Paula

As if id ever do that................hahaha............. No it was a problem at the telephone exchange........... You know what though ive never actually thought of pulling the plug on the telephone now youve given me the idea ......

Xbox live is the scurge on society........lol...........both my husband and son play on it they love the call of duty games and anyone would think it was real life........they bicker and argue over who got the most kills......god help anyone who cuts the game short be chucking in a nuke........i just sit and read magazenes......recently our phone line went down for 3 days...........all hell kicked of coz they couldnt get there fix of xbox......but i thought nice one........It keeps them out of my haire and occupied but i wouldnt allow my son to sit there all day every day zonked out............

probabaly coz mr gates knows most kids dont play age appropriate games anyway.........my son plays on xbox live and loves it although he tends to mute folks so he doesnt have to put up with them talking all the time and trying to start conversations with him coz it gets on his nerves.............My son and husband love xbox live.........i on the other hand with id never heard of the xbox...............i wish id shares in it though id be rakeing it in........

Hi im from west yorskhire.......huddersfield to be exact........my son is 16 and has moderate learning diffiuclties with aspergers.................

Yesterday was a better day...helped by the fact he started a voluntary work based scheme run by mencap he realy enjoyed it and was full of chatter about his day and what hed done...........they said he did good and he will be going two days a week tuesdays and thursdays it will help him and help me also........... I often wonder what family life,my life would have been like if our son had been "normal" but i guess well never know.......I dont feel good about blameing my son for my own mental health but it hasnt helped.........breakdowns,depressions,panic attacks ,all atributed to stress acording to the gp ..then thy say do you have stress in youre life ..............errrrrrm yea...........then they say you must avoide.........but how can you.

Enid.............empathise utterly I get up every day go about me business smile on the face inside im screaming..people ask how you doing hows your son............i say fine all ok yep were good...........what would happen if i said i feel like ###### hes doing me head in today he thretened to kill me and ive been sat crying for an hour........All i can think is im a stronger person than i ever thought i could be......... Thinking of everyone whos just going to be getting through another rotton day with a brave face...........

No i havent had an initial care assestment.......and its been a long time since ive spoken to the nas........i will get back in touch with them and persue things but i just need a little time to recover from this latest argy bargey......once the social workers been out on monday ill reasses and gather me strenth yet againe and push for help........

Thankyou for takeing the time to reply............i wish no one understood because then no one would have been or is going through a smiliar thing........ Today is a better day........thank god.............as jusual hes acting like nothing happened......ive spoken to him explained how upset it makes me and his dad how his behaviour is unacceptable but how i understand his needs also and im trying to meet them but obviously im unable to anymore and it makes me sad......i said we love you .........what more can i do. Services especially social services are stretched to the limit in my area......they did get back to me imediatley when i phoned up for help......but the soonest they can get to me is monday...... The childresn disability service for the area who provide respite ect have said they only provide respite for disabled kids and .........and i know this will be hard to beleive.........they basically said my son doesnt meet the criteria as aspergers isnt a disability.........i was shocked.......she said i realise youve got problems but we cant help youre son.........i asked about direct payments ect i dont understand what there about......againe she said id have to be assessed and as she put it.......i can tell you now you wouldnt qualify youre son doesnt meet the criteria........all they could do was refer to social services........they may not even be able to help i dont know........ The only silver lineing is he does start a scheme working voluntary tommorrow i hope it goes well at first he can only do one day but theres the potential to do up to four....... Im takeing it easy today slumped like a bag of rags recovering from the emotion of it all........... Life is never easy i guess.......

he ran away from home yesterday againe after things didnt go his way...........he had no shoes on.........it was raining and hed no coat.........my husband went looking for him but after an hour of searching we couldnt find him.I called the police after around 20 minutes...........anyway we did eventually find him wandering round in some local woods soaking wet feet sodden............nightmare.......... prior to this hed been aggressive ,makeing threats to stab and kill slash car tyres ect........... To cut a long story short i cant take no more ........i contacted the authorities explained im at the end and a social worker is comeing to see me on monday............ Im a wreck with the mental stress of it all........our son is constanlty ranting and screaming that he hates us and doesnt want to live here so basically sod him then......ive given all i can give im exhausted with it all........ the devestateing thing about all this is when he was missing a part of me thought i hope i never see you againe.......what sort of evil mum must that make me.........but im a mum whoes been beaten down by 16 years of careing for someone that no matter what you do doesnt appear to give a toss,shows no emotion towards you its like looking at a blank set of emotionless eyes at times..........im sick of trying to understand him,fed up of makeing allowances,sick of every blasted aspect of our lives been overshadowed by his condition......and when he just says i hate you i want to live somewhere else and never see you agine then you think well sod of then lets try and make this happen....... Ive never cried so much......... my husband is also worn out by it all.......he says he hates him because of all the distruption and why cant he have been normal........thats thge first time my husband has ever said that........ I hope someone can offer help,respite a solution............thats if there is one....... Somedays i feel like throwing myself of a bridge.........my sister said dont be daft and after ten years of keeping it quiete i told her i had actually taken an overdose once because i couldnt face another day of aspergers........... Why do things have to hit rock bottom........why have i struggled on and on putting a brave face on.......monday i will not be wearing a brave face ill let the social worker see exactley how im fealing........

I sympathise i realy do....hey imagine me my son 16 left school this year ive been stuck with him home since april hes driveing me bloomeing insane..........how i keep a lid on it i dont know.......thankgod my son starts a voluntary work project this thursday with mencap ill be shut of him for the whole day for the first time in months...........whats the betting ill miss the paine........ When my son hit 15 his appitite went through the ceiling and he also went from being 5 ft 10 to over six foot 2 no wonder he ate so much....hed eat all day and still be complaining........ Also if it kicked of i was unable also to anything about it.......oh you can attempt verbally to sort the situation but it doesnt always work......id to forget trying to do it physically no a cat in hells chance hes too big too strong towering above both me and his dad........ Today my son has also been hyped up hes been all weid and daft talking none stop .......id to take him to the gps for a check up and he was as daft as a brush tlaking away wildley makeing no sence he even started to rob pens of the dr and refused to hand back a note pad..god knows what had got into him....afterwards he said he was sorry for being silly and didnt know why hed been so........ Just before xmas last year wed all sorts of agro with him he ran away from home id to call the coppers out we found him........i was offered risperodone i think it is but i too refused i dont want my son drugged up because i cant cope.thats how i feel.......when he cant cope when hes got a problem with things and says mum i need help then maybe but not before.....i have said to him maybe it might help with concentration ect ect but he says no and i have to respect that. I was refered to some sort of child physcologist bloke over medicateing my son this was done via the gp.......thing is though physcologist bloke just rambled on and on oh he had the fancy letters behind his name or is it in front of it knew all the fancy language but had absolutley no idea what so ever about the day to day life of liveing with an asperger teenager......he aint a bloomeing clue............Just my experiance.......

Theres a good book called liveing with mr spock its about a nt woman in a relationship with a asperger male........i read it years ago it can be got online at jessica kingsley publications........i think youd find it interesting .......my son is the asperger one but i still found it of interest to read about a relaitionship with an asperger partner.its none fictional.........

My son now 16 had horrendous bowel problems and issues.....his stomach would be that bloated it looked like he had a football inside him.....he would hold on to his poo and scream then place down if i made him sit on the toilet.....he suffered from anal leakage and constipation for years every day his pants were soiled......i was always at the drs.......he had movicol.......what a mess and then we were prescribed a suposatry that would cause his bowel to contract and would guarantee he went to the loo within half an hour it being inserted...at the time he was a round 8 it worked and was far less messy than movicol and you could make sure he went to the loo every day..........its only these past couple of years that his bowels seem to be normal although like youre son he produces such large stools that the loo is blocked and we also have to chop it up and force it round the toilet bend.........but at least our son goes now everyday and his stomach is no longer bloated and no more marked underpants........ My son can also talk all day long at me on and on he goes talking about nothing at times....when he was younger he would talk at me and demand an answer but it had to be the right answer the response he wanted if i gave the wrong response hed go crazy untill i hit upon the right repsonce very very wareing..hes not like that now....sometimes when like today hes going on and on i just now say please stop talking or try to stop talking sometimes this works sometimes it doesnt............ive learnt to let him ramble on and just nod and smile in the right places.........

You sound like youre extreamley depressed..............youre saying the same type of things i say when i get depressed..everything is negative,everyone hates me dislikes me doesnt understand......i hate going out i get paranoide over what i think others are saying and i cant waite to get home.....i nalso spend a lot of time crying.. manic depression.bi polar disorder kis what ive got and it can be no fun at all and requires a lot of hard core medication and at times anti physcotics.......im not suggesting youve got what ive got but if you feel down and stuff then go see youre gp and get help talk to someone.....i used to call the samaritans and talk away it helped a lot........ take care

I just think sod you but its not as politley put as that........i dont care what anyone thinks about my sons behaviour let them judge ,let them comment,it wont effect how i go about dealing with the situation....i dont even bother telling them hes got autism why should i whats it to do with them and lets face it most folks aint a clue what it is or means........ I wasnt always of this thinking but over the years ive toughened up to what others think.....

Thanks sometimes you just need to go arghhhhhhhhh and then start againe........... yes i know manic depression now goes by the term bi polar but either way its the same thing isnt it........I used to be under a physciatrist years ago and medicated up to the eyeballs on everything going but youre unable to function when youre that drugged up you cant stay awake at times.....after years of liveing with the condition i now self manage ,i avoide or try to avoid triggers and do other stuff that helps....... Ive been out with me son today and he starts a scheme next thursday run be the local mencap so fingers x it all goes ok and then after he initialy does 1 day a week he can attend up to four days a week but i dont want to pile on the load in case like someone said a while ago it becomes too much and he refuses to go....... Today has been a better day thankgod.........Swings and roundabouts all the time. treckstar thankyou for info i have heard and been invovled with the support group.......Im not at the stage yet where id want him liveing away from home.......hes a paine but hes our paine and i love him hes happy enough its just sometimes you think ive had enough luckily i bounce back just as quickly you have to dont you else youd go under and you cant go under.........

I just want to scream and scream and shout and then run away............... Utterly fed up with dealing with my son......not helped i know by the fact ive spent 3 months 24/7 with him due to him leaving school.............im sick to death of him i realy am..........im fed up with him controlling ever aspect of the day,of bheing an awkward so and so an imovable object theres no reasoning with......I keep it all bottled up i try to remaine calm and 99% of the time i do i try to remember hes got aspergers ect ect...........but sometimes you just want to shout for gods sake enough !!!!!!!!!!! and shake him........whats the point though,it would solve nothing.......its the hopelessness of the situation at times that gets me down. the knock on effect on my own health is terrible,im a manic depressive anyway but the constant stress is makeing my own symptoms especialy the depressions worse than ever........... Im hopeing today will bring some sort of sucess.......hes of to see someone about a volunteer project where he would work alongside a mentor doing gardening jobs ect........fingers crossed it works out......sounds rotton but i just want him out my haire even if it is just 1 day a week......... I feel at times like such a bad mum for thinking these things about my own son.......but im human and it would test the patcience of a saint at times and that im not.

Im in a similar position with my 16 year old son..hes no freinds all his freinds were at his special school he left in june this year and because of the schools location the kids are scattered to the wind.... he isnt attending college due to the fact things have failed and all confidence in the place lost. Im looking into getting him involved in a social group for young folks with learning diffiuclties and also trying to get him into voluntary supported work placements and schemes......luckily for me hes keen on this but just needs mum along initially for support till his confidence grows. hes been very depressed and lonely latley as the realisation sets in hes different and what that is going to mean. irrelivent i guess but we got a dog ...........he loves it........its company of sorts for him,something to focus on ie getting the dog fed ect........it forces him out the house the dog needs walking.......and the dog doesnt give a hoot that our sons different............

Well things are startting to happen.............been in touch with a social group for kids aged 13 to 19 with learning difficulties it meets every wednesday night for 3 hours and they do alsorts of activities.........this week is a special week and its meeting every day from 10 till 1 so im going to take him down today meet the folks and the youth workers and hopefully hell enjoy himself and will want to go............its a chance for him to make freinds and do something other than hanging round with boreing old mum. Then Mencap got back to me and he qualifies for the buddy scheme and theres also a number of projects one doing gardeing and stuff the other running a cafe all done by young people with a learning diffiucltie ect working alongside crb enhanced checked voluntears and mentors........ You see ive been told its going to be hard to find at the moment paide work so i just want something for him to do to enjoy where he can meet folks get out and do somehting he likes.....he enjoys doing stuff in the garden and helping his dad........Hopefully itll work out hell get some much needed confidence boost and make a few freinds in the process.......

Thanks everyone Nice to know im not alone........though i wish others werent in the same position. he has good days and bad days at the moment ....days when hes full of confidence and then hell get another knock back and spirits fall ...............very wareing trying to keep positive on my side to keep his spirits up. Im looking into voluntary stuff ect its just realy diffiuclt everywhere i go they ask how old is he i say 16 and then they say oh theyve to be 18. thats another thing i hadnt fully realised the lack of provision for these kids post 16,nothing kicks in untill they reach 18 youre just left in limbo..........

Thankyou Ive never actually worked ie paid employment since my son was born............ I got a job in a cafe last week did three shifts it caused no end of upset on the home front i lost care allowance and basically id to earn seventy quid to cover lost benefits and bus fares to just break even.to make it worth me while id have to work full time.........thats a cant do.............and to just mess round doing pt hours isnt worth the hassell.......plus me son cant be left for long periods.......ive no one to step in.husband works daft all over the place houres............ I also feel so fed up its like im trapped in a situation.......were in a lot of debt due to riseing prices no rise in wages i feel i should get out there and earn a crust and yet the rality is i cant due to our sons care needs and emotionsl needs someone has to be there. hes been a bit brighter today ive treid to hide my worry treid to be on the up..not easy for me when i suffer from depression myself due to bi polar disorder.... I know there are folks a lot worse of than us with kids in more need but you sometimes think why us why our son why me........then you think.............why not us......

Last night my son came over and sat down next to me then he said mum i want a hug i hugged him and asked whats wrong. To cut a long storey short he basically found the words to say he hates being different,he doesnt like the limitations it puts on him,he says he feels lonely and sad that he sees other 16 year old boys with girlfreinds and doing things and he wants to be like them............. It was a lot more detailed than that and took him over an hour to try and explaine due to diffiuclty in speech and stuff......luckily it was dark and we were sitting without the lights on so he was unable to see me crying.......... He left school this june........unfortunalty the college place has fallen through due to lack of funding and support and were in a limbo land looking at other options.I think this has played a part and when we go to see folks to try and sort out a scheme ect they focus in on his disability and i think this has made him realise hes different even though he kinda knew but we never realy focused on it because to us hes just our son but now all the focus is on his disabilty and i think the reality of being in the big world and not the special school is setting in. I also stupidly thought i could get a pt job to try and help out financially but after only a week ive had to jack it in it just isnt worth it.........my son still needs and will need on going support for a long while yet........so now i feel guilty for time wasteing my employers. Sometimes the hand youre dealt in life is so bloomeing hard to play........... Sorry for moaning on.......diffiuclt few months just gone difficult time ahead im sure theres loads in the same situation.

Hi My son is now 16 and has aspergers syndrome combined with moderate learning diffiuculties. i remmeber only too well when he found comfort in controlling every single aspect of his surroundings and the people in it all hell would kick of if things didnt go to his plan and like youre child he could scream and rant for hours. How did i cope.......well ........... and i know ill probabley get shouted down for what i did but it worked...........i just did what he wanted to keep the peace...........i was too worn out to be bothered and the tantrums and choes that would follow if i stood my ground or didnt go with the flow were far more damageing to family life than to just follow what made him happy.I found that if i went with the demands then he would remaine calmer then i could approach the subject of why he insisted things were done a certaine way and suggest something different ...........gradually i started to not conform to one thing at a time little baby steps were needed and it took years before his behaviour finally became less controlling as he realised nothing bad was going to happen if things changed and he didnt have full controll. Oh we have our moments now sometimes but there few and far between.I used to think i might think what does it matter if youre food is on that plate instead of this one but i tried to realise it mattered a great deal to my son. At the time you think its going to last forever and behaviours are always going to be terrible i wish looking back id realised things can and do improve and the tantruming screaming 6 year old i once had would turn out to be a brilliant young man who im proud to call son.

have you asked him why he hates going to bed.......... My son is now 16 but i remember when he was younger he would refuse to go up to bed untill we all went up to bed...........then he went through a stage where he would be in his bedroom but wouldnt go to slepp he used to be counting money........he saved up pennies,messing around arrangeing things into lines,fussing about in his wardrobe alsorts of stuff.If we tried to stop him all hell would kick of so we found it was easier to let him do his thing because he could finish the routine within 30 minutes then he would get into bed and go to slepp no problem.

The college my son is attending from septemeber were supposed to be running a summer school for two weeks so that the special needs kids could go and settle in a bit before they started but unfortunalty funds have been pulled by the powers that be so this is no longer going ahead. hes not doing too bad at moment finding a routine and not getting on my nerves too much. hes got his needs assesment at the college this thursday.

Sorry its taken so long to respond my laptop has been broken sent it to get repaired had it one day and it went pear shaped againe now finally sorted. My son is now at home he actually ended up leaving school two days before he should have done.The teacher had to call me saying he was that distressed when hed to geton the school bus to go home that maybe iot wasnt a good idea that he compleated his final week and we should let him leave earlier. I put it to my son ......... you know im fed up with refearing to him as my son...........his names Ivan........anyway i told Ivan that his teacher had phoned and he was that secial that if he wanted he didnt have to go back to school againe if he thought it would help......Ivan said he didnt want to return it was too distressing seeing freinds and then leaving........... hes doing ok.Weve got a dog had it 6 weeks a rescue dog hes 1 today his names Bramley and hes a cross breed.Weve been wanting a dog for ages so it seamed a good time to get one so Ivan had something to focus on other than his xbox during the three months between now and september when he starts college.Were getting a routine going a new one and its kinda nice to have company through the day im normally alone in the house whilst my husband is at work.