Felicity

Wow that's strange. But good news, if you grow to love the single life. I've had 'brief encounters' with people before, as a girl I'm lucky in the sense it doesn't take much other than the question to get a guy into bed! I previously thought I could get my confidence and self- esteem this way, but at 20 I'm starting to feel so empty. Think I really need a relationship. My sister says it'll 'calm me down'. I just hope I don't encounter my aspergers in a full blown form. I want a relationship but feel like it would be so impossible. It's what defines me more than anything else, the fact I find it so difficult to deal with the concept of a relationship. I find older, dominant guys easier to imagine being in a relationship with - as they tell you what to do and treat shyness as submissiveness. They've treated my 'not having a clue' as naivety. For guys I imagine it's so hard as you're expected to lead a little? Are you like it with really close friends? I find it a different matter with these...

Eye contact is like everything else we find difficult - normal people have the same difficulty but on a different level. Everyone 'thinks' about behaviour and plans it a little. When I' m talking to someone, when I'm not avoiding eye contact, they're avoiding eye contact and strategically looking at me every few seconds, then looking to some point around.

Hey, Yeah I get a lot more angry than what's probably normal over 'injustice'. I just thought I was nicer than everyone else, defeats me why it could be tied to ASD though. Aren't people with asd meant to be more insightful? We think about behaviour a lot more than those who it comes natural to, so we're angry as a result of our deeper insight. We might be able to empathise better with suffering, given our own experiences of a harsh social world.

It just sounds like you're upset over being dumped. It's a sad life but you don't get an option: be miserable and alone or be miserable and socialise. At least with the latter we're more 'normal'. Although I'm not normal and still alone when I'm with people. What difference.

Hey, thanks for the advice! Things are really looking up, I've started to go down when they're watching a film as at least the focus is not so much on socialising. Also slightly getting used to eating in front of them, etc, and I've told them about the stool situation and they agree to move up on the sofa But now the only girl is accusing me of everything under the sun! Does anyone else find they're always accused of stuff? I must have 'mug' written all over me. Thanks for replying.

I've moved into a house and it's proving so stressful. I don't mind being friends with guys but have always hated the living situation - me and my dad never got on! I mostly stay in my room all day, and if I go into the living room i get 'wooo' s if about to go out, if i sit down i have to take the stool as they sit on the two sofas. They watch me eat, so i make stupid excuses to go to my room to eat. I also hate using the toilet or shower, walking into the kitchen as the guys watch me over the top of their laptops and newspapers. Last year I was living in a flat with 4 girls who ignored me anyway, it was easy to have friends who I only saw once or twice a week outside the flat and then did my own thing. They barely noticed me so all was good. But this year i'm living with the friends from last year. For once they're the boring ones, it's as if they copy my behaviour and we sit there not talking for ages until I say something. It's all weirdly quiet and I want to distance myself to get my needed personal space, but still want friends. These people are so nice but I'm starting to get aloof with them. I don't want to go home but hiding from them in my room is not healthy - i'm expected to join them in the living room 24/7 (last year there was no living room so that helped) but now the 24/7 social effort is taxing! I don't mind socialising now and again but if it's constant I feel like going mad - i'm sure many of you understand. Lectures are awful as i feel I'm watched. I don't feel my problems end with asperger's to be honest. My second year at uni is becoming a nightmare!