Hi there. I've just registered on this site. I don't know where to start to explain everything but I'll try and make it short(ish)
My partner is 38, we've been together for 5 years and we have a son who has just turned 3. I've been diagnosed with depression which was originally termed PND although I suspect I have suffered previously in my life, just not recognised it as such. I am still taking medication now. The last few years have been a struggle with financial problems and a miscarriage of our 2nd baby.
Since fairly early on in our relationship, my partner and I have clashed over various things. There have been several occasions where I have hated him, felt he was heartless cruel and selfish and often couldn't understand how he could think the things he said, let alone say them out loud. I found him stubborn, inflexible, unreasonable and often unkind, even cruel. Over the years I have also started to notice that he showed behaviours that I (jokingly to start with) recognised from watching tv programmes about Tourettes – he has a few (very very mild I have to say) ticks, and does blurt out rude words, but I just put it down to stupid laddish behaviour. Then I saw a programme about some teenagers with Tourettes and it talked about the link between Tourettes and AS. It was the penny drop moment so many people talk about, and I privately became more and more convinced that he had a mild version of both conditions the more reading and research I did. Add to that the fact that he had a challenging childhood, and was diagnosed as dyslexic in his late teens/early 20s – but not until he had been through several social workers, and a turbulent teenagehood.
I found this site and was starting to think about posting here on how to approach the subject with him. Then we had a conversation about trying for another baby, and he expressed his concerns about how he feels about our son, and how challenging he finds it to be a “normal” Dad (his words), 1 thing led to another and I had the perfect opportunity to bring the subject up. We talked a little, then I deliberately changed the subject. He then called me today to say he’d taken an online test for AS and scored highly confirming (that according to that test) he was possibly AS.
So what I am looking for is a few things. The first is for me - a place to rest my weary head from the last few years and the feeling of loneliness in my relationship, the frustrations of dealing with such an unreasonable, person day in day out and trying to bring up my son in the midst of it. I have a suspicion that some of this has contributed to (not caused though) my depression. The 2nd is for my partner – what now? What do we do next? How do I help him and make sure I do and say the right things to be supportive and help him process this information. Do we need to “formalise” this diagnosis – does that really matter? If he doesn’t want to should I try to persuade him? How do I determine what of his behaviour should I make allowances for and where do I draw the line for things I simply cannot tolerate.
Sorry this isn’t that short even though there’s lots of detail I’ve left out. Any help, input suggestions for reading and research, how to navigate through the NHS if we get that far, would be very very welcome.
xx
