Melow

There's only one recourse, you break off this relatonship, nobody should put up with violence, it's not acceptable to a child or a woman or a man for that matter..

Except I am NOT autistic, there is NO history in my family of anyone being autistic or having the traits either, ditto with my partner. As for waiting for someone to take me on, it's rather a broad assumption to suppose older dads have to wait years before someone does (I'm just choosy ). Charlie Chaplin and others had children very late in life with no autistic children either. I'm rather fed up with the claims younger parents have no issues, facts state otherwise ! As I said here before when my child was diagnosed autistic ( I saw it first and they took another 2 years !), they said it was because he had a deaf parent, so another medical 'fact' to add to the confusion of why are children autistic Funny, at my local support group I am the SOLE deaf person there all the rest are hearing .... and at a special school too Coming next week: A survey says, if you never ate apples then there is an 60% chance you're child will never understand physics.....

I did do an online test here a while ago http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html and scored 30 (32 being the threshold or something !). However ! being deaf the singular and social aspect of the 'test' could just have indicated how isolated deaf people are, and nothing to do with autism... that's the trouble with tests. I suppose we are all looking at what causes autism, MMR was an easy target, but I felt at the time it WAS a contributory factor because of an immediate shutdown after my son had the jabs (It was days). I am told the timing was a factor, autism sometimes doesn't 'show itself' until about that age... coincidence. I deal in the here and now, not much point going back, and even IF proven it'll change nothing.

Perhaps I'll have to take an autism test now (Takes the onus off the MMR thing doesn't it) ?

Mine starts 'Big school' tomorrow too, I'm bracing myself for the teen years with some apprehension ! He will see all his peers there, something he hasn't really seen before, I don't know how he will react to it, usually in a new school he emulates the worst !! My child tends to be 'passive' at school, but he will see many autistics that aren't.

I'm an older father, and a bit down this survey has laid the 'blame' of Autism at my door Will my son grow up to blame me too ?

We can't get them or afford them, we have to hope a relative will help out, or stay in and do it ourselves.

It's pretty simple really they have to accept that 'inclusion' is anti to many autistics feelings, they prefer their own company, and LA's/services have to accept this. We know it... time they did, and stopped blackmailing us with this 'mixing' and access con. In reality it is usually one or two autistics and a lot of other children with other physical disablements, who are obviously NOT any sort of peer at all, and certainly not themselves in inclusive education, it's too stupid for words really. By lumping all these autistic children and other disabilities together they are in effect ISOLATING them in the most visible way, you don't have to be autistic to see this ! I hated seeing ,my son trotted out with other disabled kids now and then at school events, as if they were included, they weren't and it sticks out a mile..... yet is used as justification to keep them out of special schooling.

We noticed regression too, seems part and parcel of Autism, when you exhaust new habits, revert to the old ones again. Obviously as they get bigger and older this becomes vrey hard to deal with, they can flatten you ! A lot came about in our case because we made more active attempts to get him to 'mix' he seems to be resisting this (Which I suspected he would despite 'advice' autistics need to learn 'mixing' skills), this seems bad advice I have to say, he can get very upset being 'included', I think the powers to be (Not us unfortunately !), need to understand that some autistics (Many in fact), will NOT 'mix' no matter what you try. Should we be trying ? if we don't we get accused of denying our children access, few seem to realise where it counts, autistics don't want this, and forcing it, makes even more issues like getting aggressive, they just do NOT want this inclusion or the policy of it. Better to concentrate on what they will do rather than attempt something they don't want to. Is inclusion a waste of time and effort ? avoiding developing skills that autistics really can thrive with ? being centre-stage and party leader isn't really their bag is it ? Is inclusion just society's (And ours to a degree), concience at work, not a way of helping autistics do what they do best ? Do autistics HAVE any peers in a mainsteam setting at all ? not really, so how can you 'include' them ? I'm fed up with the guilt trip thing, if he isn't happy being included, then why force this issue ?

I think at 9 onwards things seem to change. My lad was introverted, quiet, didn't care to communicate, now is loud, aggressive with pushing and shoving, and punching, and often very anti-social towards others. Starts 'big school' in two weeks, I've ordered the armour-plating in advance ! Addressing it seems difficult because he seems to reserve all this aggression for us at home and still adopts a passive approach in school, who I am sure don't believe half what he does !

I read the RNID deaf group had a 'sexy ears' competiition (!), but best-looking autistic seems a bit iffy (Anyway my lad would walk it, not that I'm biased or anything).

I make allowances when I feel he cannot help what he does, trouble is, others don't ! and want a zero tolerance system used. Whilst my son will spit and swear at people, there is no malice whatever in it, he seems to just like doing it, how do you convince others of this ? Obviously we don't condone any of it, and make supreme effort to prevent it happening. All I do, is end up rowing with people in the street or neighbours who assume I am a bad parent who lets him get away with everything, far from it ! the fact it is a little easier to lay down the rules at home than outside it where he delights in lighting the blue touch paper then watching the fireworks ! I love my lad to bits, I would like just once to go out of the house with him, without people staring at him all the time, I'm sure he reacts to that, a ready-made audience ..... At times we just cannot prevent what he does at all, the only logical answer would be to not take him anywhere.. Thing was he STOPPED this a while ago, I just don't know why he has suddenly returned to it again, and is now 10 times worse.

Perserverance stopped my lad doing it, (About 10 MONTHS worth on a daily basis with frequent lapses). He has stopped 'though, albeit he does still handle it in the toilet, as he took to washing his hands with a venegeance (Something he didn't used to do !), and the towels are stained. At least it is confined to one manageable area now, alebit the battles still go on, he can revert any time to previous behaviours we thought 'cured' as we found out. You just don't ever assume that's stopped that, it doesn't work that way... He now enjoys swearing at the top of his voice to all and sundry, this is a real biggie as we do not have understanding neighbours, who have reported him a number of times to police, this is very hard to get under control too, as they report him even in his own garden doing it. Explaining his issue was wasted time, they adopted zero tolerance, something that is simply not attainable with an autistic, we need space to tackle this issue and our neighbours won't give us that time or space. I read of one autistic child given an ASBO, for swearing it is quite a worry. If our neighbour tried to engage our child except shout at him, I feel he would stop a lot of it, he seems to now enjoy the 'rows' over his swearing making it worse, he seeks the neighbour out now !

Kids are public enemey number one. They are very cruel and direct at others who don't look or act as they do. You have top wonder why education in school doesn't include respecting differences. A local school near had an award from the LA for raising funds to help other disabled children join in with school things. Outside the gates, they STILL teased and made fun of kids in a wheelchair, it defies logic, kids are MEAN ! They get awards for saving the environment,then leave school and head to the nearest sweet shop leaving an absolute trail of rubbish for miles..... and I won't get into the foul language that's the norm !

I wasn't generalising obviously, but the fact his actions appeared to upset or shock people, definitiley triggers more of it as he gets older. It may well be he is reacting to an emotion without knowing if that emotion is positive or negative. I don't think it is attention-seeking. Perhaps this is only the way he expresses HIS emotions, he is approaching puberty so perhaps hormones are kicking in ? unfortunately parents are often pressured by outside viewpoints and comments, that obviously are meaningless to an autistic, but have to be 'addressed' by us. We ARE on your side Luke, and on our child's obviously.