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I’m going on a trip to Canada in just over a week, and I’m very nervous as it’s the first time I’ve been abroad since I was quite a young child, and I have to go on my own. I’m particularly worried about coping with the airports, as I’ve only flown once before, and got quite confused by what to do when doing things like checking in and going through security. I must have looked really nervous and dithery, as in the end a couple of other passengers took pity on me and helped shepherd me through! I’ve always found this forum a really wonderful resource, so I was wondering if anyone had any advice or tips on flying/airports that might be helpful? I’ve had a look at the Manchester Airport guide to flying with autism, which is quite useful, but it’s mostly directed at children travelling with their parents, not adults travelling on their own. I know this is probably something that everyone finds nerve-wracking if they are doing it for the first time, but being autistic means I over worry about little things like where to stand, which counter I need to go up to, how much I should talk to the person sat next to me, or even silly things like what to do if I need the loo during the flight... Any advice would be much appreciated, and also possibly some details of what to expect? I’m sure there are some people here who are more experienced fliers than me!

I know its slightly different, but I suffer from Aspergers and have been doing some undergraduate teaching at my university alongside my PhD. Initially the university were unwilling to offer me any teaching because of my Aspergers (and I think memories of me being very quiet in seminars when I was an undergraduate), but after a long process of proving to them that I was capable there have been no problems at all. Naturally I was very nervous, but the students obviously didn't notice that there was anything different about me, and I was given a very good review when my head of unit observed one of my seminars. I'm afraid I can't offer any great deal of insight, but I would say that in some ways my disability has been advantageous, as it prevents me from being too dominant (so the students get plenty of chance to talk) and also means I empathise with the less confident students, and am quite good at gently encouraging them to participate. I would say, though, that if I was applying for a teaching/lecturing job I would be very reluctant to disclose my disability, and as I feel capable of doing my job unimpaired I would not feel duty bound to do so.

Could you use a home delivery service to do your shopping? I think most supermarkets offer them, and if you put in a big enough order I think they are free. That would mean you don't have to go round the shop, and could compare prices on a computer at your leisure. I know what you mean about it feeling awkward cooking at home, my freinds all think I should cook sometimes to get more independent, but I'm not sure there would be space in the kitchen, and I find it so hard explaining to my mum that I want to do more grown up things.

That sounds very much like OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder to me). I have Aspergers and this sort of thing can be a real problem fr me. I'm afraid I can't really suggest a solution; I deal with it by being tough with myself and setting a deadline when I'm not going to do that particular action past. It's hard to break the cycle, but its a huge relief if I do, and of course the bad things never happen just because of me stopping.

I think you might be right; I've lost a lot of weight over the last few years, and certainly find myself needing the loo more. When I was at school I didn't need to go all day, but now I need a wee quite often, especially if I've been drinking coffee. I'm also finding I have to, um, 'sit down' more, certainly every day and maybe even two or three times. I suppose its more healthy, but, as I've said before, can be a real nightmare for me in social situations.

I'm not sure if this is relevant, but I've always had problems with this sort of thing, but not neccesarily for the reasons everyone has been describing. A lot of my trouble comes from a mixture of my resistance to change, and playing to the character people expect me to be. For example, when my parents asked me I was always very resistant to the idea of using deoderant, but secretly had one hidden in my draw and tried to put it on whenever I thought no-one would notice. Equally I hated the idea of shaving, and initially refused to do it more than once a fortnight. The trouble was I was then still stuck in this cycle several years later, despite the fact I really hated having stubble all the time and it made me really selfconcious, but just couldn't tell my parents I wanted to change. In the end this one only resloved itself when my brother suggested I might prefer an electric razor which I could ger into the routine of using in my room every morning, and I jumped at the chance, whilst still pretending I was reluctant. The list could go on, (e.g. I was delighted when my parents put a shower in last month, so I now get to wash my hair more than once a week); I'm not sure if this is just something I twisted myself in to, but it might be something to bear in mind with others.

I agree with the point that practice can help. I'm still terrible with phones, and almost invariably get my parents to make calls for me, but I am starting to gradally get a bit better. My freind has been encouraging me to call her when we are arranging things, (it being a mobile helps because I know it is her who will answer), and gradually I am starting to get a bit less worried as I get more used to doing it. I'm still a long way from being able to call my bank, or arrange a cricket team, but I'm beggining to see that I might get there one day. It might be only a little achievement, but I actually managed to call the Record Office yesterday to pre-order a document. I was stilted and awquard, but I had worked out what I wanted to say, the lady at the other end understood me, and my document was there waiting for me when I arrived (getting round my usual problem of getting given the wrong one because they can't read my terrible handwriting...). I didn't know about the sensory perception thing, I stuggle with that a bit on the phone as well. Missing/mishearing bits of a conversation doesn't make it much easier. I also get the same thing when I am in the back of a car and talking to someone in the front.

I'm afraid I can't offer any usefull advice, but I think I really know how you feel. I'm 24 and still live with my parents, but sometimes wish I could have my own home. I've never even mentioned it to them though, and I don't think I will do anything about it in the near future. I really am torn between feeling safe and secure at home, and the appeal of having a bit more independance. I spent a week away from home on my own for the first time earlier this year, and, although I was really lonely and cried myself to sleep on the first night, I was surprised how well I coped (although admittedly staying in a B&B and eating out of a chip shop I didn't have to do much practical). I think in the end I will partly regret whatever choice I make, but I hope some time I will be confident enough to make the leap. Sorry, I know that's probably not a lot of help, but I know reading this forum I've found it really reassuring that other people have the same worries as me.

I must admit I've never read this, I suppose it's because I first heard about it because of the Autism associations, so the idea of reading it sounded a bit too much like 'work'. I'll have to get round to it sometime though. Sorry if this is a bit of a tangent, but I've often wondered whether there might be some merit in writing childrens fiction myself, as it's a genre I'm a great fan of. I've written a few short stories, and find I struggle with the attributes of the central character having to be largly myself, and other characters mostly based on the way people react to me. I've always tended to think that my inability to properly understand other people would mean I can't write fiction, but maybe there might be some merit in there being more books out there about autistic characters who find out people aren't quite as scary as they seem? I don't know, but I'd quite like to know what other people think.

I just tend to quietly bring it up in conversation without making much of a fuss about it, particularly when it will help me to explain something about myself (like why you have fallen out with your other freinds, or in my case usually being shy). I think that's sort of what you are describing, so you are probably on the right lines. I've certainly never had any adverse reaction if that is any comfort. Good luck!

I don't know if this is any help, but I'm always inclined to tell people fairly soon in getting to know them, if not immediatley. I can cope in social situations to the point where people tend to just assume I'm just very shy, and don't suspect I am autistic, but I often just feel more comfortable telling people so that they will understand if I do say or do something wrong. In my experience people have always been sympathetic and understanding, and will often actually then go and read up more about autism. I've always found making freinds difficult, but over the last few years I've made some brilliant freinds who are very kind to me, and with their help I'm becomming much more confident. Sorry If I've been rambling on, but I hope it can be of some help.

Can I ask how you were assessed and who funded it. I want to be assessed but I can't afford it myself and there is no money left in my DSA as my mentoring is so expensive (but worth it). I was screened by the access unit at the university, then sent to an Irlen specialist to have my glasses fitted. I think the funding came from my DSA, although it's a bit complicated as this is paid by the Arts and Humanities research council.

Could I ask whether anyone else with coloured lenses has had difficulty choosing the right colour, or with them making the world too dark? I was diagnosed with Irlen earlier this year, but my first pair of glasses have had to go back because the colour I ended up with was actually making aspects of my symptoms worse. I think the new colour will be better, but I'm really worried that they will be too dark. I'm making do with a pair of sunglasses for 5 weeks (the day I tried without was hell) but they are tiring me and sometimes affecting my visibility by making everything too dark. I'm quite worried about this, because I know my new filters are darker than the old ones, and also because the assessor said they might cause problembs with eye contact (possibly the worst thing she could have said to someone selfconcious). Sorry, but I'd really like to hear how others have got on; and thanks for pointing out the piece of software, I'll try to perswade the university to get it for me.

Thanks again for all of your replies. I think you are trying to say that people aren't quite as worried about me using the loo/what I am doing there as I think they are? Deep down I think I've always half known this, although it still doesn't stop me getting terrified whenever I feel I have to go. CBT might be a good idea, although I think I would far rather look at a book than talk to my GP about this. I did know about RADAR keys (I think I read it in another thread), although I'm not sure if it would be much help in my case. It's not really the environment of loos that worries me, more what people are thinking about me; so I think I would probably feel more embarressed coming out of a disabled toilet than I do with a normal cubicle. I really hope you don't mind if I ask another question, although its probably me over thinking things again. Everyone seems to agree it is ok to ask to use the loo, but I'm sure I have got it into my head from somewhere that it is a bit of a social misdamena to, um, do more than a wee if you are at someone else's house or out with people? Sorry, I know you must be getting fed up with me, but it would really help to hear someone refute this. Also when does it become ok to ask? Obviously if you can't hold on anymore there isn't a lot of choice, but is it ok if you probably could wait, but would be much more comfortable for going?

Thanks for all of your kind answers, I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not the only one who gets worried, and that other people think it isn't rude to ask to use the loo. I think I just have to force myself to say something when I need to go, and hopefully it will get easier. Practicing stock phrases might help as well, although I think I might get a few funny looks if I asked where the ladies is! I hope you don't mind, but could I ask a few more questions about situations that particularly worry me? One thing I particularly struggle with is making an excuse to slip out when I am with a group of people. For example, last week I went to a party where about six of us were sat round chatting. I just couldn't find the right point in the conversation to excuse myself, as interjecting in the middle of a discusssion would seem rude, and when everything went quiet I just felt too vulnerable as I knew everyone would hear me and there were a couple of guys there I didn't know that well. I could't just quietly say something to my host either because she was sat on the other side of the room. Also I quite often have a problem in public toilets like the ones in the library, as if I have to go in a cubicle and there are always people outide I get too shy to come out, and sometimes can get stuck there for as much as half an hour if its busy. Sometimes I even can't work up the nerve to open the door even if there isn't anyone outside in case someone walks in. I know I probably just have to force myself with this , but its not easy and I feel so sheepish. I know this is a bit silly, but do people you are with notice how long you are taking in the loo? This particularly worries me if I, um, have to do more than a wee, but can also be a problem if my bladder is really full, or I have been holding on for a long time. Sometimes I have panicked and stopped while I am still bursting because I am worried people will notice I am taking too long, which can be really painfull and means I need to go again really soon. I'm sorry for another long post, but I would really appreciate your advice. If I can just stop myself worrying about all of this it would make a huge difference to me.