Paula

We dont go abroad we havent had a holuday for ten years he was wanting to go apparantley you have to pay for shared lifes up to sixty pound a day it makes my blood boil i dont work havent done for years i get 55 pound a week carers allowance yet i have to possibly pay 290 minimum a week for someone else to do what i do Im still waiting to hear from pip people since forms were sent in

Hes resumed speaking to us and returned home safe and hunger drove him to the kitchen for a pie and pringles we are waiting to be assesd for shared lifes my son says he wont and doesnt want to go on holiday weve spoken today he says he wants to be on his own and he dunt want anyone takeing care of him so thats that ive said he can come and he can change mind up to us leaving I feel maybe hes got a point hes 23 a grown man he needs support yes bur not i guess smothering and fussing maybe i am guilty of that but its hard to step back maybe i need to allow him space also

He got up this morning came out of room i tried to speak to him get some sence outta him but he just blanked me said he does what he wants then he went out the house ill just have to c if he returns He smells not washed or bathed since wednesday not changed undewear not shaved and he does sport

hes locked himself in his bedroom wont come out just shouts abuse wont even answer his texs ive rung social services theyve got back to me im starting the process of getting him into supported liveing were being assesed or he is for shared lives and respite ive reached the end of what i can cope with after 23 years of stress on and off abuse no thanks for anything at all everything on my shoulders (husband works so he cant realy do much with son due to long hours) i cant take anymore at all...........i was in teers on phone we cant get any sence out of son coz he shuts down and screams at us shouts why dont we just die he wishes we were dead .............. IM DONE with this i know he cant help it but im not his verbal punchbag anymore....................

It makes me ill i cry everynight in shower all my knecks in spasam paine in all my joints with the stress hes better of at home but hes makeing life hell now hes saying he wont go on family holiday but we cant leave him home alone hubby says course hell go on holiday but what happens if day we go he refuses what then im so tired so fed up

I phoned job centre spoke to lady he doesnt need to be seen they accept my word hes no saveings above 6000 and he only earns 22 . 50 a month. More upset big kick of usual stuff son shouting yelling at me and his dad reason we asked him to move over on sofa now yet againe hes shouting he wants to leave home ive had enough ive contacted social services we need to look into stuff

Arghhhh more blasted stress all round had a form for esa health assesment drop through my door yesterday another awfull form to fill in explaining everything againe so bloomeing stressfull.Filled it in sent physcology report with it now to top it all ive had a letter from the job centre insisting he goes in for a review of course its a day when he refuses to go in coz he does a thing with his disability group and he wont bloomeing budge on that so ive had to ring up explaining this but of course its an answer machene coz she only works mnday tues and wednesdays so i left a message.........my son has a little job one hour a week with support with a disibility sports group he gets paide 21 pound a month but ive to now proofe to job centre he isnt a multi millonaire show wage slips bank accounts allsorts..........im so stressed im habeing panick attacks alsorts plus my sons stressed too.........everything happening at once pip esa job centre why do they make it a nightmare for vulnerable people............ trying to not show my son im stressed but its makeing me ill...........

Hi my son now 23 was simular i couldnt mitivate hum to do anything he was rotting in a dressing gown all that started to change after he did the princes trust team course ten weeks full time mitivation it was great he loved it and they were brilluant with him it was the boot up the backside he needed he was 19 at time hes now volunteering twice a week has a small paide job and is involved with disability sports check out the princes trust im sure theyll be something

I will do i sent forms of now im waiting I wrote to my local mp complaing and explaining my sons situation and how the forms for pip dont realy suite autism ect ect he got back to me saying his grandaon is on specteum and he understood hes willing to help me if i need to appeal.

Ta trekstar Form came yesterday none of it is relevent to sons needs thing is he can do things cook wah travel but with support how difficult it is to explaine this ive filled it in the best i can and ive sent a photo copy of the phyciligist report ten pages when he was diagnosed if they refuse pip ill appeal ive a feeling they will he doesnt see a gp hes never ill he doesnt need medication me and his dad are his support system like many autistics who live with parents i cant risk stressing due to my bi polar ill just have to see what happens the system seems geard to ensure autistics wont qualify ill loose my carers allowance also yet hell still be autistic and ill still be his carer

My son now 23 claimes DLA has done for years im his appointee anyway today his letter came saying his DLA would stop and he had to make a claime for PIP .......I phoned up the DWP to start the process im already stressing out all the questions then a forms to come the lady was banging on and on about workers evidence alsorts.........thing is my son isnt involved with any support workers or medical people never has been he lives at home im his maine support........we do have a letter offical diagnsos from the physcologist im just hopeing this along with the fact hes claime DLA claime ESA and when the forms come i put across his dialy needs which is mainly support with life that hell get the pip payment........what a farce why are they putting genuine people through this............ Anyone else been through this process i have done a general pip search on the forum. Thanks Paula

Not the same thing i know but when i got my diagnosis almost 17 years ago now of bi polar i remember suddenly for me everything makeing sence everything fell into place,but i also had to come to terms with the diagnosis and that took a while.I was lucky my husband understood and listened and got why i did certaine things ect and together we got on with life. Its our son 22 with the diagnosis of autism/aspergers syndrome and i see with him how everyday he struggles to appear normal to the outside world and fit in and how when he gets home he has to be "autistic" because he needs to relax he needs to feel comfortable he needs to de stress and to do that he needs to be who he is and the one place he can do this knowing he wont be judged harshley where he is accepted is in his own home. Thats what it should be like for you.YOure married ,youve kids,youve a job and im assumeing that fitting in is harder for you maybe trying to hide the austic traites i dont know so forgive me if im on the wrong trac............when you get home though you need to be like my son you and not worry my son needs to be himself in the home to ensure that he can go out into the world ............ I find it easier to understand because due to my diagnosis i have to kinda hide my BP behaviours and put on a front outside the home but behind closed doors i have to be me............ I read a book called liveing with mr spok maybe youre wife could read that it might help her understand more .

Bipolar Uk forum (mdf as it used to be known) posted on there for donkeys years.

thanks trekstar for takeing the time to respond i spoke to him againe i told a few little white lies i told him i was his carer and if his toe went wrong then id be blamed for not looking after him properley and the police might take me away........... i know i know i shouldnt have done that but he poked his foot out from under the covers and i could look at his toe ..........It didnt look infected just irratated because he keeps bloomeing wearing trainers even though sandels are better whilst it heals............hes agreed to go to the podiatrist but thats not till 24th of this month it fits in with his schedule so im hopeing he wont refuse............... I do realise that when hes in paine or stressed or worried then some of his behaviours rear theyre ugley head againe and start to kick of.............he becomes more focused on his routines and wont budge for england...........he becomes more controlling and i do understand this is his way to feel safe..........I am even though i vent a little on here pretty understanding of him............. I dont want him to be upset or stressed i dont want him to move out the home he is better of for the moment here with us...........

Oh god here i go againe Son 22 had an ingrowing toe nail on big toe for months wouldnt let me look ,kept it hidden typical of him reckoned it didnt hurt but it must have hurt like hell refused to go to the gp. Anyway eventualy he agreed to go to the podiatrist and they removed the compleate toaenaile and treat it with phenomal or something so it wont regrow...........he was told that he would need to return weekly to get it checked and it had to be kept cleen ,dressed regualr ect ect..............he agreed to all this. Now 4 weeks on after refuseing to do what was asked .......... after surgery happend............. refuseing to wear a dressing,it is realy red and swollen,yet he refuses to return either to the podiatrist or the gp,he wont let me look at the toe closely he wont let me do anything,ive made appointments he refuses to go........... Im desperate what can i do.........hes 22 an adult to all intents and purposes of sound mind no one listens when im saying hes autistic he wont listen i cant force him...........hes over six foot tall and 16 stone so i cant physically force him either.......... Im thinking ill have to take him to a and e or a walk in centre today if he will agree........... what can we do as parents of adults who refuse to do what needs doing re medical stuff........ I feel so guilty i should never have allowed the toenail to be removed but he absolutley assured me and the dr he would co operate and he did at first till it interfeard with his useual set in stone blasted routines................

Thanks trekstar Ohh hes a paine but i know he cant help it Last night he was shall we say kicking it of againe anyway i said to him look i cant be doing with this anymore it makes me ill (i have a diagnosis of BI polar stress makes me iller) if you cant at least try to get along with people in the household then you are going to have to move into a flat of youre own.............he started shouteing that will suite me im 22 im fed up of liveing at home so i said ok then if thats what you want ill contact the services and explaine the situation and they will need to speak to you and acess youre needs and we can take it from there take some time to realy think about it and we will discuss it further............well he shut up instantley and appeared to be in deep thought...........suddenley he started makeing cups of tea,and being pleasent..........maybe he realised hes better of at the moment liveing at home and hed best not rock the boat..........who knows............hes not said anything about it since.......... Im going to speak againe to him later this week explaineing the full implecations of him moveing out ie cost,tiume scale the fact he will need to up his game a little re doing things in the home so its known he can look after himself with a little help. Ohh its so draining.

Im drained i just cant cope anymore ive had enough ive given all i can give.My son is 22 he will be 23 in January and to be blunt im sick of him being inb the home,hes problamatic,controlls everything,refuses to wash unless you realy force the issue,eats us out of house and home causes arguemnts i cant take anymore. Our daughter leaft homne 4 years ago shes married with a child of her own,he even complaines when our granddaughter his neice visits and spoiles it. He was officiouly diagnosed with autism a year ago though we knew it was no surprise. Him and my husband bicker and argue constantly last night was horrendous and ive just reached the end. He needs to be in a flat or something of his own supported living oh I don't know. What do I do how do I go about it anyone else done this or in the same position. I feel so guilty hes our son I love him hes better of with us but were getting older and we need to know hes safe and looked after.He can do some things but he would I guess need checking on supervising.

Hes had unbeknown to me an ingrowing toe nail hes been last week to the podiatrist much improved so fingers x hes feeling less upset by things,he does tend to not tell you hes in pain or discomfort.

Tanks trekstar i know that he doesnt like things going wrong changes ect and on the whole hes not too difficult but you know sometimes you could scream.We dont qnd never had had a social worker and normally if life gets too much he goes to his room lolcks it and chills.

I also understand ive a 22 year old 6 ft 3 16 stone son who when he refuses to do anything i cant make him and he kicks of he shouts yells stomps round ,he has been known to grab me and throw me out the house he once when he was around 14 kicked me in the stomach hard and hes had me in a headlock,i cant physically handle him.Thankgod his behaviour tends to be shouting yelling and verbal abuse though that hurts in a different way. I too cant offer advice i just also wanted you to know youre not alone.

Youd think id know by now ive had enough practice but why does he always start shouting yelling not listening over the slightest thing instead off just stoping waiting a few minutes and thinking it through calmley Im on my own all day with him today husband at work things going as normal till he switches on his xbox 1 and the game doesnt load up turned out the disc was dirty but the machene just threw up error codes,he immediatley starts strmping round shouting yelling saying his dad had broken it then he started yelling he was leaving and never comeing back i told him to just stop think it would be something simple but oh no on and on he ranted told me to get out of his sight to shut up to get into the garden.He eventually cleaned the disc solved the issue and shut up.Im now sat in tears because im so sick of this being my life dealing now with a 22 yr old grown man child . You know i would love for him to blooming live elsewhere but it just isnt possible at this moment in time. Im fed up.Hes now sat on his blasted ipod if i speak he just says abruptley i told you to shut up.Sometimes i dont know how i stay calm coz inside im screaming.

I cant realy take any credit its all down to him i found the project but that was as far as my involvement went,well i did prompt him to put on deodarant but thats all.....

How to deal with him? Everones an individual so how i dealt with my son whoes now 22 may not work with youres. I took each day as it came starting afresh,i didnt ever and still dont bring up mistakes,tantrums whatever from the day before.I learnt to grit my teeth and bite my tongue some things just are and no amount of me banging on at my son changed certaine behaviours.I learnt to be patcient,to see the funny side ,i listened to what he was saying not how he said it,he tended to shout or appear very abrupt.I took nothing personal. Now hes older i realise things change just at a slower pace. I realised you cannot alter the core traites of autism so i didnt bother trying it is what it is. Acceptance,love,understanding,humour and hope thats what got us through.

Thanks hes done realy well,its a project funded by the lottery fund for disabled be it learning or physical young adults to take part and participate in all types of sport.My son volunteers to help with the project 2 a week and its realy given him a boost in confidence its great. Hes come such a long way just shows everyone can find a niche and success.

Realy proud of my son hes just won volunteer of the year award.Its great that his hard work and dedication has been reconised.I went to hug him but hey you know the score it was a no no,couldnt stop me haveing a few tears though.Hes come a long way from that young boy i posted about many years ago.