jlogan1
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Posts posted by jlogan1
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me again, or rather than taking something away should i be looking at do the work and get a reward,or is this starting another problem?or is it the encouragement she needs rather than a punishment?
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now totally confused,yes we see phycologist and her theory is to work on actions and consequensies,ok i've just done that she still wont do book review so have taken cable to computer and tv away,so shes thrown a 'tantrum' and says fine but that will not make her do the work
so looking at past replies have i done the right thing by taking away her 'interests'dont know wheteher i'm coming or going,phycologist has said on past experience there is no point in keep repeating myself to her as she doesnt take it in,ie she just changes the subject to her obsessions,and in the past when i tell her dont do --- it makes no difference cos she doesnt take it in so what is the point in taking her comp and tv away when all it does is make her angry and upset and STILL makes no difference cos the consequence of her actions,ie not doing her work,just doesnt sink in!!!from a small child she drew on walls and with siblings after a few times they get the message and would never dream of drawing on a wall but at 13 she still occasionally does it but telling her off doesnt have any effect,same as homework doesnt matter what the consequence is she still wont do, 
going round in circles again,will follow through and will keep comp and tv till work done but still not sure its right!!as previous said taking away her only interests,HELP.slowly going round the twist 
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thanks for all advise i have decided to try a timetable be it a very basic one ie.just something like one or two things on it although dd has already said 'in your dreams'but its getting her to do any work.she just isnt interested
she was fine at primary school and did really well but trying to get her to do anything the school set is hell,all she wants to do is read twilght books ,shes read all four about 4-5 times in last few months but is totally obsessed,its all she talks about she spends most of her computer time reading up on it etc,it just goes on and on 
she is due to do a book review but isnt interested in what the home ed teacher has sent so i've said do it on twilight working on the basis that something is better than nothing,but how do i get over the fact she is just not interested in school work ive tried the taking the compter cable away etc,but she got wise and now if feels threatened takes it herself and hides it!!!help just seem to go in circles,she has agreed to do book review today but will believe it when see it,and feel if she doesnt get sorted on work front school will just give up 
so any ideas ? by way she writes and writes pages of work ,unfortunately its all taken from twilight and no=one is allowed to read it,have checked to see if she is writing her own things but ( for imaginatio but she says its just taken from the books right anyone got a miracle idea or do i just base work on her interests( which are also plane crashes at the moment,same thing did a wonderful project on it when the airfrance went down ,pictures looked up all the info on loads of crashes etc) but scholl arent interested they want there work done.sorry to go but there just seems to be so many issues at mo to try ans sort out at once. <'> <'> -
hi thanks ,unfortunately my dd is probably the only one that doesnt fit that,she refuses to have a timetable ,have tried but she refuses to write it down follows what she needs to do in her head,so she has her timetable but doesnt feel the need to put it in writing,so although she will do the same things most days if i try giving her a written one she gets angry,and says no need for it,but saying that i will try never know each day is a new day and things may change!!!but will make it very basic,thanks for help
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hi ,thanks for all replies(although feel guilty as getting a bit heated)very dificult with regards to seeing school ,simply because they have a department head who deals with all the things in specail needs unit and just feel if i go higher would be stepping on her toes and last thing i want is to alienate her,BUT,just dont have the guts to tell her that they may have to go round things a different way as feel as though im telling her her job and shes the one that is supposed to be qualifeid,with regards to getting new teacher to come out and see dd ,one my daughter wouldnt agree to ( not that i have suggested it) but had the same thing with home tutor,and school are already acting as though they are going above and beyond with the 2 x 45 minute one-to -one sessions.have to be bit careful about pushing we have had one incident of self harm when she was pushed too much at home,although it was not school related,i tend to walk on eggshells just in case.think will see how go this week,feel slightly better that most people say not a control thing,but borne from anxiety ,being new to all this is very difficult to see what is AS and what is normal teenager.but still think school could be more sympathetic,have a meeting with them at ends of month,luckily the clinical phycologist that dd sees comes as well and helps to get things accross,although have found that things that agreed in meeting are not carried through,was told they would get someone to keep in touch with dd over school hols to keep a link going,nothing!!then when got back i was told that whereas before i sat in school ( i am seen as escape route so dd made sure i was in school) that i cannot come in and must drop her at door ,and then told of new teacher! i think all just too much at once,but will percivere,and see how goes,many thanks.
<'> <'> just as an added have also noticed that since return to school dd cant deal with noise,as soon as got out of car she said everything really loud and has since for the last week been complaining ,cant deal with tv loud and when siblings make lots of noise gets really angry and upset,has been really bad this last week,any ideas apart from earplugs!! -
can some one help my daughter is 13 and we are waiting for diagnosis for aspergers,meanwhile she has been off school for a year(she cant cope with people noise etc) she was going 3 x 45 minutes sessions 1-1 last year ,well sometimes, in the special needs unit. this year they have given her 2 x 45 minute sessions,BUT they have given her a new teacher for one session,well that was it said not going end of,new person and not interested,spoke to school who have said she cant have the same old teacher twice a week(due to their timetable,which i understand there are other children) but she then said my dd cant have that sort of conrtol of who she sees,made it sound as though my dd was a control freak and they wouldnt play that game.not fully having diagnosis yet am not up on all aspergers things but made me angry because she is terrified of seeing new people and i didnt think it was to do with controling.please can someone offer any advise?sorry to go on ,only we have the same problem with home education it took them a year to sort ,he came round once( dd dissapeared,although found her in garden)but she has said if he comes back she will run away,so really she is getting no education apart from her 2x45 mins a week so to me we really need to get the teacher issue sorted otherwise we are down to 1 x45 session.right anyone any ideas??? please
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hi thanks for reply,it sounds as though things are really tough for you,must admit i try and keep things going cos the other problem is she wont have anything to do with her dad,he was very ill about 3 years ago and all she can remember is dad ignored her when he was in hospital! he had just has major surgery it wasnt personal but she thinks it is so they fight like cat and dog,although it has got to the point where they dont talk anymore,he cant deal with it although i have told him it isnt her fault she cany help it,but doesnt make it any easier for him.
with regard to the sleep pattern we did nearly sort it out a coulpe of weeks ago when she ended being awake from11pm one night then had her friend round and didnt get to sleep til 7pm the folling night so was awake for 20 hours and i thought bingo ,but alas it only lasted a couple of days because she wants to be awake at night so will do anything to make sure she is ,so back to square one,just hoping that if she HAS to get up for school will change her clock but not too optomistic.
have spoken to her friends mum and told her what problem may be ,good thing is her mum works in a school and deals with these things sometimes but the bad news is her friend is nearly a year younger so it is more difficult to get a 12 year old to understand what my daughter is going through,gosh i feel so negative most of the tme ,suppose cos things never seem to work out as planned,never mind will get through it somehow,
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hi thanks for reply,feel even worse when find that others are going through even more
how old are your children and what ages were they diagnosed? just feel as though hitting brick wall all the time cos if she refuses to go what happens next? school not over helpful they went back last week i phoned at end of week as they hadnt bothered to be told they havent finished working out timetable( she only has 3 x45 mins a week,thats when she will go) so there was me thinking of getting back into some sort of routine,mentioned it to her last night that she may be going back next week and so needs to sort out sleep as she awake til between 3-5am ,told me she will sort herself and now to day hasnt gone to sleep til 7am so will sleep all day,problem is all she is interested in is twilight books !!! now on 1st book for 4 th time ,shes only had them 7 weeks!!! and they are set of 4 ,she is also upset ,she has 1 freidn who she sees perhaps once a month,but is going through 'i want to change my name by deed poll'phase ,has emailed her friend and told her new name but her friend has replied i know you as ... and thats what i am going to call you,so friendship begining to go pear shaped.in some ways i feel i just need a diagnosis to keep my sanity cos at least then i know what i am dealing with,also will be a relief to be able to explain to her siblings that she cant help it and maybe they will understand,sorry you having tough time too <'> -
thanks for advice and so nice to hear i am not alone it is very tough sometimes
re the CAMHS up here we have what is know as DCFP,dept of child and family phychiatry,which is part of the child and adolescent mental health services,i assume these are one and the same just a different name,if so we have an appointment at the end of september to see them ,the paedreatritian( know its spelt wrong apologies) said they would be able to rule out anxiety,phobias and depression,before we get an assesment for aspergers,however the big problem is will she go?? i have spoken to them and they have said if she doesnt i can go by myself but not quite the same so will just have to try and persuade her although seems in denial and wont discuss any of it i must admit there are times when i think has she got a problem or is she just being akward ,silly thing is only really started noticing problems a few years ago previous to that we just accepted her as she was,ie drawing on wall ,emptying shampoo in empty bath it was just 'we know whos done that' cos her siblings wouldnt even dream of doing these things,but when we looked back a long way when her brother was born she was 15 months and couldnt deal with him crying would hide in corner and put hands over ears ,but not the sort of thing youd rush her to the doctors for?which makes me feel bad that weve got to this age without us really noticong,sorry going on agian,will sign off ,many thanks for all replies. <'> <'> -
<'> thanks for advise ,new to all this and show my ignorance but what is CAMHS?she has built a sort of relationship with the clinical phycologist but even when she had a trainee my daughter didnt want her in on the meeting,and she's not keen on them coming to the home because she feels they are invading her territory getting very exasperating,just dont know what to do next doesnt mater which way i turn there is always a stumbling block,with regards to looking after myself i just have to get on with it but yes very tiring even though she is not demanding ,just the situation. <'>
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she is avoiding all social contact she just doesnt want any.so getting her out is near impossible because she just wont go,and very difficult to force a 13 year old ,have tried the tacttics of 'if you come out we can' but not interested,just doesnt want to see anuone or speak to anyone,she has no problems with actual communication she is quite bright and her speech and language are great,have even tried if we are going to school saying right just going to go....,but gets stressed and wants home.cant deal with school bell so have to get out between bells and have to stay in school waiting for her as i am her escape.she has admitted that when at school she puts on an act so the teacher doesnt realise how stressed she is but i then pay for it later
will try new home structures next week,but still dont know how to deal with convincing her to go anywhere even a walk up the road is a struggle,and if she is in garden and a car drives past she ducks and hides behind a wall,also have to be very careful with putting new structures in place not to upset too much as when we tried previously she self harmed so like walking on egg shells permantly,will see what happens next week on return to school to see if sleep pattern improves.as for hobbies at moment it is reading twilight books and every time you talk to her she turns the conversation on to that or sometimes its plane crashes,ghosts she could tell you lots on all these subjects but as i have tried telling her her exams wont be about them!! -
hi thanks for reply will have to try and do some sort of structure although may have to wait til next week when hopefully she can do her school sessions,cos then she knows she has to get up earlier,so hopefully will go to bed earlier 
we recently introduced pocket money for chores ,very simple things like washing up,but the most i got out of her is she will bring her plates and cups up from her room,which otherwise build up and up,so she gets £1 a week as long as she does it at least every other day,but wont do any other chores.trouble is she gets up late and before you know it the other 2 kids are home so she then shuts herself away back in her room.but the going out is the biggest problem even if we do make it to school she is adamant that we go straight there and then back,only time she goes out apart from that is in evening when getting dark( we are very rural) cos she knows there is no one about ,in height of summer she was staying up til it got light ,about 2 am so she could wonder about outside then i know she wont go far and do anything silly but just the fact shes going out when i'm asleep and dont know is so frustrating,but it makes her so happy to be out,she finds the cats and plays with them,never mind could go on all day and never solve the problems.will try and make changes,please any more miracles gratefully accepted
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hi me again thanks it was nice to hear i am not the only one!! all started when someone from secondary school visited primary school and said'they are all bullies ,drug addicts and smoke' that was it said she was locking herself in her room and never going to school,obviously other things have happened as weel ,but clinical phys,has said she thinks so black and white that that is where first thoughts of aspergers came in,we have tried structoring the day but she will have none of it!! her sleep pattern is way off sometimes she will sleep by about 2am in which case could be awake by 8am,but like this morning she didnt go to sleep til 6am!! disturbs me fequently during night telling me about her favourite books etc.at moment she is reading twilight books has only had them 7 weeks ( 4 rather large paperbacks for anyone not into it) and she is on the 4th one for the 3 time,saying when she finishes she will start on the first again!all she talks about is that.so getting her to do anything else is a nightmare.as she refuses to see home education teacher( has said will run away if comes round,and she would) so they are sending some work out but just cannot get her to understand she must do it cos just wants to do her thing,very frustrating,wouldnt be so bad but she is clever and had great grades at school.biggest problem is she doesnt want to see anyone not even wants to but cant not bothered at all,feels she doesnt need anyone and has said why cant we just leave her alone to herself and then she would be happy.sorry to go on !but just dont see how am going to get her to change into seeing anybody and she cant live her life like that!hopefully school will sort out when she can have her 3 sessions again( went back this week but they havent sorted their timetable yet) and will be able to get back to earlier mornings to get up but she resists so much any sort of change,help,just nice to hear from others going through similar things,thanks fot reading my rantings.
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can any one offer any advise my 13 year old daughter has been off school for a year,apart from 3x 45 min sessions 1-1 each week,she wont go out is quite happy at home not seeing anyone( she has one friend whom she sees every few weeks) we are now at the pre assement stage ,who knows how long the waiting list is!but she wont see the paedeatrician,sees clinical phsycologist ever few weeks,but refuses to see anyone else,wont even see home tutor,so missing out on all school work.anyone got any advise what i do next,cant see me getting anywhere without her co-opertaion and not getting it.have spoken to her and said possibly aspergers but unless we see someone cant get a diagnosis,seem to be going round in circles ,and she wont discuss it just changes the subject to one of hers,any help greatly appreciated,thanks.
is it a control thing?
in Education
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hi yes that is whats in place at moment,its a case of when youve done the work you can have it back,simple as that and the work should only take about half hour but she's digging in and says she's not doing it,so i'm keeping comp,although we are now in the situation of she only has 1 friend and she wont use the phone and says she needs to email her but i'm punishing her by not letting her have contact with her only friend.just so frustrating ,i'm sure shes capable of work ,but did read on one posting that perhaps shes struggling and cant do it because it needs her opinions and perhaps she cant do it,but i'm sure shes done things like this before,so should i ask her,although in mood shes in getting nowhere,she has said wont eat anything i've cooked and should go and drop dead,arent children wonderful!!!