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lisa2701

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Everything posted by lisa2701

  1. Would just like to quickly update. Its a Christmas miracle, all of a sudden my husband is on board with restricting the time spent on computers. I decided I was going to restrict it whether he liked it or not so instead my usual 'will you back me up' conversation I just said 'this is my plans, he'll still get time on it, just not as much, I want him to spend more time with us as a family and I'm sick of having tantrums when he's out the house as he wants home to play computers'. I gave him a couple of days past Christmas to play his new games and then before I knew it my husband was telling him to switch it off and come and play board games/watch a movie, or whatever. I'm in bed ill today and was delighted to hear my husband insist he got out his room and off the computer and join him in the sitting room to watch a Disney movie despite the fact I wasn't even there! he's still getting a little too much time on computers but we've taken a huge step in the right direction and its a foundation on which we can build!
  2. My sons speech is very good now, he's able to form words and is reasonably articulate. He had intensive speech and language therapy from nursery up until p3 and what a difference its made. Id now say he talks quite formally, with an american accent, and is able to express his needs and wants well. He still struggles to find his words on occasions, more so if he's stressed, but overal his speech is very good. I'd say he sucks air through his teeth most when he's really excited trying to tell you something (usually when talking about his special interests) or if he's gotten himself angry or stressed and he's trying to explain something about it. Spoke to my mother about it today and she thinks its just a speech filler, like someone saying 'Emm' and before reading about mild vocal tics (only first discovered there was such a thing last night) I would have agreed but now I'm not so sure. That said, I haven't heard him do it once today!
  3. After reading another post about a child ticcing it has got me wondering about my own son. I didn't want to hijack the other persons thread hence I've created this one. My son is 8 and has autism and over the last 6-9 months he's started sucking air through his teeth between sentences and before he starts talking. The more excited or upset/frsutrated/angry he is the worse it seems. He's always struggled with finding his words also and often does this sucking a couple of times while he's thinking also. He also had this thing where he blows air out his nose causing a snorting sound, I've had him checked for adinoids and sinus issues but all was ok. I've never considered it to be a tic but then again I had no idea that things like throat clearing could be classed as a tic. I have never made a big deal out of it but have occassionally asked him to stop snorting as I find it difficult to cope with and he tells me he can't help it, I'm now wondering if either of these two things would/could be classed as a tic and he genuinely can't help it. If not are they just a behavioural habit he's gotten into? Either way advice would be appreciated.
  4. Sorry I havent replied quicker, been a busy couple of days. Have been giving a lot of thought to my dilema over the last couple of days and decided after Christmas and new year I am quite simply going to put my foot down and restrict my sons gamin to an hour a day on school days and two hours (split into two sessions) on non school days. I know 2 hours still seems a lot but its drastically less than currently. Santa will be bringing lots of board games so I am going to do my best to get engage my son in those. Also going to look into more clubs and groups for him to attend, have just learned about a sports centre in my area which is tailored for disabled children, and a judo class for children on the spectrum etc. If I can even get him involved in more activities like these I'd be less worried about him spending time on his computer when he's at home. Thank you Lyndalou for inspiration of going to see what clubs were about... no computers clubs that I am aware of so far. Special talent, yes we already have him games which require him to be out his seat and being more active, unfortunately these are the least used of his games, but he does already play the sims occasionally. Robert, my husband is somewhat affectionate towards me, although its not in his nature to be overly affectionate, even towards our son, but despite this I'd say we have a good relationship. We do go through times where I feel like we're living separate lives as we have such little common interests but over all I can't complain too much, we spend a lot of time together and he is very loving in his own way. Although I am not in a wheelchair my mobility is very poor and I walk with sticks most of the time. This means I can't really do an awful lot with my son outdoors as he is extremely emotional and when upset he has a tendency to take off and put himself in danger and obviously I can't catch him if he does, if not allowed to run off he fights and can become very aggressive and I struggle to cope with that alone these days as he's a big boy for his age (he's 8 but wears size 11 years clothes). He does occasionally read roald dahl books and things but its very much a last resort for him if he has nothing else to do. Like I said above, I am going to try and enrol him into as many clubs as I can. He currently goes to a social club for children with special needs and its taken him a long time to settle in but he now loves it and they have suggested trying him with some kind of martial arts as they have been doing some stuff with him and apparently he's very good at it. Merry Christmas everyone!!!
  5. Special talent thank you for your insight on this. I am genuinely interested in trying to understand and learn. I genuinely appreciate that areas of special interests are part of autism and I respect that, my concern is the fact that my sons obsession could be detrimental to his health and his social skills long term. I am frightened that he isn't getting enough exercise and I am also worried that a previous confident reasonably social little boy is now choosing not to socialise and is shying away and loosing his confidence. He used to want to go out to play and visit family members even if he didn't always cope with it, now he gets terribly upset if we have to go out. He also loves dinosaurs, he knows everything about them and I love the fact he will read abdinosaur encyclopaedia instead of a bed time book, I encourage him to learn and talk about dinosaurs, partly because its a refreshing change to computer games, and I was proud as punch when I arranged for him to meet a genuine palentologist and he sat talking dinosaurs with her and really knew his stuff (I didn't understand any of it!). Do you think that I am being unreasonable wanting to limit his obsessiveness? I would really like to help him to explore other things I think he would enjoy. I am not saying I never want him to play computer games again, I have come to the realisation that this is likely to be a life long interest for him, but I would like to help him gain control over how much it controls his life. His mind seems to race when he's thinking about and talking about computer games and he often talks about it at great speed, jumping from one thing to another without any clear transition hope that makes sense. Anyways, like I said I am trying to understand and get people's opinions on can an obsession just go too far and if it can how can I help my son regain control over it.
  6. Special talent thank you for your insight on this. I am genuinely interested in trying to understand and learn. I genuinely appreciate that areas of special interests are part of autism and I respect that, my concern is the fact that my sons obsession could be detrimental to his health and his social skills long term. I am frightened that he isn't getting enough exercise and I am also worried that a previous confident reasonably social little boy is now choosing not to socialise and is shying away and loosing his confidence. He used to want to go out to play and visit family members even if he didn't always cope with it, now he gets terribly upset if we have to go out. He also loves dinosaurs, he knows everything about them and I love the fact he will read abdinosaur encyclopaedia instead of a bed time book, I encourage him to learn and talk about dinosaurs, partly because its a refreshing change to computer games, and I was proud as punch when I arranged for him to meet a genuine palentologist and he sat talking dinosaurs with her and really knew his stuff (I didn't understand any of it!). Do you think that I am being unreasonable wanting to limit his obsessiveness? I would really like to help him to explore other things I think he would enjoy. I am not saying I never want him to play computer games again, I have come to the realisation that this is likely to be a life long interest for him, but I would like to help him gain control over how much it controls his life. His mind seems to race when he's thinking about and talking about computer games and he often talks about it at great speed, jumping from one thing to another without any clear transition hope that makes sense. Anyways, like I said I am trying to understand and get people's opinions on can an obsession just go too far and if it can how can I help my son regain control over it.
  7. P.S. My son is actually doing extremely well at school at the moment. He is in mainstream and is coping amazingly this year. He's started working independently for the first time ever, reads well beyond his years, and is near the top for all subject. A real academic little boy. That said, his social skills are very poor, and I can' find any mainstream clubs for him to join due to this, currently is attending a social club for children with disabilities to help socialise him. I don't really have anyone with space to take me and my son, and my husband has no friends and fell out with his family 4 years ago so he can't go anywhere. I have already considered this tactic.
  8. Hi Robert, thanks for your reply. Yes my husband works full time in a job that often calls for 12 hour shifts. He admits he uses gaming as a way of escape and to relax. I'll be honest, his time spent actually playing games at the moment isnt too bad, he will often wait until I've gone to bed or he'll get up earlier than me in the morning to have some time before I get up, but he does spend a lot of time on a gaming page on facebook, looking at games stores on line and searching ebay for deals, all of which he likes to talk to me about, despite the fact I have told him very bluntly that he has sickened me of anything gaming related. Currently, my biggest concern is my son. My husband is an adult, works hard and takes care of us well ( I am physically disabled), he has a lot on his plate and so if he needs gaming to help him relax then thats his decision to make, but I now feel he's encouraging obsessiveness with my son and that does concern me. I am the one dealing with tears, tantrums and meltdowns when my son can't go straight home from school to have his 'fix', I am the one who can't enjoy visiting family as my son spends the entire time complaining so he can get home, I am the one he wakes during the night to ask if its time he can play his games yet (I tried banning it in the morning but my authority around gaming doesn't exist due to my husband constantly undermining me), who can't have a conversation with my son without him turning the conversation to games and ultimately i am the one left feeling horrible after being blunt and telling an 8 year old that I no longer want to hear about computer games. I feel so guilty at that point, but theres only so much computer talk I can cope with. I really could go on and on and on about how much this is restricting our lives, I have an 8 year old who'd rather sit in room than go to the park. I have tried talking to my husband about it, there is no reasoning with him. I have gotten angry and told him that I refuse to loose my son and that if he won't support me I will have to leave him so that I can establish some kind of rules, i have tried showing him how much it upsets me by getting upset, I have taken him along to an ASD behavioural specialist and have him tell him that its not healthy and that my son needs to be given direction and encouragement to explore different things, none of it made any difference. It was then made worse as the psychiatrist who dx my husband told me (in front of hubby) that his obsessive behaviours and emotional outbursts were part of his Aspergers and I'd have to learn to accept and respect that! It became complete justification for his behaviour...the expert had spoken! I love my husband dearly, we have been through a lot together and we get on well for the most part but I am really fearing the negative impact such obsessive gaming is going to have on my son long term and feel my husband is working against me not with me.
  9. Hi everyone, Looking for some advice around obsessive interests. I have an 8 year old son with ASD and a husband with recently diagnosed AS. BOTH of them are down right obsessive about computer games and it appears that the older my son is getting the more they are feeding off each others obsessions. Last year my husband (against my better judgement) pushed (VERY hard) to buy our son a PS3 for his room. After months of arguing about it I gave in and allowed him to buy our son a ps3 for his room. Ultimately my husband is obsessed over the treatment of his own PS3 and my son was constantly dropping his pads, leaving his console on etc, this caused a lot of friction in the house, so my husband argued that it would alleviate the friction if no one else was touching his console. Fast forward a year and as predicted I feel as though I have lost my son to his bedroom, there is still tension in the house as now my husband has TWO consoles to worry over the safety/treatment of, BOTH talk obsessively about games and I don't seem to have a say in anything. I SO desperately want to really restrict time spent on the console, and I would remove the console completely if I had my way, but my husband just won't hear of it, he tells me I would cause our son too much distress and its totally unfair on him, and that there's nothing wrong with playing computers as much as he does which is pretty much all the time unless he's at school. He says that I'm just being over critical and paranoid. He also encourages our son to play older and older games by debating with me about how the age rating is to do with how hard a game is as well as the content of it etc but he does that in front of our son, as well as letting our son play things i've forbidden behind my back because he thinks I am being too strict. They both watch games being played on you tube as well, my husband is an active member of a playstations page, and they both watch gaming tv shows. They really do eat sleep and breathe gaming. I have a very good relationship with my husband (been together 9 years) with the exception of this one area and I have even considered leaving my husband just so that I can have full control over the computer games situation for my son. I feel like things are so out of control and my husbands obsessions are getting worse along with my sons. I have tried talking to him about it, getting upset, getting angry, telling him how I feel like I'm failing my son by allowing this obsessiveness. Its all they ever talk about, its all I ever hear about, and I am going insane with it. When I met my husband he was an active gamer, but he wasn't obsessive things seem to have gotten so bad and I don't know how to fix it. Also, my son's doctor wants me to remove his tv from his room to help with his sleeping but my husband won't allow it. I was hoping to get some advice on ways to help my husband see why obsessive gaming isn't healthy, and also get others thoughts on when, how, and should you draw a line and say enough is enough with regards to a special interest.
  10. Just thought i'd update and let eveyone know that S has been referred to CAHMs. Anyone know how quickly they are seeing people. I have heard they are doing initial assessments are being done quickly but then its taking a long time to see someone after that??
  11. Dark shine- I have received ur PM and will reply as soon as I have a computer at hand. For now I am not at home. X
  12. I am replying from my mobile so I will keep it brief for now. A family friend of mines is a psych nurse (specialises in schizophrenia and dimentia -sp??) but I went to him for advice and he gave me the number for CAMHs and told me to call them directly as the gp wa useless. The plan for Monday morning is to call gp back and ask for a referral. Depending on how that goes I will maybe call CAMHs directly. To contact the paediatrician that dx my son as I have her direct number and also to alert outreach to the new information as a friend of mine with an autistic son has suggested that they might have contact with CAMHs and could maybe contact someone??
  13. Thanks honey, I have Pm'd you. x
  14. A few weeks ago I posted about how my 7 year old autistic son was hearing voices. He is dx with classic autism, sensory hypersensitivity and hyperacusis. At that moment I was pretty unclear about what he really meant by that etc. I have alerted Autism outreach and the school about the situation but again had little info for them. Last night, I managed to get my son to talk to me about these voices and I am now left very scared. I will try explain, but bare with me as it all make very little sense... He says there are 6 voices. Each voice has a symbol (he says thats what they look like, but when I asked him if he see's things too he said no). There is 2 explanation marks, 2 question marks, and two full stops. He says the explanation marks are bad voices and always shout at him, and tell him to do bad things, like to pick his skin till he bleeds and smear the blood on the walls and doors, to break things, be rude to people (burp in their face) or to hurt people. He said they also tell him that if he gets a jag they will all go away, but if he gets two jags there will be more voices. I asked him where he'd get the jag from, and he said the vets. I said, the vets are doctors for animals and did he mean the doctors and he said, explanation mark said it was the vets! He doesn't say too much about the full stops or question marks, they don't seem to bother him so much. He said he likes the nice voices! He said he has tried to get the voices out of his body but they won't go away and that they keep him awake at night. I have called his Dr and I am waiting on her getting back to me, and I spoke to a GP yesterday who only offered to refer me back to the doctor he see's for his autism, but this was all before I got the information last night. I am really scared for him, he seems frustrated with the bad voices, but very matter of fact about them. Wondering if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this situation? A family friend who is a psych nurse has told me to call CAMHs directly and talk to them if my GP won't refer me. Do you think they would even entertain me if I did? Thanks in advance L x
  15. Thanks Sally, Based on recent behaviours in my son I would say he's going through a slight rough patch just now. By that I mean that normally speaking he copes well with daily life, going to school etc, however over the last few weeks he has been getting easily upset, resistant to go to school etc. however, he doesn't really have the comprehension levels to understand what we are asking when we ask about things that may be upsetting him. As you suggested I think I will get back in touch with the doctor who diagnosed him and see if she will see him, can make any suggestions or referrals. Thanks for that link i will go have a nosey at that now.
  16. Hi everyone, Just a quick over view - I have a 7 year old son with a dx of classic autism (dx at 4 years old). He is reasonably high functioning and goes to mainstream school and after years of intensive SLT he has reasonably good speech although has poor processing speed and so needs time to process what is being said or time to find his words etc. He also has sensory hypersensitivity and hyperacusis. I am not sure where to start. For the last 4 months or so after getting angry or upset, once he's calmed down, he tells us that he "lost control of my head", this is something that has been a reoccurring statement. However, if I am honest I had put this down to him making an excuse for his unacceptable behaviour and a bid to get out of trouble. A few weeks ago he came home with a letter from his teacher saying that he had broken his glasses on purpose, when I asked him about what had happened he told us that he had got angry and when he gets angry or sad he hears voices that tell him to do bad things, like hurt people, himself or break things and tries to control him head. He has never seemed overly distressed by these voices and so I have put it down to him just being confused and thinking that his own inner thoughts were "voices". So tonight he is in the toilet and all of a sudden he started screaming on his dad. My husband rushed through and our son told him that he was scared because there was someone talking to him in french but he couldn't see anyone. After talking to him about these voices (both the ones when he gets angry and the one in the toilet) he says that he heard someone as though they were standing next to him in the toilet. As for the other voices, the ones when he's angry or sad, he says there are LOTS of voices, and they are all the same except one, the one that tells him to do bad things and controls his brain. I am so scared right now, I have no idea what to think or do about this. I have tried to play it calm in front of my son and not made a big deal out of them as I don't want him becoming frightened. The only external help we get it from autism outreach within his school and so I have no idea where to turn. I do not believe that my gp will be of any help, they are pretty useless. I feel I have two options, either call the doctor that diagnosed him, or call the head of autism outreach who is heavily involved with out son and knows him well. Is this a common thing is ASD or is this completely separate to ASD? Any advice or help would be much appreciated. L xx
  17. Thank you so much for your reply. I am very interested in having a good read about it so I will be straight off here to start having a read at those links, thank you. I am sorry to hear how difficult your son find his hyperacusis. I can't imagine how scary it must be to have something like hyperacusis. My son's hearing has always been sensitive but it has probably gotten worse in the last couple of years. i was given a sound box yesterday that play continuous noises such as, heartbeat, waves, rain, white noise, a river, birds, crickets etc etc. I was told to let him choose the sound and the volume and to play it to him while he slept. Last night he chose the heartbeat...probably the easiest thing (for my son) to listen to out of them all, but none the less he kept it on the whole night. Not sure if a heartbeat is likely to make much difference but we can work up to the other things. I was also told to use behaviour management techniques with him where I was advised to explain the noise to him, reassure him, try to get him involved in making the noise thats upsetting him etc. Anyways, i'm eager to go get reading so I'm gonna dive off and have a look . Thanks again!!
  18. Today my son got a dx of hyperacusis. My husband and I were advised to use behaviour management techniques with him, explain the noises, warn him of loud noises, try to slowly expose him to noises, reassure him etc etc to help reduce the anxiety associated with them. We were also given a sound enrichment device that plays things such as waves, white noise, rain etc. We have been told to play this during the night while he sleeps in a bid to try to recalibrate his hearing. I was wondering if anyone on here has hyperacusis and if they have tried playing a continuous noise while they sleep did it make any difference? Thanks Lisa x
  19. Great idea...don't know why I didn't think of that
  20. Hi, Tomorrow my son goes for an assessment for hyperacusis. We will have a lot going on as the hospital we are having to go to is a fair distance from us and we have to get trains and taxi's which in total will take about an hour to get there so I would like to be able to prepare my son as best i can. I am wondering if anyone has been through this assessment, either themselves or a family member of theirs; who can tell me what roughly to expect during the assessment. Thanks
  21. Thank you. Like you i feel that there is a benefit (better understanding and tolerance of certain issues) to having a dx. I am glad that my hubby is open to seeking an assessment... its the tying him down to going to the doctors to ask for a referral that is the problem. He doesn't even go about things that is causing him pain/discomfort. However, he is having to go soon for something else so I will get him to ask when he is there. Hi bee, thank you for your reply. I agree that a better understanding can only bring about good things. During the early years my hubby and I had a really rocky marriage, partly/mainly due to not understanding each other and our expectations of each other, i really do believe that had I known then what I know now I would have dealt with a lot of things very differently and that could have saved many an arguments that took place. Hope you don't mind me asking but I assume that you are no longer with the person you believed to have had AS? Do you think if you had known about the AS that things may have worked out? Thank you. I think its great that you are getting a better understanding from family and friends, we all need to be able to feel like we can be ourselves with our family and I think its great that you can finally do that. This is what i'd really hope for with my hubby. Lisa x
  22. Thank you honey, we will no doubt get there one way or the other.
  23. Ok, so I have had some time to calm down, read and re-read this thread etc. Baddad- I apologise if i have misunderstood any of your points/posts, however after re-reading them several times I still read into them the same as I did last night. You obviously have very strong views/opinions regarding this matter and I feel we may have to agree to disagree. What I think I hear you say in your last post is that after 7 years of marriage I should be accepting my husband exactly how he is, weather or not he has AS, and ok in the "ideal" world this would be the case. However (and this is where we may differ in opinion) I do not think it is realistic to think that we can be all loving, all accepting all of the time. Fundamentally and on a day to day basis I accept and love my husband for who he is as a person. i value his thoughts, opinions and contribution to our life together. However, just as he has done with me, there are some behaviours/opinions I feel are worth challenging in order to better our relationship (not that our relationship is bad, but there are always things we can improve on). Take this for example - Previously, before I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia my husband used to come in from work and be disheartened at the fact I had done little housework. Everyone can have aches and pains, everyone can feel tired or fatigued at times but normally people would be able push past that and get on with things...what makes me different was his point, and its a valid point if I had no underlying condition. However, if I push past the pain/fatigue what happens is I spend the next 2-3 days feeling twice as bad as i normally do, rendering me pretty much useless to anyone, I can not even do the small amount of house I normally do, thus he has had to "change" (not lower) his expectation of me. Now, when it comes to "NT" behaviour it is my opinion that we are all capable of changing our behaviours. We do it several times a day, we behave differently at work as we do at home, we act different around our parents as we do around our friends. We adapt our behaviours to the company and situation we find ourselves in and the expectations we find put upon us. I myself have had to re-assess and adjust my behaviours in order to live peacefully with my husband, it is not that he didn't accept me before (after all I am the same person he met 8 years ago) but we had different views/opinions/or ways of being and we've had to compromise on some of those issues in order to make our marriage work as such I have had to make changes to my own behaviours, thoughts and beliefs which is never an easy process. In my opinion our behaviours, weather male or female, change constantly throughout our lives in response to things we have experienced, and occasionally we are going to develop a behaviour that may be problematic for our family members, in this case we need to reassess what is going on, why we are behaving in such ways and are we willing to change it for those we love, so, If my husband is NT then yes, i expect him to reassess his behaviour/opinions and make some compromises in order to help us achieve a closer/easier relationship. It then becomes a question of does he "want" to compromise his opinions or behaviours? That, I can not answer! "if" it turned out that in fact my husband is on the spectrum then I will be able to understand/accept/expect that this (re-assessing/changing behaviours) is a process that he may find harder or be unable to navigate. I appreciate that we do not want "casual" dx being handed out willy nilly. After all I have a son with autism and if half the nation have a dx of ASD (when in fact they do not have ASD) then it undermines the daily struggles and achievements my own son has or makes. I actually have a friend who is struggling with the behaviour of her son and as such has self diagnosed him with AS, as such she is aggressively perusing a dx and I believe she will eventually get it. Not because I believe he has AS but because as Mumble says we can find "autistic traits" in most people, and she has heard me talking about my son, and thoughts yeah my son does that, that that and that. What she doesn't realise is to the extreme that my son has each of those behaviours, or the problems they cause him. I am not looking for an easy answer to explain my husbands behaviour, I am not looking to change his fundamental personality, and I love him dearly with or without AS. The behaviours I have referred to are not "typical" of a man. I accept that my husband is a huge football fan even if I dislike the sport, I accept that he (as a man/human) is going to have a cheeky look at other women even if my presence, and I accept that men and women are different, as is each individual person. the behaviours I refer to are pretty extreme, they are (in my opinion) not "typical" male behaviours. They are problematic not only in our relationship but also in other relationships he has had/or has. Last night after I left this forum I asked my husband what "he" thought. He himself thinks their is a strong possibility of AS, but he does not know how he would feel about getting a dx, or what benefits it may bring, his words were "it hasn't happened yet so how am i meant to know how I'd feel"? AS I said before, I feel we may have to agree to disagree on this one but either way I hope we can move on and no doubt find common ground we agree on somewhere down the line, perhaps on another topic?
  24. Yes, despite the traits I have stood by him, just like DESPITE my disabilities he has STOOD BY ME. These are figures of speech being twisted to make me look bad. This is EXACTLY what I mean. And YES if my son were struggling with his autism I would be grateful if his wife tried to find information to help him. However I may have come across, my heart is in the right place. I am trying to help my husband....that is what wives do!
  25. There is actually one more thing I'd like to say... The above is where I began to feel judged. It says I am ascribing every negative I feel about my husband to AS. Thing is, I do not feel negatively about the things I talk about in my original post. The "symptoms" I describe in my original post are FACTS about my husband, they are not negatives I feel about him. If i were to tell you that my son has to use different doors to enter his school than the other children, or that he has to take melatonin in order to sleep or that he has poor social skill and poor communication and thus has no friends, would that be perceived as me viewing him negatively? I seriously hope not! Plus, I do not view people on the spectrum as flawed or broken, different is not broken! nor would i EVER consider myself a victim to my husbands "traits", as already stated, not only did i choose to marry him despite these traits.... I have stood by him for almost a decade!
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