allyd

Welcome Dranz, I don`t get much time to take a look at new postings these days but so glad i`ve seen your intro. You sound like you have your priorities right ... a house in the middle of no-where, no neighbours, no noise and non humans as companions... sounds perfect... !! I had the same problems about social time, friendships- no you can`t force them and yes they can be hard work, BUT as you get older things will improve. I was absolutely clueless and went to boarding school literally hiding behind my twin sister. I spent any spare time in the girls toilet and just could not take part in group situations. I have been very much excluded in the social world by my own choice As you go through life and different situations just learn from what happens. You cannot force yourself to fit in with the world so don`t try to, it only results in you being confused and will affect your mental health even more. Once you can focus on what you want in life you will start to feel comfortable with where you are at and being `yourself` will come naturally. You will make friends with like minded people, they are out there ... you just have to find them. Yes we do like to rant but thats ok, take care allyd

Hello, and welcome to the world of asperger`s !! I was also diagnosed later in life- four years ago and I`m now 51. I know just what you mean about work, stress, depression being more of a sedative. I have the same relationship with doctors not really understanding and the anti depressants, they just make me sleep so I don`t take them. I think as we get older- or have more experiences we learn from them and how to handle situations better, or at least thats what I have done. I had one job 8 years ago and it was a nightmare, well the staff i was managing were a nightmare. I really didn`t get on well with that job but now I have a similar post and I am getting along much better, having had similar issues raised as the other job I am handling things better. I don`t worry myself sick now about what the staff think, i know that I will never please everyone and that that is not my job to keep people happy. Basically I do over and above my role as a manager and hope that staff will follow that lead. If there are are problems, and there are on many days, i follow the policy and procedure of the company, I talk to staff, i offer support etc. but I make a real effort not take my concerns home with me. I know its not easy but i don`t want to end up being off with stress again. Over to you... try to find ways of dealing with the stress at work and out of work. I also walk my dogs alot ! When i`m walking I seem to go over the things that are causing me stress and see if there is anything I can do about them. Money and paying bills I find stressful but I have a plan and keep paying bits off every month, so that helps with them. I was thinking about trying meditation, that might be helpful in getting the problems out of my head...? The grey and joyless part- even here in Scotland is sad looking, although the plants are starting to grow and soon the flowers will be bursting out. I know what you mean about the cold too... You may have seasonal affective disorder ? My older son is sure that I have it as the grey days really get me down. Again, i think its looking at some strategies for dealing with these. I hope you have a good holiday.

hello. You may be pleased to know that there are many people out there that are in a very similar place to you. Have you noticed any people that are like you at university ? One of the postings earlier suggested student services for advise. Yes they can usually point you in the direction of support. I was lucky enough to have an advisor at uni that understood aspergers, so she could help me in many ways. Its definitely worth asking there. I feel you do need some sort of plan if you are absolutely on your own and are unable to go home after uni finishes. Try to have some sort of plan of what you need to do and prioritise what needs to be done first. i suggest getting through your exams is extremely important as that time is approaching fast, so get to your student advisor this week ? In general, people need to talk to get things out in the open, they say if you share your problems they don`t look half as bad. Us aspies also need to talk but its knowing who we can talk to ! I always try to plan my goals or at least look at the goal and try to work out how I`m going to achieve it. For you that may be where you are going to live once uni finishes ? Again, this may be something your advisor can support you with. everything will fall into place but you are newly diagnosed, on top of all the other pressures of study and life. Fun is difficult for many of us, it does get easier as you get older i think but on the whole its not that easy. just remember you don`t have to fit into what other people do or act like and fun comes in many forms. I`m not a fun person but I have other qualities, I am good at problem solving and being supportive. good luck with your exams and if you need to chat just come back to the forum : )

Hello Rebecca, sorry no ipad here either, but `hello`. What help are you looking for- advise ? ally

Hi Laura, sorry i`m a bit behind with the forum- been off with the flu ! Goldenben has given you great advise ! How are things ? I agree with the other replies- it may seem like an illness but it is difference ! and hey, its good to be different. There are books advising people in relationships with aspergers men, if you go to amazon books take a look and see which one you might find useful- if you get stuck let me know. If you can try to see what makes the day good for your partner and what makes a bad day- its not that different from all of us really- we like to avoid the things that make a negative day ! There are lots of things to do with communication that aspergers struggle with- I am a female with asperegers and although i am 49, i still need people to be clear about what they are saying- say what you mean, and mean what you say. there`s no point in people saying one thing and expecting us to react in a certain way- if you really meant something else! Yes, it can be complicated but if you can get some books they should help. Tony Attwood has written very good books on aspergers syndrome- and he tries to cover most things. believe me, you are not alone ! If you can get good talking time and space with your partner that is a good help, its when we really don`t understand whats going on or whats expected of us that problems come up ! I am married for the second time- for 7 years now- and my husband still gets things wrong ! Just by not talking to me, or not listening, or not taking time to explain things. There are lots of other stuff that affects aspergers syndrome (AS)- sensory difficulties- Tony attwood touches on these also. Just start at the beginning, read up some stuff and go from there, try to understand your partner and what I`ve outlined above. With a baby on the way you have alot to look forward to, becoming a parent was the best thing in the world for me. I hope this helps but if there are specific things you want to talk through just email back, regards, allyd

What are you studying ? I`m just about to go into my second year of Health & Social Studies, thinking about doing 4th year in Autism studies ? But we`ll see what happens. I had put off study, thinking i wouldn`t be able to do it and i got an assessment for dyslexia- and bingo, that was part of my difficulties with learning- the unseen part of dyslexia which affects my ability to remember and recall stuff also I have a funny way of explaining myself ! If I can do this at 48 , theres hope for everyone with asperger`s !!

hello, i`m Allyd, I am a 48 year old female not long diagnosed with AS. I went for diagnosis after all these years as I started a university degree and could not access support with a diagnosis ! My son, now 24 is also diagnosed with AS- and he recognised it in me! I have supported people of all ages on the spectrum- as my job was a local area co-ordinator, for people missed by services ! For five years i supported over 150 individuals. I have a good understanding and I am very interested in Asperger`s syndrome and supporting people who need it. I am looking forward to making postings and being part of this group, Allyd.