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bonbons

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Everything posted by bonbons

  1. My initial application for DLA for my daughter was successful and we now have to reapply. When she turned 16, it started to come out in her name so does that mean that she will now need to fill out the form and make the application herself? ( she will never manage!!!) Also , the first time around we had lots of supporting evidence from school, medical etc, including her diagnosis. Will this documentation still stand and taken into consideration or do I now need new documentation to support her application? Thank you all
  2. Thank you Lancslad for your very honest and colourful reply ! An interesting perspective and you have raised pints I have considered myself. We have 3 older children who all attended school prom with the same school, and who's experience wasn't quite as you described as they had a thoroughly good time with no excesses( thankfully!!!!) and my daughter remembers these events and sees the photos of her siblings on the wall, and I guess she wants what they had ! Why should she not have the same experience as her peers and feel like a princess for a day? ....... But..... My concerns are more centered around this experience, should she be allowed to go, falling way short of her expectations or even causing her distress. She had a difficult time in high school and suffered episodes of bullying and I can't really understand why she would even want to put herself in such a potentially difficult social situation, surrounded by youngsters who made life so difficult and enjoyed pushing her buttons day in day out! She struggles with using a knife and fork and I'm sure it wouldn't take long for someone to pick up on this around the dinner table! So I am very torn! I don't want her to go for me, but she wants to go for her , but the more you say she shouldn't , the more she says she should .....but then I think that perhaps disappointment now will save heart ache later! Beverley
  3. Hi , my 16 year old daughter previously went to mainstream high school but due to her difficulties , ended up excluded, and after a bit if a battle and a lengthy time out if education, we managed to get her a place at a superb special SEN school where she has spent the past year and has made encouraging progress . Her school don't however, hold a school prom, something she really desperately wants to attend! I have contacted her old school to see if an invitation could possibly be considered for her to attend thier prom with her friend who is still a pupil there. They will get back to me but I suspect the answer will be no! I have suggested buying her a prom dress and all that goes with it, and perhaps going for a meal but ' it's not the same' us her answer! Holding a party of our own is tricky to, as she only has one close friend. My main worry is that she will feel rejected.....again! Has anyone come up against this problem and if so, how did you handle it? Beverley x
  4. Thank you for the suggestions and very useful link!
  5. Hi all, just wondered if anyone could suggest a good book Particularly dealing with teens with aspergers and how to manage inappropriate bevaviours and depression? Many thanks Beverley
  6. bonbons

    hello :-)

    Hi.... Familiar stories! My daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers at 14 through CAMHS and is 16 now. It has been quite a journey... Ongoing of course, and we also didn't realise what was happening with her until high school, although when we look back to when she was younger, everything makes sense now! Still learning and tackling one hurdle at a time! We are also in the north west by the way, Warrington Cheshire to be precise. Hope you find your CAMHS more helpful than mine TBH!
  7. Hi, my daughter has a diagnosis of ASD/Aspergers and has just turned 16. We have claimed DLA for the last year for her and it has enabled us to do many lovely things that we might not have done otherwise.....weekends away with her as a little break for us all, day trips, meals out, and things which surround her special interests, as well as monthly pocket money...very useful carrot to dangle when working on behaviour issues! Now she is 16, a cheque has arrived in her favour for the amount of her monthly DLA. I called them to express my concerns about her having possession of this money as she is quite likely to blow it all on dvd's, skateboards, and energy drinks! They said that somebody would need to come out to speak to us and to her to evaluate whether or not she can manage her own money. Thing is, she would fiercely declare that she can!!! On the other hand, since she moved from mainstream to special school, she has begun to make more progress and is considering going to college when she leaves next year so perhaps it would be good for her to begin to manage money herself? Should I cancel the appointment and see how she copes with at least some of it, but if it all goes wrong, could I recommence receiving it on her behalf again?
  8. My daughter, now 16, was diagnosed ASD / aspergers, at 14, and is now doing much better now that she has moved to a more specialist school but tonight has made me think! My husband and I took her to 'spooky world' for her 16th birthday celebrations, and apart from a newly discovered sensitivity to strobe lighting, she had a great time!!! My husband however, did not! He had been dreading the prospect of having to meet parents, all day, and when we got there, was 'unhappy' to say the least, about various actors in costume, coming up to him, and ultimately, failed to enter into the spirit of things! He has , in fairness, always been like this, but I felt, rather like myself, that although I could think of better things to do, I would throw myself into it in order to please her, yet my husband seemed unable to do so! The level of noise from screaming, 'cut him to the bone', unquote! is there a link between Bi-polar and ASD? I have read that there is? came home,he went straight to bed! advice appreciated> .
  9. Hi, pleased to say that my 15 year old daughter settled in well at her new school and has been there a few months now. We have noticed big changes already in her behaviour, and her general attitude to education . She has an excellent TA who has managed to nudge her into lessons which would have previously sent her running for the hills, and indeed, in the first 3 weeks or so there, thats exactly what she did! ( well morrisons to be precise!). That has stopped and she is beginning to understand that staff are there to help her to manage her anxieties more appropriately and is willing to work with them now, however, at her recent 8 week review, it was suggested that anti anxiety medication should be discussed with camhs ( she currently only has melatonin for her sleep problems). This is not something I am entirely comfortable with and my initial thoughts on the matter were ' absolutely not, lets carry on with what we're doing', but equally, I don't to deprive her of something that could make all the difference? Watching her struggle to the point of almost pulling her hair out on occasions, when she has to make a decision for example, is really tough! What experience do other parents have of this dilemma? what types of medication are usually prescribed and did it help any of you guys, and are there any drawbacks ie side effects,reliance, withdrawal symptoms etc? Any advice would be appreciated!
  10. bonbons

    grief

    Hi, thanks for your reply. It's true to say that my daughter has not experienced the loss of a loved one, aside from a couple of hamsters and a cat! But, to be clear, this person she is mourning so deeply for, she has never met. He is an American skateboarder from a tv programme she watches so much so I don't think my g.p will be all that sympathetic with regards to grief counselling? I refrain from pointing out the fact that it isn't someone she knows. as the kids at school are doing, and I have told her about how I felt when my dad died, and also about how I felt when Joe Strummer died.....my way of hoping she will see the difference!This morning has been very difficult as she refused to shower or wash. and again, refused breakfast, and didn't see why I was sending her to school when she is so grief stricken, but you see, she is a boundary pusher, and if I allowed her to get away with it once and stay at home, she will try it again and again! Her special school are very experienced at handling her more difficult days but I am expecting a few phone calls today nevertheless! Often, when she has misbehaved and knows she has over stepped the mark, she will indulge in risky behaviour ie run away, self harm etc. so that people are no longer angry with her but have sympathy for her, and it seems to me that it is her need for sympathy that is driving this rather than genuine grief if that makes sense? I have told her that if she can hold it together, I will take her to buy a goldfish for her bedroom and call it after her 'hero'so that he can be represented in some small way, and she was briefly happy about this but half a cup of tea was launched across the room this morning because I wasn't sympathetic enough to give her the day off school!
  11. bonbons

    grief

    Hi....bit of a tricky one and I could really do with some advice! My daughter is 15 and is devastated at the news that one of her 'heroes' as she puts it, has been killed in a car crash. The thing is, she seems to have taken it very badly....she says she doesn't want to sleep and is refusing to take her melatonin, isn't eating much at all, refusing food, crying all the time, at home and at school ( no tears though!?), she constantly wants to talk about him and her grief and how she is going to cope and I listen and offer my advice as carefully worded as possible but nothing I say seems to help , and she has now taken to wearing a piece of black fabric around her arm in mourning! She has made badges at school of him and even went out for a walk after which we discovered that she had made RIP stickers and stuck them to lamp posts and trees all down our road! many of her obsessions are related to people she admires but now it seems as though she is obsessed by grief! Some of the kids at school are teasing her for her OTT behaviour over this and I am concerned that she will start refusing to go to school. I am struggling to fully understand why she appears to be grieving so deeply for someone she doesn't know and of course I would never say this to her for fear of belittling how she feels but if this continues for too much longer, it's going to cause real problems!
  12. oh jeannie....I can imagine how must feel. Last year, my daughter spent a couple of months in a young persons psychiatric unit. It was really tough! So many thoughts and feelings! On the one hand, as a family, we welcomed the break as at that time she was very destructive and even aggressive on occasions, and I knew she was in the right place to receive the help she needed and uncover what ever was going on ( it was there that she received her diagnosis at last), but on the other, despite all the problems, home wasn't the same without her and as a mum, I felt I should be able to make everything better! I really hope that your situation becomes a positive one for you both in which ever way that may be, and that you and Glen are receiving the support you need? the very best of luck to you both.
  13. We are most definitely riding that storm at the moment! Daisy is 15 and the last couple of years have been extremely challenging! I don't know the answer to your question, a question I have asked myself man times! BUT, we are beginning to turn a corner....baby steps, but nevertheless.... She had a hard time at mainstream, spent a year out of education and is now settling in to her new specialist school where their fantastically patient and understanding approach seems already to be making such a difference!That's not to say there aren't bad days because there are and we certainly find ourselves pushed to our limits, but as she is learning, so are we, and I understand her much better these days. I have renewed optimism for the future but I know from this forum that everyone's experience is different.
  14. my daughter is now 15 and has been seen by camhs for two and half years. Last May she was referred by them to a young persons psychiatric unit following am incident of self harm at school. We had to agree to this admittance and it was difficult, but we felt that Camhs had not yet got to the root of the problem, and now I am glad that we did. She remained there for 8 weeks and it was the psychiatrist there who diagnosed her with AS. We then started the statementing process and, in the end, managed to get a place at an excellent special school which they recommended to us. It has been a journey but she has settled and is doing really well now! From my experience, had she not gone there, she may not have not have received her diagnosis so promptly, if at all, and would have continued struggling with us wondering what on earth was going on! She is finally happy and making such progress!! I wouldn't like to personally advise you to agree to this but just wanted to relay to you how it was for us. Good luck with your decision and the future.
  15. I checked it out and thought it was quite good actually! Have told my teenage daughter about it too! Great for AS teens!
  16. Congratulation! X
  17. Hi.... DD started her new school yesterday and , although of course it's early days yet, we are amazed at the difference !! In two days she has been up at 6.30, showered without being told too, made her own lunch, sat through 2 if her problem subjects without incidence and bagged herself 10 effort points and 4 merits!! She put it beautifully.... 'I don't have to pretend any more, I can just be me and nobody cares..... I feel like I have always been here' ! It is a relief to know that it looks Luke we made the right decision for her! 
  18. Hi jo. Read your post with interest as my DD who is 15, only received her AS dx last year! For us as parents, it was a relief as explained so many things.... Very much like finally having all the jigsaw pieces and seeingvthe whole picture! Everything made sense, yet so far at leat, that is not how my DD has felt!? She is very much on the' I really don't care about my dx' frame of mind, which I tell her in a way is a good thing as aspergers is just a part of who she is yet I sense that underneath she is struggling to come to terms with it still and has said that she just wants to feel less different not more different! She starts a new Specialust school next week and we are hoping that, given time, she will learn to be more accepting of herself and her diagnosis and I hope she may make the positive steps that your DD has!! Good luck . Beverley. X
  19. Hi Diane .... Honestly, I know exactly where you are coming from!! My 15 yr old daughter was diagnosed with AS last year. We experience much of what you describe!! I just think of it as her way of trying to describe just how lousy she is feeling that day but cannot put into words, so we often have to figure it out! our mantra has become ' don't take it personally' !! Hard not to sometimes I know, but she doesn't fully understand how much our feelings are hurt so we try not to react too much to such comments and find distracting techniques work well! Amazing how quickly the light in her life switches on when I begin to talk to her about her special interests! Big hug.  Beverley. X
  20. The card my daughter sent to me ssid " I'm sorry that I always underappreciate you. You are the best mum ever and I love you" I'm really really chuffed! 
  21. Thank you for your very supportive replies and useful tips! The social interaction comment is very interesting as I think I lose sight of the fact that, as you say, it's just not that important to her. All has been well since Tuesday. My husband and I took a few days off work and we took her to York for a couple of days break.... For us all! I worried that she would interpret it as a treat after what has happened so tried to focus upon the fact that we recognise she has a big step to take next week when she starts her new school etc ( has been out if full time ed for the best part of a year effectively, and is due to start at a fab specialist school having been in mainstream, so it's tough!!) she was really good and more relaxed whilst away and we laughed lots.... Excellent therapy!! At one point. I said 'no' to something and she started to become angry and amazingly, she managed to bring her emotions under control and told me it was the first time she had recognized that she was kicking off because she didn't get her own way!! Progress??? I would have said 'no' to your social literacy question before then! I agree that the time out thing is essential.... No point in going on as that will just overload her and is very counter productive. As soon as she starts to become abusive or aggressive that is when I tell her that the discussion has ended until she is calm and I walk away...most days you see, I think we are doing ok, that I 'get her' and that with all the additional support to come from her school, she will get there, but then on a really bad day like Tuesday, I think I just can't do it and that what I think isy best, just isn't good enough.... To finish on a positive note though, had some really lovely words of love and appreciation in mothers day card this morning! :) ...... Happy mothers day to you all . X
  22. Many kids are refused at this point so well done I say!! I was lucky to have a straight forward experience with my LEA for my DD , but I know from what I've read of others experience on the forum that this isn't always the case' best of luck! X
  23. Tuesday was just awful!!! Day off , and had booked a doctors app at DD's request to discuss help with minimising scars ( due to one time self harming issues) DD not happy as she wanted camouflage make-up not silicone gel!! Stormed out of surgery... Very rude, and wouldn't listen when I tried to explain that she hadn't been refused and the possibility would be looked into but try gel for now.....(also pulled her up on her unacceptabl rudeness) Left her in car to calm down and I went to pharmacy....Returned and, by that time, apologised. All good until.....I asked her to do some supplied homework.... Said she would after lunch.... Agreement made.... Left to have time with playstation whilst I went to do some baking and prepare lunch..... Lunch eaten.... I reminded her of her agreement , but when gently pushed, threw phone across the room ( still broken) and so I removed her iPod!! .... Not happy!!! We then have a chat along the lines of... I'm here to help you and listen to you ( nobody ever listens to me)....but that simply isn't true... Fancy a cuddle? Want to watch a DVD, or walk the dog with me?.... Negative! Are you worried about starting your new school? ( don't care... It's school) ..... Our chat went on for a good hour without much progress and resulted in her throwing the sofa cushions at me for my efforts and telling me to 'get f****d.... At which point I removed the rest of this months pocket money and warned her that next months was in severe jeopardy !!! Her next move? To pack her bags( nothing but crisps and juice) and threaten to leave!! She asked to have her new bag and I said no, as it was for school ..... Not happy!! Sat in the garden to collect my thoughts and give her time to process, ..... Next, call from my older son to say that she had just swallowed some tablets !!! Husband and I took her to A & E and we stayed in overnight. We had a visit from CAMHS the next day and I explained that whilst I absolutely recognize her anxiety with regards to the huge changes coming up and totally undetstand her worries, I felt it was our determination to put in place the boundaries she hates so much that causes her to ' up the anti' all of the time!! CAMHS agreed that this was a tactic and encouraged us to continue with our technique and reassuring us that we were 100% doing it right! i know this but I am so shocked that she will go to such extreme measures to gain control over a disciplined situation!! Horrible experience for us all as she I didn't think she would go so far, and of course she doesn't realise the consequences of her actions or the feelings of others! .... Next day, she said to me " guess all you cam do is laugh about it"!!?? I know more than ever now that she meeds to experience 'no's, boundaries and dissapointments in order to cope far more effectively than she did on Tuesday!!
  24. Oooh! I haven't seen either of these and shall definitely aim for a quiet and peaceful evening in front of the tele with my mothers day choccies!??? Mmmm , perhaps i'd better sky plus them! 
  25. bonbons

    PRU

    Yes.... All very helpful comments... Thank you! My thoughts on the matter are alongvthe same lines hence the dilemma! I hate to see her unhappy there and the staff have mire or less given up trying to teach her anything and with the attitude that if she wants to do stuff , great but they won't push her for fear of her 'kicking off' and upsetting the other children which I totally understand! Of course she knows this and has used it to her advantage to avoid the things she dislikes so yes, you are right.... These problems won't be solved easily at her new school but are hoping with their skill and support she may eventually realise that they are there to help her if she just learn to accept this help. There have been occasions where they have phoned asking us to take her home early because of problems and I explain that this us exactly what she wants, but they need her out before it affects other youngsters so, of course we have to go..... Very difficult! At least her new school is an hour away from home so she will have to learn that we cannot simply go at the drop of a hat and then hopefully she will gain the experience she needs to cope with stressful situations rather than these demand avoidance techniques she so good at!! LEA are aware of situation.... Proposed statement being amended at the moment as we requested and the place at this fantastic school has been agreed all round for which feel very fortunate! Only hopes that dd eventually feels the same and settles well...... Under no illusions it will always run smoothly though! Think I will try to continue with PRU... as said, gives her a sense of school routine which might have a better effect on her transition than if we allowed her to stay at home. Thanks.... A bit clearer now.
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