ray

thanks Karen, I'll certainly have a look

Rude?? am i missing something here?? 'S' just a picture of a rodent using the computer to do his accounts... i nicked it from the offices at 11 Downing Street It's all in the eye of the beholder, peeps.... Well HSBC think its rude too, because they wouldn't let me look at it! I can hear my P45 approaching.......

Hello, havent been here for a while. Just spotted this and am now just starting to get into who I need to work with to find a way into employment for my son who is 18 (AS) and in his last year at college. My early forays suggests there are lots of well meaning people, with lots of 'advice', but its very fragmented and i'm not really sure where to start. And I have a sneaky feeling the only thing thats really going to work is to find an employer who is willing to give him a chance and be patient enough to accept some of the difficulties he faces. I might be wrong, and the help available might be more pratical than that. Anyway, we'll see.

Had college review yesterday. Glowing reports from all son's lecturers, they say he's really popular, and sociable, and he's getting on really well at his work experience at woolworths this week. And they say that in September he'll be ready for his first proper qualifications and he''ll be doing a BTEC course in IT and Hospitality & Tourism. Chuffed to bits. Rock on Alex! Now if we can just get him over b****y laura brannigan, and find him some friends outside college....

I was discussing how awful James Blunt is with my wife the other day, as we were watching an old TOTP2, when on came Gilbert O'Sullivan, and we both thought that James (vroom vroom) Blunt/Hunt, and Jack (music for insomniacs) Johnson were todays equivalent of good old Gilbert. Dunno why I bothered with this, just soooo bored with work today

Hi Jonathan - you sound like just the sort of person I wish my son had as a friend. Ray

thanks guys, very useful comments. Baddad - great idea about the tapes cheers ray

Our son (AS, 17) is going through some withdrawal pain from one of his latest obsessions, which he wanted to drop, because of its all consuming nature. He asked me today if hypnotherapy might help him get over it. Just wondered if anyone out there has had any experience of this? I know it can be used to help with packing in smoking, but also helps with fears, phobias, anxieties etc. What do you think? I dont want to go down this road if there are any particular dangers. We would of course vet any hypnotist to make sure he had the right credentials etc etc. Thanks Ray

which was a cover of an old soul hit, by Johnny Johnson and the Bandwagon. I saw Dexy's live in, must have been, early 1980, just before they went large with Geno, and they were superb - I was going to gigs every week then and its one that sticks in my mind. Only about 100 in the audience. However, I think I'd seen the Lambrettas the week before and my gran performing on the spoons would have looked good after that lot.

Well done Darky. I think, as much as anything, it gives a sort of direction to your efforts. Dont know if you know what I mean? Anyway, the others have said it, be prepared for a few mixed emotions and ups and downs, its a bit of strange time, arguably a transitional time when you start to shift your perceptions of life, the universe, and everything.

John Lee Hooker is the man. And, now dont laugh, Paul Weller has become a fine guitarist, saw him live just b4 xmas and he was pretty good

Dont know if anyone can help but I'm starting to get a bit worried about my son (AS, 17) becoming a bit socially isolated. We live in Hampshire, on border with Dorset, and was wondering if any of you out there are in the same area and have children of around the same age who may also need a bit of companionship from time to time? If so, please PM me and we can explore any options. Thanks

Suzi Quattro - Devil Gate Drive, which I'm now going to be singing throughout the afternoon much to the annoyance of my colleagues.. 'well at the age of five........

1. cry - Thick as Thieves - The Jam 2. dancer - You Know How to Love Me - Phylis Hyman 3. memories - I'm On My Way - Dean Parish 4. fave - This Ole Heart of Mine - Isley Brothers 5. hate to admit - Lido Shuffle - Boz Scaggs took me 2 minutes, will be completely different tomorrow, apart from 4. this is the non-obscure list by the way Ray

I'm a fairly level-headed, objective, just barely educated, sort of bloke and I know with every fibre of my being, on every instinctive level, that Alex was a different little boy days after he had the MMR in 1988, and I said this at the time to relatives, mentioned it to Doctors, and this was long before I heard about any link between MMR and autism, and obviously long before he was diagnosed. Anyway, I've long since held the view that those at the top of the tree absolutely do know that there is a link, but are willing to sacrifice the health of the minority for the benefit of the majority and I therefore regard most politicians with the utmost contempt. Similarly, the financial cost (and reputational damage) to a government to allow a link to be proven is enough, in their view, to merit suppression of evidence and debunking of theories. Anyway, rant over, thank you for listening, getting back in my box.......

I never had a 'big talk' with Alex, I just mentioned it casually and got into as much detail as he wanted as a direct response to his questions from time to time. He understands he is diagnosed with AS, but has never really got into the detail in a big way. I guess I probably first mentioned when he was 10 or 11. He's asked questions like 'what does it mean'? and said things like 'I'm not like other people am I'. He does not see himself as disabled in any way - just different, with a few extra challenges. I'm not sure he's really tackled this one yet in his own mind, but I feel I need to let him come to it in his own time, in his own way and, in the, meantime help out along the way. He's 17 now.

make it so Data

Oh yes - this has been a real biggie for us over the years. Scared to be upstairs on his own, particularly at night, scared of being downstairs when we are upstairs. I used to have to sit by his bed until he went to sleep. Not so bad now he's older. But he still today wont watch any films with 'horror' in them, he's even gone off thrillers. Tried to get him to watch 'shaun of the dead' with us the other night (he's 17) but nothing would convince him that a film with zombies in could be a comedy. Recently somebody at college told him that Freddie Kruger really does visit you in yr dreams, and whoa, that was it - didn't want to go to sleep at night. But here's a funny thing, he would be OK if he didn't have to go to sleep until after midnight because he views after 12.00 as morning and therefore he's made it through to the next day without being got, so thats OK. I would say that the scared of being alone thing is not as bad now he's older - largely because the normal stroppy teenage instincts, and he's OK with us going outat night and leaving him alonein the house. So I guess only thing is perhaps its something that might get better as they get older.

blimey, never knew that, it seems understanding has advanced in the last decade

I think this has been one of the hardest things for me to see. Whilst my childhood wasn't idyllic, it was in my view ###### marvelous. There were 4 or 5 of us who, from the ages of 10 through to 16, were thick as thieves, and we got up to much (mostly innocent) mischief, had a wonderful time, and learnt so much, and forged friendships which over 30 years later are still there. Alex hasn't got a friend, nobody has ever knocked on our door asking him to come and play, and whilst we try and be companions for him, I just wonder how he really, deep down, feels about this. Now, having said alll this, when I have asked him, he says he's not bothered, and he's happy on the PC, listening to his music, and he has a laugh at college with his mates, so perhaps its OK. He's cool with his own company. And when I think about some of the things I did at his age, which my parents never, ever found out about, there is a bit of me grateful he isn't out on the streets to all hours. We've just started to go to Spanish lessons in the evening, and my next objective is to get him out to do something sporty, he quite fancies learning badminton - and I think now that eventyually he'll connect with someone out there. ray

when Alex was diagnosed, about 10 years ago, the way it was explained was by drawing a line which at one end had severe autism, and at the other, high functioning autism (a short step from NT, I guess), but it was all autism - it was just as you neared the HFA end of the scale it was called Aspergers Syndrome, but nevertheless still autism. I've never regarded it as anything other than autism. ray

Remember the (low down, yellow dog of a) coward in all this is the other bloke - anyone with any real strength of character would have communicated on a parent to parent basis rather than lay in wait for a child. What you did in going to the police took enormous courage - well done to both of you. And, yes, my lad when he is stressed or anxious becomes more AS in his traits, more angry, more easily frustrated by little things, can return to old obsessions, just talks about his single subject interests. Its one of the ways we can tell something has happened to upset him. Ray

Hi Curra, sorry, bit late on this one. My lad is 17 and I've lost count of the number of times that I've wanted to personally 'intervene' on his behalf and make another kid pay for how he made Alex feel, and I've come close. But what separates us from those parents who do step over that line are many things, a sense of whats right and wrong, a need to teach our children how to act in such situations, and probably a degree of intelligence, decency, and common sense that those other parents lack when scaring and intimidating young children. What I'm trying to say is that I understand the strength it took not go after this prat, and you did the right thing. But I do agree with others in that you should seriously consider contacting the police. This bloke needs to know what he did is is totally unacceptable, even if there were no witnesses, the police should give credence to your son's account, and it may help him understand that sometimes they can work to help protect those in society who need protecting - that is, children who are out on their own. Anyway, I'm sure you'll make the right decision - you know whats best for your lad and your family. Ray

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