justine1

You should be invited to a meeting for the IEP,not just be given a copy. When they draw it up they should go through it with you,you can then add what you think is relevant before they make the final copy. It should be reviewed about half way through the school year,again you should then be invited back to the school,sometimes nothing changes on it so it may just be a case of signing. You have signed for consent for an IEP but not signed the IEP itself that means it technically is invalid. Make sure when you do have it,it will have goals for school and how you can help at home.

1:1 is good but its not always possible even at special schools it is rare that a child gets 1:1 when they do its often for the wrong reason i.e the child is mis-behaving and needs to be removed from other children. Realistically it would not be practical in the long run for your son to be taught on his own as his can have worse social implications and what will that mean when he goes out into the "real world." Sam is at an ASD unit with 7 other children with ASD,the reduction in numbers from his previous mainstream(29) made a huge difference on its own before any other interventions were made.He does still go to mainstream classes for 20% of the school week and its gradually increasing. He has had issues with this as for at least 3months he was just at the unit,it took him a furthur 6months to adjust to going into mainstream for just one lesson a week. The noise level was definatley a factor,but I also think being in a unit with children that are the same as him almost created a safety bubble and he did'nt wish to interact with anyone outside the bubble. So you can see there are problems with exclusive 1:1,though I see the need for reduced number of children in the class it definatley helps both with behaviour and focus on schoolwork. Forgot to add that even with a statement giving 1:1 it may not be for an entire school day and when it is most of the time he will still be in his usual class,therefore the issue will still be there. So you may want to think ,if you going down statement route,that he may be better off in a unit or at least a mainstream that possibly has smaller class sizes.

Sorry nobody has replied..not sure I can be much help. I do understand where you are coming from,I witnessed when working at a special needs school the "overuse" of the quiet room(very similar to what you describe) often because the staff where not well prepared to be honest. I also know with my son on the few occassions he lashed out whilst still in a mainstream setting it was usually as a result of not being understood,for example when he had an eye infection and nobody would listen. What methods are they using to communicate with your son and are they effective? Is there consistency with the staff...like does he have a key worker?this was one thing I noticed at the school I mentioned above,I noticed the staff members who were more familiar with particular students could communicate more effectively as they knew what they wanted and met their needs efficiently. If they are unable to do so prehaps they can do a communication book which every staff member should read before caring for your son. They definatly need to establish the reason for an outburst rather than just "shutting him away" as this does not work. Also I noticed that some students don't like noise and were in a class with one or two who love to make noise again maybe see if this is the case,prehaps he can be relocated to a class with students more like him.

It is a tricky one when the child is young for example my four year old loves everything Batman and Moshi Monsters at the moment,it seems like an obsession he wants/collects all the toys(even keeps them under his pillow when he sleeps),wears the clothes,wants everything with the character... but so do many children his age. When Sam went for his diagnosis they asked about obsessions and I said "spongebob" the reason being its all he watched on telly and the only thing he would talk about for two years leading up to his diagnosis and it continues until about a year ago. So this to me is more of an obsession,it lasted about 5 years. He knew nearly every episode number and every word in each episode,it was impossible for him to do anything that was not spongebob related. So I would say if he is able to distinguish different cars or know different makes and models and cannot talk about anything other than cars then yes its an obssession.

In many ways your Jack sounds like Dan(6) Though he has/had separation anxiety with his dad and not me(Sam the opposite.) Dan was also referred originally to a dietician due to his eating trouble,he was four,and his speech(or lack of it) was also an issue. When Sam was diagnosed it was a matter of urgency as the county we lived in would not assess at school and he would NOT get help at all without it. Whereas with Dan it was a more relaxed approach at home he was very hyperactive and with sleep and eating problems,but as he was doing "ok" at school I was not in a hurry. He still does ok at school and does'nt need a statement at this point,so his diagnosis is there but we do not "need" it. I don't regret seeking the help though,he was really far worse then than he is now,some improvements are down to age (development) others is down to the consistency I have with all four boys. I think at the time I was at a weak point of my life as I had left my husband of 10 years,and two years into it I felt very low.Whereas I am now a stronger person and working towards my own goals,this positivness rubs off onto my boys. Also I know one day when he is older if he does want to know why he is "different" I have a reason to give him,getting a diagnosis as an adult is far more challenging. I think you should always do what you feel is right. I have concerns for my four year old but right now he is doing well so I want to just see how he continues to develop before rushing into it,sometimes its the fear that things will end up the way they did for Sam(he missed out nearly two years of education due to no support) that makes me think early intervention is good,but each child is different. Also the professionals all see things quite differently, some may say by saying he is autistic means someone who has kanners/severe autism as opposed to having aspergers syndrome or being on the autistic spectrum,so these variants in diagnoses may be the problem not the actual opinion of the person,sometimes wording things differently will give a different result.

One person,I believe she was from early years,so educational side,however she never saw him in an education setting and had only observed him playing for about 5min.As it was a develpoment centre they would get around five children between age 2-5 in on the same day for assessment so that they could play and be observed in the same room,so at the time she was busy talking to one mum for quite some time before noticing my son. Luckily the paed had spent an hour and half with him,as well as the paed who diagnosed his brother and the other professionals and school all agreed on a diagnosis.

In a way....don't listen to her.Overall her opinion will count but she CANNOT diagnose at the end of the day so she should'nt have said that. Like you say she is there to assess speech and language only. She should make reports based on previous observations and the recent one,which you should have,none of which should include her opinion. However if the paediatrician who will assess for ASD wants her opinion he can then ask,at least you aware of what her answer is likely to be. My 9 year old was assessed by a paed only,however my 6 year old was assessed by a few professionals(including SALT) They then had a meeting when we left and discussed their views and opinions,some agreed some did'nt but in the end its the paed who will make the decision as to whether to diagnose or not.

I also thought of that... generally speaking it is definatley a bit of both I think....however my own view of life is biology does play a huge role in everything we feel,say and do. Like the story of the twins from china both adopted by separate families(I believe both American but unsure) but they have shown photo's over the years where they have the same interests,same facial expressions etc,it is very interesting regarding the nature v nurture debate. Of course there's that expression "you sound just like your mother/father" sometimes it maybe a grandparent saying that and the person has never even lived with mum/dad so no idea what they "sound like." Thats just my opinion though.

On your last line,I personally know of two men who had the experience. One was with the partner throughout the pregnancy and childbirth,assumed it was indeed his baby,only to discover 6mths down the road it was'nt. The minute the baby was born he said he had a feeling the baby was not his but I think out of trust etc he did not raise the issue until it became too much,the feeling/bonding was just not there. The second man did not know he had a child until the child was 4 years old,he said he was reluctant to bond as he was awaiting DNA testing but as soon as he hugged her for the first time he felt the "rush of love" and connection. So again I think biology plays a huge part.

But is she a size 8? the question was what do you think of size 8 it mentions nowhere that it is her size,most likely the size she is aiming for. However I can remember a post where she was informed by health professional that size10 is ideal for her,whether I am incorrect or this statement was untrue then surely size 8 is not good. Smiley has said she see's someone about her weight issues and as such I do not feel she should be on here to gain motivation or approval but rather from a professional. Again thats just my opinion.

Both myself and current partner are like that. I am lucky he is the first person I have met that does'nt mind me asking every 15min what the time is,used to drive my mum potty! We also both hate being late for everything and for us late means at least 10-15min beforehand. My ex was always late I would often suffer panic attacks because of his laid back attitude like the world should wait for him,loathed it(and him!) All my boys stick to timetables and like to be on time. I don't know if its ASD(for the two who have it) past experience of their dad always making them late for everything or just hereditory(my eldest brother is the worst!!)

Sorry...but having been on this forum since 2009 Smiley has always posted many times about weight issues and exercise etc,that may not be a problem but it is excessive and suppose it has given people(or maybe just me) the impression that when such a "simple question" is asked it may have a hidden agenda/meaning. Just my opinion though!

Lancslad is completely correct. Its not about how you look its about health. If you exercise and eat right but are size 14 then its fine as you are living a healthy lifestyle. You can be size 8 and not eating properly and therefore thats unhealthy. My mum is 56 and is size 6(or zero as they say) she often buys clothes from the kids section 12-13 years. She is not starving herself she is very active loves to cook and loves to eat,however her weight does affect her health and over the past few years she has been in hospital 4 times with various health problems. Her bones are quite brittle to so she has had numerous breaks,sprains and strains over the years. I don't even like to hug her as I can feel her bones its awful! I have issues at times with my weight but at size 14 I am healthy,given I have 5 children and work I am allways on the go. I also know that I do not eat rubbish,yes I do treat myself 2-3 times a month but not more than that. The average size is 10-12 and I think generally speaking this is a nice healthy size to be. Also dress size and trouser/jean size is different from each other and indeed vary from shop to shop.Also its not dependent on your weight i.e you can weigh 60kgs and be size 12 and another person can be 68kgs and have the same size 12 , it therefore cannot be a determining factor on your BMI as these differences in weight(but not size) will make a difference in BMI.

Like Lynda one of my boys,Dan(ASD) had a slightly large head at birth until about age 4,its a bit more average now (age 6)and in proportion with the rest of him...he is quite skinny. Sam (ASD age 9) has always had an average size head and again in proportion to the rest of his growth. However my 4 year old Eli has always had a large head,I was sent to various paediatricians' from age 2weeks-2months as it was growing rapidly and not in proportion or at the same rate as his weight and height. They believed he had hydrocephalus but could not see any other symptoms to suggest this and so he was discharged. He cannot wear his age hats he needs to wear teenage or small adult size. He also cannot wear certain t=shirts such as cowl necks as they awkward to put over his head. I usually buy him age 5-6 or 6 years clothing just because of his head,the rest of his body as "normal" size. He has no diagnosis but is being monitored by school etc as they told me at age 2 months and again age 2 years that he may very well have development problems.

It may have nothing to do with ASD but more about how the dynamics/relationships change as you get older. Everyone changes as they mature and this can impact on the relationship you have with your parents. I had a good relationship with my father until age 10 then started going through puberty and so became close to my mum until about age 15 we slowly started drifting apart,mostly because of her bad decisions(though I do take some blame) we have never got back to that "good place" again and its been 15 years now. It does'nt help that she is on the other side of the world. Whereas my father lives just 15min bus ride away,I see him once a week. I would say since my eldest was about 3 years old our relationship is much stronger,so about 9 years now. With my boys' their father will not acknowledge their autism,he pretends now as we are going through courts regarding access but its been three years since Sam's diagnosis. The relationship has never been good with Sam and his dad but not sure if its just the ASD or also the fact that my ex was not their through most of pregnancy and only met Sam when he was 13months old. He was always very clingy with me which never helped. Whereas with Dan he has always been quite clingy with his dad not much with me,though I find recently he wants to be with me more and more. As I say I think its alot to do with maturing/growing and also what is going on at that point in your life.

Also to add whilst adult experiences are important for group discussions it would not really be relevant to talk about education experiences say 15 yrs or more ago as it has changed that much,and as I mention with regards to uni they want up to date information,usually not more than 5 years.

Well as a mum I disagree,sorry but yes I do not know what it is like to have ASD but as far as I can tell the OP is asking questions that a parent would be able to answer...at least a parent who does know their child. Prehaps you all have negative experiences because you grew up in a different era but please don't lump as parents all together. I know when all my children(ASD or NT) are anxious and/or periods where they have low self esteem.It does not mean I can always help them but I am there going through it with them. I have seen some of the questions and as its about teens I do not see that either my boys(age 9 and 6) could answer these questions when they are 14,things like age of diagnosis and as the OP mentioned changing schools etc. Another point is as a student myself we are often given assignments with only one perspective it is not the OP's fault this is so its just how it is. Furthur down the road there maybe an assignment based on a different perspective i.e that of a professional..that neither yourselves or myself may agree with but again thats what the lecturers/universities ask for. The Op can always add onto the assignement any flaws with the survey. Sorry I cannot help with your survey as my children are younger than that age bracket.

Just to point out Trekster with regards to the partner making remarks about the OP's son...I don't think you can compare that to you and your mum,you are both adults whereas in this case it is a child(regardless of the age) which in my opinion is wrong wether you have ASD or not its wrong to say horrible things about your partners child,even if its in an argument why bring the child into it? Again on the issue of children if the OP's relationship has been at breaking point and is volatile it may not be a good environment for a 5 yr old to be in.

Hi and welcome to the group. Sorry I may not be that muc help as I am not in the same position. However just a few comments about your post....whether your partner has aspergers or not it is never an excuse to be constantly hurtful to other people. If you have reached the point where you have almost broken up why do you think a diagnosis may help this? It will not change who she is as a person,she will remain the same post diagnosis as she was pre-diagnosis, and you should not accept bad behaviour just because she has got aspergers. I have two boys with ASD,when I went to assessment for my 9yr old(then 6) the paediatrician asked about his history including family details. When he described his father the paediatrician said by the sounds of his controlling and manipulative behaviour he to may have ASD. I had already left him 2 yrs prior to this,although there was the option for us to reconcile I could not see the point in it. I left because of his very hostile/abusive behaviour and even if he was to accept a diagnosis(which would never happen anyway) it would never change that behaviour,after all he clearly did not want to change. So my opinion is you need to evaluate wether the relationship will work regardless of the possible ASD,if not then there would be no need to suggest it unless as just a friendly opinion.

I think a bit of both. My family is very diverse so I think social from that aspect. My mum's father left her when she was 4 and she was raised(then adopted)by her step father and father of her siblings. We grew up knowing him as grandpa and she never knew anyone other than him as her dad. She has always felt the need to find him but at the same time I think she has accepted things how they are and knows the relationship she had with her "dad" will never be replaced. I have four kids with my ex,two of them do not wish to see him and we are going through the courts to sort things. My current partner "fills that gap" for Sam but not so much my eldest son. I don't think he is missing out but he does sometimes say he wishes he had a father figure. He has my brother and father in his life and they try and support him as much as possible but I just think he feels he was born into the wrong family and in some ways just accepts this.It is hard as I wish he would get along with his father but can understand why this may never happen. I to had a strained relationship with my father,I did'nt think he did enough for us when my mother re-married he wanted him to pay for everything,I did'nt see him for about 4-5 years. Anyway we now get on much better since I had my own kids. In that aspect biology definatley played a bigger role as I did'nt feel any connection with my step father to accept him as a substitute father. Having had my own kids I know the immense feeling I had when they were born and nothing can replace that. I would love to be a foster parent(my mum done so for 15 years and even went to adopt at one point) but I am not sure if the feelings I have for a child I care for will ever be as great as what I feel for my own kids. I would love and care for them,but I love and care for my niece and nephew and its nowhere near what I feel for mine.

I read/watch various media resources for information,but that could be something to do with my own thirst for knowledge. I am currently at uni and we have to back up everything we say and do with facts/literature,of course what might be fact to one person is fiction to the next,thats when you have to look at validility and credibility. My father does not like english news because he does not feel it shows enough of the REAL issues,focusing alot on celeb news and repetitive,so he watches Russia Today.

Hi Andi I have five kids,middle two boys Sam(9) and Dan(6) both have ASD. Its great that they are already setting things up at school, it is good to have a good relationship with the school working together can be very beneficial but of course things can go pear shaped so make sure you get everything in writting about any behaviour that is unusual and IEP's,reports etc. Another thing is although HV's are helpful they cannot refer to paediatrician,I would take your concerns to a GP. They cannot refuse to refer,thats not to say he will get a diagnosis but you must get referred and assessed. Good luck.

I agree with all the questions darkshine has asked,especially regarding whether this was a problem before the move? If it was'nt you want to see what has changed in his room or indeed routine. One thing someone mentioned on here or a different forum is how things look to a child,so when you go in his room look at thing from his level there may be something casting a showdow or just looking a strange shape that can cause all sorts of thoughts in a childs mind. Is his room east/west/south/north facing and was it the opposite before? Was the bed against the wall differently i.e longitudinal/horizontal? likewise for other furniture. I know these things sound petty but could be major deal to a child not to mention one with ASD. I would definatley use the above suggestions on natural remedies. As mentioned on your other post melatonin(likely to be the only remedy you will get from a paediatrician) is meant to work alongside a good/well established sleep routine,so it would be good to stick to what routine you have in place. You cannot do it alone so I would suggest you and partner go to bed early and take shifts so you both get at least 3hrs of uninterrupted sleep,then switch over again. Sleep is about quality NOT quantity having worked nights and cared for kids during the day I could manage on 5-6hrs sleep but it is much better if this is unbroken sleep(not 2hrs sleep,1hr awake,1 hr sleep etc.) From your posts I am assuming he is not in pain as he wants to play,so that is a positive. The most important thing is to just not communicate with him in anyway keep lights off/dimmed and reduce/remove toys/telly/games etc. Even if it means clearing out the room completely so all he has is a bed,it may be an inconvienience short term but may mean you get sleep long term.

Hi Most of what you mention with regards to the lack of communication or it being on his terms, as well as the mis-intepretation of things are most definatley part of ASD/aspergers. However you have to ask yourself if it was someone who does not have aspergers would you accept the behaviour? I am not saying he is wrong but you may have expectations in a relationship that you just won't meet due to his aspergers or in fact it could just be his personality,as you do get people who do not communicate that much who do not have aspergers. You may want to read up on aspegers,try the NAS website, and after reading everything you will have an idea of what to expect from the relationship. Then prehaps decide if its still worth pursuing. There are ways to adapt to make it work,for example instead of emailing everyday or alternate day why not do one email at the end of the week highlighting just the important info,make it brief(not long winded) and in short paragraphs,this may help him to "digest" the info easier. But ultimatley you must decide if you are willing to make certain compromises/adaptations to maintain the relationship.

I agree with most of what you are saying however my experience is that I grew up in an african country(I am english though) as such the population is majority black ethnic groups. The social classes vary within the ethnic group...another point is you get different levels within each social class...however I never in 19 years came across or heard of anyone whose child had ASD. Whilst some may argue that it is down to being a third world country,this is not the case as white population from all social backgrounds did have such diagnoses. In fact my brother was diagnosed in 1989 as having ADHD. Anyway thats just my own experience. Definatley think it is a very good topic Mannify,thanks for posting.