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Everything posted by reuby2

  1. reuby2


    Hi Mumble, I can totally empathise with you because the same thing happened to me, I was studying music but every time I had to do a performance i would go to pieces, the way I got through my A levels was with proprananol (beta blocker) from the doc for a week before. It did stop the shaking etc but by the time i got to Uni I couldn't face doing any performances at all !! So I skipped lessons where i would have to do this and dropped out altogether at the end of the first year. The thought of doing something in front of someone terrified me and yet privately i would imagine playing (piano) to the Albert Hall or something daft.I have since got over it to some degree and did play at church. Since then I have got my diploma with the open university and am studying towards a degree with them (home based, no performance, history of music and theory, that sort of thing). I since have been dx with an anxiety disorder, but wish I could have overcome it back then. Medication is a thing for you to use ( in YOUR control) to help get these important things done. There are herbal remedies too....Bach's remedies ,kalms. etc Maybe finding more out about a kind of confrontation therapy or whatever, where you gradually become accustomed to speaking out etc. I was told to imagine every one in their underwear !!!! Hope it gets better for you. You are worth it !!
  2. <'> I have no advice, but want to send some hugs, you must be feeling terrible. <'>
  3. So sorry for you all.It happened to us in January with our 11 year old dog. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>
  4. Wow, I can't believe this is so common. My son wont let me part with anything (i do it when he's not looking and he doesn't usually remember about it). We had a new shower fitted the other day because the other one was broken and it caused a huge upset, he didn't want a new shower and please can we keep the old one?So when it was changed he insisted we keep the old ( ruined) one , so i told him i'd put it in the loft and he accepted that.(it's in the bin really). I have to be sooooooooo sneaky about throwing things away ( even wrappers etc) as it upsets him.He says they are memories and can't bear to have them thrown away. I just have to do it when he's not looking .He still has toddler toys in the garden playhouse ( pull along toys !!!) he's 8 now but will he get rid of them?Will he boot!!!!
  5. reuby2

    steve expelled

    <'> <'> <'> thinking of you Hev, <'> <'> <'>
  6. <'> <'> Although my son is younger (8), we had all the tears and unhappiness through primary school and yet this year something has changed (suddenly ,out of nowhere ) He is growing in confidence, has a fantastic T.A that really cares and is doing well. He still has lots of anxiety, which is really upsetting, but goes into school happily (it's part of his routine, i suppose). I tried bach herbal remedies and it really has helped him. I don't even put it in his water now but he is much better. He still does his routines on the way to school and says he hates walking to school because he has to do things he doesn't want to ( walking aroung the grid so many times etc) which upsets me, and he finds it noisy at school.The T.A now does his spelling tests seperatly in the morning before school and he now gets every one right, whereas in the classroom he wouldn't get many at all. I find it helped when he made a couple of friends. Does your son have any friends at school? I really hope things get a bit better for him, it's no joke to be anxious ( I Know ) and all the noise and movement must be horrible for him.Does he have any support from the Autism Outreach? They have helped to put things in place for my son.Sending you lots of <'> <'> <'> Oh and everyone things i am too soft on my son as well ( implying that I'm the problem! )
  7. reuby2


    Hi Ultramum, Just to let you know, i've been feeling the same and am seeing my doc tomorrow to review /increase my anti-d's.I have been feeling so low lately. I think everyone has these times to some degree but I end up feeling there is something wrong with me, that i'm not normal. Isolation is the worst thing and yet it's the thing we tend to do when we are feeling this way.i really hope you start to feel a bit better ( me too!). <'> <'>
  8. reuby2

    I give up

    <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>
  9. Hiya Hev, I had a major argument with my best friend about a week ago, because she doesn't totally understand (but thinks she does) and is telling me that I need to be firmer and that he does it for my attention. My son is very anxious and has certain rituals on the way to school etc that when he gets nervous he does.At the mo it is running around the slabs in the pavement so many times, when he does this i just wait and this annoyed her.i think she thinks I encourage him and should just walk off and leave him to it. Anyway we had a major argument because I am trying my very best and don't need her insinuating that I am causing the problems.She does only want to help but unfortunatly people just see the behaviour and then see the parent trying to support and decide it's because the parent is too soft. I have this off my Mum as well. I find my friend and mum get angry/ annoyed at him because they see it makes it hard for me and hubby. I know my Parents and my best friend love my son to pieces and love us too. Try not to be too upset at your sisters, i know it's awful but they are hurting too, perhaps they are frustrated and feel powerless to help. I really hope things improve. <'>
  10. reuby2

    Fear of flying

    My family in America travelled to stay with us, they travelled on September the 11th exactly a year after the 911 attacks, it was my cousin, her husband and her 2 little girls that stayed with us. I asked her weren't you afraid of travelling on the Anniversary of the plane attacks and she said ,No ,because Airport safty is much better now than before plus If anything happened they were together as a family.The following year we travelled out to them and were going to do disneyland in L.A in the middle of the trip, (they live in Idaho).As the time got nearer we went to war with Iraq and the status of travelling to America changed to high alert. I got so frightened and kept thinking...Is a trip to Disneyland worth it etc etc etc. I worried myself sick but in the end we went, I was anxious on the plane untill we touched down but the feeling did settle and the long and short of it is.........My son loved it, wants to stay with his cousins again, I had a really good time and was soooooo glad I didn't cancel.For me I felt like we took a risk but it was worth it. My best friend has exactly the same fears as you but in the last 2 years she has made the trip to spain twice, each time she has made herself really ill during the experience but took bach remedy, which helped her. Now she doesn't let it spoil her families plans and knows that the fear soon passes and once she has touched down , they have a wonderful holiday and experience. But there is NOOOOOOOOOOO way she will try America because I wanted both our families to go to Florida.It's too long for her. But that's fine, she is happy to do the spain/portugal trip now and her family love it. I hope you can pluck up the courage, I have an anxiety disorder and get sssoooo angry at all the things my anxiety spoils. I'm sure your counsellor will be able to help and put your fear into perspective. <'>
  11. Thanks I have just tried it on him when he was having a panic and he has calmed right down and is playing nicely with his Dad in the other room.Thanks <'>
  12. Hi Joeboe Glad that some friends are coming home to play, maybe this is the start he needs.Good Luck <'> <'>
  13. reuby2

    news from Loulou

    <'> <'> <'> <'> Congratulations <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>
  14. HI everyone I have posted before about DS anxiety and he is finding it hard to go out even somewhere nice if he has a "thought" about me dying, it seems like a OCD type of thing really.What I wondered is that I have anxiety and use Bach's rescue remedy and Kalms. I think you have to be 12 to take Kalms but I can't find any info on the suitability of using the flower remedies. Has anyone used these for their kids and at what age? My son is 8, but his anxiety is really starting to restrict him.Thanks in advance x <'>
  15. Hiya Joeboe, My son is now 8 but back when he was in the infants he was the same, playing by himself and it broke my heart. What we did was have a word with the teacher who suggested 2 boys that he must have sat with and who were really nice boys and she suggested that we try inviting them home to play. We did this and though now he has 2 other best friends, he still classes these lads as his best friends and we still have them over every now and then. Also in year 2 he stopped even playing with these 2 boys and went back to playing by himself and the way the school encouraged him to join in with their play a bit again was to give an organized task every week for him to do and he could choose someone to help (this was during dinnertime) and because he found a structured activity easier to socialise , it worked again and he started to play again and became much happier at school. Now he is in year 3 and plays all the time with his new best friends, has a lovely time and when I look back I never would have believed it. Try not to worry, but it is a good idea to ask him if there is anyone he particularly likes and invite them to play. Hope everything goes okay <'> <'> <'> P.S As to the bullying, it happened for the first two years of infants school and each year I had to go in and they sorted it. It was a good school and in year 1 some older lads were tormenting him about his speech and the headmistress went ballistic ! She made the culprits stand up in the assembly (these lads had done it to numerous other pupils), gave a talk to the school and made the lads stay in at dinnertime and write a letter unaided to ME apologizing for making fun of my son........they never did it again
  16. <'> <'> <'> Try not to be too hard on yourself, you are a great Mum but guess what? You have needs too. So the time when he is at school gives you that little bit of space that you can't get later on. I'm also so grateful when my son is at school, I think he needs that bit of space too. <'> <'>
  17. I'm in the same boat as you. My Ds loves me to bits but says he hates his dad or being with Dad or Nanna or anybody who isn't me!!!!!!!!!!!! I find it exhausting, I often feel like a prisoner as I aren't "allowed" to go out without him etc. I do go out (once in a blue moon) but I have to wrench myself away from a hysterical child and feel sooooo guilty that it spoils it. I really hope this stage passes quickly for you (and me ). Till then................... <'> <'>
  18. I think all the parents around the world!!!! will be glad when they are back at school because it is sooooooo difficult to keep them occupied (unless of course it is the t.v, which drives me bonkers and we are trying to limit!). I'm right there with you girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dreading the summer hols!!!!!! My friend has twins (NT) and they are driving her up the wall !! So we have arranged to go to the piccies next week whilst they are at school......something to look forward to! Chin Up! Here's a little joke to cheer you up..... "what is the most common type of Owl in Britain?" The Tea Towel !!
  19. Thanks everyone, I find that I am very patient with ds and It doesn't affect me much, i still love him to bits and forget his behaviour quite quickly BUT most people around me are saying that it is me being too soft that is causing the problems. I find that I am really on edge when they are together as I am just waiting for an explosion.Thanks everyone x
  20. <'> <'> Thinking of you, I hope YOU start to feel better, try not to worry (easier said than done) <'> <'>
  21. We are finding it increasingly difficult to deal with my son's behaviour at home. At school he is an angel, but at home his behaviour is really trying. He calls his Dad an idiot all the time (and me lately), has meltdowns over things like the colour top he wants to wear, gets very angry and shouts/screams at us, jumps at us or hits/kicks etc .Is using his anxiety to control us (he does keep touching things, asking if he can do things over and over.pretty much obsessional behaviour really). My Main worry at the moment is the relationship between him and his dad. Hubby is so fed up of it that he is reacting very badly (resentful and angry). Last night we should have been going out together and we had promised ds that we wouldn't go until he was asleep (because he can't bear me not being there or being left with anyone else). Anyway he couldn't get to sleep and time was ticking on. Hubby had read to him and sat in his room quietly for over half an hour. Still he couldn't drop off and everytime I spoke to him about us going he got into a tissy.So I went in to sit with him and my hubby went out and kicked the furniture because it was then 9.30, we have to be back by 11.00 and he was frustrated and dissappointed. In the end I got him to go and meet our friends at the pub, saying I would get a taxi when ds went asleep. Anyway, it didn't happen, ds jumped up and was a bit sick in the bathroom and felt hot etc, so i put my pajamas on and stayed in, my mum went home and i watched Pride and prejudice !!!!! (colin firth !!!) Anyway he came in a bit happier (and drunk) and was happy this morning until he went in to say good morning to our son and was greeted with .... "GET OUT", so my hubby turned around muttered get lost (or something slightly worse ) and stormed down the stairs. My hubby resents my son sooooo much, he is so hurt at the way my son treats him/us and is losing his temper fast. Any ideas??????? please??????
  22. I know exactly how you are feeling although luckily I have my husband to help (although he doesn't cope well with it at all). My son is now 8 and still leaps at us, jumps all over us, tries to cover our faces or mouth/nose/ , he will not let me out of his sight (i feel like a bit of a prisoner really, when he is at school that's my time) he will hit out when upset or kick/hit/grap/pinch etc etc. He constantly tells us we can't do things e.g go out etc. he thinks he is the boss and when we grit our teeth and drag him out he is then okay but we are already frazzled. He shouts at us, screams at us, doesn't respond when we are telling him we don't like him covering our faces, or him standing in our faces. He calls my husband an idiot (which really upsets hubby) and when i need to go out (to the doctors or something) he screams "i'm not staying with that idiot (hubby) , he screams over and over again. The other side of it is the reasons for SOME of his behaviour. He is obssessed with me dying, he thinks if he does certain things (even if it is buying a toy he wants) I will die, so he stops himself doing things because he is so frightened of me not being here. If I aren't there, he can't cope. Although saying that he is very happy at school now and doesn't get frightened about me when he is there. If he sees things on the t.v or reads a story about people having no parents or no mum, he is so upset and needs to watch T.V to "make him forget". It does get me down (having no freedom even to do small things alone) but my Hubby is finding it more difficult, he is currently really down because my son is so aggressive towards him. But he forgets that sometimes my son is so sweet, drawing him pictures etc. When your son starts full time school (if he isn't already doing full time) you will have a little bit of time to yourself but concerning the behaviour you are in the same situation as me really, time outs etc have never worked for us. I have been reading about making up a schedule for each day and as yet haven't done it. I think I may start one and then see how it goes. I really hope things get a bit easier for you <'> <'>
  23. My son is exactly the same, perfect happy boy at school ,never gets in trouble......at home he is the opposite and I was starting to think it is just me being a ###### parent, so It's good to see lots of other parents in the same situation. I have noticed that if we do something regularly he is quite happy to do it, but really we don't have a routine at home and he is really reluctant to make a schedule at home, rips it up if i try to make one etc.
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