shellz

My 25yr old son(has Asps) has had to stay with his friend due to major angers issues at home mainley when drunk,,mainley verbal abusive,but wenttoo far. He is looking to get his own place, i am very concerned how will he cope. Should i suggest i will be there if he need my help and let him try( he is hopeless with financial things)..even i home i remind him and he either forgets or purposely doesnt pay them. eg his inland revenue..worries me sick, but i cant live with him under the same roof to be truthful. he lovely,works..but very much on own in his room, get easily wound and frustrated and panicks and its as if he thinks bills dont have to be paid on time..always something else more important eg;his hair cut,new game,beer,etc....worried if he cope but have to insist and dont want him in lots of debt...thanks

i always feel honesty is best,but if you feel so uncomfortable it may be best to find another job,or discuss it with the friend who put you in touch for this job,,it must be someone you know n trust if it a friend who put you onto it. bid and dm have positive suggestions i feel so maybe try what they suggest.....good luck truley x

hiya tally, and i was in a drink fueld relationship with their dad, put up with that for 11 yrs...to be honest a lot seems like he takes after him...the problem is though that he will open up one day n then changes his mind the next,suggested councilors, doctors,and said to pay one debt of at a time, or pay a little to all(said i would arrange it all) he just give me the money to pay......really dont know what else i can do other than insist he moveout and hopefully he have to be so low to ask me to help n do it.we are going round in circles.he drink weekends mainley then ###### attitude n behaviour come sunday all quiet again till friday.he smoke weed which on its own he is fine(not that i agree with it but over yrs have come to terms with.

hiya, and am sure you will find this site helpful. i found out my son has ASD at 21yrs, to be honest i think things would have been different with schools and others around us if he was diagnosed as a youngster. i was asking since he was 2yrs old, as his younger brother was so different,but got told not to compare,i wasnt just was in my face and made my son seem the naughty one...

i think i should insist on him getting a flat n work with him that way,,,,,whats your oppinion pl ease i have lot of friends but they see it as he knows better, like now he is being fine today. i do feel like he dominates n bullies me but people dont see it, and this leaves me wondering am i seeing it wrong. i am a strong person but when he angry i freeze now as getting older. i have been on my own since him n his brother were toddlers ,dad never bothered with them. they are so loving but both can create with beer. but the one with ASD is harder to get through to as he wont listen at all when i want to try n help him.it like as long as he go work n pays keep he doesnt bother bout his deductions, debts,priorities...

he usually says sorry for his actions,and i have been told by his friend that when he calls me or does anything that he knows it upsets me and appears to do on purpose to wind me,i am a strong natured person and to be honest i have lost it over the yrs where i said things i havent meant. he works,but hasnt kept up with his deductions and i do go on at him about getting it sorted, have suggested he gives me an amount each week and i will sort it. i do feel he gets down about his situation and then shuts off to doing anything,drinks to block it out,then gets angry n frustrated.i tried ignore him,talk to him,i feel he could be scared to admit he doesnt want to leave home,told him i be there for him,but he even tells me that no one can help until he helps himself...he either on purpose leaves his mess around the house or isnt aware..but then on other days he fine..my head is all over the placei have been on .what can i do,i have been on my own with him n his brother since toddlers,work part time n to be honest it getting too much now....thanks

another thing,,u say you drank to block out how u felt,what change for you?

hiya, i have been with him to citizens advice and for a while he seemed to want to sort it, but then as usual he starts not bothering. i have told him the trouble he could get into with certain debtors but he wont listen. he as always been the type not to believe until it in front of his eyes.i dont think there is anything i can do now but wait till he learns the hard way....

hiya again, n yes i really do think you should try...i asked my son over last 2 yrs to join an online site like this as it could help him,,,but he wont hear of it....he says why does he want to talk to strangers about how he is,,,i know it could trigger something in him to help himself but i cant make him....i am stuck but you could reach to others who would give it a go.....good luck ....

hiya all, i have a son 25yrs ..he is loving but when tired drunk or fed up can be verbally abusive and smashes doors and then turns it round the day after to say that i wound him,when i might have said to be quiet or stop talking tome like that,,i used to think it was me but no more....anyone else going through this? i want him leave home,,but will he cope,,should i bother?

hiya, could u tell me how old u are?......as i have a 25yr old son with Aspergers....am having alot of probs the last couple of yrs......he has to be honest been aweful with alcohol but says its the only time he feels normal....when not drinking he usually smokes weed or sleeps........its at a point now where i asked him to find his own place,i feel aweful but he wont talk and doesnt seem to want to sort anything......he is vey verbally abusive towards me and has smashed house up ,, to be honest it may start purely if i ask if he could not bang cupboard doors.......dont want to throw him out but cant take much more...he is also in debt ( has means to sort this) butjust doesnt...i tried everything i can think of and am scared to put him in a worse situation.......soz it so long.....

hiya and yes i think its great,,,as i am single it would be good to go and chat and know that the person has an understanding of what i mean...and swap notes always helps...if in a public place i dont see the harm until all get to know eachother and who gets on with who...i am in bolton near manchester...

hiya again, am sorry only read last bits of the post.,,,,my head all over as just had probs early morning today....as far as i can see , i would say if that has been my lad, he had not left the shop, was wrongly accused to start with, and wasnt asked to empty pockets ,so assume wasnt seen actually taking anything. think i would as a 46 yr old female with no issues react similar without smashing anything up if i was locked in and accused...think shop keeper must have had a bad day maybe with other youngsters and assumed yours the same. perhaps go and talk alone or with friend to shop keeper calmly and see if maybe an apology from his side and your lads could resolve assuming your lad didnt take anything,,i would try that....i have taken my lad to a house to face the women once because a few lads had run round her car and snapped a wiper off, she called police identified one and they gave my sons name, other parents wanted it to go to court and i didnt so asked police if my lad could say sorry and agree to pay for it and split it between them all...it worked for me and police were happy...gud luck love xx