albertosaurus

This is where I feel a really horrible person. The house isn't unhappy. I work really hard at ensuring it's all about him. My husband and I don't row, I'm just incredibly unhappy but as the house is emotionless. I feel a terrible person because staying together is nothing but positive for everyone else but me. What a horrible horrible mess.

Our 6yr old has ASD (high functioning / aspergers). My husband and I haven't gotten on for a long time. My husband identifies a being on the spectrum too. I can no longer cope with a house so emotionless, I feel all my tolerance is taken up by our son and have simply had enough by the time it comes to him. He can't help it, it really is a lack of capacity thing but I've had enough. Am I going to damage my son by taking him out of the family home? Will he start going backwards in terms of all the progress he's made in the last year? He has a history of self harming - will it come back? How can I make it easier for him? Albertosaurus

We are positive that our son has aspergers. My husband's sister is undiagnosed however it's recognised by the family that she has serious social interaction issues - she can't actually talk to you but can sit and send you an email etc. she's in her late 40's and got a very successful carer in computers. My husband's eldest nephew has a diagnosis of autism, the younger aspergers. Our son responds very well to the strategies we put in place which we have gleaned from reading thoroughly about aspergers. School however have been useless, labelling him as difficult, naughty, uncooperative... My husband and I decided to ask for help, 3yrs later the multi agency meeting is being held in 2 weeks. A meeting that we are not allowed to. We feel that everyone is minimising the problems that our son is having, speech and language would not disclose their findings on him and said that they don't feel it's clear cut. She warned us that unless they all agree at the meeting no diagnosis will be made. I raised that I wasn't happy that parents are not invited to the multi agency meeting, she suggest that because I worked in the system for 7yrs that the jargon and language used wouldn't be such a barrier and that if we really wanted to go I could insist. The psychologist from CAMHS that has seen our son 9 times has now left and the psychologist that will be attending the meeting has never met him OR us. I have just spoken to her secretary and she has said that parents do not attend. I raised my concerns about the psychologist having never met our son and she said she will ask the psychologist to call us back. I feel like banging my head against a wall. All support services are ring fenced and cannot be accessed by those without a diagnosis. We aren't under any doubt, but we feel that our hard work with our son is being used as an excuse to walk away from us. I cannot take any more. I am at breaking point. In the 3yrs that we have been fighting our friend's daughter, whose behaviour is no worse than my son's, has not only had a diagnosis but the family have had family training, family support, groups to help their daughter, brilliant liaison with school.... and here we are... still fighting... still struggling... barely coping. Would you fight to go to the meeting? Sit back and just wait? I don't know what to do...

I've worked within the alcohol and drug field for a few years, firstly adults and then under 18's. It is very common for some teens with ASD traits to gather some awareness that they are different somehow but are unable to work this through. As the age progresses the disconnection and the feelings of not being normal increase and initially alcohol helps as a form of self medication. Some people in their late teens, early 20s progress to heroin as it has a similar *numbing effect* which reduces the awareness of such feelings as "not being normal". Any *good* alcohol service in the UK should be able to provide information and access to a psychologist who has experience of drugs and ASD traits. AA often works well for people who have ASD traits as it's very regimented and has clear rules and boundaries, again any decent AA group will understand the needs of someone in your partner's situation and in all likelihood will have someone there in the same situation. I would also contact your local ASD charity. It is ours who gave us our training when working in the drugs field about how to work with people in this situation so it's nothing they haven't seen or haven't been able to help with before. Good luck Alberta

Our local council's school provisions are appalling, they're failing left right and centre and we always knew (before we knew about the Aspergers) that we'd have to move for secondary. The country is our oyster! We have jobs that will move with us. Ideally due to family we'd like to stay in the Midlands area but hey, we went looking round the Scottish borders so anything is possible!! But where do you start? It's not even a case of visiting a school as we don't know *where* to look. Our criteria is on the school and it's nurturing and inclusive characteristics and that alone. A very confused Dinosaur trying to plan for future.

Hi, I just thought I'd come and wave and say hello. I'm a mum to two boys, one has a verbal working diagnosis of aspergers (highly functioning / mild). He's a wonderful little boy who lightens our lives and has taught me more about dinosaurs than I ever thought I wanted to know! He is however experiencing many problems in year 1 of our local school, mainly around social interaction and refusal to engage in work. But I have given up work to be here for him and to liaise with all the agencies to try and help. Am looking forward to chatting with you all and being able to be honest and open about the highs and the lows. Al x x x x