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cmwoodward

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About cmwoodward

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    Salisbury Hill

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    http://www.aspergerstalks.com

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Worthing, England
  • Interests
    Social dynamics, news and current affairs, politics, music, writing
  1. So formal diagnosis or social skills training? I would highly recommend both. However I would keep in mind there can be quite a few hoops to climb through to get diagnosed, it's worth approaching someone for this now but be prepared for it to take a few years. In the meantime, consider yourself as 'possible aspergers but yet undiagnosed' (if you feel the need to idnetify yorsel in some way or if you're ever asked) and get help with your social skills. I would not recommend private counselling or life coaching though, as these people are unlikely to give you the exact help your after. Their services are more generic, theyre not specifically experts in social interaction, they will try to help you socially but they will probably not help in a way that suits someone with asperger's, by assuming from the start that you have a certain level of intuition that you may not have. What you really need is to find people who are a) socially savvy with above average social skills and understands how they communicate and what it is they are doing that makes them attract friends and succeed socially, and are able to break it down and teach it to others This is not about changing your personality but learning to communicate more effectively. Travel, language classes and sports clubs are all very well if that's what you want to do, but I believe you need more than just to do more social things if you actually want to improve you social life. You need someone to teach you direct in my view. You may be able to find a social skills coach in your area however this is something that is very much neglected by the life coaching community. But this is the type of service you need and understanding what help you need is the first step, as I know from experience how this help, and there are people around that can help so I would go and seek after a person or people who can help you out.
  2. As an honest guy myself who tends to just say it as it is, I would suggest the best thing to do to begin with is work out in your own mind, why you don't like a certain person being around. Here's an example from my working days, I once had a colleague who was on the one had quite a dominant character, yet most of what he said was a load of rubbish, taking things people said out of context and trying to force everyone to listen when I certainly didn't hold much value in what he said, so it got really annoying. It was nice and peaceful whenever he was away. I started to find this person awkward an annoying, and this is the reason why. So perhaps try and think why you don't like a particular person, explain it to yourself, so if the issue comes up you can explain it rationally, perhaps balanced with one or two good things about the person. You will mostly likely find that if you can explain rationally why you have a problem with someone (rather than just saying 'he's a ...) what you say will resonate with others you get on well with and you'll build a stronger connection with them. And it will help you as well.
  3. Very sad loss. I met her once when she spoke at a meeting, probably around the year 2000, and remember her from a BBC documentary on Asperger's in 1995, the year I became diagnosed.
  4. The issue is that a person with Asperger's syndrome needs to be taught the social skills, including body language, that others learn naturally. And they need this to come from people that are both socially savvy, but also understand the way people with asperger's think, so can act as a bridge between a socially skilled NT and a typical aspie. A good way to start, is to look at socially savvy types, look at what they do in social situations, analyse it and copy them. I don't mean to change your personality or be exactly like another person, but just look at the ways they communicate that people are drawn towards. A lot of it comes down to communicating in a way that makes you an easier and more enjoyable person to be around and communicate with.
  5. Is this a serious question? I don't know how you would define a good car for an aspie - or what needs you have in a car. But if a small car is enough for you, and you would like my recommendation, I'd buy a Ford Ka. That's what I drive. It's a great car to drive, a decent 1.3 engines which is quite a size for such a small car, and is reliable and easy to get spare parts for when you need it. That's my recommendation
  6. Think one of my talents must be playing guitar. And if I hear a song on the radio I usually work out the key and chords within ten second.
  7. I totally understand where people are coming from here. When you grow up with aspergers you get so accustomed to just not understanding jokes and being with a group of people who are all laughing and you are just not getting it. Its such a common feeling you don't notice it and can feel strange but good on those odd occassions when you can share laughter with others. I've always had my own sense of humour, but its never noe that I can easily share, or that slips into conversation naturally but it requires me some sort of platform to explain. I did produce a few videos now on YouTube using Xtra normal software that reflect my humour. I think this is an area where there needs to be more awareness. If aspergers people seem aloof, it needs to be understood that its simply that they're not understanding the jokes, it goes too fast and too many unconnected dots to join all in a flash. When you think of it that way its remarkable how anyone can be expected to get jokes at all.
  8. Hi, Just thought I would like to share something that has been on my mind recently. I think one of the things that could be used to help people with Aspergers Syndrome improve socially is some coaching and befriending, particularly for adolescents and young adults. I often feel that because AS's can learn things very quickly and are focused, when they decide its time to make friends and build a social life, we should have the resources in place to provide for them some kind of crash course in social interaction, covering things such as understanding jokes and banter, and just generally teaching them the stuff most people just 'pick up' on as kids. Currently I'm having some coaching regarding how to approach and be more attractive to women, where I've learnt a few useful things, such as body language and natural conversation techniques. What do others think?
  9. As one with AS, no we're not lazy. But I will make two points here. Firstly, I think AS people may struggle with tiredness when they're around other people, and the whole process of social interaction is more of an effort. Tiredness is what I would call an indirect problem Asperger's people may face, due to gthe fact some things will require more brain energy than for non AS people. Secondly, AS people may have problems working with others in tasks such as washing up, cleaning etc, where they have no specific role to play but simply supposed to muck in, they may find that they get nervous about such situations, or that they have to be guided through more than others (come on, clean up these plates, sort of thing) and this can be demoralising, maybe patronising, all because they don't know how to help out by mucking in. So as a result an AS person may refuse to do certain tasks, for a social reason. I'm sure I;ve been in situations like that. Thats just a personal perspective though.
  10. Here's insightful info on how one asperger's man is trying to find a girlfriend etc and his analysis of the social situations. http://socialdynamicsas.blogspot.com/
  11. Hi, Well I'm 28 with Asperger's and have spent last 7 or 8 years trying to develop a social life, with some success. Unlike most people with AS, I was very happy being a loner in my childhood and just latching onto my parent's friends, as that was safe, easy and comfortable for me. However as an adult one of hardest things has been finding people my own age, as I seem to have natually bumped into the older generation more. I envy all those with AS who have somehow managed to find a relationship. At 28 I have never had a girlfriend, I don't bump into many suitable women or at least find the opportunities to get to know them very well. Would anybody with AS who is in a relationship be able to explain how they found their girlfriend / boyfriend? I really need someone to set up a date for me. My frustration about not meeting any girls has led me to write a humours article which can be read on my blog http://socialdynamicsas.blogspot.com/2010/...ying-oldie.html. I've also explain about my experiences in the social world in other posts on my blog, with my thoughts and perspectives on things. Chris
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