jaffacakes

That sounds like a scheme called "Building Resilience", worth looking into as it does not work for children with ASD, I spoke to NAS about something similar a while ago and they gave me some details. Basically the idea is to put a child into a "controlled" challenging situation so they can learn from their experiences. Have you written to the Head again? I would, and make it clear that they are causing your son stress by their actions. Get your son to write as well if you can. As for the TA thing, I'm sure other people will have more experience than me on this, but it's common. I can understand that it may not always be a good idea to have a 1:1 sat with a child all the time, but their focus should always be on your child, not on any 'other role'.

It's not even as if we're asking them to spend money! just discuss strategies with us - they keep telling us we are the 'experts' but don't want to treat us as such. Very, very annoying and worrying.

Hi Sally, thanks. The "holding until calm" is something in a "strategy plan", I would be extremely upset if they ever used it and didn't let us know. If you can find any documentation that states it's inappropriate then please can I have links etc? The lack of information is for most, if not all day to day issues. I have asked on a number of occasions over the past few weeks that "inappropriate behaviour" be documented, and it had been agreed that this will be done. But it's not happening, which means that while we are also trying to get the school to discuss coping strategies with us (and they are refusing) we have no idea how well he is coping in school - apart from him getting tearful in the car on the way home and becoming anxious and upset before/after school etc. Plus 1 document written by someone outside of school which documents: spitting, hitting, kicking etc. as I mentioned above. Add to the equation that I've been told today that I am "obsessive" about my son's behaviour and a "sid" has documented that s/he is happy with strategies in place in school where in the same document we have confirmed that this person has not got information on the full range of my son's behaviours and also has NOT read all the strategies in place. Worried? yes. Obsessive? probably.

Thanks all, yes I do have Ed Psych there, unfortunately it's her document which states that my son should be "held until he is calm" OK 2 further questions: 1 Why would school be do determined to only push the positives? Why are they not documenting the negative behaviour which my son is displaying and not asking for help when it is offered and available? 2 Some time ago someone posted up a very good pdf file for schools to use to teach those in school (teachers and children) about autism, it included classroom activities and was at least 20 pages long. Can you one send me a copy or link to it please. Many thanks Lynn

Thanks Jaded and Suze, Yes CASADT have been good, and I've had more support from them than anyone else, but school are now in the driving seat and they have done too many things in the last 4 weeks that we are concerned about. We have not dug our heals in just to give way now, although it feels like that's what we are being expected to do. It won't work. R has been treated badly once before and it won't happen again - it took me over a month before he would even walk by other children without extreme anxiety. Thanks for the reassurance, it's not nice to have such grave concerns for people who are meant to be working in his interest - who in their right mind would even suggest "holding until he is calm" a 5 year old with spacial difficulties who can sometimes kick, hit out and get very very upset if people get into his space. Holding him until he is in a safe place or until others are removed from his location is very different.

I know I have gained the 1:1 because of all the fighting I did, remember I had my son out of school because we had no recognition of any issues - his previous school REFUSED to speak to our local Autism team THREE times. I have paperwork going back 2 years regarding his behaviour yet no-one was even interested. Our concerns are that we were promised inclusion and involvement, but now our son is in school that has all gone. R has come home obviously upset on a number of occasions and they have all but denied it. This includes one day where he had THREE melt downs within his 2.5 hours. This was not reported in his diary and when I questioned it the Head eventually said they were "trying to build his resilience". We are very concerned that they are trying to push him to see whether this is bad behaviour or something more. However they are distressing him at the same time and then denying it to us. The strategy document does not list any of the things we have already asked about, and he is now (Friday) having incidents which they say have no triggers and no warning - he hit a child on Friday and it happened "with no warning". My son does NOT do this. I'm very concerned about Welfare being brought in, what are they up to? Jaded: you must have posted as I was typing this, I'll repond to you later - you make a lot of sense but I am still worried

Hi all, Been about a month since I've been here, been busy and things have moved on greatly in that time. Son has had 4 weeks in a new school, 1hr per day then 2.5 hrs, with 1:1 support. We had lots of promises about being involved and going at our pace before we started. Home /School diary started at our insistence , it has become an issue as it is full of positive stuff but has glossed over negatives and has blatantly not included negative issues. We also have a weekly summery which is all positives with no negatives. A whole lode of paperwork went forward for an IPF, including a very fair but negative document from Ed Psych, including biting, hitting and requiring 2 staff to contain him. We've started complaining about this, and also lack of written strategies - we asked for a meeting where WE could discuss this. R has been granted IPF at level 4 (£11,000) plus a Statutory Assessment has been started as of 1 June. Ed Psych has presented us (emailed) with what looks like a very 'standard' document with strategies - mainly covering high level behaviour - violence etc. Nothing about coping strategies or what to do if ... No input from us and it has been sent out as an "agreed document". Also CAF has been booked for 2 weeks time, I have not been included as join lead as requested, and I now find that 19(!) people have been invited, including welfare and 2 GP's. I think this is R's and mine. School have also invited us to a meeting (Recorded delivery letter) to discuss. What is going on, what is the game plan here? I have forwarded all of this onto my MP and also the Council's Chief Exec who were both involved about a month ago when I was getting desperate about finding a school for R. I'm beginning to get concerned that this is not going to go well. Help please Lynn

1 Because he was being assaulted and bullied, also that the school he was in were ignoring requests for external input/help (we have proof of this) 2 None 3Nothing apart from saying 'he should be in school' 4 no, we removed him 5 good question, we withdrew, they did not try to change out minds or help.

A quick question for you all. Ross has been out of school just over 3 months, 95 days in total including weekends and holidays. Is there any deadline we are getting close to, anything that might affect our position for, say, complaints procedures or similar. Thanks Lynn

I'd be very suspicious, see what reasons you get in writing.

I can agree with much of what others have said, you know your son best and have to go with your instinct. Personally I think 3 days when he is so young is a lot to ask any child. For Beavers (6-8) they can only be away from home for a max of 24 hours. Have a look at the Scouting factsheet http://www.scoutbase.org.uk/library/hqdocs...fs/fs155053.pdf I have 15 Cubs (8-10) away for 3 nights this weekend, I know some (not going) have decided they are not ready and no doubt we will have our share of home sickness and other issues. I'd say that any overnight event for a 6 yr old is a lot to ask.

No, not really who I want him to associate with, but I would like him to have someone to play with. How do I wind them up, any hints?

We have a local new play area, Ross has been there with us and discovered that some of the children from his old school were there. First time they played with him - when he would allow. Now it would seem that one parent has told her son that he is not allowed to play with Ross, so all the children in the gang are being little ###### around him. Hateful, horrible people.

Looks interesting, but not much I can use without paying for it? I'm thinking of scanning in some of Ross's books and reprinting the text separating the sounds and highlighting specific sounds etc, I can always try different colours as well Ross is really past the baby stage of symbols - he wants to read but for some reason can't.

Thanks, will have a look now

I've been doing some reading with Ross this morning, trying to figure out what is going on. Ross can read letters no problem, he does get a little confused with d, b, p but I believe this is normal for age 5. However put letters into words and he gets stuck - he can memorise a whole book and will just guess at the words. This is what I've been doing this morning, with the help of a very good Orchard Toys game called 'pass the word' http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z229/th...eading/lrh1.jpg Ross chose the words "little red hen" from the book, and although he struggled to find the words on the page, he had no problem finding the letters and putting the words together. http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z229/th...eading/lrh2.jpg I asked Ross to put the words in a line, once he had done this (above) he could not read the words. I read them too him and he realised (with a lot of help) that they were in the wrong order. I asked him to sort it out and we got this: http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z229/th...eading/lrh2.jpg Moved on to another page. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z229/th...wheatsounds.jpg Ross was sounding out the sounds and knows what sound 'ea' makes, so I broke up the word which made it much easier. http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z229/th...rainssounds.jpg Did the same with grains and Ross seemed to be able to read it much easier. http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z229/th...swrongorder.jpg Asked Ross to turn away and swapped the sounds - he knew what was wrong as soon as he looked back. http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z229/th...ng/nothappy.jpg I put the word back together and Ross immediately had problems and got angry. Help! What is going on? and How can I help him to read?

Sorry to hear that Sally, I am realising from so many comments that everything said about our children has to be documented and not allowed to pass - not great in hindsight but the only way to get people to listen. I hope you can start to get things moving now, I'm still at reception stage and think we have the same problems with Ross. I'm just about to start another thread and would welcome your comments. Deep breath and onward! It may help to vistualise all the teachers sitting on toilets with knickers round their ankles at your next meeting them - don't let them get you down as you are much better than them.

Hmm, I'm as sceptical as you, however I don't mind a little light reading - if I find the time. Don't worry, I'll not be sending them any cash, nor signing up to any whaco ideas.

Anyone hear of this group? www.treatingautism.com I've not read the web site yet, but someone gave me a leaflet today - sounds really interesting.

IPF = Individual Pupil Funding. I believe it's the next step on from Action + Remember Ross has been seen by no-one other than Cheshire Autism Support*, and that was only since we pulled him out of school. This document is (as far as I'm aware) to allow school to access extra support and funding. Thanks for the comments, it's all useful. Lynn * actually, that's not true, SLT have not picked up the ASD issues and neither have an NHS behavioural consultant - not sure what this one actually is. A comment on another thread about people not wanting to diagnose as it puts extra strain on the NHS is beginning to ring bells - I wonder if that is an issue here. Not for long though as I'm beginning to use the 'disability discrimination' phrase in documents - that should ruffle a few feathers now Ross is 5 and should be in school ..

Hi all, Sorry to pester, I'd really like to be able to send it off for tomorrow morning, can anyone make any comments - good or bad? thanks Lynn

OK, response to the minutes now sent. I wanted it to go in ASAP so didn't actually get any responses to my request above. Never mind, I think what I put was OK anyway. Next is Ross's IPB. If anyone would like to comment on my draft (and incomplete) document below I would be very grateful. Initial request for Individual Pupil Funding – Parent comments What are your concerns for your child? Sharing Ross has always had problems dealing with social issues, he does not share toys easily and becomes very protective with whatever he is doing. Often this is due to a task or project which he has set himself which others do not understand – Ross often chooses construction type toys and has a strong idea of what he wants to build, including complex areas and expansive designs, Communication Ross’s speech was delayed and he has been seen by *** (SLT at ***) since just after his 2nd birthday. His speech has improved to the point where he has almost caught up with his peers, but his communication skills are still noticeably behind. Ross will still use some non verbal techniques which would be more normal for a child at least a year younger than him, for example cuddling or pushing to express his feelings, or tickling and using touch to get the attention of children or adults. Ross will give eye contact, but this is infrequent and he will only keep eye contact for a very short time before moving his eyes around the room. He seems to always need to have something to keep him occupied and will quickly find something to focus on if group or individual conversation is ‘boring’. Ross does hear and understand all of what is said to him, including instructions, but needs additional processing time and will become confused if instructions are repeated to him while he is still processing the initial communication. However, if his attention is elsewhere, he may not respond to his name and may not recognise verbal communication directed at him. Social space Ross will become anxious if his personal space is not respected. He will believe that a child has pushed him ‘on purpose’ when they may have just brushed past him and does not always respond in a positive manner. He becomes anxious in closed in spaces or with groups of children in close confines. Noise Ross seems to react to noise differently to other children. If he is at home he will sometimes go and find his ear defenders when there is loud noise. For example he will put on his ear defenders if there is noisy equipment being used or if an activity at home becomes to loud, and then be keen to watch and get involved (where possible), especially with any construction work which we may be doing. He does not become anxious as he is in control of the situation. While we are out, he may put his fingers in his ears if he hears a loud noise or is in a noisy situation, for example a train station or busy museum entrance. He will only become anxious when he cannot control the situation by using his ear defenders or moving to a more quiet location. We have found that playing music can help in these situations and Ross has an MP3 player with his favourite music. ‘Rule keeper’ Ross is keen to keep ‘rules’, whether these are in games, laid down for areas such as play barns or verbal rules such as taking turns or following instructions. Ross enjoys Chess and is a member of a local Chess club, he understands the rules for chess pieces and also the more complex aims of the game. This can sometimes cause problems with others who do not have his level of understanding. All areas of society have times when rules are not kept or actively broken, which can cause Ross upset and anxiety. Where there is the possibility of unfair behaviour in games, or bullying which has to be expected is all walks of life, Ross is likely to not understand the social boundaries and not be able to deal effectively with this. How do you feel your concerns could be addressed by the school Ross becomes anxious when he is in a situation that he has no control over and cannot ‘escape’ from. His personal space seems very important and we feel that he would benefit from not having to cope with crowded groups, whether this is in the classroom, other indoor areas or playground. The National Autism Society (NAS) recommends a number of solutions which could be investigated, For example: sitting Ross next to the teacher at circle time, making sure that he sits at the edge of a group and not in the middle. Allowing him to always join the end of a queue of children so he does not get pushed or crowded. The NAS has a well documented ‘Help!’ scheme which we feel would be worth investigating for further ideas. Ross does not like noisy situations, although this cannot always be avoided in classrooms we would like to arrange that he can avoid or stay at the periphery of school Assemblies and other activities where there is a lot of noise. Ross is keen to learn and has shown us that he is capable of more than is available to Reception class in terms of Maths and Science, and possibly other areas as well. We believe that Ross may be eligible for the ‘Able Child’ scheme and feel that this would greatly improve his enjoyment in school which would in turn encourage him to cope with more difficult situations. We also feel that we can encourage his abilities by furthering specific areas of education at home. There may be a benefit to providing parents with additional material and resources so that parents can encourage and support Ross’s need to learn where school may not have the time within a classroom setting. Ross needs the understanding of his peers and staff that his keen perception of rules is not always followed by others. Where his social behaviour and communication fails, he needs clear understanding by both children and staff that he needs help in these areas, not reprimands. Ross must learn what behaviour is acceptable but through the appropriate use of reward and discipline for a child with his (probably) Autistic issues. What potential benefits do you see for your child if these changes would be made. Ross often demonstrates that he is a happy, sociable, well mannered child in settings where is not anxious, specifically around adults and older children where he settles well and fits into a ‘normal’ routine. Where Ross is not pressured to complete tasks he finds stressful he will remain engaged and learns from situations even when he does not take an active role. We would hope that where his needs can be met and he can be offered a few simple support mechanisms he will learn in time to cope more easily with the social issues he finds difficult and will be able to meet his full potential both in school and beyond. Do you think your child’s educational needs can be met in this current setting? We believe that Ross’s educational needs can only be met in a mainstream school where, with support, he can learn to cope with the social areas he finds difficult.

I've nearly finished our response to the CAF minutes and wonder if someone could read it for me to make sure I've not missed anything obvious - specifically technical terms and legal statements. I don't want to put it here but can email it out? Many thanks Lynn the_weaker_vessel at yahoo.co.uk

That's really interesting, on a number of levels, thanks for sharing. What does 'de classified' mean? I'm guessing it's a bit more formal than just being excused from the classes? thanks Lynn

Hi Kerry, Would it help to remove some of the cupboard doors for a while, just until you get used to where everything is. I know how frustrating it can be when I reorganise my kitchen. Can you be more specific about what you don't like to touch, is it anything specific like texture? Not sure what you can do about smells, at least the weather is getting better so you can hopefully open the windows more. Can you find a smell you like and try and mask the others? Hope that helps Lynn