jlogan1
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Posts posted by jlogan1
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hi wondered if anyone could suggest a good book,my dd of 14 has just been diagnosed yesterday with asperegers it has been a long hard slog and taken about 3 1/2 years since she hit a brick wall and we knew something wasnt quite right,she hasnt been to school for over 2 years and gets just 1 hour a week tuition which only started this term!anyway she kind of accepts the daignosis although she came to me at 2am and had a few tears but has does anyone know of a good book as she says she 'wants to know who she is'and are there any books for siblings also have a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter( who finds dd of 14 very difficult)and the 2 girls spend their lives just annoying each other,any advise gratefully accepted.
as not really sure where we go from here. regards julia
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i totally agree try and get some advise before de registering, the thought of home ed at one point seemed ideal when my dd wasnt going to school and was recieving no eduacation it was only after 2 years that i phoned the ed auth who for one reason or another had never even heard of my dd or the fact that she hadnt been attending school,we never had letters from gp ,in fact we still have not had a diagnosis for AS ,hopefully will get assessment next week but have been waiting for 2 1/2 years since it all started,and in all that time we never heard anything from LEA,it was as though she didnt exist and the school were trying to keep it quiet.so after a few phone calls to LEA at least we have something in place because i dont think i could home ed it was very daunting and now with just 1 hour a week at least dd is doing something.so my advise would be check everything out before you de register because then you get no help.
julia
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i thought of going down this route,dont know your circumstances but i have 14 year old dd who hasnt been to school for over 2 years,was going to home educate because was getting nowhere with school until i was told that i would then be on my own,but if you dont de register from the school it is then up to the education authority to rpovide there education,it has taken me over 2 years to sort out and in the end i went direct to education authority but we now get a supply teacher who comes round once a week for just over an hour,but at least it has got the education ball rolling again,and it was the education office that advised not to deregister,its not ideal situation my dd is now on the way to doing 2 exams plus the ed auth are also paying for her to do an art course wholly on line but its probably more than what i could do with her,so please be aware of this,hope works out.
julia
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it wasnt that she had her music i had already turned tv off because she wouldnt listen to me its the fact that she just seems totally oblivious to the conversation we just had and just talks about her subjects non stop.with regards to doing things i keep offering but as said she doesnt like going out ,although she did come out last night ,some RAF jets went over so she wanted to go to local airbase couldnt see anything so ended up walking along beach at 9.30pm in the rain,but she enjoyed it!!
but she just seems to turn off when i talk sometimes,and then its back to twilight!! and with the new film just coming out its just non stop,have tried the bribery but doesnt really work she gets all her music from the internet so cant even use bribery,well feel better now had some dinner and shes back to her normal self totally oblivious to the row we had as though it didnt even happen.
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just need to sound off somewhere but if anyone has any helpful advice would be grateful.
summers hols have already started here( scotland) my hubby and younger 2 have gone to stay with my parents for a week 650 miles away,my dd of 14 cant cope with any change or going anywhere( hasnt been to school in 2 years) so i have stayed at home with her,there was me thinking it would be a nice change just the 2 of us and was hoping that she would help out a bit more as there are just 2 of us.but im racing round working and looking out for her,have just had row over the fact that she wont even do the washing up for 2 spent 10 mins explaining that in life she has to help out,her answer is she has better things to do,ie reading drawing writing or computer,told her life is not all about doing the things that she wants to do and that sometimes we all have to do things that we dont want,that went fine she listened( or i thought so)and then as i got up to go all her reply was ,was all about her music she listens to and twilight""
i feel as though i was talking to a brick wall,and it reduced me to tears,this isnt a one off this is quite normal for her but how do i deal with it.we are still awaiting an assesment for AS diagnosis,seem to have been waiting for years ,all started with refusing secondary school 2 and half years ago,spoke to paediatrician this morning she said could be september before we get app.so am basically having to deal with it by myself,does anyone have the same problem??sorry to go just bit tearful with rest of family all away.
julia
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hi my dd is 14 and never made it to secondary school!!! i have slogged for 2 years to try and get her her education sorted out and now have hopefully got somewhere,i was advised not to deregister because then you are on your own totally so i didnt and have since had visits from the education office and as said have now been told the school will finally provide her with course work for 4 standard grade exams,we are up in highlands of scotland.and have also agreed to pay for her to do a art and design course on line to get a city and guilds qualification,as she doesnt go out at all she has been unable to go to school,as said its taken 2 years to get this and now i have just have to get her to do the work!!! which is the next big step.
so hopefully in the end it will be worth it because i just didnt feel confident enough to try teaching her at her age ,just found there was not enough help to do it alone ,maybe easier for younger children .hope it all works out.
julia
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hi sorry cant be more help with the ados as we havent got there yet ,although like you panicking a bit even though havent got an appointment yet,we are having to have the team come to us as dd wont go out to see them!but as you say you dont know how they will react i have spoken to our paedriatricain and explained that what dd will be like is anybodys guess as she will not be like she is if she had to go out,she will be in her own environment so may be bit more relaxed and then they might not see what i see
but more than likely she just wont come out of her room and that will be a complete waste kids but at the end of the day you cant make them perform you just have to hope that these people know what they are looking for and although you dont want them to find anything,you do!!! if that makes sense.anyway hope all goes well and you get the results you were looking for.the waiting doesnt help but your're nearly there.julia
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hi yes if i remember right they do ask if there where any problems at birth etc,its all the silly little things that they do that you forget,my dd was my first and now if i look back when i had my son she was 17 months old and couldnt put up with him crying,she would go in a corner and cover her ears and hide,but it wasnt something that i then thought 'oh i'd better go to doctors and get her checked out' but now when i look back there were these little signs,but when its number 1 you dont know whats right and wrong and just accept them as they are.but they also say girls present very differently to boys which is why sometimes its not noticed as early because the females have a coping mechanism,unfortunatley when my dd got to about 11 was when she seemed to hit a brick wall and just couldnt cope any longer,so although not diagnosed yet she has been off school for nearly 2 years because she cant deal with any social situations and very rarely goes out of the house
which makes life very difficult when i have a 12 year old and a 9 year old,but life goes and and we all have to cope,one way or another.julia
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oh you're so lucky mine was blocked the other evening and we are septic tank so i just have to go out in the garden lean down a 2 foot hole and always get the wonderful job of unblocking the pipes which have backed up to the kitchen as well!!! meanwhile hubby just watches over to check i'm doing it right,as i said to him its lucky i have a strong stomach,must admit doesnt bother me but can image most people probably retch at the thought.but glad yours has righted itself.
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hi i filled in the ADI-R for my 14 year old daughter last november and it took the whole 3 hours,was qiute difficult in places as it goes right the way back to when they where babies,so was very difficult to answer questions like'what were her first words ' and 'when did she start putting 2 words together' as said she has just turned 14 so just cant remember that far back especially as we had no concerns at that point.but was very in depth questions and just went on and on we didnt even stop for a break and just finished in 3 hours so long hard slog.we are in scotland so not sure if different up here we are still waiting for dd to do the ADOS, are on waiting list but no-one can tell us how long! however although still awaiting ADOS we have been told that dd is above cut off level for spectrum just by filling in ADI-R.
hope all goes well
julia
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hi i too have dd of 14 who is pretty obsessive with pet cat( or her cat as she would say) poor thing has to be put on her pillow every night,whether she likes it or not,the problem being my dd wont have her bedroom door open so i have to wait til she is asleep( could be any time between 6pm and 9 am!!!) depending on her sleep pattern to rescue the poor cat just incase she wants to go out.i must admit cat it 4 years old and her brother had fatal fight with a car 2 years ago,and am dreading the day anything happens to this cat.luckily she is pretty smart and keeps close to home but not sure what dd would do.the way i look at it is you have to remember the good bits and hopefully they outway the bad bits,if it gives children some sort of comfort and reassurance it must be good.although my dd also seems to enjoy being ripped apart by the cat and seems to enjoy being covered in war wounds.she has also one used the poor cat to self harm using her claws to scratch herself,hopefully it was a once off.
hope things work out.
julia
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hi from mum of just turned 14 year old daughter( still waiting!!!) for assessment for diagnosis of aspergers, and hasnt been to school since july 08.
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have looked at web again to see your other daughters story,although she is a bit older than my youngest 9,it sound so similar to our house,had good laugh at turnip! my 9 year old calls my AS dd of 13 melon head!but can see all the same situations that you have.at least makes me feel not alone ,and although not laughing matter did have to laugh at all the similarities,again wonderful web and would highly recommend.
best wishes julia
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thankyou for all your replies,unfortunatley,or rather fortunatley it snowed so she couldnt get here
but i have now spoken with the ed pshycologist it works out they havent got anyone available from the home tuition dept so should would be a teacher from the school,dare not let my daughter find out,but have also been told that this was planned to be done after a multi agency meeting on 9th march so the school are jumping the gun,phoned senco to ask if could speak to teacher and was given the 3rd degree as to why i wanted to talk to her was told she has access to all my dd records so knows what the situation is but ed psh has agreed that i should be able to talk to teacher first to update her especialy as we havent got a clue who she is ,even ed psy doesnt know her!!!!!!BUT dd has said she still wont see her , i have suggested she give her a chance of 5 mins and after that dd can get up and walk out of room without giving any explanation if she so wishes but that we really need to give teacher benifit of doubt as she could be realy nice.but although this has now been put on hold til i have seen teacher and have had multi agency meeting on 9th dd is adamant she wont see anyone and will run away if need be
BUT also the multi agency meeting( i wrote to ed authority on friday to get assessment done because school are doing nothing)the senco has given me a list of who is invited and can you believe there are 2 people coming one a doctor who we have never even heard of let alone met so how on earth can they comment,there are also other people who have only met my dd once a couple of years ago so am finding it very frustrating that these people are going to get a say in the matter when they do not even know what is happening!!
but am determind to stand my ground although feel that will be very intimidating me against abot 8 or 9 other people ,but am fed up with not getting anywhere,they just dont seem to understand dd wont see anyone and wont go out,i am asking for distance learing and to me at the present time i think thats is the only way it will work.right finnished the rant and all out of the sysyem for now.
thanks again for replies at least its not just me who thinks they are being too hard,
regards julia
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will go back and leave message,also gave my mum website and she thought it was wondeful,typical sisters,mine are just same dd has brother of 12 and sister of 9,oh what deep joy it is sometimes!!will keep web on my favourites.
best wishes julia
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what a wonderful website,ended up in tears reading it ,dd so similar ,doesnt seem to be so many people with daughters of teenage age to get advise from,would highly recommed the read,regards and good luck julia
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hi just wondered if any one could offer any advise,my dd of 13 hasnt been to school since june 2008,we are awaiting an assessment for aspergers,i have done the ADI-R with paediatrician who said she is above the cut off level and are awaiting app for dd to do a ADOS module 4,meantime the school have only had contact twice since last summer once on the last day of term in october to send some work home( i had been asking for 8 weeks before i got any) and a few weeks ago they sent some more home ,dd feels let down by school and is very rigid in her thinking that they have not done enough to support her,now the school have phoned this morning to say a home education teacher is turning up tommorow morning at 9.30,we have not met this teacher before and the senco has said my dd should be ready and expected to do some work and have tables and chairs ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well dd is saying doesnt want to see lady,( she has severe social problems ,she doesnt go out and never sees anyone new as she cant cope with strangers,)but thats not the point,surely the school are being a bit heavy handed expecting her to just accept soemone that she has never met before and to do school work,without any relationship building in advance.i am all for the school sorting themselves out but just seems very harsh way round.i want her to have education but after all this time surely there should be some softly softly approach,would just like to hear anyones views,because just dont know how tommorow will go ,the last time they sent someone round ,nearly a year ago myy dd run away and afraid the stress will get too much and the same thing will happen
sorry to go on any support appreciated
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hi i wouldnt worry about it at all i have 12 year old NT boy and he was probably about 11 before he got rid of his teddies off his bed,then they move on quickly and just before xmas he had a good clear out and got rid of many tens of teddies,still keeping his special one ,although its not on his bed,so lets face it its not harming anyone if it makes him feel secure let him be,we all want kids to be kids and they grow up far too quickly as it is.hope this helps
regards julia.
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hi kathryn,thanks for reply have read link you said and seems to all make sense ,just wanted to check though we are up in scotland so do all the same things apply?
only other concern is where it says if i ask for assessment i have to legally make sure she attends assessments that they put in place,and i just know it wont happen,this is what really worries me,because what would happen then?
many thanks julia
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totally agree is underdiagnosed,my dd of 13 is going through assessments at present,had never even heard of aspergers til clinical psycologist brought it to our attention last may,now looking back yes we just said dd was shy and quiet and prefered to play by herself etc etc,who would have thought that when she was 17 months old and couldnt deal with her baby brother crying and covered her ears and hid that it was much ,certainly didnt think of rushing to doctors because of it ,but as always in hind sight now we can see that the pattern was there but being a female she managed to cope til she was about 10 then its all gone pear shaped since!!!but regardless shes still the same person either with a diagnosis or without and some times is hard to cope with other times not so bad!!
julia
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hi wonder if anyone can offer advise re all the above my dd of naerly 14 hasnt been to school properly since july2008 ,having spoken to someone at NAS he advised asking for an assessment,to get a statement,the big problem i have is my dd doesnt go out and will not see anyone 'new' so there is no way i can get an assessment,however she has seen clinical and educational psycologists over the last year and i filled in an ADI-R back in november with the result being that she is above the cut off score.the question is if i ask for a statement can they use the reports from these people as opposed to making her be seen by someone esle for an assessment?
with regards to the not being at school and getting 5 hours a week tuition,not sure which area that would be,personally i was told that and it is a complete joke,it took the school a year to even mention it and then we the man came round my dd couldnt cope and run away,because she didnt like him( very black and white thinking,she had heard something about him and that was it!!)i was then told due to resourses ther was no one else in our area and it was never mention again,that was last june!!
anyway getting back to point any advise gratefully accepted
regards julia
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hi hope things have calmed down a bit,my dd of 13 is like this,ie no respect ,to her own dad,i spend much of my time playing piggy in the middle,although she has not been violent to your extent,she has hit her dad once in the arm,i think its a combination of teenagers and AS problems mixed in,but as said this is her own dad not step dad and she treats him like dirt most of the time,i am the only one that can deal with her in these moods,sorry cant offer any advise but just to let you know thinking of you and hope all calms down.
regards julia
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not sure of answer but i am in process of form filling for dla at moment but my daughter doesnt have a statement,and have not found anything on forms that indicates that they must.regards julia
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hi welcome to the forum,i have a daughter just coming up 14 who we think has aspergers,we have had ADI-R assessment done and been told she is above the cut off level,so are now progressing through further assessments,know what you are going through life can be very tough at times but always seems to be lots of info on here.my dd hasnt been to school properly since july 2008 so makes life hard at home ,she is virtualy unable to go out at all because she cant deal with any social situations,
hope you get some support
regards julia
AT LAST A DIAGNOSIS
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hi thanks for all the hugs!! strange that it just seems so weird the clinical phycologist first thought it could be aspergers over a yera ago and we have had to wait all this time to get someone to see dd,they saw her for hour and half and then discussed it between themselves for all of ten seconds to all agree,we now have to wait another month before we can get an appointment to see them and i assume get an officail diagnosis and find out exactly what they picked up,not realy sure how it works but assume that we are told this? dd seems to have taken it quite well even posting it on her facebook account!!
have looked at book you recommend and have had that one from library before,but need something that is a bit more basic for dd .shes not too good on reading unless it is twilight connected or vampires!she is due to start a city and guilds art course on line tommorow and not sure how we will get on. 
but is so nice to know that there are others out there,seem to be a bit few and far between girl teenagers being just diagnosed,even my dd seems to be bitter that 'why didnt my school teachers realise that soemthing was wrong?'but i have tried to tell her that me being mum knows her best and even i didnt know ,have spent the last 14 years thinking'lauren is just lauren'when she does weird and wonderful things,and think she just hit a brick wall 3 yeears ago,we had lots of problems that year and think she just realised that she couldnt pretend anymore. 
but will stop rambling,thanks for hugs again
regards julia
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