the last 3 years and she is a true star, I will ask her to pass a report on what Rosita says to the school doctor, that means I'll get a copy and there will be a record on file that she has informed the base of his behaviour. Our school doctor (apart from having a penchant for suggesting ritalin for everything) is brilliant and will take great delight in demanding something be done by the hospital team.
  11. James is now at secondary school and not coping at all, he doesn't have a diagnosis of anything apart from learning delay but he does have a place in the support for learning base. In class he is polite, quiet and no trouble, at break time he is a clown playing about with silly voices and doing anything to get the others to like him but the minute he gets into the taxi to come home all hell breaks loose. Alex and Rosita are getting bullied by their own brother and I've reached the end of my tether over it. He is rude, abusive and violent to all of us during the week (he's better behaved at the weekend when his dad is home but he still has a go at them if he gets the chance) I can't leave him alone in the room with the other 2 at all, even getting changed has to be done in shifts or he'll thump Alex. School see none of this and nor does his psychatrist (shes never even flaming met him ) so I've made an appointment to see the school nurse tomorrow. She was fantastic (along with the school doctor) in helping me get Alexs support and DLA sorted so I'm going to ask her to talk to the other 2 to get their views on James behaviour and go to the support base with that. Noone is listening to me so I'm kinda hoping that they might listen to her if she gets a picture from the kids rather than me. What do you think?
  12. MY lads never seem to get ill and even if a cold does manage to catch up with them they don't slow down for a second. Alex has had a few operations for various things and he always heals so quick (he's often found trying to race the trolley back to the ward after he's just had a general anesthetic to check his eyes). The only problem he has is that he scars quite badly for the smallest thing. He still has a scar from his drip when he was born (he's 13 next month), he now looks like Harry Potter after crashing his bike into the burn and cutting his head open a few months ago and he's got a scar that covers about 4 square inches on his wrist from grazing it last year. I often wonder how much unscarred skin he'll have left as an adult
  13. I've been thinking long and hard before replying to this topic so forgive me if I offend anyone. My first husband was diagnosed as having acute paranoid schizophrenia when he was 23, he was on medication for years until we were married, he came off it when we were trying for a family. we had Alex and the twins 13 months later. As I learnt more about Alex's aspergers I started to question hubbys psychiatrist about whether he had aspergers instead. We eventually spoke to a number of people who knew him as a child including a couple of his teachers and the psychiatrist agreed that he "probably" had aspergers but his family had treated any odd behaviour as a sign that he was possessed by the devil. (they are from eastern europe and quite odd) I think as they had told him that time and again that eventually he believed it. For over 10 years we were married and during that time only once did he exhibit any kind of behaviour expected from a schizoprenic, and that was only at a time of extreme stress. It was eventually suggested that he actually had Aspergers but had developed schizophrenic behaviour in order to cope/fit in with what he thought his family wanted. His father also had had mental health problems that looked more like ASD than anything else and the last time I spoke to the psychiatrist he was trying to research (in his own time) whether the family link to ASD could go back further. Hubby eventually developed a drink problem while trying to cope with the boys problems and finding out I have MS and due to this and the violence that went with it I left with the kids, within 3 months of his family "caring" for him he had died from a reaction to the medication they had him put on.
  14. As far as I could see it can only use avatars that are saved online so I think you have to upload your picture to a site and use the web addy
  15. Arggh and I was so hoping that 10 years of "Robots in disguise" we might be able to at least skim a few of the broken transformers and maybe the odd "transformed" tissue or too into the bin The fascination is spreading and my stepson has announced he wants a spiderman transformer for Christmas " as long as Alex will sort it for me" Meanwhile Alex wants another box of tissues to transform
  16. Hi Ange nice to see you made it here Suppose I'd better post in here now (I've been avoiding it for a while ) Hi all I'm Beth I'm married to Graeme who is a long distance driver which leaves me alone to cope most of the time. We have 3 sons (Alex 12 who has Asperger's and ADD, James 11 who has learning difficulties and a violent temper but still no closer on diagnosis and Ryan 6 who is just bouncy and lives with his Mum during the week) and one daughter Rosita 11 and NT. As I mentioned in another thread Graeme is my second husband and he has adopted the 3 older children who were from my first marriage to a violent schizophrenic (long story and a lot more to it) who died just after I made the decision to leave. The professionals have latched onto this as a reason for James temper but that problem has been there since birth, one psycologist even had the cheek to suggest Alex didn't have Aspergers he was just grieving til I pointed out that he was diagnosed long before his birth father had any problems.
  17. Alex designed his own tshirt for our tour of Europe when he was 9. He ended up with a picture of a transformer on the front with the words "I'm autistic" and on the back was "What's your excuse?". He wore it until he couldn't get into it anymore and took great delight in pulling off his jumper to twirl around in front of anyone that dared to make a comment about his behaviour
  18. hi Nikrix I will say welcome but I'm new around here myself. Everyone seems to be really helpful and there's some great advice reading back through the older posts.
  19. I'm married to my second hubby but he drives a lorry so he's away from Monday to Friday every week, I'm not sure if that eases the stress of having kids with difficulties or whther it increases the pressure on me. Prior to that I was married for 10 years to my childrens birth father but left when his abuse got too much, he ended up with schizophrenia and lost any link to reality so I suppose I have been acting like a single parent since my children were born.
  20. I'm a NT female married to a man with Aspie traits (first hubby was probably AS as well) with 1 AS son 1 possible ASD son 1 NT daughter and a very bouncy but probably NT step son I'm surprised at how long I had to think about whether I am NT
  21. Aww Suze it's been one of those days hasn't it? <'> Just be thankful you didn't have my Alex in the back of the car because he'd be wanting to do a post mortem and then try taxidermy. He was gutted that he wasn't allowed to be present at his Dads post mortem
  22. I'm just struggling my way through til Monday when my little lot go back to school (they've been off for two weeks for half term). I know exactly what you mean by Autismd out, I'm suffering from the related condition of form overload I think. DLA renewal forms, complaints about psychatrists, family fund requests and the ever popular IEP and annual reviews. Just for once it would be nice to have a form that ask "What is your child good at? How do they brighten your day? " And to top it all off with a bow my hubbys ex has rung to say shes not sure if she should keep custody of their 6 year old son and could I keep him for the time being while she discusses it with her girlfriend. I'd sign on the dotted line in a second if I thought she was serious but I know from experience that her girlfriend has thrown a strop because she wants something and it'll all be forgotten by Sunday.
  23. virtualvisual

    Twins

    my twins are now 11, son J has possible ASD and daughter is NT. my older son is 12 and has AS and ADD. J's problems are just now becoming more noticable to his school as he's just moved up to seniors and is split from his sister for the first time. Some how she managed to do all his work and her own for over 3 years and noone noticed, I mentioned that the handwriting looked the same and got fobbed off with "they're twins and being taught the same way so of course it's the same". It took til they were 7 and we moved area before any teachers would accept that J could hardly read or write
  24. Thanks for the warm welcome and sorry it has taken me a while to reply but it's half term here and chaos as usual. The problem I've had with the psychatrist is they have a child and family mental health unit, she is currently running it as theres a shortage of consultant psycologists and as long as he is on her list of patients the other doctors won't even look at his case. I've been trying to get him assessed by the ed psyc for over 4 years but we've moved areas in that time and ended up in a county that changed ed psyc every couple of months so noone ever got around to him. Finally as he has started at the seniors (which is in another councils area) their ed psych is going to do a psychometric assessment (whatever that means) but I'm hoping if shes is actually spending time with J then she might get an idea of what he's like. The psychatrist hasn't even met him even though shes the one who has been calling the shots for years. A definately has AS but he and J are like chalk and cheese most of the time. Our house has a fairly strict timetable and house rules for all the kids as it makes life easier for all of us but J is the one who copes the worse with things not going the way he expects them to. The main noticeable differemce is that J is desparate to make friends and gets very upset when people brush him off at school, I've forgotten how many times he has done something and got himself in trouble because a boy has said they'll be his mate if he does it. Sorry for the long posts I'm finding it quite hard at the moment as my DH works away during the week so it's just me trying to hold it all together.
  25. I've finally got the nerve up to register and post so be gentle with me I have a 12 year old son A who was diagnosed with Aspergers about 5 years ago, I've also been told he has ADD but the waiting list for assessment was so long it's just been noted on his school files as probable for now. I also have 11 year old twins, R who is my only daughter and NT and J who is my biggest worry right now. (I also have a stepson Ry who stays with us once a fortnight and most school holidays, he's 6) J was referred for psychotherapy when my first husband died 4 years ago as having a temper problem. He was actually on the waiting list for ASD assessment since he was 5ish but we moved area and he ended up being referred to psychiatry instead. It took two years of weekly visits to a psychotherapist before I managed to convince them that it wasn't helping at all. The psychiatrist seems to have latched onto the fact their father died and he was schizophrenic and isn't even considering the fact the J has always had problems, she has said that I must be latching onto the fact that A has Aspergers and therefore I think J must have it too. So any chance of me listing his problems and getting an honest opinion please? J has a short attention span, he is very eager to please and gets frustrated when he can't do something. He is an excellent mimic and matchs the accent he uses to the person he's talking to (he convinced the psychotherapist that he has a scouse accent for over 6 months). At school he is struggling badly but can't/ won't say he doesn't understand. They come home from school in a taxi and J will thump and swear at the others in the taxi if he's had a bad day. School very rarely have to tell him off but it's like a bomb going off in his head as soon as he leaves the building. He can't follow simple instructions like go upstairs and get your school uniform for washing. He will wander off upstairs and stay there or come down and just sit down again. School homework get either forgotten in the bottom of the bag or it is hidden, he is often depressed and has been known to threaten to kill himself and say he should never have been born. This is the first time he has been in a different class from his twin and he's struggling with getting in class on time without her to drag him in. Sorry there s a lot more but I'm sat here in tears now
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