Apk5

people are wierd. when i moved in here, i went upstairs to introduce myself to my neighbour and she just poked her head round the door like a frightened rabbit and apologised for running the washing machine. the dog likes her though, so she can't be all bad. that said, my dog's shown poor character judgement in the past

i think that's fair advice for everyone really. as for "normal life" that's very subjective and a question of degree. i have a house and am studying for a degree. my difficulties dealing with people are really rather vague and difficult to define, but i've learned to avoid causing offence to those who would react violently, by just avoiding all social contact with such people. thus i get by. i think i get by a lot better than a great many people who could be defined as "normal"

cheers hortus, that's really helpful. i don't have a really great understanding of the whole Autism spectrum thing myself, my mother had a better understanding perhaps having read all the books and everything. i get the impression my father isn't quite as comfortable with placing diagnoses on people. it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy in a way maybe. i don't know. i used to feel quite angry about being an outcast and never having anyone to travel with, but of course, you have to make too many concessions and cut your personality up so much to fit with others and i'm pretty inflexible and stubborn. again, maybe it's just the way i am, but of course it would be, how could it not be the way i am? because it is. again, i still haven't decided whether to seek diagnosis or not. part of it is i don't like bothering the doctor if i don't have to. so i dunno, but good to get a different perspective on things, and thanks for the link btw, that's helpful i used LOL in text-chat once, but only because i had Laughed Out Loud, which is rare enough to worth remarking upon -andrew

i'm sure it is, i'm busy enough with my own wee mission the now though, which i'm not very good at explaining. so i'll not try, cos it's friday and i'm letting my brain rest after concentrating all week. indeed. revolution just puts another set of numpties in charge, every time. real change is carried out when nobody's paying any attention seconded

hey T i've PMed you with some slightly off-topic rambling about "the scene" and that. what is more on-topic is my concerns about the cognitive effect of getting a diagnosis. i've tried getting diagnosed for depression before and it just ended up getting me more depressed. i know crude materialists like myself aren't supposed to believe in that sort of thing but i have come to realise the power of logic and argument to shape your mood. i'm trying to work out my thoughts and feelings around the whole issue of diagnosis/labelling and i'm really finding it difficult to untangle the logical components from the argument from my frankly hostile attitude to society and hierarchy. there's an anti-psychiatry streak a mile wide running through me, and i think it just comes down to not trusting authority. TBH i work very hard at appearing normal and i think i do a pretty good job. i've decided recently that if society doesn't want me it's just tough luck, they're stuck with me. but the fact of the matter is a lot of my problems are very possibly subjective, i may well be projecting my distaste for society onto others and thinking they're feelin nasty to me when they're not. once again, this is a circular argument, completely academic and probably impossible to settle. at the end of the day you can't go wrong with Stoic philosophy, the gist of which (as i understand it) goes that as long as you live a good and virtuous life you can be satisfied, no matter if people appreciate it or not. at the end of the day, you're the only person who has to live with yourself constantly, so you'd best be happy with what you do

hey tally, cheers for the reply and that i wouldn't be expecting a diagnosis to actually make my life better just like that. that's the sort of thing that takes a lot of time. i kinda self-identify as aspergers, but always tinged with the idea that i'm just self-diagnosing to make excuses for myself. the main thing i have to overcome to get a diagnosis is my paranoid distrust of doctors. tbh, it's just good to talk to folks who have some understanding. it's tiring having to keep myself tied down all the time y'know? i worry i'm coming across as a miserable git, i'm not really. i'm currently feeling better within myself than i have since i don't know when. maybe i've just outgrown trying to find approval from others, i don't know. a more likely explanation would be that i've got proper secure(ish) accomadation for a change and the reduced level of stress and hardship has finally filtered through to my concious mind. again i'm overanalyzing. anyway, i get by ok, i have difficulty holding down jobs but i'm getting better at that (trying to develop a more intelligent response to authority). I actually found having an intellectual task to obsess over has been so helpful to me over the last few years. I'm obsessed with weaving. it's an obsession that's taken me into college, has already gotten me halfway through a degree and isn't showing any signs of ever stopping. i find it amazing to think that 5 years ago my daily aim was to get enough money together for food and tobacco, and now i'm seriously considering aiming for a phd and going into research. everyone should have an overwhelming intellectual obsession that makes them move to a strange town where they don't know anybody. yeah, that sentence definitely makes sense

hi folks i'm new to this forum obviously. i thought i should pop in and get some advice i'm 29 years old and i've always had problems with people. don't understand them, never seem to be able to do very well in social situations, often find myself saying inappropriate things, feeling embarassed, wishing i would just shut up. great difficulty filtering out background noise. have to turn the telly off just to type this, for instance. when at college have to listen to heavy metal just to drown out the sound of radio 1 (radio 1 makes me angry) anyway, to cut to the chase i've always been a bit odd like that anyway, and for years after leaving home i was a member of the anarchist movement where everyone's odd and very accepting of oddness so i kind of forgot all about it. now, reentering normal society and going to college i start coming up against the same problems i used to have in school but now without having the option of thinking that people are treating me different because of the way i dress (i dress very straight in order to fit in and not get noticed). i'm still rambling. long and the short of it is, my second brother was diagnosed with aspergers when he was 10 (about 8 years ago now, i can never remember how old anyone is, is well bad like). it took my folks a while to get used to the idea like and my mother thinks quite strongly that i might be the same way as me and my second brother are very similar in that way, where my first brother is a much more regular kind of person and hasn't ever had any difficulty with people, jobs, college, anything like that. she cites a lot of behaviour issues i had as a child, not liking to be touched when i was upset, not smiling at her as a wein, that sort of thing. i barely remember primary school, but i know i didn't have any friend for a period of about 4 years and just ghosted through life until i reached high school and managed to mob up with the rest of the miscellaneous geeks and oddballs. still, i had problems with bullies (who didn't?) but managed to avoid any serious kickings by turning into a bit of a ghost, i would get told after school that i had an unnerving habit of just appearing out of thin air. one minute a friends walking down the street themselves, the next i'm standing besides saying hello. probably i never declared my presence when walking up to someone from behind, i guess you're supposed to do that so people don't get surprised anyway, that's the background, but the craic really is that for a long time now i've been basically losing hope that i'll ever be able to have a normal life, girlfriend (always split-up suddenly for no apparent reason), social life (mates from back when all either married off, or living far away), all that normal stuff. i try and i try and nothing works. so the thing is, i don't know whether i should try to get diagnosed. on the one hand it'd be good to know (i say know, i mean to have a proffessional opinion, self-diagnosis is the road to madness i reckon) but on the other hand i don't want to be labelled as outsider (it's bad enough that i feel it) and i've also never had good experience with doctors (treat you like a timewaster or give you pills that do funny things to your brain and body). Finally, if i'm honest i'm rather arrogant. i tend to consider myself to be in the right, morally speaking, no matter if i'm completely outnumbered. i could go on. and on. and on but i won't, because rambling on and on and on is a bad habit of mine that's worse on the internet because there's noone to stop me thanks for your time -andrew ps. i'm not askin you guys to tell me whether you think i am or not, just some advice about doctors and all that. i wonder whether i should get a referral before the NHS has to start holding it's hat out for donations from passing commuters at the train station