flyingladybird

Mia That sounds quite awful. hope your mum had seen a GP and sorted out. I sympathize with you and your mum. xx

well, I am nearly 50 years old. I did struggle throughout my life in a lot of levels and I'm getting one piece of puzzles as to why that was, by accessing a diagnostic test. there are certain things in life, which may not make sense to you, perhaps now but it might later but then it might not. I'm not saying I am right or wrong but sometimes I'd say, that's how life is sometimes and you might not like what is said. sometimes some people accept it as it is and sometimes there are people who jump on what they felt to be "not right". hey relax. we contribute stuff here not because of malice and actually I do admire Clinicians/authors who had tirelessly worked for ASD community worldwide. sometimes, it's a civil way to allow people express what they had felt without oppression and agree to disagree. People with ASD or without ASD, we are all people, it comes with good and imperfections and that's how we are as human beings. anyway, happy new year to you. xxx

useful info lol Lorna Wing Centre & phone number is listed in NAS site. I believe, it was organized by the famous Clinician/Author. last time when I phoned, the answer phone was on, forever. someone said, it's over-subscribed hence no reply from them. I really don't know the truth. thought it's a bit odd not to return any messages. xx

Yes Jannih nature of obsession in a text book rarely hit us in the face from reading it and living/having lived in the reality of someone else's obsession be it gambling, boat etc etc, it does hit harder lol xxx

hi, my response was to do with the following comment in OT. sorry for the misunderstanding xx My ex-partner was convinced that I had the condition, and in time it was something that I came to accept.

hi I had, in the past, left a message on Lorna Wing's answering machine for a couple of times, absolutely to no avail. you must be in the same regional area. probably the same guy (ASD diagnostician) as I am seeing, maybe. I had already heard so much about this diagnostician. Jannih, in what way your friend thought you had LD? you sound very astute to me! all the best with your assessment. x x x

Good question Jannih. I believe when I met my spouse, he was already married with his hobbies/obsessions. lol used to tell him his hobbies are his "Mistresses" but maybe that was his main love LOL (he says it's not the same it's not the same but I believe that's his most guarded obsession no one can interfere with..) thank you for the kind words. you have made my day have a Happy, prosperous & Healthy New Year to your good self. x x x

hi thank you smiley, trekester, Jannih, for looking at this calmly and placed in perspective, rather than "how dare you disgrace ASD" type knee jerk reaction...though I appreciate people are entitled to opinions and to their own feelings. yes smiley, looked into this in the past. not that I'd like to make a public display of his personal life, if medics didn't think we have had signs of ASD or history of this or that etc etc, we wouldn't have been referred to get assessed. I probably prefer not to go into too much in details. only formal diagnosis will tell. to be fair, I'm not sure if any of you have the right to put down those professionals. Tony atwood et al. respect doesn't cost any whilst you can present a constructive opinion of their work. They are a bit like celebrities as I know but I don't see why this thread can be descended into slinging mud at them. He does his work well and he had seen thousands of people in ASD. everyone's ADS is different from your son or daughter or yourself but that doesn't mean any other people's problems don't exist. some people don't want to talk about it for reasons. this type of subject does take understanding & sensitivity and if people are more willing to just sit down and listen, more people will come forward when crisis hit home, in my opinion. perhaps I should have phrased my post more diplomatically but I was too upset to think about decorum back then. xxx

Interesting. suppose if someone is giving you a false diagnosis, then that's Münchausen by proxy.. x

having been in a similar situation myself with a spouse who spent loads of his earning for his hobbies and I lived below breadline over the years. He also flatly admitted he didn't want to support me financially because he had too much going on (with his hobbies/obsessions) whilst he's a high earner etc. By spending occasional clothing shopping (let's say £50?) seasonally for "me" wouldn't have made him poorer but he simply didn't want to pay. problem is, there's no Law, to tell inconsiderate spouses to "maintain her or him in a reasonable level". I did see a solicitor to find out my position in case/if we decide to divorce etc. apparently the career I gave up on for the relationship/marriage would be something he would have had to compensate me for as well as all the contributions I had made while working etc etc etc. What I find though is, there ought to be a better legislation for making spouses to support their other half financially based on fairness and honesty whilst in marriage/relationships. (and there isn't) usually, things ONLY start to be taken seriously and hopefully put things right when the relationship breaks down irrevocably and end up in court, mainly making solicitors richer and by then potential recovery of the relationship is nil or next to none! There ought to be better power to protect and help maintain wives and gf of spouses who just don't want to pay. not everyone with AS would be keen to go to Relate. My spouse did go to Relate on his own in the past mainly to get himself support but nothing else whilst I provided a house to live in, he didn't pay any rent etc etc over the years and he still managed to have something to moan about @Relate. LOL I don't think he believes in "working on a relationship". you either accept him as he is or don't bother. It takes years to learn to accept things e.g. differences (only if you loved someone enough) but if someone is really eroding your welfare, material and practical well-being, leaving him isn't a crime. unfortunately, no matter how upsetting for you and your children, that's an only way to tell him there's a problem in a real way. Let the court tell him if he's not listening to you. xxx

I hadn't been on this site for some time. (I was busy traveling in my time called life lol lol) going back to OT (as below) I have noticed that his anxiety is getting worse as he gets older. I could probably write a short book about the rest of his personality traits and other problems and how his AS like behaviour has affected our relationship and the subsequent affect on my own mental health but I won't do this here. since I posted my response some while ago, I looked back what I said on this thread. Is there any development from the OT? have you decided to go for a diagnostic assessment? have you tried "AS partners" etc etc. I'm kinda curious about your own journey into this subject.. If I am honest, my relationship with AS male (we got married since) weren't that successful. (incidentally I'm AS female waiting for an assessment for the next year, roughly in July 2010) since I have educated myself by reading books on the topic, more to do with learning about my own AS. the main issue I had with my AS spouse was, apart from he was high functioning, not depressed with excellent career, high earner (sounds all good doesn't it?) he was dedicated to his own specialized hobby and almost he is married to the lifelong hobby(as a collector), things started to look like, other things are just incidental.. as you can guess, he was also in need of his own control and expect others (me in the marriage) to "follow" rather than listening to "my" concerns and have discussions between us. If I start to ask to discuss, he's far from interested in the subject and show disrespect when he just wants to indulge in his little world of perfection. also as I had to give up my own career, to accommodate his needs (whilst he agreed to support me etc) he was rather developing his resentment of late, "bills are too high! do you need more house-keeping money? what?!! go get a job. woman!" whilst I have had provided a few years before we got married since he moved into my little house. Basically, I started to live on a low income and he wasn't gonna want to share his money..I would say, he had provided as much as below bread line. reading some books on AS relationships, I do appreciate this is the characteristic of AS "control". he spends his own money as he pleases disregarding marriage whilst he can be exploitative or leaving wives left with a very low income. This is a real problem. I have never seen his checkbooks though he did disclose roughly what he earns prior to marriage. one night the police/ambulance had to be called in for the assault when he became initially passive aggressive/abusive in AS way, followed by physical assault/manual strangulation etc. He has a very low threshold when it comes to "criticism", anything with a hint of it, he needs to be left alone as he is free to conduct himself. I have been suggesting the spouse AS diagnostic assessment over a number of months prior to this incident. there is a time when one realizes a grown man with AS becomes too unbearable to live with. If more than 5 friends say, how unfair your spouse is, maybe it's time to re-think where you are heading. I am 47 years old (soon to be 48 yrs old), life is too short to put up with selfishness and spouse expectation to give into his ways. choice is really yours. sorry it got a bit "too much details" but thought this might help to make your mind up in your OT. cheers x x x x ps sorry for syntax errors etc in advance!! lol

Jannih, I know where you are coming from. My Mother would be, exactly the same. it's just her mentality is, whether it is good or bad, there's no way you will see yourself as "damaged" or "faulty" as a person. at least, we don't share the same attitude whilst I'm sure it's a lot to do with lack of awareness and education in the subject (ASD). I agree with you entirely, oxgirl. it can get quite complicated to discuss with older parent(s) in their seventies or eighties who had never read books on AS or ASD and if a parent lives abroad (as mine also does), then you are not sure what to disclose and what not to, in case they get offended or infuriated etc rather than offering support. my psych/cpn did ask about my Mother. I could ask her about my developmental milestones via email/letter etc but knowing it's nearly 45 years ago since I was born, her memories can't be that sure whilst I was curious about facts in my developments I never thought about in the past.. as for NHS diagnosis, I would say, the best place to ask would be CMHT if you are already an adult. I believe it's becoming more widely available these days thanks to all the campaigning by NAS and support agencies.

hello MrB Thank you for your positivity re my post. it's very helpful to read posts by more mature Adults in this thread. often Autism/Aspergers are, only or at least, predominantly seen as problems of children and younger people. it's good to see the growing trend that older Adults coming forward more openly these days and there are more publications/books about Adults in their 30s, 40s 50s and beyond. hope this trend will continue. Paul, I have been having the problem of temperature regulation or hypersensitivity to extreme temperature since my early Thirties, though it got gradually worse. I reckon, some of us in older age may be more prone to developing certain physical illnesses though certainly I'm not looking forward to these. have a good weekend and take care,

it depends on "how older" you are talking about. it would be interesting to find out from a group of adults over 20s, 30s, 40s etc etc etc 60s 70s.. personally, I would say, I got much worse (and in my mid-forties) which I am working to see what they really are at the moment.

I had some traumatic time with this (in my early Twenties) with someone who insisted that I wasn't being sincere or honest because I wasn't looking at her eyes. as a female aspie, I feel women have far more pressure to be caring and providing emotional support to others. in my mid-Forties, I have developed some strategies to avoid people getting upset mainly (so long as it's a fixed, short-time span)