misswissy

Hi Smiley Really sorry to hear about your nan. I'm new on here so didn't know. Its a difficult time for you and your family and I can't offer any advice to you really. Its natural to be feeling depressed and helpless as anyone would in your situation and I guess only you can decide if you need medication or some counselling. Sometimes it can help just to know others are thinking of you. And I am. And I'm sending you a big hug.

Hello Julia, Just read your post and realised I too launched straight into a desparate post on another thread before posting here first! Welcome to the forum. Chris

Hello Loonytune, Just wanted to say hi, and well done to you for getting your daughter as far as you have. I have a 16 year old son and have recently sought advice on this forum as you are doing. My son is still in year 11 and I am having no joy in getting either the school or his GP to refer to CAMHS. I am a teacher and have worked with asperger and autistic children in my mainstream class, and I too did not pick up on my son for many years. I always knew he was very difficult, and always knew he was different to my other two children but I just never made the connection until he was in Year 8. Since then I have had very little joy. Working for CAMHS yourself you will have support and advice to hand from your colleagues but a lot of what you describe sounds so like my son, eg, personal space, clumsy, but a lot is also very different, he is very loving and affectionate but also very aggressive and violent. We have periods of relative calm, where we question why we ever thought there was a problem and then all hell breaks loose and we just know something is very wrong. I would be interested in knowing how things go with your pursuit of a diagnosis if you choose that route and I sincerely hope you have more joy than I have had. Good luck and keep us posted.

Hi Peaches, Its a small step to most but a huge one for you and your son. You must be so pleased. I have spent years trying to get my 16 yr old interested and committed to something but he won't stick at anything. Swimming, tae kwondo (spelling?), football, rugby, etc. He quit them all in the end, and has refused to do anything at all in the last 3 or 4 years. The other week he played us a rap song that was on his mobile and it was really good. I was amazed when he said it was him singing and that he'd wrote the lyrics too. So I've bought him some second hand recording equipment and some software for his computer and I'm hoping this is something he can get interested in and build his confidence. We'll see. I think its fantastic that your son enjoyed his dancing. I do hope he continues.

Hi jb, Thanks for posting. I'm so sorry your having all this trouble. I keep reading your post and shaking my head. I feel for you so much, and think your daughter and you and your family are having even more difficulty than us. I've taken a lot of positives from everyone that has posted for me and feel like I have a few more avenues to pursue now so maybe perhaps I don't feel as helpless as I did. You've already been down those paths though and are still suffering. I believe though that as parents our own mental health is of paramount importance, not only for the well being of other children you may have, but the wellbeing of our AS children. If we break down, the whole system breaks down! I've always been determined to keep my son in my house and under my care until he is an adult regardless of what he throws back at me. Thats my job and I take it seriously. But things are reaching breaking point and we'll see how it goes. I cannot rule out my son leaving our household as much as that would break my heart. But I have other children to consider and my own mental health to consider. Maybe I would be better able to support my son if he lived away from me and I wasn't dealing with him on a daily basis. I don't know. Not sure if you post here regularly but I've found more support here in the last 24 hours than 16 years of friends, family, schools and GPs. You are fantastic to have survived this long, and I hope you find some way through. Good luck.

Gosh I don't know where to start. I guess thank you to everyone who has replied. I don't know how to quote from another person's reply but: "My son is lovely and clever...that is what everybody says because they don't live at home with us. So to get him diagnosed has been an absolute challenge. He is younger than yours but I had been raising concerns from nearly the word go and he was finally diagnosed at 10 when I lost my rag at the GP and refused to leave unless he woud refer us to the paediatrician. I have asked to be referred to CAMHS and got a very long polite letter back saying it was very difficult to parent an ASD child and that I should keep going with the antidepressant and get access to counselling for me. I don't want counselling thank you very much, I want help for my son !!!!! It is not having an ASD child which is making me unwell, it is the lack of support! Fight for it, that's all I can say!" Frogslegsl you have absolutely hit the nail on the head. I feel like everyone thinks I just can't cope and I'm a rubbish parent but I know I am a good parent and I dread to think where my son would be now if I wasn't so strong and able to cope. My family just don't get it because he's a little angel for them. They think I've just been too soft which is absolutely not true. Thank god I have two other children who are success stories. Kathryn what you said is so true about that transition between child and adult. My GP said my son would have to make an appointment and come in himself and state what his problems are. Like that is ever going to happen! I feel like the school are no longer interested as he leaves in May next year and they know he is not going to achieve. They are biding time till they can get rid of him. He cannot stick at any job (lasted 3 days on work experience and 1 week on paper round) and going to college is not a realistic option as he cannot sustain concentration in any kind of setting, be that classroom, vocational or whatever. And Sally thank you for your helpful suggestions and insight. I am so grateful for all of your helpful suggestions and I will definitely be following some of them. I am determined to continue to try to get him diagnosed. To give a more balanced view of my son I just wanted to add that he is a very very loving person and absolutely adores me. He hugs me and kisses me and tells me how much he loves me and we have great conversations where he will ask me anything (and I mean anything!). Aggression aside we actually have a great connection and I love him to bits. Just wish we didn't have violent outrage when I ask him to go easy on the ham. I will keep checking in on this forum and let you know how I get on.

Hello Everyone, Just found this forum tonight and out of desperation thought I'd post. Hope I don't ramble too much. I have a 16 year old son, who in my unprofessional opinion either has aspergers or maybe just asperger traits. When he was little he would never respond to 'the look' I would try to give him across a room if he wasn't behaving appropriately. He hit the terrible twos and has literally never grown out of them. He has involuntary body movements that presented as eye squinting in primary school and upper body and neck/throat movements since he hit adolescence. He is extremely intelligent academically but will leave school next May without a single qualification to his name. He is very clumsy and his speech can sometimes be slightly difficult to understand as he seems to mumble and slur his words. He finds it difficult to read between the lines of people's conversations, and has very low attention span. All of these things are relatively easy to deal with but our biggest issue is his aggression. He has single handedly brought our family to its knees. The smallest of things sends him into a rage that we just cannot deal with. He has been physicaly violent towards me and his brother and sister and the verbal abuse I take is just too much. He has been a total nightmare at school, with exclusion after exclusion, and I'm just at the end of the road. In year 8 I explained my concerns to the school hoping for a camhs referral. They did two observations on him at which he performed perfectly and they wrote and said they were not pursuing it further. His violence escalated in year 9 and I again asked the school for a camhs referral and also a vibes referral (anger management) both of which were refused. So I went to my GP and told him all of my concerns. He said that because my son maintained good eye contact (which actually isn't strictly true) and that he could engage in a conversation then it was unlikely he had anything on the ASD spectrum, so no referral to camhs or vibes. In year 10 he verbally abused a teacher, punched holes in my walls and went awol overnight. The school then agreed he needed anger management and I got my vibes referral. His agression and violence have just got worse and worse to the point where I am considering kicking him out, but how can I when I am his mum, he has nowhere to go and he's still at school! I went back to my GP last week and still they will not refer him for camhs assessment. Instead they have updated my records to say that I am struggling to cope and may need some support. My son looked at the GP and spoke normally so yet again I was told there was nothing wrong. Throughout, my son has been very depressed and unhappy. I hear him crying in his room in the early hours. He's so unhappy and I imagine part of that is to do with not understanding how he has pushed everyone away from him. What do I have to do to get someone to listen to me? By the way my other two children are extremely well behaved, very motivated in school and have visions of what they want to do when they grow up. But we are all at breaking point. We just can't go on the way things are. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Just realised how long this post is. Sorry!