dannyboy

hi bid shortly after i posted this, my wife decided to take it upon herself to organise child therapy for my son who is having attitude problems at school. he is a bright boy (top of the class - age 10) but has a tendency to shout out answers and struggles in group work. (he deleted his groups work last week because it wasnt up to scratch - in his opinion!) she didnt discuss this therapy with me, she just went ahead and booked it. this is all in the context of me asking for couples counselling for well over two years. anyway- weve been a couple of times (with and without harvey). after the second session i raised the issue that eileen and i were having arguments and that this may be the problem for him in terms of his emotions. although eileen has never showed any interest in counselling for the two of us, she then started crying?? the next week she then advised both myself and the therapist of the 'deleting' episode at school? i was gobsmacked. i said this is exactly the same attitude you take in group work (she is a serial academic and is always slagging off others views etc - even arguing with lecturers, when she gets a bad mark). this week she has taken to insinuating that im a narcissist and an emotional control freak (i wish i had the opportunity to be) and following a weekend where she brought her sister into things (which isnt a bad thing, as she refuses to discuss the problems we're having with anyone that might offer any advise) she has decided to get a gp referral. the gp has told her that she can see nothing wrong (obviously, because she is a bright, v articulate, beautiful and funny women)and now i have to go along and state my case as if it were a trial. im nervous, to be frank, as ive made my case around her having austism but im not a psychologist - having read loads of books i just cant see that it cld anything else? being a victim and blame, plays such a huge part i thought it may be a martyr complex or something similar (her mum - devote catholic - also lacked empathy. she had 6 kids and used to beat them into order) im going potty with all this as im supporting everyone, studying and coming home to sofas and shouting. again any advice/words wld be most appreciated. best dan

hi all after months of vicious arguments, family therapy, (the list goes on) my wife has been to see her gp. i am now very nervous, as we have had terrible difficulties over the last year or so (thats not to say the last ten years havent been difficult) and i have hung my hat on autism being the main problem in repsect of our communication difficulties. we are not talking and so she has emailed me to say that her gp says she (eileen) seems fine to her and wld like us to meet up together. blame seems to play a huge part of the game in the relationship and over the last year ive deflected most of it which has caused untold problems. there has been hitting, screaming, smashing things, ripping books, ignoring the kids (we have 4 under 11) feelings etc, etc. we have been to family therapy because harvey my son (who is extremely bright) is having attitude problems with teachers at school. although my wife was the first to mention autism as perhaps the reason she has problems (she has also taken the online tests) she is now adamant this isnt the issue in our relationship. lack of emotional reciprocity and inability to deal with responsibilities within the marriage are the main problems for me and having taken the soft, caring approach for ten years i realised it was getting me nowhere. im now confronted by a wild animal (who inside i can tell is hurting) who says she is intent on separation and divorce. however today she went to the gp and now (aggressively) wants me to go along? my question is: im nervous, what if im wrong, what if it s something else, what if she doesn t love me, what if she doesnt know what love is, what if my emotional withdrawl this year has ruined the relationship for good? is she going to the doctors because my resolution to the idea has made her think twice or she s simply keen to disprove me? eileen is extremely bright, beautiful, articulate and funny. however she has always refused to talk about, money, child rearing, relationships and sex. everything that to me, holds any value? look forward - keenly - to any comments anyone might have? dan

hi all, been following various topics for some time now. concerned my wife is high funtioning or other (possibly alexithymic). has never been able to share feelings (thoughts even). we re having terrible marital arguments mainly over practical issues relating to our kids and future of the family finances. arguments a fairly abusive. she doesn t pull any punches (literally) can be cutting and very sarcastic. kids are suffering the arguments but my wife is completely unable to empathise with their subsequent worries and upset. this evenings confrontation concerned a number of her study books (art history). she went mental (started shaking) until i took the cork out of the atmosphere. she wld never show such concern when the kids get upset. has completed an online aspie test and was comfortably on the spectrum. she took the test in her own time (earlier in the year) and then told me about it. now she refuses to accept that there might be an issue. have tried to reassure that im committed to the marraige (if nothing else at this stage wld break my heart to hurt the kids -we have 4) but need to know what im dealing with. what can i do -she wont get a referral and is becoming increasing pendantic and resolute. refuses to go a relationship consellor, has threatened to leave on several occasions and asks me to almost every week. although when ive kept away (stayed at work late) shes rung to say the kids need their father etc. im a hands on dad, work and spend all my spare time with family. shes a serial academic has never worked whilst we ve been married. i actually dont want her to work (if she s too unsure of herself) but 11 years on, i need some support and understanding if im to keep the whole thing going. wld appreciate any advice? yours to all dan