pollypop

Thanks for the useful advice from both of you esp baddad. I work 4 days a week, play tennis and am in a local book club so i feel i do get involved and am regularly meet a lot of people...albeit a lot of the people I meet daily are female as I work as a nurse. It is difficult to go out in the eves due to leaving the children for too long...my eldest will babysit for short times but not keen on minding her Aspie sister for long times. Anyhow...I'll get there in the end...I just get a bit disheartened at times. My ex certainly doesn't share the child rearing equally...gets away with doing as little as he can ! Don't get much down time but I know its down to me to change that !

Hi there Does anyone know where you can meet members of the opp sex after your marraige has failed...mainly due to the pressures of looking after our daughter with Aspergers. Have gone out on a few dates but a lot of people have no idea what it is really like living with Aspergers everyday. Cheers,

Many thanks to all of you who have responded to my post. You've given me lots of useful information with plenty now to work on.

Thanks Mel. Sounds like you in a similar boat ! During school hols and at weekends she looks to me for all her entertainment and plans...what are we doing today Mum..where are we going ! At 14 you hope they are going to start having their mates around or go out to town with them etc but she doesn't want to do any of those things. her older sister does all those things so i know its her Aspergers thats stopping her from doping those teenage things which her sis takes for granted. Trouble is I sometimes have to woprk when they 're off school and she hates that. Thankfully i finish about 2.30 pm but when i get home from work she often says...so what are we doing now Mum..I'm so bored !! Bored is her favourite word at the mo ( apart from the many swear words !! ) Hey ho...life is interesting and pretty OK most of the time . Cheers, T x

Many thanks for your reply. Its been very useful. I will have a look on the direct payments site shortly. We could all do with a break ! She looks to me for a lot of things including entertainment ! Cheers. x

Hi All Just wondering if anybody knows if there is anyway of getting a support worker for mt daughter who is 14 and has Aspergers. She has a statement and gets fulltime support at mainstream school and seems to cope well to all those on the outside. She does this by mainly denying she has Aspergers and doing her utmost to fit in. As a result she often comes home from school stressed, darined and full of anger at all of us at home. I am a single parent now after splitting up with my husband 3 yaers ago after 15 years of marraige. We've had so little support with our daughter over the years and it seems like you have to " develop your own strategies " to cope as thats what i was told we'd have to do when she was diagnosed at 2. Have done my best but often it was just me developing and hubby quite happy to let me take the load...couldn't do that forever and I eventually burnt out and we separated. life is a lot calmer and eazsier now but my daughter really dosn't go out much and we rarely get a break from her. She used to go out with a " Big Sibs " prog which was run by volunteer students from Cambridge and it was great and she loved it but it was vcery hit and miss and often the students were on hols or studying. We did have a Crossroads worker for years who did 2-3 hours a fortnight with her and we got a little time out but thats finished now. How do direct payments work and how would I go about applying for them ? How do you decide who to employ and are there any checks or regulations in place to protect you and the young person? Cheers,

Hi Manda Do you know ...it's not too exhausting....I have to be very organised and my eldest says I'm OCD about cleaning and I never relax!! But I have to say it is much easier now that I'm going it alone. I never had many conflicts with my husband as he left everything down to me and didn't really have many ideas or much input as to what to do...It was just like having another child and I already had 3 and one with AS. He still seems to do as little as he can get away with and the girls all look to me as their main support. I find I also give them my all to take up his slack and I know I'm not nearly tough enough with him cos i feel guilty about us splitting. Still...overall, Life is much better and more settled now. My As dauighter is in denial too which worries me but it does seem to be an effective way to cope with it...for now !! Cheers,

Hi Chloes Mum Thanks for your reply. I read your recent post about some of the recent problems you've beenhaving with Chloe and it sounds bpretty scary for you, her and her sister. I think because Eleanor was diagnosed so young and got mgood support from an early age its made a difference to how she is now . She hates having Aspergers but at least she has grown up knowing that something was wrong. She tries very hard to hide it and succeeds most of the time but saves most of her Aspie behaviour for us at home...whiuch isn't always pleasant ! Her main problems are anxiety and coping with change of routine. She is also quite vulnerable as she doesnt always "get" what people are on about so often finds she has to muddle through situations. She is not very good at letting her feelings about Aspergers out but I know she feels very angry about a lot of things...and often has sincve the age of 2. She doesnt self harm thou and hasn't made any attempts at suicide. Although she gets low from time to time I would'nt say she suffers from depression...yet. It very common in teenage Aspies with the rate of depression going right up when they hit the teens so take whatever help comes her way. My eldest daughter is also very mature and a great friend to me whilst having her own life too. She is at college as she is only 16. She sometimes hates her sister and the effect it has on all of us but at other times they get on well and she tries to understand her. Both of the girls have been to a sibs support group once or twice a term which they have both really enjoyed but they could def do with more support. I am hoping that Eleanor will get a course of music therapy to help her explore her feelings of anger. The school and Gp are trying to get this in place. Hope some of this helps.

Hi there I am new to this site but am delighted to find. I have 3 daughters aged 16,14 and 10 and the middle girl has Aspergers. She was diagnosed at 2 with ASD and went to a local assessment Ubit for 3 years...a brilliant start for her. At 7 she went to a small mainstream school with a statement and support and is now in secondary with fultime support. She is a year behind her peers at school and finds accessing the circullum difficult but she seems to thrive in music, sports and ballet (outside school). We can have a lot of anger and meltdowns at home often in relation to school issues and she tries very hard to fit in and hide her Aspie side. She manages to pull it off most of the time I think ! The strain on her of having to fit in results in bad behaviour at home which can get very trying at times. It is particularly hard for her 2 sisters and |I feel there is so little out there for them. I was married for 15 years but our marraige broke down 3 years ago with my daughters disability being one of the main factors. It is strangely a lot easier now and we manage fairly well. I set up a parent support group in our village for parents of children with disabilities and this has been really good.I only felt able enough to do this after our marraige split up. Thats about all I can write about our little family at the mo. Most of the time we jog along and are happy but we do have some very low times when she kicks off and I worry constantly about her and her future so i feel this site may be a help to us.