Ria

Hello, Can anyone give any advice? My 16 years old ds left residential school this summer. We didn't get funding for him to stay on and attend college,and he is now back home. He says he cannot face going to college, despite us looking at various ones.He wants to get a job, but I don't know if he would be too anxious for that too if it came down to it. He gained "C" grades in his GCSE'S, it's the social interaction that is the stumbling block.Do any of you know of any other options? What can ASD teenagers do if they can't access mainstream colleges? Apparently, you have to be 18 years old for any sort of supported employment. The danger is that he will end up never leaving the house, he was out of education for 2 and a half years in the past. Any ideas will be gratefully received, thank's.

Just want to add something to the above. When I said that my dd's don't get on with my dh, and that we think he is as, my dd's feel that he does not care about them as he appears unemotional and does not start conversations with them. He says that they should do more around the house and he is angry about this. I can see both sides. There is a very good book called "Aspergers in Love", which talks about adult relationships, I wish my girls would read this but they won't, and I wish my dh would go for a dx but he won't. There is a big split between the males and the females in this house, yet I think I have traits of as myself, hence I'm in the middle. My dh is very good with the toddler, as he was with the dd's when they were little.Think it's as they got older he found it hard to be with them.

Hi everyone, thank's for everything. ds says that he found it stressful just looking around the colleges. Lots of people, not knowing anyone,not knowing what to do, not knowing where to go, people making fun of him, that's whats bothering him. One-to ones haven't worked in the past- but he is older now. Not wanting anyone to know he needs support. And of course, being a teenager, he doesn't want to have a dx of Aspergers and being on the Spectrum. Social worker called this morning, she says that in her opinion he needs to be still in Residential. She says that we are going to have a Core Assessment, but this won't be done before September. This Assessment has me worried,but should I be? Who is going to be at this Assessment? Sw. was not impressed with ds bedroom. This seemed to be a big thing to her that she had to see his room, she said she needed to see it on her first visit. I have 2 dd's at home, one hasn't left the house for over 6 weeks, she has 1 friend that occasionally drops by. Dd feels too fat and ugly to go out. She spends most of the time in her room. Both dd's don't get on with my dh. We, and dh, think he may have undiagnosed as. Other dd is at local uni and has 2year old son who lives here. She is worried that because of this Assessment, ss might say that her son shouldn't be living in a disfunctional house. Little boy is waiting to see paediatrician as his speech is delayed and he is very active (his father has dx of adhd). What's going to happen because of this Assessment? I feel very uneasy about all this. ds wouldn't talk to sw. either. If health are going to be involved too, as sw said they would be, should I speak to gp? I don't want to, and what could they do anyway?

Thankyou everyone for your replies, As we expected at the meeting, the reply was that a local college can meet his educational needs and we need social services for the home. ds has become very anxious,swapping and changing his mind over what he wants to do. He is now refusing to stay out of county. He doesn't want to go to any college at all but understands that unless he gets a job or does nothing then he will have to do a course or an apprenticeship and that means college. He just won't get the support here that he would get away from home. If that is what he wants, then how can we force him to go where he doesn't want to go,? even though we as his parents think it would be in his interest ? Should we go to tribunal saying that he is too immature to make that decision? Al, ss. can offer is direct payments so that someone can take ds out. And just what is the point of that -my ds would not go- he has difficulties forming relationships- how is he going to go out with some stranger! What a farce- don't they understand as?! I found their offer upsetting. Please give me your opinion folks, I don't know what to do for the best. ds doesn't want to do anything, just stay at home.

Hi! Same here as you Paula, 16 year old ds, possibly going to college in September but who knows ?( no funding) Probably won't go anyway after such a long break. We rate the school holidays as being good if we manage to get through them without any of the emergency services having to come here! Have Social Services or Crossroads got anything on offer? What are your sons interests?

So glad to hear that you enjoyed your walk. Is this something you will able to do more regularly? When are you going on holiday? Hopefully once you are there you will be able to enjoy it as all the preparation will be behind you. I'm not the brightest on the planet and can't give you any advice, but I just wanted you to know that I wish you well. x

Hi Kathryn, thank's for wishing us luck. Will need it, got a long way to go yet. Think it is a token gesture by LEA, we could pick the time we went and when I asked if they had invited anyone else they said no.Still, this is where we need to put our case across properly. Going to ds school summer fete today. Have a good weekend. x

LEA have agreed to a meeting on Tuesday morning. Local college have said that they cannot offer 24 hr. support. Must use this weekend to gather all we need to fight our case. Will let you all know what happens.

Hi there, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down. It is hard juggling children and every thing else isn't it? Do you feel able to speak to anyone about how you feel? Your doctor perhaps? They would also be able to tell you if there is anything else you can do apart from the exercise to help to make you feel better.Do you have the time to do something that you enjoy? We all need a bit of "me time" without feeling guilty about it.Sometimes having someone to talk to can help and the Samaritans are always at the end of the phone. Log on to here too. Your doctor can discuss your medication too. Hope you feel better soon, take care now,Ria x

Thank's Kazzen 161 and call me Jaded, you are quite right in all that you have said. Think I'd lost track but you helped clear the fog. Managed to sit ds down today and talk! Explained pro's and con's of staying away/ coming back and yes, though he doesn't really want to stay away, he did say that he would do that if it meant him going to college where the other boys from his school are going. He admitted that he would find it very stressful, and I thought that was very positive of him to say how he felt about going, because he wouldn't normally. He doesn't want people to know he needs support. Anyway, at least now I know to do all I can to help him stay where he is. That was a very good point about educating people up to age 18, I will look in to that. People on here have made a lot of useful suggastions which I can use, thank's all once again, Ria x

Again thank's all for your replies. Whilst I'm going through the motions to fight for funding for my ds to stay out of county because we feel one year of all the support he would get towards independant living would benefit him, is it the right thing to do? ds, after viewing 3 colleges, now says he would rather get a job. If he managed to get a job, he would probably duck out of that too before starting. He would probably hardly ever leave the house. Yet if it's his choice, are we wrong to say he has to go to college and gain life skills?At home, he bosses me about and I know I should stand up to him but before he went away to residential he used to hit me and break things. He is even bigger now. Sometimes we called the police, We didn't know if we needed the police or a doctor to calm him down. Since going residential, he doesn't do that, is only verbal, but I feel the threat is still there and I do what I can to keep him calm. I don't want any neighbours hearing him, some are nice but some are judgemental. If he stays home all day, what will happen to him when we die? We also have a 18 year old dd who rarely leaves the house. She feels so ugly and fat and stays in her room most of the time. She has 2 friends she texts, that's all. We can see dd and ds being company for eachother and not becoming independent. My other dd lives with us with 2 year old grandson. My dh gets on well with ds, very alike, he doesn't get on well with dd's, no conversation. dh is probably as, when ds was diagnosed it was mentioned. Very clever math's teacher,can't get a regular job,doing supply. Lots of personalities here,all very different. So, now you have a clearer picture of our household, what do you think we should do re ds and where he goes next year?

Thankyou Kathryn for your very informative reply. Have asked LEA again for a meeting before appealing and am awaiting reply from them. x

Hi Kathryn, Thank's for your reply, the letter we received said that the statement finishes at the end of July. They didn't say how we could appeal, so I believe there is no legal clock ticking yet, though things need to be in place for September and you know how long everything takes! What is SEND which you mention please?