spottydog

My 13 yr old daughter is currently in a short term placement at a learning centre. We are looking for a suitable autism specialist school for Girls who are educationally 'more able', preferably in the south of england we live on hampshire /dorset border. She is currently waiting for her EHC pLan to go to panel but all involved feel that the draft will be accepted. Any opinions about schools accepting girls would be welcome.

Hi Mihaela sorry I should have made it clear she already has asd diagnosis, was diagnosed about a year ago although I had been trying to get a diagnosis since she was about 5 (my son also has AS diagnosis so I recognised it early) but although she really hated going to school, I did manage to get her in and at junior school the teachers had no issues with her, I think she was very quiet and a bit under the radar. However it is only since starting secondary school thatshe has absolutely refused to go. Was threatening to kill herself,,and ran away from home several times etc. My concern is that if LEA ask schools for info for EHC assessment they will all say 'she's fine in school' because until the point of absolutely refusing to attend she was hiding her anxiety quite well at school, she has not seen an ed psych or had any nhs input apart from camhs - so how do I demonstrate that she needs an assessment for a statement?

My 13 yr daughter has refused to attend school since Oct 2014, she is under camhs for anxiety and suicidal threats and self harm and on anti depressants. She has just started at a PRU which is just for children with anxiety or medical needs and she is attending 3 mornings a week and so far says it's OK. My question though is about assessment, we have applied but don't have much evidence of learning difficulties and she does not have IEP as has not been in school. She is very bright and was above average academically but obviously will be falling behind as has missed virtually a school year. It's early days at PRU but they only teach maths eng and science, it's a new unit and we were told her place will be reviewed in 6 weeks as the aim is to get her back to school - but she cannot cope in school. I have sent off SALT report and copies of years and years of CAHMS and counselling appts. And a OT report from when she was 6 saying developmental coordination disorder. What else can we include? There is no way I can put her in another mainstream school and see her 'fail' again, she is not mentally strong enough to cope.

thanks for your advice Sally, she has been seen by 'crisis worker' at CAMHS who feels she has 'anxiety' issues (could have told them that 10yrs ago!!!) so is now waiting to see specialist CAMHS OT, whilst waiting for new 'level 3 CAMHS' worker to start. in meantime didn't go to school today as feeling too sick, but has been raiding fridge/freezer every opportunity today so obviously anxiety rather than physical, says will not go to school tomorrow as all the teachers hate her, and all the other children (except her 2 friends) hate her. had really good holiday at half term and she was much more relaxed and happy. school/camhs say try to keep her going to school, but it is getting harder and harder. where do i stand if she refuses to go? i don't feel that home education is something we could really consider at the moment. when my son was having difficulties i was told by parent partnership worker that the chances of getting a statement for him locally were about nil as he was above average academically, so don't really hold out much hope with getting a statement for her either..

Thanks for your replies, she is still 12 Sally and does not have a statement, she has support from a TA in some lessons (as she says she cannot understand the teachers) but is generally doing ok academically. Although she has been struggling for many years with issues such as anxiety/tics etc it has been a battle to get her assessed and she has only been officially diagnosed about 6 months ago. My son also has AS so we recognised years ago that this was probably the correct diagnosis - but I think being a girl meant she didn't fit the criteria correctly! The school that she is at is pretty good at supporting children with ASD and her main support in school is from a TA who works specifically with children on the spectrum (and actually her background is that she was a speech and language therapist). she certainly does have sensory issues and yes Trekster she does feel people are shouting at her when they aren't. She tends to look quite 'aggressive' facially, so can put peoples backs up before she has even spoken to them. She says there are some girls at school who have told her "go and kill yourself" but refuses to name them and cannot see that if she is writing on social media that she wants to be dead the other kids will pick up on this. I know we need to identify what she is actually struggling with but I'm not sure how to go about this as she will not discuss things with anyone (except her on-line social media world) She is obsessed at the moment with youtubers and a particular actress who uses twitter, so spends a lot of time tweeting these people about how she is feeling. she also wrote an essay at school about suicide and self harm, her teacher passed it on to CAMHS, so daughter feels she has also been 'betrayed' by the teacher because she had 'told' her how she was feeling and the teacher told other people. I feel like I don't want to ban the social media as its the only insight we have into how she is feeling at any given time, but I am really concerned about who is seeing all these posts.

Hi all, well things have got much worse and now daughter cutting herself and 'wants to be dead', saw a CAMHS level 2 worker but daughter refused to speak so now waiting to see Level 3 CAMHS (they are waiting for a new worker to start 'who will work with young people with """"'s difficulties' - (not sure how helpful they can be if she refuses to engage?) In meantime daughter now refuses to talk to me about how she is feeling now as feels that I have betrayed her by seeking help. goes on social media (which she is unaware that i view) and mentions suicide a lot, have an appt with her to see a crisis worker at CAMHS next week for a review - but don't really know what to expect from them, I know daughter will refuse to speak to anyone when she gets there. Feeling quite alone with all this - there doesn't seem to be any support for parents.

I hadn't even thought of being down to gluten - but i will do some research, thanks!

Hi all, haven't been here for a while, but need some support and advice from others who might understand. my 12 yr old is finding life generally difficult at the moment, recently fell out with her 'best friend', feels teachers don't like her and says she doesn;t understand them etc Also eats constantly, we have a padlocked cupboard in kitchen, but recently she has been stealing money out of my bag, brothers pockets etc to buy sweets etc, (obese - this has been going on for years). doesn't like going out and wants to spend all spare time watching youtube videos of her favourite actress (latest 'special interest') anyway yesterday morning i discovered that she had eaten 1/2 loaf of bread and a family pack of ice creams that I had bought the evening before for a family BBQ (I feel stupid for buying them, but didn't really think she would eat them before breakfast) I decided I needed to come down hard on her as this eating has got completely out of hand so I went up to her room and took away her laptop and told her we were going out for a walk as she needed exercise to walk off the calories that she had consumed. anyway got to carpark and she refused to come with us, I lost my temper and shouted you either walk the dog with us now or you can walk home (she knows the way) so she turned and walked off towards home. we continued for short walk, then drove back to pick her up, when she saw car she went down an alleyway, but I wasn't worried at this stage as it is the route home that she takes from school every day and only about 15 mins walk from home, i could see she was safe so we let her carry on walking, thinking we would have all calmed down by the time she got home. anyway she failed to come home, initially we thought she had stopped at a neighbours or a friends house, but I called everyone I could think of and she wasn't there, we drove around the town and all the routes she could have taken, we were just on verge of phoning police when hubby suggested a park about 1mile from home which i used to take her to when she was younger, anyway she was there, just sitting on a swing (this is about 2hours after we were expecting her home). Brought her home and she says she was planning to hide in the bushes when it got dark, she says the reason she didn't want to come home is because if she doesn't come home she doesn't have to go to school, says not being bullied, but hates it and wants to change school as says noone likes her (she does actually have 2 really good friends at school - one of them even came round later that night as she was so worried about her) I know she is stressed cause its sports day tomorrow which she dreads, but school have been great and said although they would like her to participate they will not force her and might give her 'jobs' to do like scoring etc. My problem now is what to do next - she has threatened running away before and did run as far as local play area a few yrs ago. I am going round and round in circles with CAMHS/Paeditrician CAMHS say can't really help her until she wants to change her behaviour related to eating. has seen various camhs workers over last few years and last year had 6 weeks of counselling through relate and was discharged (again), so once again i need to speak to Paediatrician (pretty useless!!) to get re-referred to CAMHS but daughter not interested in reducing her eating and says if she wants to run away no one can really stop her. sorry for long post but any help/advice welcome

Thanks for your thoughts Tim. I think diagnosis can be very useful, and as I said previously, for my son it was very welcome as it has helped him to understand and embrace his differences. I can't really think of any negatives from having a diagnosis, thats why I was puzzled when Paediatrician said we need to decide whether to have a diagnosis or not. To me, if she chooses not to tell anyone, either now or later in life, surely thats her decision. But are there situations where she would be obliged to disclose a diagnosis? I thought Disability discrimination laws protected against this??

Hi all, haven't been here for quite a while. have a son now 13yrs, diagnosed about 6yrs ago with AS, he struggled through junior school and was very depressed/suicidal at times, however at his secondary school they seem to 'get' him and really embrace his differences. However, my dilemma is now regarding my daughter. she is 11yrs old and has also struggled through junior school with anxiety/friendships/school refusal/not understanding teachers etc, after many years of seeing Community Paed/CAMHS/relate counselling (all pretty unhelful!) she finally got referred for a Speech and Language assessment, where the therapist felt she easily fitted diagnosis of ASD. Then went to see Cons Paed who said we now need to decide whether a diagnosis would be helpful, bearing in mind that she has now started the same secondary school that my son is also thriving in. It didn't really enter our heads that we would be given an option of whether to 'label' her or not, I feel like we have been fighting for appropriate help for her for so many years, but maybe she won't be so distressed now that she will be getting better support in school. she continues to eat compulsively (and is very overweight), but her general anxiety levels seem lower and she has stopped 'tic-ing' since being at new school. I still feel it would be helpful to have a diagnosis so that she can access support if needed in the future, and certainly for my son diagnosis was incredibly helpful - he is very proud of his AS. She just wants to fit in with her peers and does not want to be 'different' - . have explained that she would not need to tell anyone if she chose not to, but what are the downsides in the longer term and adult life if we do decide to 'label' her with the diagnosis?

i also meant to add, that she also chokes regularly on her food because she gulps it down so fast, without chewing it.

Hi Lindymo I have a 9 yr old daughter (not diagnosed with asd, but brother and others in family have Aspergers)She has some indicators for ASD, anxiety/tics/literal etc, She has been obsessed with food for about 4 yrs and getting worse. we have taken to removing food from kitchen at night and take what we can into our bedroom so that she cannot get hold of it!!! We have tried 'healthy eating' charts as we did a healthy living family course to try and make her see that she needs to eat healthily, the dieticians on it pushed the view that young obese children should fill up on fruit - well my poor daughtter ate as much fruit as she could and spent several days on the loo!! We have asked for support from her paed, but i just don't think they 'get it' and again we have just been told to make sure she exercises, but no amount of exercise could counteract the amount that she would consume if she could. What worries me, is that I read somewhere that a large proportion of anorexics have an ASD, and i can see that this might end up being something in her life that she feels she can 'control' when here anxieties about life become to great. She too is never full and constantly thinks about the next meal/snack. She even came out of school one day absolutely sobbing, eventually i found out that it was because someone gave out sweets for their birthday and she did not get the one she wanted, she said 'i'd been looking forward to it all day'.

Morning all, today he has gone off to secondary school for 'moving up' day, NO COAT!!!!, I told him this morning that he could take it today only if he wished (to reduce his anxiety at different school) but said he would probably have to carry it around all day, he decided to go without it as he was worried about losing it, I'm tempted to throw it out - the dustmen come today, but i don't think he would ever forgive me!! No suncream today and still has jumper on, but leaving the coat off is a start! I have tried loads of different suncreams but none are ever quite right - he just hates the feel/smell and spends about 2 hrs complaining about feeling sticky, sensory issues generally a problem - won't bath/shower etc at the moment. has a programme from OT but no input since diagnosis 4 yrs ago.

Thankyou Bid and Badad for your replies, I've calmed down now - I think she just caught me at a sensitive moment. I'm really glad that others can see sense in what I feel is the correct action to take, and I agree, I wouldn't let my other child go out in heat with coat and jumper on, just as i wouldn't allow her to go without her suncream. Its reassuring to hear some sense - I'm not going mad after all!!!!!!!

Hi all feeling really run down and sensitive at the moment as life (due to elderly dog dying in april and transition to secondary school coming up) very difficult at home. its about 90 degrees here today and had major battle to get DS to leave his extra thick winter coat off (still has his jumper on)and to allow me to apply sun cream. anyway finally got him to school (hates school - monday always bad). Now just had call fron senco suggesting that i let him wear his winter coat (which he keeps hood up on all the time as well) and don't apply any sun cream - as she said - 'i'm sure you are aware he has some sensory issues' I am so upset/angry. I am trying to get him out of this coat before he goes to secondary school as it is already about 3 sizes too small and i feel he will be 'different' enough without having to face teasing about this old coat!! Also i feel that i am in the right to fight son on the issue of the sun cream (I choose my battles carefully, but he has moles on his skin and we have skin cancer in our family). I feel insulted and that my parenting skills are in question - people have no idea how hard our life is at home on a day to day basis, we have no 'professional' support and I feel manage pretty well most of the time. sorry to rant on, but really upset, and just felt needed to talk to people who might understand.... Am I wrong to fight this battle so that he is slightly less stressed in school in the morning, or do i stand my ground until I win this one, i see it as short term stress for longer term health?