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Goldenben

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Posts posted by Goldenben

  1. Posted · Edited by Goldenben · Report reply

    Hi Goldenben

     

    Sorry you're feeling low at the moment.

     

    It is hard making friends, but all you can really do is be friendly but not expect too much from others. I've had years without a proper good friend, but now have one due to sheer chance. It's a bit like love, it comes when you least expect it and often when you're not even looking for it, but it's well worth waiting for.

     

    Have you ever been interested in wargaming/Warhammer? My husband does this and he meets some great people through it - not necessarily best buddies but good wargaming friends. The people that go there are all individuals, and they chat and listen nicely, and they are not all the same age - it can be good to mix with people of varied ages rather than a 'gang' of people your own age.

     

    Is there an animal charity you could volunteer for locally? You'd meet others who are equally passionate about animals.

     

    Did you see Goldie's Band - many of the young people involved used music like therapy. It was a brilliant programme.

     

    Hi thanks for the post. Well i have a few good friends but unfortunately most of them have families and full time jobs so i rarely see them! I don't even have problems making friends but i do have problems keeping them! I'm more motivated about finding work now myself so that's a plus. I'm actually passionate about animals and did start to volunteer working with dogs but it was quite far away and would have cost me alot of money just to get there and back.

     

    I've never heard of wargaming/warhammer what is it? I used to be obsessive about games but now frankly i'm pretty bored of them! And i didn't see goldie's band where did that take place? I write music myself which is like a therapy for me and had some success in international competitions too. Without music for me life wouldn't be worth living

     

    Another thing i've wanted to do for a while is to make a site for people to meet others with autism in their local area and make new friends! Every autism charity i've seen don't do anything like that as far as i know! To get out and do activities with other people would benefit everyone

  2. Posted · Edited by Goldenben · Report reply

    Well i'm 24 now and i relate to everything you said. I've had times when i've been out and socialised but lately that hasn't been the case. Like him i used to sit day in, day out playing video games and basically nothing else, but lately i've realised that i'm wasting time and have allready wasted so much time and i'm trying to really turn my life around.

     

    Depression for me is what really made things more difficult, because before my bout of depression i was practically a different person. I was only diagnosed with mild aspergers but my life has been far from mild. I lost alot of friends with my despression too who i don't think understood what i was going through. I'd love to meet other people who i can personally relate to, as you can probably imagine i'm not the judging type and will befriend anyone willing to do the same. Contrary to popular belief most people with aspergers are desperate to make friends but are tired of being judged i think.

     

    It is VERY hard to break out of a routine like the one your son is is now, and i used to think that this was it and there was nothing else that mattered, plus when your sick and tired of people judging you it's gonna make you less inclined to try and make new friends, which is sort of how i've been lately.

     

    I really feel like life is starting to make more sense again, like before my bad depression hit, almost the same but not quite. It's difficult because without a job you can't really go out and if you can't go out you can't socialise. I've had some interviews lately and am hopeful about getting back into work soon, but if your son is into computers why not look into a computer course? Most people with aspergers can become highly skilled with computers. All i'd say is keep trying to push your son, and also i've started a gluten free diet and i am feeling an improvement (Mainly less mental clutter) and more focus. I'd also suggest he trys hypnotherapy as i remember after i tried it i felt more focused and all of a sudden stopped playing video games all day.

     

    There is hope, i mean today has been a bad day for me and i've felt quite low but tomorrow i'll MAKE sure i feel better. I think last time i let the depression hit me hard and got into an almighty rut, but now i'll exercise or write to improve my mood. Hope this may help

  3. Posted · Edited by Goldenben · Report reply

    I was chatting to a friend this morning who feels much the same way and we were discussing how many people get nervous when someone they meet doesn't act, speak, think the way they think they should. They want to constantly change others to fit the image they think everyone should fulfill just so they feel safer or because they dont' want to learn about the fabulous variety of differences that are in the world of human beings. Not everyone in the world is like that though. There really are people out there who will accept you just for the person you are. Sometimes we're harder to find but we're well worth looking for. Please don't let the ill informed or scared or lazy or whatever people put you off of everyone. Sometimes the first negative reaction you get from a person can change with time too.

     

    I really hope you find some nicer people soon. There are lots of lovely ones on this forum who are very very supportive. >:D<<'>

     

    I hope so too, everyday my routine is the same ###### you know. I've been feeling alot happier lately but today i feel really low. I've had friends in the past so it's not like i can;t make them it's just things have changed and i trust people so little now. ALL i want is more of a social life and a job, i know i'm capable but starting to think of a point in all of this fighting, seems i've been doing it all my life. I feel at breaking point right now

  5. Posted · Edited by Goldenben · Report reply

    Hello there! I too have gone gluten free and actually found it alot easier than i expected. I've been doing my own shopping for the first time in my life and my local supermarket had a small but varied enough selection for the main things like bread,pasta,cereal,cakes :thumbs:

     

    I must admit i'm feeling quite a bit better, i also had my first job interview in quite a while the other day, and i'm feeling more motivated lately. I've been thinking lately about how much time i've allready wasted in life and that i really have to get out there and do something. I've also been to an agency to help touch up my C.V and stuff, and like i say i'm just feeling generally more motivated, and almost like i have things in check a little more and can priorotise better

     

    Also can i suggest you look into vitamin b6/magnesium as i've also started doing that. I use a magnesium chloride spray and take a high strength vitamin tablet daily.

  6. Posted · Report reply

    Yeh school wasn't the most fun time for me, i think we struggle more no doubt, but i also think we are very kind and very sensitive people, as i am. I got bullied in primary school and secondary school but towards the end of secondary school started to interact more with others. I just think being sensitive opens you up more to being bullied, but it made me a hell of alot stronger now, at like 16-18 i was living my life without any real negativity, i was going out regularly and socialising. It's taken me about 6 years to start making some real progress again with my life, and there's still a long way to go yet. When you're exposed to negativity it's certain you'll become negative, and i've been trying to change my way of thinking which is finally starting to work!

  8. Posted · Report reply

    Just keep encouraging him and pushing him. I know all about the isolated part though, and it sucks. I was only diagnosed with mild aspergers but i'm only really sorting my life out for the first time in several years after being in a rut. I was thinking of setting up meet ups for people with autism in general in the future because me personally i'm desperate to get out more and enjoy myself, i'm not even that bad socialising, but after losing most of my 'good' friends for various reasons i'm finding it hard to make good new ones.

     

    On a good day you wouldn't think i had a problem but on a bad day you would, and that's the key thing i think. Anyway good luck and encouragement goes a long way! I could have REALLY done with a bit more myself in some of my earlier years!

  12. Posted · Edited by Goldenben · Report reply

    It's such a difficult time for anyone to be looking for work. Try not to take it personally - easier said than done, I know!

     

    Is there any chance you might be able to get some voluntary work? It might get you out of the house, mixing with others, and also look good on a CV to have some recent work experience.

     

    Yeh i totally agree that it's hard ATM and i'm just gonna try and be as patient as i can be.

    I'm sure ONCE i find a good role i'll probably excel quite well,as i've always had praise doing the jobs i feel comfortable in, but i've had probs working out of my comfort zone in the past.

     

    @ Sesley : I'm looking for any sort of call centre/customer service job as i've always done well in them but incoming call centres get 100's of applicants every time. And i'm passionate about sport and music, i write poems/lyrics in my spare time.

     

    And regarding voluntary work i'd deffinitely be interested in doing it, infact i went to start at a kennels looking after and walkings dogs but it would cost me a fair bit of money to get there and was quite a distance away. Will keep looking though, ain't giving up yet!

  13. Posted · Report reply

    You're a better man than I. I've been in that rut/hole for 4 years now - the difference is I don't even try to get out of it, and I don't even care. :blink:

     

    Yes and i know exactly how you feel as i didn't see any point trying (When my depression was bad) I have an attittude basically screw the world now, if someone can't take me for me then screw em.

    There is hope but we just have to fight hard for it

  14. Posted · Report reply

    Well after i lost most of my friends for various reasons things have just been like the same old cycle over and over again day after day. The thing is most of the time i actually enjoy going out but very rarely do so anymore. I remember a time before being in this rut when i was enjoying life much more than now and going out fairly regularly and pursuing interests. Never before this last 5 years did i ever consciously think i had problems, even though i was diagnosed when i was 13, but i had some traumatic experiences and i'm guessing that just made the aspergers worse maybe.

     

    It just seems once you've fallen into a hole it's insanely hard to get out of it. Frustration eats away at me as i'm desperate to make something with my life but for instance job hunting is ridiculous as i just apply apply and apply and don't hear anything.

    I have pride and determination but it just breaks me when i can't put it all into practice.

  20. Posted · Edited by Goldenben · Report reply

    Well i'm 24 years old and a male so i can tell you what he might be going through. First of all i can't always get accross to people how i feel and sometimes people really have to dig to get it out me. I was only diagnosed with a mild form but mixed in with my depression i had it can be a lonely scary world. Thankfully i'm improving and better but if you love him you have to stick with him. Find out what he enjoys, what i enjoy is music and i'm a rising songwriter, this for me is my salvation and my release, i sometimes think if i'd still be here if it wasn't for my music. I also know an insane amount of people with aspergers who are either succesful artists/musicians and involved with the arts in general.

     

    For me people with aspergers are some of the most loyal you'll ever meet too, sometimes i lose track of what's important but with the right help people like us can get our lives on the right tracks just like anyone else.

     

    Like mumble stated this isn't an illness, it's a difference. You also need to look for his positives as it isn't all negative like some people perceive. I would never change from the person i am, if people don't accept me for me it doesnt bother me anymore, people with aspergers are loyal to the max

     

    Anxiety and panic attacks are another issue but learning to relax is absolutely paramount

    I personally practice tai chi everyday now and run every other day 2.5 miles which helps my mental state, maybe if he isn't allready doing something like that he could start releasing some tension by doing so? I really didn't know what to put here if i'm being honest but i replied as i'm near enough the same age as him so maybe it'll help him.

  23. Posted · Report reply

    Hi, i've been taking focus formula now for just over 2 weeks and i'm sure i feel a slight improvement. My main problem has been my scattered, random occuring thoughts i couldn't get out of my head but using this i feel alot calmer and as it says more focused. Don't know if it's just placebo but i think it's slowly working for me. I've also in the last few days really started trying to find a new job (and applied for 3 in the last few days which i haven't done for a while) Also i've totally stopped video games on my games console as i used to be obsessed with games and now can't stand the sight of them. I'm a writer and i'm now focused back on this right now. I also run every day 1-2 miles and meditate and do a humming breathing technique before bed aswell as using a magnesium spray daily.. There's are just my ramblings anyway.. if anyone finds them interesting then good :)

  24. Posted · Edited by Goldenben · Report reply

    Yeh i think it would be tougher for people like us with kids but me personally i feel i'd be a good parent if i ever had any because unlike most people around today i see having kids as a miracle and the best thing that can happen to anyone. As long as you do things the right way that's all you can do

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