welshlass

Ohhhh, no.... I have already drummed it into the girls - when I go, Luke has to go live with one of them. They both readily agreed and it's just a given he will. I suck at this, I do really. What the heck is the matter with me? I just have to surround him with protection, as has been said here. I do not even like his dad taking him out as his dad does make him do stuff. An example is this, albeit a tiny example - Luke has to go out for clothes, he is growing incredibly fast and has to try everything on so there is no returning of the clothes. When I take him, (after over 2 hours last time of persuading him to come out of the house) we get the stuff and he hands me the bags - I carry them. We are out for an hour? When his dad takes him, there is no persuading, he is told and he blinking well gets dressed and goes as well! No argument! Luke has to carry the bags and he is simply amazed he has to do that! They are out for hours. He tells me after, he had to carry the bags and go pay for the items himself - I just die a little inside at the thought of him at some till trying to pay for stuff! I am babying him far too much, I can't even describe how I feel when I think of him doing stuff and feeling afraid. I think I need the help, not Luke! Crikey. I am making the right steps here, all be them baby steps, for me and for him. It's like a whole new other chapter really. I have to let loose my grip and I will, for his sake. x

Oh, that coursework! Yes absolutely it's not helping. Your brain is stuffed to the rim with coursework and not just in one subject, in all the subjects you are taking. Let's not even go down the route of your actual hormones bouncing about like little tiggers - what bright spark decided 14 - 16 was a great time to work hard for exams!? 14 is an odd old age. You feel as if you are neither here nor there really. Not a kid but not a grown up either. Do relax a bit, as you say. I always told my lot, exams are important, yes, but they are not the end of the world. Those things called re-sits? Well, they exist and do so for a reason Your friends are also 14-16 I would guess and are all probably feeling as fed up as you are, in one way or another. They will pick friends and drop friends quickly, do not take it to heart. It's how it goes at that age. You will encounter a lot of scrambled eggs before you find your fried ones! You will be okay. I hope your feeling a bit better today. x

Hi Dillyn, Nice Welsh name you have there! Listen, us girls are fickle. Especially when we are youthful. Don't take the breakup too personally. I know it's hard not to take it personally but it happens to everybody. We all get dumped. It's the most horrid feeling. I have an 18 year old daughter, no aspergers, just a regular kid. When she was 16 she got dumped, she took to her bed for a few days and was miserably upset for weeks after. It is an absolutely normal feeling, after being dumped, to not want to see anybody, socialise at all, do anything. All you need is a little time to mope as my daughter puts it now. You need time to be quiet and be upset and come to terms with it. I would not go back to my teenage/young adult years for a million good old British ponuds. It's a horrible time all around. The good news is, you will get older and you will be okay, you will be on some forum, an old doddery person like myself advising a young one that it will all be okay, just hang on in there! It's good to take time out to be with yourself. I have always been more at ease alone than in a crowd and you know what? Making good friends is difficult. You will come across some right plebs along this particular journey. I am an old person now (I am 39) and I got to tell you, I have about 3 good friends. 3. The others are just not good friends, you learn who are good friends and who are not. I think 3 is ample. I did not have them when I was younger. I had friends yes but do I see any of them now? Nope, never. How come your bus is all empty then? Where did all the other's on there go? I am absolutely sure your going to be okay, you might not feel as if you are right now but as your elder, you have to listen to me! I know you will be okay. You don't have to believe it, you just have to listen to it x

Hi all, Well, I looked to my laurels and I emailed social services asking for any activities in the area he can join in with. They called me and there are more than a few it would seem and they also asked why I had not got in touch sooner? If I gave the impression Luke is in a hurry to get involved, I didn't mean to. He does not want to get involved, that's the problem and the reason I perhaps blamed myself for encouraging this situation. Always protecting him, always doing everything for him. All the info about social groups for him is in the post now and I will look at them when they arrive and try to work out how best to encourage him to go to one or the other. There are a couple that his younger sister can attend with him as well which might be how I actually get him to go and they are run by people that know exactly how he will react to certain situations which is brilliant news. Actually, one of them is run by a lady that ran a club when I was in my teens, she lived over the way from my mother and she will remember me when she sees my name on a form! Poor lady.... I have not brought it up with him just yet and will not until I have read all the info and seen which group I think would interest him the most but I feel slightly better I have done something. I have to now let him go on into these places without myself breaking out in a cold sweat and stalking the club grounds to spy through the windows! Oh dear, oh dear, tis not an easy job this mothering is it? Thank you all for your help and it is so much of a relief to know I am not a smothering freak that babies her offspring to the point of them never being able to toast bread! (He lets me toast the bread so he does not get crumbs on my floor - he says!) x

Reading your story has made me feel very uncomfortable in the sense of the shocking way authorities let these children down. It is heartbreaking. No parent expects to be given every crumb of help on a plate while they sit back, as the parent, and do little to nothing to contribute with proactive help for the children. But we are not living in the dark ages, we should have more understanding in society as a whole and most certainly within a school. How you have managed to hold your temper throughout this is a credit to you. I have such a short fuse and would be at the door of my local paper, at the door of my MP, at the door of my GP. I would be demanding some help with this situation, some publicity, I would be targetting the school with bad publicity and all sorts and would be driven to do so, so I felt justice was given eventually to my child. I take my hat off to you for remaining calm throughout your dealings with these people. Have you thought of going to your MP? One letter from your MP to any authority, be they education or otherwise seems to speed up whatever issue you have. It would appear, in my personal experience, when your dealing with issues with the Government departments, any Government dept, a letter from an MP can go a long way to have your situation dealt with more quickly. It's just an idea for you if you have not already been down his/her office, chained yourself to the railings and burned your bra! With all the fighting for your son, do not forget to look after yourself as well. I for one, get incredibly upset and loose sleep over issues with my son. I always have to hammer home to myself, it is not me with the problem here, it is not even my son with the problem, it is the authorities with the problem, hammer it home to myself so I stop walking about feeling like something nasty they trod in and I can get some sleep at night without feeling furious all the time. Do some simple things with him, give him pizza hut (other food options are available ) and watch (my son's fav) Harry Hill on DVD even if you can not stand it for one more time! Just to see him giggle is enough to calm me down anyhow and when I am calmer and he is calmer I can tackle other idiots beter Grrrrrr.

Having been technically alone with my son throughout his entire life (we cope far too well according to social workers back when he was 4/5 years old and they visited us twice - have never seen a soul since then! 11 years!) I am afraid I have morphed into this protective monster and am holding my son back perhaps? We saw nobody and had no help throughout his rocking back and fore and making horrendous noises. Nobody through his eating problems, all they did was take him in to check there was no physical reason he was refusing to eat. It was his primary school teacher that sat with him during the lunchtime and myself at evening time asking he try only 3 fork's of food before he could have his cheese spread sarnie and yogurt. It took years and still to this day there are only 2 actual meals he will sit and eat. Throughout all the other tough times and problems, I and my two daughters tried to get him past the obsticles and if we could not, then devised a plan to get around them. The result of us all being this tight little unit here are obvious. When we took him to see his college and enroll back in the summer holidays, we all took him. Myself and my daughters, 18 years old and 12 years old. When the tutor came to greet us in the waiting area, all three females got up and stood so Luke was protected (he was totally bricking it. Nervous, fiddling with his hands, tapping his foot, very, very uncomfortable). We shielded him. That is one example of what we do to physically create a barrier between the boy and the other humans of the world. The college claim I mother him too much. I know they are right but I feel so cross when I hear this as he is my son and I can't seem to let go of the fact I will fight for him till my last breath and anybody that tries to put him out there on his own will have to cut me up with a knife before I let it happen. I obviously have a problem.... Being just us four for the last few years and as we are all so very close anyhow and as Luke has always been given special treatment by us. You know, I mean, clear instructions, lots of hugs, do you need anything Luke? Far more than the average kid gets. As the girls do this as well, they mother him as much as I do. My youngest is 12, Luke is 16, even she mothered him from when she was tiny! Luke seems to have this appeal where all females go gaga around him and just 'do' for him. It happens with my mother, my friends, he just smiles when somebody familiar arrives at the house and that's all it takes, the female is won over and he is terribly pampered and protected. Everybody hugs him as they are walking by him, they take a moment to stop and just do it. Luke has become a very tactile person as a result and he simply sits there and holds out a hand when one of us walks past and we always, bar nothing, take a second to take his hand, squeeze it and then carry on our way to the kitchen or wherever. He is so aloof with people not familiar to him. I have been thinking hard about stuff since he went to college and I am massively concerned now that I might be holding him back. He can not go out without myself or one of his sisters, to the corner shop for example. He never, ever goes on public transport, the mere thought of it has him in a sweat and me having palpitations. I drive him every where he needs to go. Every time I think we must start to make him more independent, I almost come out in a cold sweat and want to get out the cotton wool and wrap him in it, tightly. Never mind Luke struggling to interact socially. I can not seem to let him do it. Never mind his reluctance to get involved with anybody outside these 4 walls, I can't seem to let it happen. This irrational need to mother him is overwhelming and instincitve and very strong. I would never pamper my girl's in this way. They would have a fit if I tried! But for some reason, we all do it with Luke as if he was born to get this sort of treatment and we all spoil him totally. I have to begin to let go a little but have no idea how to do so. How do you begin to let go? He has come everywhere with me up to this point. I have done everything for him. I still, in my mind think of the small child he was when he was my constant companion and with me always and on my hip as I went about holding him that extra bit tight to protect him from the big, bad world. He is about 6 foot tall now so is no longer in my arms, on my hip, but you know, he might as well be. I am seriously concerned I am holding him back. It was the main reason I sought out a forum so I could air this to see if I am normal and to see what I could do to let go a little. Your views would be appreciated, but kindly you go as I am terribly easily upset and angered when it comes to critisism of Luke or my behaviour around him. As said, I am totally irrational where he is concerned. x

Thanks both. It's been a slightly tense three weeks to say the least but his tutor says he is settling well, very quiet but then he is unless he is at home with us. I believe his tutors think I mother him to much. I am afraid they are right but will unfortunately challenge them strongly when they accuse me of this. I get very uppity about it all and the phrase 'I am all he has' is far too easily and angrily flowing out of my mouth... It was actually worse in the weeks of the summer holidays as he thought about going to college. The thought of it for him was worse than the actual reality of doing it. He is only there 3 days a week and in situated in the special needs section of the building. He is with other young girls and boys with similar conditions so he seems to be okay. He walked out with another lad yesterday and I was almost clapping as I saw them chatting away together. x

Hello there, I am new here, and by the sounds of it, my son and I have had a far easier time of it educational wise than a lot of others. It makes me very sad to read some of the things on here. I knew there was something up with my son at 4 years old but was told I was comparing him to my daughter and girls are better than boys! So, I put him into a welsh speaking school, with his sister, fully aware that he could not speak or understand a darn word of English nevermind Welsh. It really ruffled some feathers. He spent a grand total of 2 weeks there before being diagnosed with a severe speach and language disorder (at first - later with Aspergers) and whisked off to a specialist teaching facility within an English speaking school. My daughter obviously remained on at her welsh school. My son has remained at specialist teaching facilities right through his school life. They are units based within a mainstream school where extra English is taught and welsh and so on are exempt. The kids go to regular lessons like maths and so on with a support teacher, he/she sits right next to them and helps them. Can you look into this with your son? Here in Wales, these teaching units are few and far between but they are darn good and do their job well. Very underfunded, as is everything, but they do exist and I would be pushing for a place at one for your son if I were you. It's not too late at 15 - your son deserves the right to a decent education. My son once sat on his speach and language therapist as she was leaving to work at another place and he was devastated, he was about 14 then. That sort of thing is unacceptable but the school handled it brilliantly as they are equipped to I guess. I can't offer any advice to you other than that and in all probability, you have already been down that road and failed to find a placement for your son. I offer you support though and lots of it. I have been at the frustration phase with my son (now 16) and the way his frustration came out was in what others see as terrible tantrums and aggresion. It was the most terrible time for him and for myself as his mother. It's under control now although does rear it's head now and again but rarely. At 15 your son is preparing for his exams and doing lots of coursework, it's a lot for your 'avergae' kid to deal with but for a special kid? The exam pressure? Coursework pressure? Hormones raging? Nightmare. His brain is possibly bursting from it all. It's so unfair really. It's going to come out in one form or another and shame on the schools for letting him down. I really hope you get something done about it. If my spelling is driving you insane - I apologise! I am meant to be working here but this is far more important than boring drawing! I am slightly rushing through this! x

Hi to everybody from myself and my son! My son is 16 years old and has Aspergers. I will not go into the whole, how he was diagnosed, what we have been through up to this point as it is all possibly too familiar a story to you so will spare you! I have 2 other children, an 18 year old young 'lady' and a 12 year old young 'lady' - I try to have them behave like ladies you know, I do, really! I try to ignore the thought of, what hope do they have with me as their mother..... My son is at college on a PDC (personal development course) after gaining an incredible 8 gcse's at B and C grade this year. English was a D but you know what? Who gives a p%@p? The boy did good and we are so proud of him, we could burst! We have our trials which is the reason I have signed up here. I find this stage of his life far more complex and upseting (all around, for him, for myself) than when he was little so have come along for some support and such. So, hello to you all and see you around the forum. x