Beth_

I don't think I've ever cried so much infront of people before! The psychiatrist didn't think that I would be helped by a diagnosis. However, it turns out that my doctor referred me to the wrong department so if I still want to go for diagnosis I can just get my GP to refer me to the right place (which is in the same building, just down the corridor ) I couldn't make him understand that I need to know why I am the way I am. I need someone else to recognise my problems and see that I'm not just being uncoperative or awkward on purpose. He said I had a life time of issues that need sorting out and that I desperately need counselling. I can't get it on the NHS though. I'm sure my parents would pay for it but I don't want to ask them. I'm fed up with having to ask for help. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't want to have to go back to the doctors and ask for the referral again, and have to justify what I want, again. The only doctor I've ever liked has just left and I don't know how I'd cope talking to anyone else. All the leaflets about counselling only have phone numbers on, not email address so I don't know how to get in contact with any of them. I can't use the phone.

Last year I think. There was a lot less paperwork that the first time.

I would find that troubling too. I had a really nosey neighbour when I lived in Taunton and he was always questionning me and making judgements. In the end I think he was harmless but lonely so spied on everyone else in the area but it did make me feel on edge whenever I saw him. When my DLA was renewed I didn't get a detailed letter, just a one page summary..

Thanks I've made a few notes. I'm getting more and more nervous, I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight! The assessment centre is right next door to the vets that I use and every time I go near there I get vivid memories of that awful day that Pixie got hit by a car. I know that however much I worry about these things, they are never as bad as I imagine they will be but even that knowledge doesn't stop me getting in a state worrying about it!

I do hope it gets better for you. It can take a while to adjust to new ways of doing things (especially when your way makes more sense) but if you're miserable maybe it's not the right job?

My doctor said he would refer me to the adult aspergers assesment team (which has a year long waiting list) but a few days ago I got a letter saying I've got an appointment with the Mental Health Team. Would I be right to assume that they need to see me before I'm referred to the AS specialists? I wasn't told this was going to happen so now I'm panicking and am scared they won't refer me. The appointment is on Friday, thankfully the place I have to go is just round the corner so I don't have to go far. I'm freaking out though! I spend all my time with people trying my hardest to pretend that I'm normal, now I've got to try and prove that I'm not so I can get help. I think I'm feeling extra bad because I had a nightmare last night which has left me feeling all anxious.

I use Wordpress for mine, I use it for a lot of sites and blogs, it's really user friendly http://www.aspergirl.co.uk/

I think that sounds smart enough. They won't be expecting you to be in a suit.

It must be so hard for you <'> .

I'm going to email the NAS and see if they can recommend anywhere local. I would have to ask my parents to pay for it and that's the only thing that's putting me off private. I know they would, they've paid for me to have lots of other private health care as I've been ill so much and I was getting nowhere with the NHS. It's not like they can't afford it either. I'm just worried about talking to them about it, even though I've spoken to them about it before and I would have to get them to come along to the appointments anyway. My other option, I think, would be to go back to my GP and ask if I can talk to a counseller or psychologist or someone like that about all my issues whilst I wait for the AS referral. They might not be able to help with Aspergers stuff but maybe they could help me with all the trauma, especially in my childhood, that I have suffered as a result. I'm 28 and I still can't think about my childhood without being in floods of tears. I was so bitterly miserable and so much went wrong I am sure that I need to talk to someone about it. It can't be healthy to be so angry and upset about the past so much. I've read alot about AS people having more vivid long term memory and I think that's my problem. When I think about any incident that happened, I can see it all so clearly in my head, it's like having a photograph of the moment and all the feelings and emotions feelings are just as raw. I've spent so long trying to just forget about it all and 'get over it' as so many people keep telling me to but it's not going to happen. However well I think I'm doing, all it takes is a tiny trigger and I'm back to square one. I'm so fed up I'm on high doses of antidepressants and using an SAD light and I still feel miserable. I don't think drugs are ever going to work enough, I need to deal with the underlying issues. I'm rambling, sorry. I just think I really need to get everything out. I've started writing about it all and I'm on 7600 words in a week! I feel that maybe if I get everything out of my head and onto paper then it might do something. Writing is supposed to be theraputic isn't it?!

I've just had an email from the adult diagnostic service about my referral. It's going to be about a year before they can see me I'm thinking about researching how much it would cost to go private.

I've just started reading it, looks like it should be interesting

Hope it goes ok

Wear something you feel comfortable in

You really should'nt have had to go through all that. I know the NHS isn't perfect but you'd atleast expect them to be able to sort out a simple referral. I would go back to your doctor and get him to chase it up. They might take more notice if a doctor does it rather than a patient?

Well done!!! That's great When do you start?

Nothing here. We had a tiny sprinkling of it on Sunday but that was it. I keep watching the weather forecast and it doesn't look like there is going to be any here for a while, thankfully.

Some people are never diagnosed, many aren't until their adults and are able to make sense of it all themselves. There can be so many reasons. There wasn't always as much awareness about AS, teachers are just that, not diagnosticians. Parents might not be aware of what is going on. My parents were told I probably had Aspergers and they chose to ignore it. I'm still trying to deal with my anger about that! On the inside you can see everything but it might not be so obvious to people on the outside.

I had never really heard of aspergers or much about autism before I read the book and it was what made me do more research into it. There were a few little things in it that got me thinking. I think it is a good book, as a novel though, not a book on educating people about autism.

My links? They work for me. They're on the NAS website Shop > Books and resources from the NAS > Communication issues

Thank you, that's kind of you. There is garage a minutes walk from my house and although they don't do clutches they were able to recommend and contact a garage that does so my car is being picked up tomorrow morning. I had to make a phone call which I blundered my way thruogh but it must have gone ok as everything is arranged now. It took me several hours to unwind from it though. I just had to hide under my duvet and try and slow my head down.

I would prefer to do it online but most of these places don't have websites or email addresses. Even hours after the calls I am still feeling sick and shakey about it all.

I hate phones, I just can't use them. I only ever speak to my mum on the phone and that's just to stop her worrying so she doesn't come and visit which would be even worse. My car broke down today, I've had to phone garages and I'm shaking and near to tears. I just want to hide and for it all to go away. I have to write myself a script otherwise I can't remember what to say. I have trouble reading what I've written though because I'm so shakey. I don't understand what the people are saying because I don't seem to hear all the words, even though the reception/phone line is fine. The garage said they would phone me back so I'm sat here rocking, waiting for the call. I never normally answer my phone to anyone and I'm worried I won't be able to do it. Everyone keeps saying I just need more practice but I think that's rubbish. I'm 28, if practice was going to make it better wouldn't it have helped by now? It just gets worse. I'm really struggling not to have a total meltdown

http://www.autism.org.uk/products/core-nas-publications/autism-alert-cards.aspx http://www.autism.org.uk/cy-gb/products/core-nas-publications/asperger-cards.aspx

Good Luck! Hope you get it