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Nope no better whatsoever today still ache all over I could cry and did over time @ work today tomorrow got my job interview!

I suspect I have case of heat exhaustion - can't stop shivering body feels baking hot yet feel freezing cold! Got headache keep feeling dizzy and nausea aswell as muscles aching from top to toe yesterday and today! just took two painkillers and took bottle of water to bed!

Doctors surgery phoned me yesterday afternoon @ home and informed me my medication (anti-depressants) was ready to be collected! Well arrived today I asked looked hi and low looks like been misplaced /lost and completely ran out of them! Could do without this stress/anxiety right now on top of work situation! So fed up/annoyed/angry/upset etc I really relying on this medication right now been reassured deffo be ready and signed by any doctor tomorrow! Gr!

I got to ask the office today for my starting date (officially) as did volunteering months before I was taken on the pay roll office lady said I assume started in 2009 -that I'd come away with 'small amount' of redunancy payment! H.R having a meeting with top boss on monday or tuesday next week to discuss every staff members individual payments of where we stand! Its all so messed up and confused but hopefully it will work out for the best -fingers Got a phone call from nursery near by my home today to say she (manager) wants to have interview with me on wednesday morning @ 10am !!! Woo woo! One step closer/forward just trying to not raise my hopes too high now!

No they haven't offered anything! filled application form for nursery more concievent near by to where I live only like ten minute stroll! Did tell manager looking for part time work she said she doing interviews next week start for several job roles! All upheaval for trying get settled comfy with environment and colleagues! Feel ripped apart! Still can't work it out get my head round it so confused!

Had a meeting @ work yesterday all 15 staff there including office ladies and cleaner we was told by school headmaster - TOP BOSS (boss of my boss) and he broke bad news that because school becoming an academy the governors have reached FINAL decision that best choice is nursery to close and for nursery building to become part of new academy lay out! As to say WE are ALL gutted shocked by the news -blown away in fact! Deverstated upset depressed as had DREAM JOB felt lucky and grateful have a job setting and a team where understand /support "my needs" so today got to job hunt round nursery did my work experience today and did some volunteering (but ended up walking out due to poor Mental Health state at the time) been told nursery closing end of june just before I go on holiday with my family (parents,twin brother and 8 year old neice) to Turkey for 3 weeks! Going to involve so much anxiety -change (interviews ,adjusting to new setting etc) list endless! Don't know where to begin! Photocopying my CV today to take round everywhere and anywhere I'm heartbroken fingers crossed ill be able to 'slot in' somewhere else rather soon I'm so scared! ;(

Even when try to rise above my anxiety issues -feels like in me never good enough have go try be one better than I take my endless cycle of frustration onto my mum mostly because I'm scared and afraid but when I explain in detail they don't get why anxiety gets me so hooked up so much/bad (social anxiety -social situations and independence) it becomes overwhelmingly emotional /sensitive subject topic normally ends in my tears being shed! ;( crushes me! I'm my own worst enemy! My own 'bully' can't escape tripping myself and giving myself a hard time however much effort I put in never right - is it perfection pressure existing?! XKLX

I've just started an anti-depressant for anxiety disorder only been few weeks but so far so good have been on quite few anti-depressants over the years since my early teens! I wouldn't say we have better understanding over our condition as an adult just learn to grow to knowledgable to accept and if have late diagnosis seems to have just same level of understanding /knowledge as a child not knowing! Anxiety disorder was affecting my mood pattern! XKLX

@ Loupin - I think because AS /HFA can be classed /judged as "mild autism" which I personally believe can be decieving and also HFA can be quite 'hidden' behind background and look 'physically' normal on outside and not classically autism label slapped on you! When have AS you not either end stuck in middle! Not easy when torn between both worlds not knowing where to turn at what direction can be frustrating to explain!

Done 64 lengths today @ swimming after work in the afternoon ,64 lengths - a mile can't believe I've done this its first time normally do fifty lengths! XKLX

@ Loubs56 -when in 'panic attack mode' all can do is comfort and reassure and try to reduce stress/anxiety if possible around him in his environment! Hope this bit of information helps! Sorry it isn't much though!has he got any object/s ,interests ,topics which gives him 'calm' relaxed state XKLX

I would try and get him out of this self harming habit before it steps up in intensity more and more! Did he 'grow out' of self harming as a baby (head banging)??? He may need professional input (mental health wise) is anyway of distracting him? Or doing calming corner to go when frustrated or upset?! XKLX

Had to come back on monday not due back home until saturday but mum was really poorly so had to go up A 'n' E for four hours on monday afternoon! She pulled muscle on her rib and cracked a rib and pulled muscle in her shoulder mum broke down in floods of tears she has been told it take 4-6 weeks to heal but got to take it easy and rest up! I got called into work today for two hours so lucky I was at home!!! XKLX

Even first three days notice I feel less calmer relaxed but don't know if it is in my head that now on medication whether it's making difference always struggle to work out if making a 'real difference'! XKLX

Off to Norfolk for a week- tomorrow morning!! with parents,neice and brother hoping my moods don't play up like last time! Fingers X now on new medication (sertaline-50mg)hopes starts effect soon! XKLX

I've been prescribed this today by pyschiatrist @ adult MHT 50mg been told first few days can produce 'flu-like symptoms' for anxiety disorder! Pyschiatrist wants to increase dosage wants to see how this amount of dosage goes first! (50mg) been told no side effect of weight gain/increases weight pyschiatrist reassured me of this!

Me too could do without ANY changes (stressed 'n' anxious as is!) Been tossing and turning til early hours of this morning! Manage to type up summary of emergency crisis incidents which happened over last nine years to can reflect and see if common pattern (mood) which by the way think there is looking back! Still occuring in current/present! Determined get this seen to -sorted once and for all! Fingers crossed got an 30-40 minute walk to adult MHT! So already dressed and ready prepared! XKLX I'm well scared though!

Appointment time been changed from half ten to half nine in morning had to leave message on answerphone @ MIND as office was closed as trainee SW was meeting @ adult MHT @ half ten now time suddenly changed this afternoon after got home had to inform trainee SW! Really believe it isn't related to monthly cycle (though does make mood pattern worse when 'on'!) Related /linked closely to chemical imbalance - mood disorder maybe present/likely that's why feel important to feel have investigated further! XKLX

Had MIND appointment with trainee social worker she coming along tomorrow morning to give me moral support don't think best and right option/direction is always medication but looking back through CAMHS letters/reports my mood states have been messy everywhere scatty since 2004 (so 9 years) this has been ongoing crisis situation which emotionally distressing causing endless tension between relationships and also my general 'wellness' compromised looking back over records I have and they have mental health services on file I see clear precise pattern switching between emergency crisis situations which seem to present same behaviours set of emotions /feelings over the years! Which just been put down as 'depression' ??? Umm maybe needs further looking into investigating! As can't carry on in this way destroying everything and everyone around me! Adult MHT have physical evidence of previous letters/reports they are just pieces of useless paper with words on nothing more than! I've waited on/off battled nine years with fog and confusion finally need come to long waited end -conclusion ,result of some kind! Going to do bulletpoint to remind/prompt myself over issues which been left to 'fester' in a corner in the dark need further attention /addressing right now rather being left to 'boiling point'! XKLX

I do have constipation issues sometimes not at time though!

I have used every relaxation technique in the calm book but nothing 'touches me' right now been for a swim did 50 lengths to try get 'rid' of excess energy yet have no energy hard /difficult to fully explain! I feel yukky in 'my own skin'!

Can't work out why have lingering awful horrid spells of feeling massively restless aswell as irritable spells! Not nice experience at all! Don't like way makes me feel whatsoever! It yukky totally! Wipes me out and drains me emotionally! ;(

Adult MHT think be entitled to ESA (income -based) as don't earn that much a month! I'm struggling to make ends meet with what I want to do (socially with money etc) get DLA mum's my appointee! Is it worth going to welfare rights? As getting real upset/depressed that can't do much?! So frustrated - like everything else!

Sorry If not making complete sense at all matzoball! ;(

Sorry xxx only way can describe like world moving around with me stopped it middle! So hard put into words! *feel speech is slower even and chopped hair as curls in it doing my head in! Does this point direction of me being 'unwell' ? maybe don't know anymore!